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Common Marriage Problems and Solutions

Sources of Marriage Problems

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.

Money Problems

Childcare issues, daily stress, busy schedules, poor communication, harmful behaviors.

Marriage can offer wonderful benefits for well-being, life satisfaction, and stress management , but no relationship is without its challenges. The common problems of marriage can put a strain on a couple, but there's a choice in how to handle these issues.

The following are some of the most common sources of marital stress and marriage problems, as well as insights on how to address them.

Disagreements about money are one of the most common marriage problems couples face. Almost a third of adults with partners in the United States reported money as a source of conflict in their relationships.

The following may become money problems in a marriage:

Disagreements over financial decisions (i.e., investments, household spending, etc.)
Having different beliefs about money (how much to spend vs. save)
Not talking about finances before getting married
One person in the marriage makes more money
One person in the marriage spends more money

Generally speaking, when couples engage in conflicts about money, their dispute is really symbolic of something different—such as power struggles, or different values and needs.

When one partner is extremely stressed about money , they may be less patient or more irritable; they may then pick fights with the other partner about unrelated things without even realizing it.

Finding a Solution

Try having an honest conversation with your partner. What are each of your expectations when it comes to spending and saving every month? Remember, it's about reaching a compromise (within your financial means) so that both of you feel comfortable, but not restricted.

Try dividing the labor. Maybe one partner focuses on household spending and the other on saving money one month, and the next month, you switch.

You can even make it more fun by having a monthly "money date" where you pay bills and set up budgets. Remember to budget regular date nights with each other, too—that can help make the financial conversations lighter and less stressful.

Having children can be a wonderful experience that brings with it feelings of well-being and purpose. However, it can also be challenging and may put extra strain on a marriage .

Some marriage problems that can arise after having children include:

Couples have less time (and less energy) to spend with each other
Each parent has less alone time to de-stress or engage in self-care
Financial strain as a result of supporting a child
If one parent feels they're doing more of "the work," they may become resentful of their spouse
Lack of support from family and friends

Though it may take time to adjust, especially for first-time parents, try to develop a support network. This may include family and friends, or if you're financially able, a babysitter who can watch your child for an evening.

Even if it's just for a couple of hours, try to take a break from your roles as "parents" to remember your roles as "spouses." This will give you time to reconnect with each other.

While many parents make their child's happiness a priority, it's important to keep in mind that happiness between parents and in the home plays a significant role in the development of a child's personality, intelligence, creativity, and emotional health.

In other words, happier parents often equals happier kids.

Delegating household tasks is important as well. You and your spouse can come up with a schedule where you both take on a fair amount of childcare duties, so they don't all fall on one parent.

Daily stressors don’t need to become marriage problems, but sometimes, they do.

We all deal with annoyances like getting stuck in traffic, being late to work, or getting nervous about a big deadline coming up. But in a marriage, these stressors can create a "spillover" effect, especially if one person comes home after a hard day and projects onto their partner, perhaps getting angry or being impatient.

When one partner has had a stressful day, they may have less emotional energy to devote to nurturing their relationship . When both partners have had a difficult day, this, of course, is only exacerbated.

As with financial stress, general daily stress can test patience and optimism, leaving couples with less energy to give to one another.

Does your partner come home and vent about their problems—but that makes you feel stressed, too? Or do they shut down completely and emotionally withdraw?

This is all about knowing and respecting boundaries. Maybe you both set a rule that venting can only last 10 minutes so that it doesn't increase the stress levels at home. Or, maybe you learn to respect each other's alone time when either of you needs a chance to cool off.

It's important that both of you have your own ways of de-stressing so you can bring your best selves to the relationship.

Marriage problems can result from overly busy schedules for a few reasons:

Couples who are busy are often stressed, especially if they’re not taking care of themselves with quality sleep and good nutrition .
Busy couples may feel less connected because they have less time to spend together and more separateness in their lives.
Couples may not work together as a team and might find themselves fighting over who’s taking care of which household and social responsibilities.

While busy schedules don’t automatically lead to marriage problems, they do present a challenge that needs to be worked through.

Research shows that quality time often improves the well-being of a relationship. Regular activities—like watching a favorite TV show together or going out to dinner—can make you feel more bonded to one another.

It's also helpful to try new things together. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a member of the Verywell Mind Review Board, says, "Embarking in novel experiences has many positive effects. The excitement causes us to rate the experience more favorably. You can also displace the familiar and worn-out roles you occupy with your partner."

Dr. Romanoff also recommends exercising together, if possible. She says, "The rise in endorphin levels after exercise creates neural pathways that link these behaviors with positive emotions and each other."

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

By exercising together, you can discover unforeseen strengths in each other, which can lead to a newfound appreciation of your partner.

Perhaps the biggest predictor of marriage problems is poor communication or negative communication that belies damaging attitudes and dynamics within the relationship.

So, how do you improve communication in your marriage? Try out the following:

Make small talk : Simply asking, "How are you?" or "How was your day?" can be a friendly reminder that you both care about and support each other.
Show signs of affection : Try exploring each other's love languages . Maybe you show your partner affection by giving them hugs regularly or buying them a small gift on occasion to show you're thinking about them.
Use the speaker-listener technique : This method has one person speak at a time, and the other listen. The listener must engage in active listening, repeating back what they've heard.
Use "I" statements : You might say, "I feel sad when we don't spend time together," instead of, "You never spend time with me." This technique may help remove the blame and defensiveness from a conversation and, instead, shift the focus to feelings.

Some marriage problems could be solved if each partner pays more attention to their unproductive habits and works toward changing them.

People don't always make a conscious decision to argue over petty things, nag and be critical, or leave messes for the other to clean, for example. They get busy, stress builds, and they go on autopilot. Then, they find themselves following the same patterns they hadn't realized they were choosing in the first place.

Some habits you or your partner might've developed that actually take a toll on the relationship could be:

Changing Yourself to Please Your Partner

Of course, if your partner encourages you to quit smoking or take advantage of new opportunities, change can be good. But if you feel like you have to be an entirely different person for your partner, chances are you need to reevaluate the relationship.

Dr. Romanoff weighs in: "Making personal changes should always be a net positive. This means changes in one aspect of the self or relationship should ultimately create more positive collectively in the relationship and for each person."

You should never change yourself in ways that are hurting you or exclusively for the happiness of your partner because this isn't sustainable. Either the change can't be maintained or you will become so resentful that it will manifest in additional problems.

Disrespecting Your Partner

Married couples often get in the habit of nagging, criticizing, or even name-calling or yelling at each other. If this is the case, it's time to set boundaries regarding how you communicate with each other.

Neglecting Your Own Life

Being in a marriage sometimes means we get complacent—but you should still be able to have your own sense of self—hobbies, friends, and routines—that will bring joy to your own life and allow you to be an even better partner.

"We need a little healthy insecurity in our relationships to revitalize them. That comes from investing in situations and experiences outside of your relationship. Cultivate your own passions, and bring that energy back into your relationship," says Dr. Romanoff.

Projecting Your Emotions

Your partner shouldn't be your punching bag. Though we might get used to yelling at them when we're angry about something else entirely, behavior like this is often a sign we need to work on our own emotional regulation and develop healthy outlets instead.

Seeking Constant Reassurance

Though it's OK to want reassurance from your partner from time to time, constantly needing them to tell you they love you or that you are great at your job could be a sign that you should address the deeper insecurities within yourself.

Snooping on Your Partner

Trust is one of the most important parts of marriage. Your marriage may have underlying problems if you find that you're checking your partner's texts or emails. If you are suspicious that they're cheating, for instance, it's best to address this directly with your partner or in therapy.

A Word From Verywell

Fortunately, many marriage problems can be worked on—even if only one partner is consciously trying to change, any change can bring a shift in the dynamic of the relationship, which can bring positive results.

However, some relationship problems are more complex. For instance, it may help to address issues like substance use, loss of trust, violence, or simply growing apart in couples therapy or marriage counseling .

A therapist can help you and your partner navigate these problems; therapy can also help you decide whether or not to end a problematic relationship. Either way, the help of a mental health professional can give you the emotional support you need.

Harvard Health Publishing. The health benefits of marriage .

American Psychological Association. Happy couples: How to avoid money arguments .

Radó, M.K. Tracking the effects of parenthood on subjective well-being: Evidence from Hungary . J Happiness Stud. 2020;21:2069–2094. doi:10.1007/s10902-019-00166-y

Newkirk K, Perry-Jenkins M, Sayer AG. Division of household and childcare labor and relationship conflict among low-income new parents . Sex Roles . 2017;76(5):319-333. doi:10.1007/s11199-016-0604-3

Badri, M., Al Nuaimi, A., Guang, Y. et al. The effects of home and school on children’s happiness: a structural equation model . ICEP. 2018;12(17). doi:10.1186/s40723-018-0056-z

Timmons AC, Arbel R, Margolin G. Daily patterns of stress and conflict in couples: Associations with marital aggression and family-of-origin aggression . J Fam Psychol . 2017;31(1):93-104. doi:10.1037/fam0000227

Lavner JA, Clark MA. Workload and marital satisfaction over time: Testing lagged spillover and crossover effects during the newlywed years . J Vocat Behav . 2017;101:67-76. doi:10.1016/j.jvb.2017.05.002

American Psychological Association. How to keep your relationship healthy .

du Plooy K, de Beer R. Effective interactions: Communication and high levels of marital satisfaction . Journal of Psychology in Africa . 2018;28(2):161-167. doi:10.1080/14330237.2018.1435041

James-Kangal N, Whitton SW. Speaker-listener technique in couple and family therapy . Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy . 2019:2757-2763. doi:10.1007/978-3-319-49425-8_97

Rogers SL, Howieson J, Neame C. I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict . PeerJ . 2018;6:e4831. doi:10.7717/peerj.4831

Ahluwalia H, Anand T, Suman LN. Marital and family therapy . Indian J Psychiatry . 2018;60(Suppl 4):S501-S505. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_19_18

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

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The Healthy Marriage

Build a Better Marriage One Step at a Time

Problem Solving in Marriage: Strategies for Working Through Tough Decisions

May 16, 2024 By Editorial Staff - Reviewed by Joseph Nolan

Problem solving in marriage requires skill, wisdom, and the ability to lay aside personal agendas so you can accomplish what is best for your family.

In this article, we tackle this delicate subject and offer practical advice on how work together as team to solve problems.

Key Takeaways

Effective decision making in marriage strengthens the bond between partners.
Mutual respect and active listening are integral to resolving conflicts.
Balancing individual and joint aspirations is key to a harmonious relationship.

In marriage, problem solving is a dance of balance between individual desires and collective goals. It’s a process that commands respect, consideration, and, most importantly, mutual agreement.

Whether it’s deciding on financial matters, parenting styles , or even what to have for dinner, these choices shape the dynamics of the relationship.

Through open communication and collaboration, you navigate the complexities of life together, affirming that marriage is not just about the big milestones but also the everyday decisions.

The cornerstone of making decisions in a marriage is the foundation of trust and respect you build with your partner. This is underpinned by a commitment to listen actively and validate each other’s perspectives.

As you face various challenges and opportunities, knowing when to stand firm on your needs and when to compromise is crucial. Remember, seeking support from external resources like counseling can provide tools and insights for enhancing your decision-making process.

In This Article

Fundamentals of Problem Solving in Marriage

In marriage, effective decision making is anchored on the principles of mutual submission and open communication. Itâs about finding a balance between individual preferences and collective well-being.

Understanding Mutual Submission

In the context of a marriage, mutual submission is about respecting each otherâs roles and coming together to make decisions that benefit the partnership as a whole. Itâs not about power struggles but rather about approaching each issue with a mindset that values your partner’s opinions and welfare as highly as your own.

Recognize each other’s strengths and allow them to influence decisions accordingly.
Ensure that both partners have equal say in decision-making, regardless of the nature of the decision.
Regularly reflect on how well your decision-making processes are valuing respect and equality in your relationship.

This approach not only strengthens the bonds of partnership but also promotes a sense of shared ownership over both the decisions made and the outcomes.

The Role of Communication in Decisions

Clear and transparent communication is vital when making decisions together. Without it, misunderstandings can occur, leading to conflict and resentment.

