creative writing about being beaten up

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beaten up - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

• blood gushing
• Blood trail
• bloody hands
• broken finger
• wound or injury

There is the damage to the skin, yet the damage to the brain takes far longer to heal. For rewiring back to empathy, to happy memories and a positive sense of self requires the patient layering of neurones daily. The damage of moments requires the healing of years. Being beaten up is, in reality, being beaten down.

Gina walked up the bloody mess on the floor that had been her adversary. He was grotesque. Already his eyes were swollen over and bloody spit drooled from his slack jaws. He was now as revolting as he should be, finally the outside reflects the man within. This cockroach of the law who prevented medicine reaching the sick, who tracked down hard working families who do no more than deliver people what they really want, lies foul in his own fluids. Even if he makes it these scars will be forever. With a wrinkled nose she took a step backwards, it was tempting to whisper something in his ear, that he was broken and she had won, but what was the point. He'd be lucky to remember his own name. She dialled for an ambulance herself, maiming a cop doesn't bring down nearly the same heat as killing one, and this way his walking disfigured face would be a living reminder to his colleagues of what happens to those who mess with Gregor's daughter.

When the dawn comes I can barely move, and not because Darwin is snuggled in so close. Every muscle has seized up. My body is struggling to recover, to repair the damage. Unable to move with any grace my movements are jerky. Darwin wakes, this time not in panic but sleepily. I tuck him back in and he stays, thumb in mouth. I edge into the light that flows water-like through the windows and strip off my topmost layer. On each arm there are great purple welts that will only deepen over the coming week. Against my ghostly skin they are grotesque, but I know I am lucky not to have broken bones...I look as beat up as I did in my early days of training, sparring with guys two heads taller and over twice my mass. At least they didn't go for my face - unlike those gang patsies. I don't need to be walking about looking like I came off worse in a fight so I guess I’m gonna be hauled up here for a while. Without looking in a mirror I know my face is as purple as my arms.

Found in Darwin's Ghost - first draft , authored by daisy .

When Parker first comes into view I don't recognize him, he's too far away and his gait is all wrong. He walks like a scarecrow more than a man and all lop-sided at that. As he nears my heart falls right through my sneakers, he's more purple than brown. His left eye is swollen, he can't be seeing a thing out of that and he won't for a while yet. His face still bears congealed blood and his clothes are an utter mess. Then he tries to say my name, his cracked lips failing at the first syllable, but he doesn't need to, I'm already on my feet and running.

Grayson makes his entrance late. I hear the door swing open more loudly than usual. I don't turn, don't acknowledge him. He's late and I don't play nice when he doesn't show up on time. Then he speaks, I know it's him but the voice is all wrong, like he's speaking while being choked. I turn. In one shattered moment my heart and breathing stop, just stop. He's a bloody mess, nose smashed and eyes almost shut with swelling. His arms are wrapped round his guts like he's holding them in and to be honest he's beat so bad he could be.

Jay lay in the hospital bed, eyes fixed on the window until Lara walked in. He turned, knowing already what face she would make, and she did. Her eyes got that wide look, her bottom lip trembled and she hurried to sit by his bedside. Her eyes walked from one injury to another, taking in the gore that was her husband. Jay could see the conflict already, her wanting to be strong for him and the raw need to weep welling up. "It's alright," he croaked, "you can cry." It was all the permission she needed, head down on the white woollen blanket, minutes passing until she could speak his name.

Ronald could never recall how long the beating had gone on for, only the final kick and the sound of the iron bar falling to the concrete. His face wasn't too bad, just a cut above his eyebrow, the scarlet blood flowing into his eyes. It was his body that was damaged almost beyond the point at which recovery was possible. When the paramedics cut away his clothes the blooming purple patches told of internal ruptures, likely organ damage. They had looked at Ron with encouraging faces but were utterly ashen when he couldn't see them, giving involuntary shakes of their heads. And all the while there was Mera crying in the background like her heart had snapped in two.

The shadows of the beating were on Evan's skin and on his heart. The knowledge that his own brother could do such a thing just broke something inside of him, something that would remain long after his skin and bones were healed. It was a sadness in his eyes, a heaviness, an unyielding sorrow that slowed his speech and robbed him of his once easy smile.

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Stabbed or Scratched: How to Describe Pain in Writing

Think about the worst pain you’ve ever experienced. How would you have described it when you were in the moment? What did it feel like? Did it have a color and texture? Maybe even a sound or a smell? Did it make you perceive your world in different ways? Did you notice what was going on around you? 

Chances are, if you were in enough pain, you probably didn’t notice much beyond, “Wow, this hurts.” It might be after the fact when you start to think more about how pain affects the body and the mind. Although the weird thing about pain is the body is designed to forget it—otherwise no one would ever have more than one child–so it can be hard to recall what exactly it felt like. 

Incidentally, my worst pain was probably giving birth to my son. The epidural had worn off, and it was too late to do anything about it. He was coming, and it was time to push. All I can remember are bright lights, screaming (not sure if that was me or my husband), and a lot of people surrounding me because things weren’t going very well and my little guy was stuck. 