Discuss decisions openly by providing all relevant information and expressing your views clearly.
Listen actively to understand your partner’s perspective; this means engaging with what they are saying without preparing your response in advance.
Use “I” statements to express how certain decisions may impact you personally, which helps prevent blaming or accusatory language.

In addition, remember to have these conversations in environments where both of you feel comfortable and free to express yourselves. This ensures that you can both contribute meaningfully to the conversation and arrive at a decision that reflects true partnership.

Building Blocks of Trust and Respect

In a marriage, the fabric of a long-lasting relationship is woven with trust and respect . These elements are not just desirable but essential for creating and sustaining intimacy and a strong emotional connection.

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Cultivating Emotional Connection

To cultivate an emotional connection with your spouse , it’s crucial to engage in open and honest communication. This means actively listening to your partner and sharing your vulnerabilities , which can significantly enhance trust. It’s about building a space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your feelings and thoughts without judgment.

Active listening: Pause, reflect, and respond to what your partner shares without interrupting.
Express vulnerability: Share your fears and hopes to create a deeper emotional bond .

Honoring Autonomy and Boundaries

Respecting each other’s autonomy and upholding clear boundaries in your relationship can lead to greater mutual respect . Remember, respecting boundaries is not about building walls between you; it’s about recognizing and honoring individual needs and preferences within the relationship.

Encourage individual interests: Support personal hobbies and goals to reinforce trust.
Communicate boundaries: Discuss and respect limits for a harmonious partnership.

Conflict Resolution and Negotiation Strategies

Effective conflict resolution and negotiation are fundamental to maintaining a healthy marriage. Combining thoughtful strategies dedicated to overcoming gridlock and negotiating a balance of wants and responsibilities, can lead to a stronger partnership.

Tackling Gridlock Situations

Gridlock occurs when you and your partner are stuck in a permanent impasse, unable to move beyond contentious issues. To navigate these situations:

First, recognize and validate each other’s underlying feelings and dreams about the issue, as this recognition fosters empathy.
Then, move to a dialogue about the gridlock , focusing on understanding each other’s position rather than on solving the problem immediately.

For example, if financial decisions are a point of contention, approach the conversation with an open mind, and be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective. Acknowledging their stance as valid can shift the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.

Negotiating Wants and Responsibilities

The interplay between wants and desires and responsibilities can often lead to conflict if not well-balanced. Here is a tactical approach:

Identify and list each partner’s key wants and responsibilities .

Engage in give-and-take negotiation , where both partners are prepared to compromise while also having their core needs met.

For instance, you might agree to take turns on who handles certain chores, allowing both partners to allocate time towards personal interests or career objectives. It’s critical to approach this with a win-win attitude , ensuring that both partners feel their wants are respected and their responsibilities are shared.

Maintaining Individual and Joint Goals

Navigating through marriage requires you to harmonize your personal aspirations with your joint goals. Your commitment to each other and the success of your relationship depends on finding this balance, which opens opportunities for growth both as individuals and as a couple.

Balancing Personal Aspirations

Your individual goals are essential for personal growth and fulfillment. To balance these with your marriage, prioritize and define what’s crucial for you. List out your personal aspirations and assess how they align with your shared vision.

It’s important to communicate openly with your partner to ensure that you both have the space and support to pursue individual interests.

For instance, if one of you aims to continue education, it could translate into compromising on timing or resources, but it’s a step towards individual achievement within the marital framework.

Identify individual goals clearly.
Discuss how they fit within the shared life.
Plan together to find ways for each person to pursue their goals.

Achieving Common Objectives

Joint goals are the cornerstone of your shared journey and often embody your commitment to one another. They can range from financial targets, such as buying a home, to lifestyle aspirations, like traveling together.

To ensure success, create a strategy for your joint goals that reflects mutual agreement and commitment. This involves laying out a plan that considers both your needs and aligns with your shared values.

For example, you might set a shared financial goal where you both agree to save a specific amount monthly. Keeping track of your progress as a team is pivotal to achieving these objectives.

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Formulate actionable steps together for joint goals.
Support each other towards shared successes .
Regularly review and adjust your joint strategy as needed.

By focusing on both personal and joint goals with a collaborative and supportive approach, you pave the way for a fulfilled and well-balanced marital life.

Navigating Challenges and Seeking Support

Marriage is a complex journey that often brings various challenges, and knowing when to seek external support is key to navigating them successfully. A healthy marriage isn’t free from difficulty, but rather is characterized by how you and your partner manage those challenges.

When to Seek a Marriage Therapist

Identifying the Signal: Often, couples might experience a persistent sense of dissatisfaction or encounter communication barriers that make it difficult to resolve issues.

If you find yourselves stuck in the same argument without resolution or if there are feelings of resentment brewing, it might be time to seek a marriage therapist .

Advantages of Professional Advice : A professional can offer advice and strategies tailored to your unique situation. They are equipped to help unpack emotional complexities and facilitate an environment where both partners feel heard and understood .

Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure, but a proactive step towards maintaining a healthy marriage .

Building a Support System: While therapy is an excellent source of professional support, don’t underestimate the value of a solid personal support network. This can include friends, family, or community resources that align with the values and goals you share in your marriage.

Remember, reaching out for help is a positive and constructive step towards overcoming challenges in your marriage . You’re not just protecting your relationship, you’re actively working to strengthen it.

If you need immediate help, we recommend Online-Therapy as a great place to start.

Effective problem solving in marriage is a crucial aspect that strengthens the bond between partners. It requires mutual respect, active listening, and a willingness to balance individual desires with collective goals.

By practicing mutual submission, valuing open communication, and cultivating trust and respect in the relationship , couples can navigate challenges, make decisions together, and enhance their emotional connection.

Remember, seeking support from external resources like counseling can provide valuable tools and insights for improving the decision-making process in marriage.

Here’s what you should do nextâ¦

I want to help you develop better communication skills so you can connect on a deeper level with your spouse.

That’s why we created the ‘ Marriage Communication Bootcamp ‘ where you will learn:

There are little known keys and principles for communcating in a way that makes you feel bonded and close to your spouse. We cover them in our Communication Bootcamp. >> Click here to learn more <<

The 4 types of communication ; and why 3 of them will destroy your marriage if you do not practice the 4th.
Why only 7% of communication is comprised of the words you speak ; and how to identify the other 93%
The 1 3 Skills (and how to develop them) every couple MUST have to make their marriage thrive.
The 6 Pillars all effective communication is built on ; and how to make sure they are a part of your marriage.
A step-by-step process of moving a conversation to the point of intimacy and connection.

This course is designed to create connection, not just ‘talking skills.’ If you desire a deeper bond and stronger connection in your marriage, click the button below to go to the next page to get access to over 15 practical exercises that will help you communicate more effectively ; AND feel more connected with your spouse.

Where To Find Help

We have resources available to help you create the marriage you desire and deserve..

The Healthy Marriage Quiz If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. Youâll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship.

Five Simple Steps Marriage Course Marriage doesn’t have to be complicated. In this 5 part mini-series, you’ll discover practical steps to redesign your marriage.

Marriage Communication Bootcamp Communication issues do not have to wreck your relationship. Our communication bootcamp will equip you to connect on a deeper level and cultivate skills to help you relate more effectively.

The Healthy Marriage Toolkit Books, Courses, Programs, and Tools designed to help you create the marriage of your dreams.

Healthy Marriage Academy Our courses will help you build a strong marriage. Each course is designed to meet a specific relationship need.

If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with â Save the Marriage System â by Lee Baucom.

12 Strategies to Cope with Common Marriage Problems

Last Updated: January 20, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden . Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 31,769 times.

When you’re dealing with problems in your marriage, it can sometimes feel like you’re all alone. Fortunately, there are many ways you can communicate with your spouse and come up with solutions to solve your problems together. We’ve compiled a list of ways you can cope with your marriage problems to talk with your partner and work toward fixing your relationship, one step at a time. This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Check out the full interview here.

Communicate about issues in your relationship.

Open communication is the key to any healthy relationship.

You can bring up issues in the relationship by saying something like, “Hey honey, could we sit down and talk later this evening? I have a few things I’d like to chat with you about, just to make sure we’re on the same page.”

Focus on one issue at a time.

Bringing up all your problems at once can feel overwhelming.

For example, if you want to talk about your intimacy (or lack thereof) but also about your stress levels, pick one and save the other for a different time.

Try to understand your partner’s perspective.

Listen closely, and try not to interrupt.

Show that you’re listening to your partner by asking follow-up questions like, “Interesting. Can you tell me more?” or, “I’m not sure I understand. Could you explain that again?”

Come up with solutions together.

The goal is to reach a decision that benefits both of you.

For instance, if the issue is that you feel you do more chores around the house than your spouse does, you might create a chore list that you both work on throughout the week. That way, you can both see how many chores the two of you are doing, and you both feel like you’re equally contributing to the household.

Accept the things you can’t change about your partner.

There may be recurring issues that crop up over time.

For example, maybe you like to clean up the house at the end of each day, while your partner prefers to do a big cleanup at the end of the week. You two might discuss this a lot over your relationship, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing—it’s just a difference in preferences.

Forgive your partner if you can.

Hanging onto anger and resentment isn’t great for your marriage.

Remember that forgiveness isn’t telling your partner that their actions are okay—it’s allowing yourself to move on instead of hanging onto old feelings.

Divide household tasks.

Division of labor is a huge point of contention in most relationships.

It might help to make a list of what the both of you do day by day. That way, you can see how many tasks each of you are doing throughout the week.

Talk about your parenting styles.

How you raise your children is very important to talk about ahead of time.

You could say something like, “I think it’s important that we talk about how we’ll raise our child. Do you want to discuss some things with me?”

Show love to your partner every day.

Express your appreciation for your partner whenever you can.

It helps if you know your partner’s love language . For instance, if their love language is physical touch, they might appreciate a shoulder rub or a massage. Or, if their love language is acts of service, you might do some chores around the house.

Make romance part of your daily life.

Act like you’re dating your spouse again to bring the spark back.

Have breakfast in bed together
Surprise your partner with small gifts
Plan a weekend getaway trip
Give your partner compliments
Have a candlelit dinner at home

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities.

It can be easy to focus on the negatives in your relationship.

If it helps, you could even make a physical list on paper to look at every time you need a pick-me-up. For instance, your list might say: makes me breakfast on Sundays, is a great parent, is very patient with the kids, is an awesome cook.

Work on yourself.

Examine your own contributions to any issues in the relationship.

For instance, if you and your spouse often fight when you have to stay late at work, you may be dedicating too much time to your job and not enough time for your spouse. You could work on that by reevaluating your schedule and prioritizing quality time with your partner.

Commit 100% to your spouse.

Make sure you’re fully invested in making your marriage work.

It’s not uncommon to start looking for a “way out” of the marriage when things get tough. Keep in mind, though, that almost all long-term relationships go through rough patches at one point or another, and most of them make it through to the other side.

Focus on other things that make you happy.

If you can’t find happiness in your marriage right now, find it in your hobbies or friends.

You can also focus on self-care and do things that don’t take much time at all. Spend 10 to 15 minutes soaking in a bubble bath, reading a good book, taking a walk, or listening to music.

Go to couple’s counseling if you need to.

Some marriage problems are hard to fix on your own.

A couple’s counselor can also give you real, concrete tips to help you work through your specific problems as a couple.

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Ten Common Marriage Problems And How To Resolve Them

No marriage is perfect. They all encounter problems. This article might have been a lot gloomier to read a couple of years ago, but studies show that divorces are currently lower in new marriages than they have been in decades. When you encounter marriage problems, consider looking at them as opportunities to grow the relationship and get to know each other rather than as obstacles to happiness.

Every marriage is different, and it is impossible to forecast all the challenges that your marriage may encounter. However, here is a list of some common marriage issues and some options that you and your partner can use to manage them in healthy and productive ways.

Of course, in-laws aren't exactly a marriage problem, but they can impact most of the problems that are going to be discussed on this list. As a result, it's important to look at the role that other people, in general, can play in impacting your relationship.

Before you get married, you and your potential partner should discuss the roles that you want your in-laws to play in the marriage. This can vary greatly because different people have different relationships with their parents.

Some couples see their in-laws as a valuable support network, and they like to work closely with them in virtually all aspects of their lives. Our parents can be valuable sources of information and life experiences throughout our lives, especially when it comes to maintaining a long-term relationship.

Other people, even if they have good relationships with their parents, may want their parents to play a less active role in their own marriage and child-raising endeavors. This may also be the case if you don't live near your parents.

The important thing is that both partners agree on the role that they want their in-laws to play and that they communicate this clearly and effectively to their in-laws as early as possible.

Religious differences

Religious differences can make the earlier stages of the relationship awkward and lead to potential disagreements once a couple gets married. The dating and engagement periods should be taken as opportunities to come to terms with religious differences, including establishing boundaries and relationships with the rest of the family.

The most important thing about religious differences is to always show support to your partner, regardless of how different your religious beliefs are. This can be particularly difficult when one of the partners is religious and the other is not. Belittling someone's beliefs rarely has positive outcomes.

While you may not subscribe to the same religious beliefs, you can create unique opportunities to get to know each other better on a spiritual level, and you can expose your children to different ideas and experiences so that they can decide for themselves, one day, what they wish to believe.

Political differences

Political differences can be another big source of trouble in marriages. That doesn't mean that they are insurmountable. Further, this is one potential problem source that you should explore before getting married.

One easy plan is to simply agree not to talk about politics. After all, voting is personal, so political issues only come home if you bring them back from the booth.

Keeping political discussions off limits can be difficult during social events where politics make up a common topic of discussion. There are a number of ways to handle this. Avoid the discussion. Split up until the conversation ends. Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is that you and your partner are considerate of one another's feelings.

Paying the bills

Organizing finances can be complicated, especially when it comes to paying the bills. There are a number of ways to handle this.

Some couples may benefit from one person making important payments and keeping track of expenses, while others may enjoy going through the process together. You can also divide and conquer. For example, one partner may use their accounts to pay for needs while the other can fund wants. Another option is to have a joint checking account that both couples contribute to from paychecks and draw from to pay bills. You can each maintain an individual bank account to use for purchasing gifts or paying for personal services, like happy hours with friends or salon services.

Wage disparities

Another classic marriage problem can occur when one partner in a marriage makes more money than the other or has a more “impressive” job.

For some couples, this isn't a problem because they don't see careers and income as a contest. In other couples, the partner that makes more money may try to take more authority or make more decisions. Of course, some couples are happy with the one making more money calling all the shots.

Really, the important thing is that neither partner feels that they are being taken advantage of or being controlled by the other. Instead of competing against each other, it may be advantageous to bring out the best in one another. What can you learn or adapt from your partner in order to improve your own self-confidence or achievement, if that matters to you?

Division of labor

Dividing the chores is another common source of dispute in married couples. The important thing in this case is that the chores get done. The two of you can sit down and decide which chores each of you will do based on which ones you like or don't like.

If one of you has a less time-consuming job, it might make sense for that partner to do more of the household work. If you run into a problem, consider bringing in another couple to see how they take care of their chore distribution. Many couples experience success when one person cooks and the other cleans. Alternatively, you can decide which days of the week one partner can cook and do dishes while the other partner can claim the remaining days.

Regardless of how you structure your chores at home, it is important for each person to feel like they are working as part of a team. Flexibility is essential, as well, as our weekly schedules are naturally subject to change.

Prioritizing time

Married people still have challenges with balancing their time among important priorities like sleep, work, time with their partner, time with friends, and time by themselves. This can be an additional problem if one partner has an anxious attachment style and the other has an avoidant attachment style. Sometimes marriage and cohabitation are the first scenarios where we gain insight into our partner’s attachment styles.

Both partners should be allowed to feel like they are still free to live their own lives, but neither partner should feel like they aren't appreciated. Both partners should have alone time and time with their own friends, but both should also make time to spend quality time with their partner.

Is there an hour each day that you can set aside to devote just toward one another? Cooking romantic dinners together, for example, checks off the quality time box as well as the “chores” box. Can you dedicate either Saturday or Sunday to indulging in an activity you both love to do? The key to mitigating this issue is creativity.

Different interests

Couples don't always have trouble spending enough time together because they are too busy or aren't prioritizing each other; sometimes, they just have different interests. This is another problem that usually turns up in the dating period, but can seem like more of a problem once you're married.

One way to solve this problem is to try out each other's interests. You might discover a new one. If you've tried this or if you want to maintain interests outside of those that you do together, you can keep those interests and also try to put your heads together to come up with something that you can do as a couple.

It’s also important to be realistic – did you marry your partner because they’re just like you in every way? Probably not. It may help to think of your relationship according to the rule of “quarters:”

A quarter of what you do will be highly enjoyable to both of you. Maybe you love socializing with your friends, spending time with your children, or traveling to new places.
In another quarter of your activities together, only you will find the process enjoyable. Maybe you won tickets to your favorite band, but your partner doesn’t really care for that genre of music.
In a separate quarter, only your partner will take pleasure in the experience. They may ask you to attend a networking event with them, even though you’re not a fan of small talk with strangers you’ll likely never encounter again.
In the last quarter, neither of you may enjoy what is happening, but it is important to go through it together. Experiences like car accidents, evacuating from a natural disaster, or paying bills are not inherently fun, but having a partner in crime can make them more tolerable.

Understanding that partners need time apart just like they need time together is important, but it also opens up the fact that the two of you aren't always together. That means that there's room for jealousy.

Despite common confusion, jealousy and distrust aren't the same thing. We'll talk about trust next. Jealousy is about a fear of missing out on what your loved one is doing. Jealousy can be a serious problem in relationships, but it doesn't have to be. If both of you have your own activities, it can be easier for both partners to focus on what they are up to.

Trust can be a big problem in relationships, especially if one or both partners have trust issues with other people in their lives as well. There are two good ways for a partner with trust issues to prevent that issue from causing problems in the marriage. The first is to address their trust issues. The second is to practice trusting their partner by allowing them to live their own life.

It is also important to be direct with your partner if you are concerned about their behavior. Allowing yourself to make unchecked assumptions can contribute to the development of resentment, one of the “ four horsemen ” of failed marriages, according to expert John Gottman.

If you’re feeling distrustful, ask your partner to have a conversation so that you can clarify any misunderstandings or reiterate expectations.

Seeking support for marital issues

Articles like this one can be a good introduction to anticipating some of the common problems that you are likely to encounter in a marriage. However, they probably aren't a fix-all solution. Other resources that you can use to solve problems in your marriage include turning to friends and family for support or meeting with a relationship counselor.

If you are worried that your own issues pose a serious threat to the health of your relationship, you can always go to a marriage or relationship counselor, even if your partner doesn't come along. You can also focus on your own concerns first by reaching out to a therapist or counselor. Depending on the situation, unhappy marriage therapy done online may be a more attractive option for partners seeking assistance with marital issues. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp allow you to schedule appointments from a safe location, meaning you can discuss sensitive issues in total confidence. You can also schedule appointments from a preferred time, which can be helpful for long-distance couples or simply couples with busy schedules.

Online therapy is an effective treatment approach for a range of marital challenges. In one couples therapy intervention involving 60 participants from ages 21 to 69 (who had been in a relationship with their participating partner for one to 49 years), researchers divided them into two groups: an in-person control group and an experimental videoconferencing group. All pairs took part in the same essential program, which was designed to improve self-change as a means to strengthen relationship satisfaction. After three months of follow-up, researchers determined no difference in the therapeutic alliance between the two groups. Additionally, the videoconferencing approach was confirmed as a viable alternative to in-person counseling.

What are 4 causes of marriage breakdown?

Four common causes of marriages breaking down and ending in divorce, according to a recent survey, include lack of family support, infidelity, financial stress, and too much conflict.

What are the hardest years of marriage?

According to one survey, most divorces happen between the third and seventh year of marriage, so this may be when some of the most common marriage problems occur. Meeting with a couples counselor during this time could potentially help you avoid or address issues that often arise during this time.

What are solutions to marriage problems?

Figuring out how to solve marriage problems depends on the specific problems. Common marriage problems and solutions include things like issues related to financial decisions or money problems, which may require financial counseling or at least an honest conversation to help reach alignment on financial values. One or both partners not handling their stress well could require stress management strategies or therapy.

If you’re finding it difficult to communicate, communication training in therapy could help. Challenges with physical intimacy could require the support of a sex therapist or coach, or strategies to improve communication within a sexual dynamic. Other incompatibilities, such as an age difference, sexual preference, or life goal that does not match up, causes problems, and can’t be changed, could be unsolvable. If you’re not sure where to start, meeting with a marriage counselor and/or engaging in individual or family therapy could be helpful.

What is the number one marriage problem?

According to one survey on the topic, career choices, parenting differences, and division of household labor were reported by divorced couples as the top three conflicts or marital problems in their relationship.

What is the #1 cause for divorce?

In one survey of divorced US couples, “lack of commitment” was cited as the top reason for the split. In order for a relationship to last over the long term, the partners involved generally must be willing to work at it, communicate openly, and compromise when needed. Without a commitment to this sort of mutual effort, the connection and positive emotions that were initially there may not stay strong over time.

What are the 5 biggest stressors in marriage?

The stressors a married couple may experience in their relationship can vary widely depending on the individuals and their unique circumstances. That said, some examples of five common stressors in marriage can include financial concerns, lack of healthy communication, effects of previous or current traumatic events or experiences, physical or mental health concerns in one spouse or both, and outside stressors such as work.

What is the number one stressor in relationships?

According to some reports, finances and related concerns are often a top stressor in long-term romantic relationships.

What causes tension in a marriage?

Tensions in married life can come from a variety of sources, and they may change over time and throughout different life stages. Some common sources can include jealousy, stress, financial concerns, a lack of forgiveness, certain needs not being met, a past hurt, or a lack of communication.

How do you survive a stressful marriage?

Some marriages are stressful during a specific period, and then the partners find a way through that time. Others become stressful for a reason that can’t be resolved and may then end in unhappiness and/or divorce. If you're experiencing a stressful time in your marriage, meeting with a therapist to express your emotions and consider solutions could be helpful.

What is an example of divorce stress?

“Divorce stress” refers broadly to symptoms of stress brought on by the often-difficult experience of a divorce. They could include feelings of anxiety, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a change in appetite, among others. “Divorce stress” is not currently a clinical diagnosis according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but symptoms could escalate into those matching criteria for an anxiety disorder or depression in some cases.

Is It Worth It To Live Together Before Marriage? Medically reviewed by Kimberly L Brownridge , LPC, NCC, BCPC
Are You In An Unhappy Marriage? Couples Therapy Can Help Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA
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7 Causes for Conflict in Marriage and How to Resolve Them

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Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

Problem-solve the marital conflicts for a healthy relationship with your spouse

In This Article

Marriages are strewn with conflicts. Do you doubt it?

Avoiding conflicts in a marriage is a far-fetched goal. To believe that happy marriages operate on auto-pilot minus any marital conflicts or disagreements is a laughable proposition.

A marriage is not a union where one partner readily clones the set of attributes that the other has. Common conflicts in a marriage are rife because they bring together partners with their set of idiosyncrasies, value systems, deep-seated habits, diverse backgrounds, priorities, and preferences.

However, it is imperative that these marital conflicts are resolved at the earliest, as studies suggest that conflicts in marriage have a debilitating effect on health , in general, and even lead to severe cases of depression and eating disorders.

John Mordecai Gottman, the celebrated American psychological researcher and clinician who did extensive work over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability, suggests that a constructive or destructive approach to conflict resolution in marriage makes all the difference .

The saving grace is that fighting fair and marriage communication are skills that you can cultivate and problem-solve marital conflicts for a healthy relationship with your spouse.

Common conflicts in marriage – Take the bull by its horns

Conflict in marriage is not the culprit.

Consider conflict as an opportunity to bring into isolation the pressing issues that are affecting the harmony of your marriage. Manage these disagreements as a team and work towards evolving as married partners. Do not hope for a marriage conflict resolution to happen on its own. Deal with it. Stalling is not advisable and autocorrect is not an option available.

According to Maggie Martinez , LCSW:

When couples successfully handle a conflict together, it can bring them closer and establish a greater sense of trust in one another.

If you have entered the bond of marriage recently and are yet to discover the post-honeymoon disappointments, you can avert the possible future conflicts and the magnitude of damage.

Or, if you and your partner have been struggling to breathe in some happiness and peace into a marriage full of conflicts, now is the best time to fix the broken marriage and turn a new leaf in your exciting journey of the marital bond.

Causes of common conflicts in marriage – Don’t miss these red flags; resolve them

1. Unmet expectations – unreasonable expectations

Expectations – both unmet and sometimes unreasonable, often give rise to major conflicts in a marriage.

One partner assumes the other to be a mind reader and to share sharing same expectations. Frustration creeps in sneakily when things and events don’t go the way we expected them to roll out.

Partners lash out at their spouses over a tussle on lifestyle choices, staycation vs. vacation, budgeting vs. living it up, grousing over lack of appreciation, family expectations, sharing household chores, or even about not supporting their career choices in ways imagined by the upset spouse.

Reaching a middle ground, a common consensus, is not something that comes organically to a couple. It takes practice and a conscious effort to ensure that you don’t burn the bridges with your spouse, especially in a marriage. But you would want to do it and save yourself some serious heartburn and a lingering, debilitating bitterness in marriage.

2. Conflicting standpoints on the subject of children

Children are a lovely addition to a family. But the same children, who are looked at as an extension of yourself, can be the escalation point for some serious marital conflict. One spouse may experience a strong need to extend the family, while the other spouse may want to stall it for a time when they feel they have stronger financial stability.

Parenting has its share of challenges , and there could be conflicting views over schooling, saving for future education, and drawing a line between what is a necessary, non-negotiable childbearing expenditure over what’s superfluous.

While both parents wish the best for the child, there is a need to take a purview of other household liabilities, the child’s best interests, contingency funds, and the scope for augmentation of family income.

Also, a little kindness with which you look at your spouse’s intentions to provide the best for your child helps. Easier said than done, in the heat of the argument, you say? But definitely worth a shot for marital bliss and a conducive environment for your child.

3. Inability to manage marriage finances

Issues centered around marriage finances , if unresolved, can shake the foundation of the most stable marriages.

A marriage can derail because of money issues and lead straight up to a divorce! According to a study, it is corroborated that 22% of divorces are attributed to marriage finances , close to the heels of reasons like infidelity and incompatibility.

Not making a full disclosure to your partner about your financial situation, going over the top on a wedding day celebration, alimony, or a child support situation from a previous marriage are major culprits in putting a strain on your marriage.

A difference in temperament with respect to one partner being a frugal or another a big spender, a major shift in financial priorities and preferences, and a seething sense of resentment of a working spouse towards the non-working, non-contributive, financially dependent spouse also leads to conflict in marriage.

If you sense that you and your partner have a disparate set of financial goals or there are serious discrepancies in your spending habits, then the best way out is to keep a budgeting journal handy. And as a thumb rule, do not keep secrets! Like all good habits that are difficult to cultivate but easy to maintain, these two habits will yield long-term benefits in your marriage and help you resolve conflict in marriage.

4. Allocation of time to marriage and personal pursuits

After the wedding day extravaganza and honeymoon bliss comes the knocking reality of married life.

You have the same 24 hours as you had when you were unattached or single, but how do you now allocate time to yourself, your career, personal hobbies, friends, family, and the latest addition to your life – your spouse? And since you have been dispensed with unsolicited but useful advice by your friends and family – marriage needs work; you also have the challenging task of nurturing your marriage with your spouse in the best possible way.

Exhausting much, did you say?

Marriage comes with its KRAs – Key Responsibility Areas. But don’t make it a drudgery in your head.

Take respective ownership for your share of household work, pursue your individual interests, and encourage your spouse to do likewise , elaborating on the benefits of maintaining constructive hobbies. Build an equation with your spouse in the most devoted manner by spending exclusive time with your partner, notwithstanding the length.

As Maggie Martinez, LCSW, explains:

One of the best ways to ensure a good marriage is to continue to engage in the hobbies you did prior to marriage. This shows autonomy and independence and prevents enmeshment in the relationship.

You don’t need to crane your neck entire day glued to your phone or spend all day gawking at each other like a mushball. Keep the phone and other forms of distractions at bay. Listen to your spouse attentively, share interesting anecdotes, and maintain an intermittent, reasonably timed communication spread over the course of a day.

5. Lack of sexual compatibility

Misaligned sexual drives , where you experience a stronger urge to have sex more frequently , as opposed to your less inclined spouse, can throw a wedge between you and your partner.

Work stress, household responsibilities, poor body confidence, intimacy inhibitions, and lack of honest sexual communication are some serious, pressing issues that lead to conflict in marriage. When you scratch the surface, you see that building an emotional intimacy with your spouse and embracing other forms of intimacy are paramount to enjoying sexual closeness and bonding with your partner.

The importance of scheduling sex and going for weekly date nights cannot be stressed enough. Sharing an open-ended dialogue with your spouse really helps. Cuddling up with your partner, going over your sexual desires and fantasies, and vocalizing your sincere attempts at satiating your partner’s sexual needs build the right prelude to establishing sexual compatibility with your spouse.

6. Breakdown in communication

Do you find yourself saying things that you regret later and wish you had best avoided? And if you are not the confrontational type and believe in letting things be, you will find this seething, simmering passive aggression catch up with you like a nemesis. It will explode in your face in the form of one ugly showdown with your spouse.

Both ways, you set yourself up for a relationship disaster.

Silent treatment, resistance to your spouse’s standpoint and choices, passive-aggressive behavior, selection of an inappropriate time and place to hold the conversation, and a sense of threat in your voice – all contribute to conflict in marriage.

How do you resolve a conflict in marriage when there are so many impediments to free-flowing communication in marriage? Approach communication in marriage with a problem-solving attitude. Do not try to drive home a point defensively. Recognize and acknowledge your part in the conflict. Seek clarification only after you have listened attentively to your spouse. Expectation settings are a great way to avoid misunderstandings.

Do not resort to stonewalling or shutting down. At most, take a short break to collect and process the series of events and your thoughts. Non-verbal communication cues go a long way in cementing your bond with your spouse. An approving nod and a relaxed body posture demonstrate your willingness for an open-ended, relationship-conducive dialogue.

Finally, it is important to bring into discussion the absolute non-negotiables. Determine your deal-breakers that are crucial to marital bliss.

7. Mismatched dynamics and imbalanced powerplay in personalities

In a marriage, both spouses are equal counterparts. But oftentimes, this notion is relegated to being a utopian concept. Couples often have radically mismatched dynamics , where one of the partners could be a domineering spouse and the other submissive partner, in such an equation, invariably ends up colluding as a caretaker to their spouse. This subsequently leads to a resentful build-up and an unfair, unhealthy powerplay, making a marriage fall apart.

In such a lopsided spousal equation, there is an imperative need for marital counseling . A marriage counselor can help put things into perspective for both the parties involved. A marriage therapist can bring the subservient partner to understand the importance of being assertive and respectful of themselves.

Additionally, they will shed light on the damage, known or otherwise, the manipulative or an abusive partner brings to their harried partner. On the realization, the counseling can then progress towards the corrective measures to resolve conflict in marriage and resurrect the relationship.

Other types of marital conflict

Problems arising due to the ‘living apart but together’ situation in marriage, incompatibility, perceived irreconcilable differences, and love loss between the couples who grew apart over the course of time – account for reasons attributing to the conflict in marriages.

However, if the couple feels a strong sense of willingness and exhibits an equally strong level of effort to be together, then it’s an easier journey to traverse toward conflict resolution in marriage.

Conflicted marriage doesn’t need to be your reality

One such shining example is that of Prince William and Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, who met as undergraduates at Scotland’s St. Andrews University and went public about their relationship in 2004. By March 2007, the couple took a break before their final exams at St.Andrews. Media pressure and the stress of performing well in their academics took a temporary toll on their relationship, and they decided to split. They got back together four months later, and by April 2011, the royal couple had exchanged marriage vows. Their relationship is a glorious example to take a leaf from for couples at the onset of getting married. The conflict in their relationship did not become a prelude to a conflicted marriage.

Also watch: What Is a Relationship Conflict?

Continue the pursuit of keeping your marriage happy

Dr. Gottman’s research suggests that 69% of conflicts in a marriage can be managed successfully, even as reaching a 100% conflict resolution sounds like a lofty goal. Treating your partner as an equal goes a long way in acceptance of mutual differences, de-escalating damage, salvaging the relationship and helping couples wrap their heads around agreeing to disagree.

When chips are down in a marriage, don’t give up just because it’s too much hard work. You got together in the first place to build a happy space for yourself and your spouse. You stumble but rise together, hand in hand – that’s the quintessence of a happy marriage. And, you don’t enter a happy marriage; you work to make your marriage happy.

Marriage is a beginning; keeping together progress and continually working together is a success!

When things are not sunny side up in your marriage, and you are looking for inspiration and an impetus to save your marriage, read on marriage quotes with your spouse alongside, to build a happy marriage together.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems

All Pro Dad

Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships healthy and thriving. It’s just like when you stop investing in the house you are living in. It will easily fall into disrepair. Think back to when you first started to pursue your wife. It required commitment, hard work, and imagination. If winning her required that back then, why does it surprise us when neglect creates marriage problems after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted. Why risk everything now?

There are many good strategies if you want to restore your marriage. We suggest these 10 strategies to help solve your marriage problems.

1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships.

Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there’s widespread support for making yours work.

2. Choose to love.

Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Love may have come easy when it was brand new. Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Choice is an act of maturity and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.

3. Act as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than your own.

Putting our spouse first nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection. It can also lead to physical intimacy.

4. Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.

It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. “You’re the most important thing in my life” gives way to “my work… the family business…the children… my aging parents… even golf, football or drinking…” Marriages don’t work well when our partner plays second fiddle to anything – even the children. It’s a fact – the happiest kids are those with parents who love one-another best.

5. Start over from scratch.

Ask her out. Make sure you remember why you did the first time and build from there. When did you last talk for hours, hold hands at a movie, or give her a kiss when she wasn’t expecting it? Get silly about one-another. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway- then you’ll remember why.

6. Stop taking one-another for granted.

Say “thank you” for that cup of coffee. Celebrate obscure anniversaries. Tell her how much it means to you that she cooks a great meal – or vice versa. Notice the haircut. Ask her out. Clean her car. Pay attention to the little things and act like someone who values the relationship.

7. Pray for your spouse.

Chances are you launched your marriage with both promises and prayers. Pray for your spouse , and ask for guidance as you pledge to make the kind of effort that simply won’t float without turning to God every day.

8. Get counseling.

You say you can’t afford it? Believe us, it’s cheaper than divorce. Most counseling simply involves a few sessions to get the communication flowing again. For guys, a willingness to talk in that context sends a huge, positive message to your spouse.

9. Follow the counseling with an action plan.

Just like a personal fitness program, counseling comes with homework and an action plan over time. Draw up the plan, ask friends you trust to help hold you accountable, then follow through. When both spouses take responsibility, anything is possible.

10. Change the patterns.

Do you always come home angry? Then stop the car a block away and pray about it first or do whatever else it takes to change your attitude. Does she always nag you when you leave dirty clothes on the floor? Try getting changed in a different room and initiate a new reflex. Do you always fight about discipline? Try agreeing with her decisions and supporting her 100% – you may find the kids act better because you’re not fighting. You’ve heard the old joke:

Patient: “Doctor, it hurts when I do that…”

Doctor: “Well, don’t do that anymore.”

Huddle Up Question

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some strategies you can use when you are having a difficult time getting along with someone?”

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Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies

While conflict is not uncommon, if left unresolved along with related stress, it can damage the bonds that form between people (Overall & McNulty, 2017).

If we accept that all partners will disagree at times, we must also recognize that it is crucial to find a resolution to ensure that the relationship’s health is maintained (Grieger, 2015).

This article explores conflict and its resolution in couples and other relationships, introducing key strategies and activities to help avoid or recover from any harm done.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

Is conflict resolution important for healthy relationships, how to resolve conflicts in relationships: 4 steps, 5 helpful strategies for couples & married people, 5 exercises, activities, & worksheets for couples therapy, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Conflict need not always lead to damage. Challenge and disagreement within a relationship (romantic or otherwise) can encourage growth, deeper understanding, improved communication , and progress toward a goal (Overall & McNulty, 2017; Tatkin, 2012).

But this is not always the case.

The most critical aspect of conflict affecting the health of a relationship is its resolution. There will always be disagreement and differences of opinion of one kind or another. However, to avoid a loss of trust, damage to intimacy, or behavior that further upsets the relationship, “the couple will want to make sure that the resolution does not leave lingering hurt or resentment in one or both of them” (Grieger, 2015, p. 161).

Clinical psychologist Russell Grieger (2015) suggests that disagreements have four possible outcomes:

The outcome is good for the first person, but not the second. This is a win–lose situation. One person gets what they want, while the other is left defeated, possibly feeling hurt, angry, and resentful. Such feelings may lead to further disagreements or surface in other areas of the relationship.
The outcome benefits the second person, but not the first. This is similar to the first possible outcome, only this time it is the first person within the relationship who is left feeling thwarted or slighted (a lose–win scenario).
The outcome is bad for both people. The third option is bad for both people; they equally face loss (lose–lose). Often a result of stubbornness on both sides when neither wants the other to ‘win,’ so neither will give in . Again, this is damaging for the relationship and, if ongoing or repeated, ultimately toxic.
A resolution is found that is appropriate for both people. The couple or partners work toward an equally beneficial resolution and achieve a win–win outcome. Neither person is left feeling defeated or damaged, leading to increased confidence and trust in the relationship .

Undoubtedly, the fourth option is the most ideal for a long-term, healthy partnership and avoids the potential for a downward spiral in the relationship (Grieger, 2015). When in response to conflict, a win–win outcome leads to growth and moving forward.

Step 1 – Eliminate relationship disturbances Firstly, it is vital to remove or at least reduce emotions that will get in the way of conflict resolution, such as hurt, anger, and resentment.

Otherwise, either side is unlikely to listen patiently and openly to what the other is saying.

Step 2 – Commit to a win–win posture Each party must commit to finding a solution that works equally for both. One side winning while the other loses is not acceptable. The couple must remain motivated and open to change.
Step 3 – Adopt purposeful listening A win–win solution is more likely when each partner is actively listening to the other. Each individual knows what a win looks like for themselves but now must purposefully listen to the other, avoiding censorship or judgment.

Once both have a shared understanding, a win–win solution is possible.

Step 4 – Practice synergistic brainstorming The couple can progress toward identifying a workable resolution, having removed any emotional contamination, adopted a win–win mindset, and fully committed to a win for both.

The couple can share ideas, hopes, needs, goals, and concerns until finding a solution that satisfies both of them.

Download 3 Communication Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to improve communication skills and enjoy more positive social interactions with others.

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Conflict can become an unhealthy habit, leading to a repeating pattern of one or both partners consistently feeling they have lost (Grieger, 2015).

It’s important to consider what brought the couple together in the first place and what they can do more or less of to show their love and understand one another better going forward.

Launching and landing rituals

Heading out to work, school, or the store is described as launching , a time when one partner leaves the relationship world for the non-relationship world (Tatkin, 2012).

Launchings and landings (returning to the relationship) can be an opportunity for conflict or the perfect chance to build healthy relationship-building habits.

Ask yourself or your client:

Do you run out the door?
Do you give a lingering kiss and share a moment?
Do you return, slamming the door as you come in and ask what’s for dinner?
Do you walk in with a smile and a funny story to tell?

What is right for one couple may not be for the next. It is essential to consider the message sent by each partner’s behavior. An enjoyable farewell and return can, in time, improve connections and reduce the risk of conflict.

Blueprint for love

Caddell (2013) describes the importance of building a blueprint for love. Conflict often arises from misunderstandings or a failure to consider the other’s needs and wishes.

Understanding what a loving relationship looks like to your partner may make it easier to recognize what upsets or frustrates them.

Use the Blueprint for Love worksheet to reflect on how a relationship’s blueprint for love might look.

The exercise begins by asking the client to think of a couple from their past who had a loving relationship. It may be their parents, or they can choose two other people who showed love, acceptance, and caring for one another. Then the person considers what they are looking for in a relationship.

Nothing swept under the rug

Conflict is often unavoidable and sometimes outside of our control. However, how we respond to disagreements, harsh words, and arguments is .

Tatkin (2012, p. 155) suggests couples should adopt the “policy never to avoid anything, no matter how difficult.” Not leaving things to fester and returning at a later date requires paying attention to one another and recognizing what is sensitive for the other person.

Aim to discuss and agree on a mutually beneficial outcome as soon as possible after an issue occurs. If that’s not possible, then agree when it can be discussed.

Revisiting the past

Sometimes couples forget what they saw in each other when they first met. Instead, they become wrapped up in repeating patterns of arguing, disagreements, and conflict.

Revisiting the past can serve as a helpful reminder of what is good about a couple and review why they are together (Williams, 2012).

Ask the couple to consider and discuss the following relationship therapy questions :

What made you fall in love with each other?
What were your early years like together?
How were things better then?
How are things better now?
How do you currently show your partner that you care?
What does your partner do that makes you feel loved?
What caring behaviors can you do more of or start?

Focus on good communication

Clear, open, and complete dialogue is crucial to a successful relationship and reducing conflict. Sharing and understanding are best achieved when we are not projecting our own beliefs about a partner or what they are going to say but genuinely paying attention to verbal and nonverbal behavior (Hannah, Luquet, Hendrix, Hunt, & Mason, 2005).

Effective listening takes practice. Focus on your partner, what they have to say, and how they act; do not divide attention by looking at your phone or people passing by. Hear what they are saying and how they say it, rather than attending to your own thoughts. And crucially, be comfortable with moments of silence and practice nonjudgment.

Yet this can lead to any resolution being preferable to none due to the fear or discomfort of conflict.

To break out of the lose–win, win–lose, or lose–lose pattern often experienced in a relationship, each partnership must find their own path to achieving a win–win outcome (Grieger, 2015).

The following couples therapy exercises help to remove obstacles in the way of achieving positive outcomes in order to better understand how to ensure both partners win:

Removing relationship disturbances

Existing relationship disturbances can negatively affect finding an appropriate conflict resolution.

Ask each partner to complete the Removing Relationship Disturbances worksheet.

The exercise begins by each partner identifying existing disagreements and conflicts in their relationship and the emotional reactions that accompany them.

Couples answer the following:

What do we disagree about?
How do I emotionally react?
How does my partner emotionally react?

To help with this exercise, couples can think about times when they experienced hurt, upset, anger, insecurity, and fear.

Next, they consider what they could do to remove such disturbances, being specific. What actions could resolve the problem causing these emotional reactions?

Agree to a Win–Win Mindset

Finding a better outcome to conflict requires adopting a win–win mindset. Grieger (2015) suggests rather than asking yourself, “How can I get what I want?” ask, “How can we get what we want?”

This change in approach requires a commitment from both partners to find solutions to problems that lead to mutual satisfaction.

Ask each partner to complete the Agree to a Win–Win Mindset and sign off on the following:

I, ____________________________, commit to adopting a win–win mindset where I work toward outcomes from current and future disagreements so that we both get what we want and need.

Tell them that to achieve a win–win outcome from conflicts, they need to commit to the mindset that they want to reach satisfactory results from all aspects of their relationship.

Once they have both physically signed up, put the sheet somewhere visible in the house to remind both parties that a new mindset is required throughout the relationship, now and in the future.

Listening With Purpose

To understand what a win means for the other person during conflict or a disagreement, it is essential to listen well, forming a deep understanding of their needs, hopes, fears, and wishes.

Use the Listening With Purpose worksheet to capture what winning looks like for both partners in a relationship before considering the next steps.

The couple should take some time, preferably in a place where they both feel safe and comfortable, to discuss what outcome they would like from the existing disagreement.

Without judgment and allowing each person the opportunity to talk openly, they should be able to share what they want. Remember, there is no right or wrong answer – only a true reflection of needs.

Brainstorming for Synergy

Compromise is essential in any relationship, particularly during conflict. Each partner must consider giving something up of similar value so that they meet somewhere in the middle (Grieger, 2015).

Use the Brainstorming for Synergy worksheet to encourage bouncing ideas off each other until the couple finds a win for both partners.

Capture the following:

What is the disagreement about?
What does a win for each person look like?
Brainstorm ideas that could lead to mutual satisfaction.

Often, resolutions to conflict and disagreement feel like a win to both parties; this is a win–win situation. The couple’s goal should be for mutual satisfaction.

Regular Couple Check-Ups

We have regular check-ups for our physical wellbeing, so why not for our relationship health? Without regular monitoring, we don’t know if we are doing things right or wrong for the relationship and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Grieger (2015) suggests the beginning of the month is a great time to attend to the health of the relationship. Use the Regular Couple Check-Ups worksheet to take stock honestly and openly and make plans for keeping the relationship on track or shake things up a little.

Ask each partner to consider the following questions together or apart:

What is working well in the relationship, and what should we keep doing?
What is working okay in the relationship that we could improve?
What are we not doing that we need to start?
What are we not doing so well and need to stop, improve, or replace?

The check-ups must be approached with an open, win–win mindset. This is not an opportunity to score points, but to perform a relationship health check and move forward in a positive way.

Couples therapist: 5 steps to repair conflict in your relationship

If you’re looking for more tools to help your clients strengthen their relationships, be sure to check out three of our hand-picked exercises from the Positive Psychology Toolkit©, which you can download for free in our 3 Positive Relationships Exercises Pack .

Here’s a quick snapshot of what’s included:

Connecting with Others by Self-Disclosure In this exercise, clients practice answering questions that require personal disclosure. With one person acting as a listener while the other speaks, it is an opportunity for clients to get comfortable with the vulnerability inherent in self-disclosure as a means to strengthen intimacy and connection.
Identifying our Expert Companions This exercise introduces clients to the notion of an expert companion as someone who can listen and help guide them through challenging times. In it, clients will discover the qualities inherent in their ideal expert companion and identify someone in their life who is best suited to fill this valuable role.
The Sound Relationship House Inspection This exercise teaches couples the nine elements of the Sound Relationship House (SRH) as a metaphor for the functioning of their relationship. By having each partner rate their perception of the nine elements, couples will clarify areas of agreement and aspects of the relationship that would benefit from greater nurturing and attention.

Try out these powerful tools for yourself by downloading the exercise pack today.

Additional reading we recommend includes:

14 Conflict Resolution Strategies & Techniques for the Workplace This article about conflict resolution in the workplace is a helpful additional read, especially where couples work together. Whether it is working in the family business or working from home, these can cause conflict so be sure to have a look at this article too.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Conflict is a natural part of life. While it is not always damaging, it plays an inevitable role in every relationship.

Indeed, “all couples have disagreements. It is impossible to avoid them. It is how they handle them that will make or break their relationship” (Grieger, 2015, p. 164).

While couples should try to avoid a repeating pattern of conflict, when conflict is inevitable, they should seek a solution that leaves neither party feeling unfairly treated, hurt, or angry. If the resolution leaves one person feeling slighted or resentful, it can creep into other areas of the relationship.

A win–win outcome is most likely when we commit to fairness and listen to one another with open minds and hearts. We must use what we hear and what we already know of the other person to work together and find a solution where no one is left feeling they have lost.

While it is essential to avoid unnecessary conflict, it is helpful to develop an environment in which a couple can flourish and adopt a compassionate, trusting outlook that avoids damage or aids healing when conflict is unavoidable.

These strategies, worksheets, and exercises, teamed with the desire to grow and develop as a couple, provide a way to resolve conflict and form deeper bonds.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

Caddell, J. (2013). Your best love: The couple’s workbook and guide to their best relationship. Author .
Grieger, R. (2015). The couples therapy companion: A cognitive behavior workbook . Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.
Hannah, M. T., Luquet, W., Hendrix, H., Hunt, H., & Mason, R. C. (2005). Imago relationship therapy: Perspectives on theory . Jossey-Bass.
Overall, N. C., & McNulty, J. K. (2017). What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships? Current Opinion in Psychology , 13 , 1–5.
Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship . New Harbinger.
Williams, M. (2012). Couples counseling: A step by step guide for therapists . Viale.

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What our readers think.

Thank you for this beautiful article. What happens when the other party don’t want to communicate but wants some space.

Thanks for your question. Sadly, we do not have any control over the way that others choose to communicate with us. We do, however, have full agency over the way that we act in response to another person’s communication style.

It’s important to remember that a conversation probably won’t be very productive if the parties involved have different needs at that moment, so it is probably best to wait until everyone involved is ready to discuss.

I hope this helps!

-Caroline | Community Management

In my relationship, I like to resolve things quickly, but my partner tends to push things off and never takes the initiative to start these conversations. It leaves me feeling resentful, even though I want to respect his desire to take space. How is a good way of addressing this?

It’s understandable that you’re feeling frustrated in this situation. Communication is crucial in any relationship, and it can be challenging when the ways you and your partner handle conflicts differ. Here are a few suggestions that might help:

– Express your feelings: Start by letting your partner know how you’re feeling, using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, you might say, “I feel a bit upset when we don’t resolve our disagreements promptly, and it often leaves me feeling resentful.” – Understanding each other’s needs: It’s important to understand that people have different ways of processing emotions and conflicts. Your partner might need more time to think things through, while you might prefer addressing issues immediately. Discuss these differences openly and try to understand each other’s needs. – Find a compromise: Based on your understanding of each other’s needs, try to find a middle ground. Perhaps you could agree to give your partner some space to process, but they also agree to initiate a conversation about the issue within a certain timeframe. – Seek professional help: If these conversations are difficult or if you can’t seem to find a compromise, you might find it helpful to seek guidance from a relationship counselor.

Remember, it’s perfectly normal for couples to have different conflict resolution styles. The key is to communicate openly, understand each other’s needs, and find a compromise that works for both of you.

Best of luck, Julia | Community Manager

Please help me my marriage is divorced before 1 year.i have very regret.so how I can be resolved.the problem

Hi Alemnesh,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling regret. Have you considered speaking with someone, perhaps a coach, therapist, or even a good friend, about your feelings surrounding the relationship? Of course, what to do next largely depends on the circumstances surrounding the end of the relationship, but perhaps sharing your concerns with someone you can trust may give you some insight or encouragement to help you move forward, whether that means looking to move on or trying to rekindle the relationship.

I wish you all the best.

– Nicole | Community Manager

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5 strategies to help solve problems in your marriage

Perpetual problems — every relationship has them, but not every couple knows how to work through them.

A perpetual problem endures because you and your partner fundamentally see the situation differently, according to Michelle Peterson, founder of the marriage blog #staymarried .

“It’s one of those things where you bring it up, you try to work it out, and it just stays in your relationship,” Peterson tells NBC News BETTER.

Peterson, 39, is the executive director of a nonprofit, and her husband Tony, 41, is a software designer. The couple live in Somers, Wisconsin, and have been happily married for 11 years with three young daughters.

Like any couple, the Petersons experience perpetual problems, but have learned how to live happily in spite of them. Here’s how.

They recognize when their relationship is in gridlock

If you and your partner can’t see a disagreement eye to eye no matter how much you talk about it, you’re probably experiencing gridlock, Peterson says.

“I said the same thing over and over again, and he’s still not budging — that is a symptom of gridlock,” she says.

In the past, Peterson often failed to recognize when her relationship was in gridlock, believing she could change her husband’s perspective or behavior, she says.

“What’s really happening is you’re at an impasse altogether, because you’re dealing with something that fundamentally you’re not agreeing on,” she explains.

When they hit gridlock, the couple takes a break

If a perpetual problem in your relationship turns into gridlock, Peterson says, it’s important to understand that fighting isn’t going to solve anything.

If an argument gets heated, Peterson says, she and her husband take a break.

The rule is simple: When one partner asks for a break during an argument, the other must honor it, she explains. After about 30 minutes, she says, they’ll calmly revisit the issue.

“Usually, you can be more clear headed and understanding once you’ve been able to temper down your emotions,” Peterson says.

Get past “the curse of familiarity”

When the couple realized they needed a third-person perspective, they began seeing a marriage counselor in 2015. Peterson was surprised to hear her husband tell the therapist things she never knew.

“He shared things that were so insightful to me that I never considered asking about,” she says.

Peterson says the “curse of familiarity” had prevented her from asking questions that would have helped her understand him better.

“You’re with somebody long enough, you think you know them, and so you forget to dig a little bit or to ask better questions, or to get curious about each other,” she says.

The truth is, you live with a person, you don’t live with a solution.

Seek to understand each other better

Peterson says she no longer focuses on solving problems in her relationship. Instead, she says she strives to understand where her husband is coming from.

“The truth is, you live with a person, you don’t live with a solution,” she says.

To better understand your partner, it’s important to spend quality time with them alone, says Peterson.

Each night, the couple dedicates 15 minutes to talking alone. They go outside on their deck with no electronics to distract them, she says. Peterson calls it their “nightly debrief.”

“It doesn’t matter what the weather is, it doesn’t matter how cold it is — if it’s super cold we’ll just bundle up extra — but we go outside, no devices, just the two of us, for 15 minutes,” she says.

Give your partner space to make up their own mind

In the past, Peterson would automatically assume certain situations were problems. Now, she says, she no longer makes those assumptions. Instead, she asks her husband what he thinks.

“I’m approaching him not like I already have the answer,” she says, “but [with], ‘Hey, what do you think about this? Does this feel like a problem to you?’”

For example, the couple recently moved into a new apartment that didn’t have a washer and dryer. Peterson wanted to buy their own appliances, but her husband saw things differently. Instead, he takes the family’s laundry to a laundromat once a week on his free time.

Since her husband doesn’t see it as a problem, Peterson decided not to push the issue.

“He needs to decide for himself he doesn’t want to go to the laundromat anymore,” she explains.

She says seeking to understand each other, rather than trying to solve perceived problems, has made the relationship stronger despite their fundamental differences.

“I don’t know any non-corny ways to say this,” Peterson says, “but we like each other.”

How to survive perpetual problems in a relationship

Recognize when you're at an impasse. If you are having the same fight over and over, there is probably a fundamental difference you simply can’t agree on.
Know when to take a break. Recognize that fighting and arguing won’t solve anything. If things get heated, ask your partner for a break, take 30 minutes, and revisit the issue with a clear head.
Get past “the curse of familiarity”. Don’t assume that because you’ve been with someone for a long time that you know and understand everything about them. Be curious and ask questions.
Communicate, communicate, communicate. It’s important to take time each day to talk. This gives you an opportunity to get to know each other’s perspective.
Create space. Don’t assume that a situation is a problem that needs to be solved. Instead, talk to your partner to see how they feel about it. If they don’t see it as a problem, give them space to come to their own conclusion.

MORE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

How one couple saved their marriage by asking this simple question
How thoughtful communication can improve your marriage, according to a divorce attorney
Why this marriage counselor says a "good enough marriage" is one that lasts a lifetime

Want more tips like these? NBC News BETTER is obsessed with finding easier, healthier and smarter ways to live. Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram .

Managing Conflict: Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems

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When thinking about conflict in a relationship, it is important to ascertain whether a problem is solvable or perpetual. Sixty-nine percent of relationship conflict is about perpetual problems. All couples have them. These problems are grounded in the fundamental differences that any two people face. They are either fundamental differences in your personalities that repeatedly create conflict or fundamental differences in your lifestyle needs.

Instead of solving perpetual problems, what seems to be important is whether or not a couple can establish a dialogue about them. If they cannot establish such a dialogue, the conflict becomes gridlocked , and gridlocked conflict eventually leads to emotional disengagement. In today’s post, we want to take the opportunity to explain the difference between a solvable problem, a perpetual problem, and a gridlocked perpetual problem.

Solvable problems can be about housecleaning, disciplining children, sex, and in-laws. Solvable problems for one couple can be about the exact same topics that could be perpetual problems for a different couple. A solvable problem within a relationship is about something situational. The conflict is simply about that topic, and there may not be a deeper meaning behind each partner’s position. A solution can be found and maintained.
Perpetual problems are problems that center on either fundamental differences in your personalities, or fundamental differences in your lifestyle needs. All couples have perpetual problems. These issues can seemingly be about the exact same topics as what for another couple might be solvable; however, unlike a solvable problem, these are the problems that a couple will return to over and over and over again.
Gridlocked perpetual problems are perpetual problems that have been mishandled and have essentially calcified into something “uncomfortable.” When a couple tries to discuss a gridlocked issue, it can feel like they are “spinning their wheels” and getting nowhere. The nature of gridlock is that hidden agendas underlie the issue.

The Gottman Method focuses on building emotional intelligence and developing skills for managing conflict and enhancing friendship to help couples create a system of shared meaning in your relationship. What matters is not solving perpetual problems, but rather the affect with which they are discussed. The goal should be to establish a dialogue about the perpetual problem that communicates acceptance of your partner with humor, affection, and even amusement, to actively cope with the unresolvable problem, rather than allowing it to fall into the condition of gridlock. Gridlocked discussions only lead to painful exchanges or icy silence, and almost always involve the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness).

Learn how to recognize if a perpetual problem in your relationship has become gridlocked in our next blog post, which you can read here .

If you want to build a deeply meaningful relationship full of trust and intimacy, then subscribe below to receive our blog posts directly to your inbox:

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Michael Fulwiler is the former Chief Marketing Officer of The Gottman Institute. He has a B.A. with Honors in English from the University of Washington. Outside of work, Michael is a baseball coach and cautiously optimistic Seattle Mariners fan.

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Solving Marriage Problems Paperback – June 7, 1986

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“Counselors unanimously find that marriage and family problems outnumber all other counseling problems combined. For that reason alone, counselors should want to learn all they can about marriage counseling.” —Jay Adams This book will help counselors understand and deal with the typical problems that arise in a marriage. The approach is to offer not merely solutions, but biblical solutions. Chapter by chapter, each problem that is brought into focus is addressed by Scripture, and a solution arising from Scripture is developed. Unless one understands what a biblical marriage is supposed to be, it is difficult to solve marriage problems. For that reason, Dr. Adams spends the first few chapters developing a biblical model. Then he treats many of the specific kinds of problems that typically arise: life patterns, priorities, children, sex roles, in-laws, and so forth. This is a book that belongs on every pastor’s and every counselor’s shelf.

Print length 144 pages
Language English
Publisher Zondervan
Publication date June 7, 1986
Reading age 18 years and up
Dimensions 5.5 x 0.4 x 8.5 inches
ISBN-10 0310510813
ISBN-13 978-0310510819
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Editorial reviews, from the author, from the back cover, about the author.

Jay E. Adams (PhD, University of Missouri) is a former director of advanced studies and professor of practical theology at Westminster Theological Seminary, as well as a retired pastor. He has written over fifty books on pastoral ministry, preaching, counseling, Bible study, and Christian living. His books include Competent to Counsel, The Christian Counselor’s Manual, and Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Zondervan; First Printing edition (June 7, 1986)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 144 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0310510813
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0310510819
Reading age ‏ : ‎ 18 years and up
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.4 x 8.5 inches
#257 in Christian Church Administration (Books)
#769 in Christian Pastoral Counseling
#1,295 in Christian Pastoral Resources (Books)

About the author

Jay e adams.

JAY E. ADAMS, AB, BD, STM, Ph.D. (1929-2020) served as a pastor, church planter, denominational executive, seminary professor, author, and lecturer. He taught homiletics at Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia and was the Director of Advanced Studies at Westminster Seminary in California. He was the founder of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (formerly NANC), and the Institute for Nouthetic Studies (INS). Adams was the author of over 100 books including the best seller Competent to Counsel which launched the modern biblical counseling movement. He was a recipient of The Order of the Palmetto, the highest civilian honor awarded by the State of South Carolina.

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Audra Detillier

Provisional licensed marriage and family therapist , ma , plpc , plmft, my practice at a glance.

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22 Marriage Myths Most People Still Believe

Posted: May 26, 2024 | Last updated: May 26, 2024

<p>Marriage is a cornerstone of human relationships that’s often romanticized and idealized. Yet, it’s surrounded by countless myths and misconceptions that have been perpetuated through generations. These myths can create unrealistic expectations and can lead to disappointment, misunderstandings, and even conflict between partners.</p><p>Let’s delve into the 22 most common marriage myths, dispelling each misconception and offering clarity and a more realistic perspective.</p>

Marriage is a cornerstone of human relationships that’s often romanticized and idealized. Yet, it’s surrounded by countless myths and misconceptions that have been perpetuated through generations. These myths can create unrealistic expectations and can lead to disappointment, misunderstandings, and even conflict between partners.

Let’s delve into the 22 most common marriage myths, dispelling each misconception and offering clarity and a more realistic perspective.

<p>The adage “never go to bed angry” suggests that all conflicts must be resolved before sleep. However, taking a break and sleeping on it can provide clarity and calm emotions, making resolution easier. Effective communication and conflict resolution are more important than the timing.</p>

You Should Never Go To Bed Angry

The adage “never go to bed angry” suggests that all conflicts must be resolved before sleep. However, taking a break and sleeping on it can provide clarity and calm emotions, making resolution easier. Effective communication and conflict resolution are more important than the timing.

<p>While financial security can reduce certain stresses within a relationship, it is not a standalone solution for achieving marital happiness. A fulfilling marriage requires more than just monetary comfort; it necessitates strong communication, emotional intimacy, and shared values. Thus, even in financial abundance, a marriage can struggle without these critical relational components.</p>

Financial Stability Guarantees A Happy Marriage

While financial security can reduce certain stresses within a relationship, it is not a standalone solution for achieving marital happiness. A fulfilling marriage requires more than just monetary comfort; it necessitates strong communication, emotional intimacy, and shared values. Thus, even in financial abundance, a marriage can struggle without these critical relational components.

<p>While love is a crucial element of a marriage, it alone cannot sustain a relationship through the myriad challenges life presents. Enduring marriages also rely on trust, respect, commitment, and effective communication. These elements work together with love to create a strong foundation that can withstand the tests of time and adversity.</p>

Love Is Enough To Make A Marriage Last

While love is a crucial element of a marriage, it alone cannot sustain a relationship through the myriad challenges life presents. Enduring marriages also rely on trust, respect, commitment, and effective communication. These elements work together with love to create a strong foundation that can withstand the tests of time and adversity.

<p>The concept of a 50/50 partnership in marriage implies that each partner contributes equally at all times. However, real life is rarely so balanced; there will be times when one partner needs to give more support, and other times when roles are reversed. Successful marriages are flexible, with partners willing to adjust their contributions based on the current needs of the relationship.</p>

Marriages Are 50/50 Partnerships

The concept of a 50/50 partnership in marriage implies that each partner contributes equally at all times. However, real life is rarely so balanced; there will be times when one partner needs to give more support, and other times when roles are reversed. Successful marriages are flexible, with partners willing to adjust their contributions based on the current needs of the relationship.

<p>Many enter marriage believing they can change aspects of their partner’s behavior or personality that they find undesirable. However, attempting to change a spouse often leads to frustration and resentment. Acceptance and mutual growth are key to a healthy marriage, not the hope of changing who your partner fundamentally is.</p>

You Can Change Your Spouse After Marriage

Many enter marriage believing they can change aspects of their partner’s behavior or personality that they find undesirable. However, attempting to change a spouse often leads to frustration and resentment. Acceptance and mutual growth are key to a healthy marriage, not the hope of changing who your partner fundamentally is.

<p>A popular myth is that couples seeking therapy signifies a failing marriage. In reality, therapy can be a proactive tool for strengthening a relationship, resolving conflicts, and improving communication. It’s not a last resort but a healthy choice for any couple seeking to improve their marriage.</p>

Couples Therapy Is Only For Troubled Marriages

A popular myth is that couples seeking therapy signifies a failing marriage. In reality, therapy can be a proactive tool for strengthening a relationship, resolving conflicts, and improving communication. It’s not a last resort but a healthy choice for any couple seeking to improve their marriage.

<p>Some believe that the longer you’re married, the fewer issues you’ll face. While couples may develop better conflict resolution skills over time, each stage of life brings new challenges. Continuous effort and adaptation are essential for a lasting, healthy marriage.</p>

Marriage Gets Easier With Time

Some believe that the longer you’re married, the fewer issues you’ll face. While couples may develop better conflict resolution skills over time, each stage of life brings new challenges. Continuous effort and adaptation are essential for a lasting, healthy marriage.

<p>Jealousy is often misconstrued as a sign of love or caring in a relationship. However, excessive jealousy reflects insecurity and can be damaging to a marriage, leading to control issues and mistrust. Trust and security are the hallmarks of love, not jealousy.</p>

Jealousy Is A Sign Of Love

Jealousy is often misconstrued as a sign of love or caring in a relationship. However, excessive jealousy reflects insecurity and can be damaging to a marriage, leading to control issues and mistrust. Trust and security are the hallmarks of love, not jealousy.

<p>One prevalent myth about marriage is the belief that once vows are exchanged, the relationship will effortlessly flourish without ongoing effort. This notion neglects the reality that marriage requires continuous work to nurture and sustain. Ignoring this truth can lead to complacency and strain in the relationship, emphasizing the importance of consistent communication, compromise, and dedication from both partners.</p>

Marriage Doesn’t Need Continuous Effort

One prevalent myth about marriage is the belief that once vows are exchanged, the relationship will effortlessly flourish without ongoing effort. This notion neglects the reality that marriage requires continuous work to nurture and sustain. Ignoring this truth can lead to complacency and strain in the relationship, emphasizing the importance of consistent communication, compromise, and dedication from both partners.

<p>Many believe that getting married will fix any existing issues in a relationship, but in reality, it often amplifies them. Marriage tends to spotlight rather than solve underlying problems, demanding active communication and joint effort from both partners for resolution. It’s a partnership that thrives on mutual understanding and continual work, not a cure-all for unresolved conflicts.</p>

Marriage Automatically Solves Relationship Problems

Many believe that getting married will fix any existing issues in a relationship, but in reality, it often amplifies them. Marriage tends to spotlight rather than solve underlying problems, demanding active communication and joint effort from both partners for resolution. It’s a partnership that thrives on mutual understanding and continual work, not a cure-all for unresolved conflicts.

<p>Absolute transparency is often idealized in marriage, yet complete openness without any boundaries can sometimes be unrealistic or unnecessary. Some degree of privacy and personal space is essential for maintaining individuality and respect within the relationship. It’s the nature of the secrets and the reasons behind them that determine their impact on a marriage, not the mere act of keeping them.</p>

Keeping Secrets Is Always Harmful

Absolute transparency is often idealized in marriage, yet complete openness without any boundaries can sometimes be unrealistic or unnecessary. Some degree of privacy and personal space is essential for maintaining individuality and respect within the relationship. It’s the nature of the secrets and the reasons behind them that determine their impact on a marriage, not the mere act of keeping them.

<p>Many believe that tying the knot is a guaranteed path to perpetual happiness. However, marriage is a complex relationship that requires effort, compromise, and growth from both partners. Happiness in marriage is not a given; it’s built through shared experiences, understanding, and continuous effort.</p>

Marriage Automatically Leads To Happiness

Many believe that tying the knot is a guaranteed path to perpetual happiness. However, marriage is a complex relationship that requires effort, compromise, and growth from both partners. Happiness in marriage is not a given; it’s built through shared experiences, understanding, and continuous effort.

<p>The idea is that cohabitation before marriage can help couples test their compatibility and iron out any differences. However, studies have shown that living together before marriage does not necessarily predict a more successful marriage and, in some cases, may be associated with higher divorce rates. Successful marriages are based on more than just prior cohabitation; they require commitment, communication, and compatibility.</p>

Living Together Before Marriage Ensure A Successful Marriage

The idea is that cohabitation before marriage can help couples test their compatibility and iron out any differences. However, studies have shown that living together before marriage does not necessarily predict a more successful marriage and, in some cases, may be associated with higher divorce rates. Successful marriages are based on more than just prior cohabitation; they require commitment, communication, and compatibility.

<p>While having children can bring joy and fulfillment, it also introduces new stressors and challenges to a relationship. Parenting demands significant time, energy, and resources, which can strain a marriage if not managed well. A strong marital bond is crucial before adding children to the mix, as they can amplify existing issues rather than resolve them.</p>

Having Children Strengthens The Marital Bond

While having children can bring joy and fulfillment, it also introduces new stressors and challenges to a relationship. Parenting demands significant time, energy, and resources, which can strain a marriage if not managed well. A strong marital bond is crucial before adding children to the mix, as they can amplify existing issues rather than resolve them.

<p>Some people think marriage is a solution to personal issues like loneliness, insecurity, or unhappiness. Marriage cannot fix personal problems; it may even amplify them. Personal growth and happiness are individual responsibilities that each partner should address independently.</p>

Marriage Will Solve Personal Problems

Some people think marriage is a solution to personal issues like loneliness, insecurity, or unhappiness. Marriage cannot fix personal problems; it may even amplify them. Personal growth and happiness are individual responsibilities that each partner should address independently.

<p>A common myth is that a successful marriage is one without conflict. In reality, conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and dealing with disagreements healthily is a sign of a strong marriage. It’s not the absence of conflict but how it’s managed that determines the health of a marriage.</p>

Successful Marriages Are Conflict Free

A common myth is that a successful marriage is one without conflict. In reality, conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and dealing with disagreements healthily is a sign of a strong marriage. It’s not the absence of conflict but how it’s managed that determines the health of a marriage.

<p>Some view marriage as the end of personal freedom and individuality. However, a healthy marriage supports personal growth and freedom, allowing each partner to pursue their interests and ambitions. Mutual respect and understanding foster both individuality and a strong bond.</p>

Marriage Means Losing Your Personal Freedom

Some view marriage as the end of personal freedom and individuality. However, a healthy marriage supports personal growth and freedom, allowing each partner to pursue their interests and ambitions. Mutual respect and understanding foster both individuality and a strong bond.

<p>The idea that opposites attract and create enduring relationships is often oversimplified. While differences can complement each other, core values and life goals need to align for a lasting marriage. Compatibility involves balancing similarities and differences in a way that supports mutual growth.</p>

Opposites Attract And Make For Lasting Marriages

The idea that opposites attract and create enduring relationships is often oversimplified. While differences can complement each other, core values and life goals need to align for a lasting marriage. Compatibility involves balancing similarities and differences in a way that supports mutual growth.

<p>Expecting your spouse to fulfill every role, best friend, confidant, co-parent, financial partner, etc. is unrealistic and can put undue pressure on the marriage. Healthy relationships benefit from external friendships and interests, providing a well-rounded support system.</p>

Your Spouse Should Be Your Everything

Expecting your spouse to fulfill every role, best friend, confidant, co-parent, financial partner, etc. is unrealistic and can put undue pressure on the marriage. Healthy relationships benefit from external friendships and interests, providing a well-rounded support system.

<p>While shared values are important, having differences doesn’t necessarily doom a marriage. Differences can enrich a relationship, offering new perspectives and growth opportunities. The key is how partners navigate and respect these differences.</p>

You Shouldn’t Marry Someone With a Lot Of Differences

While shared values are important, having differences doesn’t necessarily doom a marriage. Differences can enrich a relationship, offering new perspectives and growth opportunities. The key is how partners navigate and respect these differences.

<p>It’s a common belief that your spouse should be the source of all your happiness. While a spouse can contribute to your happiness, relying solely on them is unrealistic and unhealthy. Individual fulfillment and happiness are personal responsibilities.</p>

Your Spouse Is Responsible For Your Happiness

It’s a common belief that your spouse should be the source of all your happiness. While a spouse can contribute to your happiness, relying solely on them is unrealistic and unhealthy. Individual fulfillment and happiness are personal responsibilities.

<p>The notion that marriage will be effortless with the “right” person is misleading. Even the strongest relationships face challenges and require work. Commitment, understanding, and resilience are necessary for navigating the complexities of marriage together.</p>

Marriage Should Always Feel Easy With The Right Person

The notion that marriage will be effortless with the “right” person is misleading. Even the strongest relationships face challenges and require work. Commitment, understanding, and resilience are necessary for navigating the complexities of marriage together.

<p>Dispelling common myths and misconceptions about marriage is important for fostering realistic expectations and promoting healthier relationships. By acknowledging that marriage requires ongoing effort and adaptation, individuals can approach it with a greater sense of understanding and resilience. Embracing the complexities of marriage allows couples to build stronger foundations and navigate challenges with greater empathy and mutual support.</p><p> <h3><strong>What To Read Next</strong></h3> <ul> <li><strong><a href="https://financiallyplus.com/this-genius-trick-every-online-shopper-should-know/?utm_source=msnfpsm&utm_campaign=msnfpsm">This Genius Trick Every Online Shopper Should Know</a></strong></li> <li><strong><a href="https://financiallyplus.com/best-high-yield-savings-accounts-this-month/?utm_source=msn&utm_channel=8974355049">Best High-Yield Savings Accounts This Month</a></strong></li> <li><strong><a href="https://financiallyplus.com/best-gold-ira-this-year/?utm_source=msn&utm_channel=8974355049">Best Gold IRA This Year</a></strong></li> <li><strong><a href="https://financiallyplus.com/deals-on-popular-cruises/?utm_source=msn&utm_channel=8974355049">Deals On Popular Cruises</a></strong></li> <li><strong><a href="https://financiallyplus.com/the-best-internet-deals-older-americans-need-to-take-advantage-of-this-year/?utm_source=msn&utm_channel=8974355049">The Best Internet Deals For Seniors</a></strong></li> <li><strong><a href="https://financiallyplus.com/affordable-life-insurance-options-for-seniors/?utm_source=msn&utm_channel=8974355049">Affordable Life Insurance Options for Seniors</a></strong></li> </ul> </p><p><a href="https://lifestylogy.com/?utm_source=msnstart">For the Latest Lifestyle, Food, Health & Fitness, head to Lifestylogy</a></p>

Dispelling common myths and misconceptions about marriage is important for fostering realistic expectations and promoting healthier relationships. By acknowledging that marriage requires ongoing effort and adaptation, individuals can approach it with a greater sense of understanding and resilience. Embracing the complexities of marriage allows couples to build stronger foundations and navigate challenges with greater empathy and mutual support.

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How to help your child build emotional resilience

Father talking with tween son in residential kitchen

Children face many challenges, from academic pressures to social media, that can impact their emotional well-being. Valeria Arias, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Loma Linda University Health, has tips to help parents equip their children with the tools they need to navigate life's ups and downs.

Understanding emotional resilience

"Emotional resilience is being able to adapt to stressful situations and cope with life's challenges," says Arias. "It's about bouncing back from adversity and maintaining a sense of well-being." Building this resilience doesn't happen overnight. It's a continuous process that involves nurturing various skills and attitudes in children.

Why it matters

"Kids who are emotionally resilient are better equipped to handle stress, build healthy relationships, and maintain a positive outlook even in difficult times," said Arias. This resilience benefits them in their childhood and sets the foundation for a healthier, more balanced adulthood.

Strategies for fostering emotional resilience

Arias offers several practical steps for parents and educators to help build emotional resilience in children:

Model resilient behavior

Children learn by observing the adults around them. "Show them how you handle stress and setbacks," says Arias. "Demonstrate positive coping strategies and a problem-solving attitude. Further, practice verbally labeling your emotions around your children to build language for them to use when expressing how they feel." Practice verbally labeling your emotions around children to help them develop the language they need to express their feelings.

Encourage open communication

It is essential to create an environment where kids feel safe expressing their feelings and where parents express their emotions intentionally. "Listen to them without judgment and validate their emotions. As parents we often want to shield and protect from uncomfortable feelings, however allowing them the space to share without bouncing into “saving mode” immediately will allow an opportunity for emotional language growth and reflective skills on their emotional experiences all while building communication with others" Arias said. "This helps them understand that it's okay to feel upset and that they can talk about their problems."

Promote problem-solving skills

Instead of immediately solving problems for children, encourage them to come up with solutions on their own. "Ask guiding questions that help them think through their options and consequences," says Arias. "This fosters independence and confidence."

Foster a growth mindset

Teaching children that failure is a part of learning can help them view challenges as opportunities. "Encourage them to see mistakes as a way to grow and improve," she says.

Build strong relationships

Positive relationships with family and friends provide a support system for children. "Encourage them to build and maintain healthy connections with people who can offer emotional support during challenging times.

Teach emotional regulation

Helping children recognize and manage their emotions is key to resilience and emotional regulation. "Set aside time to practice mindfulness and relaxation exercises together, support one another, and talk about the need to build such skills both as an adult and as a child. This can help children remain calm and focused when they face challenges and be able to see their parents building the same skills with them, truly modeling “it's okay to not be okay” as a parent.”

As discussions about mental health continue to expand, the importance of emotional resilience in children becomes increasingly clear. "By prioritizing these skills, we're not just helping children manage their current challenges. We're equipping them with the tools they need for a lifetime of emotional well-being."

Explore mental health care at Loma Linda University Behavioral Health or contact them at 909-558-9500 for personalized assistance and treatment planning.

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COMMENTS

6 Common Marriage Problems and Solutions
Daily Stress. Busy Schedules. Poor Communication. Harmful Behaviors. Marriage can offer wonderful benefits for well-being, life satisfaction, and stress management, but no relationship is without its challenges. The common problems of marriage can put a strain on a couple, but there's a choice in how to handle these issues.
Marriage Problems? Here's an 8-Step Rescue Plan
That is, end the old marriage. Build a new one with the same partner. Build a marriage where there are zero affairs, addictions, or excessive anger and instead, abounding love and trust. 7 ...
Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems: 9 Simple Steps To Solve
Austin and Jasmine Learn to Resolve Issues. Nine Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems. 1. Communication is key. 2. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. If something is wrong, talk about it. 3. Try to understand your spouse's point of view, even if you don't agree with it.
10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
These are the top strategies to solve your marriage problems, no matter what it is that is causing the troubles. 1. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Communication is the secret to a lasting relationship. All healthy and happy marriages keep their communication lines open. If you are trying to solve your marital problems, you should not ...
Problem Solving In Marriage: Strategies For Working Through Tough
Key Takeaways. Effective decision making in marriage strengthens the bond between partners. Mutual respect and active listening are integral to resolving conflicts. Balancing individual and joint aspirations is key to a harmonious relationship. In marriage, problem solving is a dance of balance between individual desires and collective goals.
12 Strategies to Cope with Common Marriage Problems
Listen closely, and try not to interrupt. Your partner probably has their own view of what's going on in your marriage. Do your best to see things from their perspective, and don't dismiss how they're feeling right away. If you try your best to be understanding, you two can have better, more productive conversations.
How to Fix Communication Problems in Marriage
Process your feelings. You may find it helpful to take a moment and sort through your feelings ahead of time. This could look like: journaling stream of consciousness. observing your thoughts in ...
Ten Common Marriage Problems And How To Resolve Them
Figuring out how to solve marriage problems depends on the specific problems. Common marriage problems and solutions include things like issues related to financial decisions or money problems, which may require financial counseling or at least an honest conversation to help reach alignment on financial values. One or both partners not handling ...
10 Tips for Solving Relationship Conflicts
Here are 10 research-backed tips: 1. Be direct. Sometimes people don't just come out and plainly state what is bothering them, and instead choose more indirect ways of expressing their displeasure ...
30 Common Relationship Problems and Solutions
Get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest communication or seek couples counseling to help mend your relationship. 6. Not enough time spent alone. Some of the common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together.
25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions
Surprise your partner with a gift, an unexpected plan, or some new sexual move, and watch your relationship transform. 8. Jealousy. Jealousy is another common marriage problem that causes a marriage to turn sour. Being with them and around them can become a challenge if you have an overly jealous partner.
12 Marriage Problems Couples Commonly Face
2. Lack of intimacy. Sex matters. Still, many couples lose interest in intimacy because of emotional issues, medical problems, financial or other life stressors, or because things seem to be in a rut. If you want to maintain a loving marriage, you must be willing to make physical intimacy a priority.
7 Causes for Conflict in Marriage and How to Resolve Them
Unmet expectations - unreasonable expectations. Conflicting standpoints on the subject of children. Inability to manage marriage finances. Allocation of time to marriage and personal pursuits. Lack of sexual compatibility. Breakdown in communication. Mismatched dynamics and imbalanced powerplay in personalities. Other types of marital conflict.
10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships. Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there's widespread support for making yours work. 2. Choose to love. "Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion.
Managing vs. Resolving Conflict in Relationships: The Blueprints for
In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman's research proves that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable. These may be things like personality traits your partner has that rub you the wrong way, or long-standing issues around spending and saving money. ... Trying to solve unsolvable problems is ...
P is for Problems
This process, called Overcoming Gridlock, is one of the The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. It bears noting that we've only addressed perpetual problem solving and that we're still left with another ⅓ of all problems. These qualify as "solvable problems" and Dr. Gottman recommends, simply, that you solve them.
7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
Problem-solving strategies: You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner, Silverman says. ... Sherman says you both can do things to minimize marriage problems, if not ...
Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies
Step 1 - Eliminate relationship disturbances. Firstly, it is vital to remove or at least reduce emotions that will get in the way of conflict resolution, such as hurt, anger, and resentment. Otherwise, either side is unlikely to listen patiently and openly to what the other is saying. Step 2 - Commit to a win-win posture.
5 strategies to help solve problems in your marriage
If things get heated, ask your partner for a break, take 30 minutes, and revisit the issue with a clear head. Get past "the curse of familiarity". Don't assume that because you've been ...
Managing Conflict: Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems
A solvable problem within a relationship is about something situational. The conflict is simply about that topic, and there may not be a deeper meaning behind each partner's position. A solution can be found and maintained. Perpetual problems are problems that center on either fundamental differences in your personalities, or fundamental ...
What are the biblical solutions for solving marriage problems?
There are specific verses that address behavior of both husbands and wives. Some of those are 1 Peter 3:1-8, Colossians 3:18-19, and Titus 2:3-5. Although not addressing marriage directly, Philippians 2:3-13 is an excellent recipe for resolving marriage problems. This passage tells us to adopt the attitude Christ demonstrated when He set aside ...
Solving Marriage Problems Paperback
Unless one understands what a biblical marriage is supposed to be, it is difficult to solve marriage problems. For that reason, Dr. Adams spends the first few chapters developing a biblical model. Then he treats many of the specific kinds of problems that typically arise: life patterns, priorities, children, sex roles, in-laws, and so forth.
Audra Detillier, Provisional Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Audra Detillier, Provisional Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Metairie, LA, 70001, (504) 833-4673, I work with individuals who struggle with anxiety, depression, and the effects of trauma ...
22 Marriage Myths Most People Still Believe
Marriage Will Solve Personal Problems. Some people think marriage is a solution to personal issues like loneliness, insecurity, or unhappiness. Marriage cannot fix personal problems; it may even ...
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How to help your child build emotional resilience
Arias offers several practical steps for parents and educators to help build emotional resilience in children: Model resilient behavior: Children learn by observing the adults around them. "Show them how you handle stress and setbacks," says Arias. "Demonstrate positive coping strategies and a problem-solving attitude.
Carlos Correa's PitchCom Idea Exposes the Problem With Umpires
Carlos Correa Calls Umpire/PitchCom Marriage a "Great Idea". Correa hatched his concept the previous weekend in Cleveland after he felt a few questionable strike zone calls negatively impacted ...
I.C.C. Prosecutor Requests Warrants for Israeli and Hamas Leaders
The move sets up a possible showdown between the international court and Israel with its biggest ally, the United States. This week, Karim Khan, the top prosecutor of the International Criminal ...