If I had to give it a color, it would have been white or light blue for the lights and uniforms of the medical personnel. If I were giving it a texture, I would say it was smooth, simply because everything was just passing me by like I was sliding through a tunnel until that moment of absolute relief when the worst of it ended with a healthy baby boy placed in my arms. 

When it comes to writing about the pain your characters experience, you need to walk a fine line between taking your reader along to feel that pain without beating them over the head with it (which would also be painful).

With all that in mind, let’s talk about how to describe pain in your writing. In this article, we’ll go over:

• Challenges of writing pain
• Tips for writing about pain
• A list of pain descriptions you can use in your writing

Challenges of Writing Pain

Of course, one of the challenges of writing about pain is that everyone experiences it differently. What might feel like off the charts pain for one person might just be another day in the life of someone who lives with a chronic illness. A splitting migraine for you might feel like a normal headache to your neighbor. 

We also express pain in different ways. Some people try to suppress it and pretend they’re absolutely fine, while others will make sure you know about every single ache and stitch they’re experiencing. Multiple times. And of course, there are the majority of people who will fall somewhere in between. 

The other challenge with writing pain is that it can feel like a real drag to read paragraphs of how much something hurts. 

Consider the following paragraph…

“She dragged herself up as needle-sharp bolts shot through her shoulder, her teeth clenching so hard her jaw ached. Her body trembled and sweat dripped down her forehead as she groaned. When she inhaled, another flash of pain had her seeing double as her head throbbed and her arm felt like it had been cut in two. She stumbled, clutching her flaring limb as her vision went dark and waves of agony seared through her body.”

OKAY, enough already. 

She hurts, we get it. 

You can see from that paragraph how easy it is to go from describing pain in your character to inflicting pain on your reader. It’s a fine line that, like anything, you can get better at with practice.

Tips for Writing About Pain

And of course, to help you out, we’ve got some tips to make it even easier to learn the intricacies of writing about pain. 

Consider the pain level

Not all pain is created equal and some will impact your life in large ways, while others will be nothing more than a minor inconvenience. You can divide your character’s pain into four categories:

• Mild/minor/low: This is the kind of pain that is a little annoying but doesn’t hamper you. A mild headache or a sore muscle. Use words like pinch, sting, stiff, sore. 
• Moderate/medium: This is a higher level of pain that doesn’t debilitate but still  distracts your character from a task or breaks their concentration. Here, you might use words like ache, throb, or flare. 
• Severe/high: This is a type of pain that prevents your character from doing pretty much anything. It’s the kind of pain that will have them laid up in bed. Consider words like anguish, stabbing, or torturous. 
• Obliterating/extreme: This, of course, is the kind of pain that will have your hero writhing on the ground, unable to think of anything else, even pushing away thoughts of how to actually stop it. Think of words like shredding, twisting, knifing, or ripping. Ouch. 

You can also consider the injury and what kinds of pain would result, such as:

• Getting stuck with a pointed object like a sword or tree branch: pricking, drilling, penetrating, stabbing, piercing
• Getting cut with an object like a blade or knife: slicing, cutting, lacerating, sharp
• Having something tear like a muscle or a joint: pulling, wrenching, tearing
• Getting crushed by something heavy like a stone or piece of a crumbling building: pressing, crushing, tight, squeezing, heavy
• Getting whipped or lashed by magic or a whip: whipping, searing, lashing, lacerating
• Getting burned by cold or hot things like fire or ice: scalding, burning, aching, tingling, freezing, numbing, scalding
• Getting attacked by some kind of magic or curse: cruel, vicious, torturing, twisting, writhing

Less is sometimes more

Remember above when we talked about how it can be a drag to read endless paragraphs about how much your character hurts? With that thought in mind, keep your descriptions tight and resist the urge to wax on for too long about it. 

Conversely, if your character just got shot or got a knife in the gut, don’t forget about the pain a moment later. A serious injury doesn’t just magically disappear (unless you’ve created your world that way) just because the action is picking up. Sprinkle in gentle reminders that the injury is still present and affecting your character’s ability to get to their goal. 

After the fact, don’t forget to also allude to it from time to time as they’re recovering. If they’ve been seriously injured, then they’re bound to feel pain as they heal, too. But as we’ve mentioned, keep it brief and treat it with a light hand. Just a mention here or there to weave it into the details with the rest of your story. 

Show, don’t tell

Oh man, not this again. But yes, with pain, this rule is even more important. Don’t tell us it hurts. Tell us what it feels like. If your character has just been stabbed, talk about how it feels like an iron hot poker has just been shoved through their gut. If they’re being crushed by a heavy object, talk about how they’re having trouble breathing. If they’re being tortured, talk about the way they’re trying to detach from the pain and send their mind into protection mode. 

Give your pain consequences

There should be a consequence for the pain, otherwise what’s the point of hurting your character? (There is one exception to this that I’ll talk about in a minute.) Think about what the pain prevents them from doing. If they’ve been stabbed, can they rescue the handsome prince from the tower? 

Think about how much you want pain to play a role in your story. Do you want your reader to believe your character might not make it? Using pain as a plot device is an effective way to drive up the stakes and is a great way to show that “end of the world” moment for your down-on-their luck character. 

Give your character chronic pain

Chronic pain is something many people live with and yet, we don’t tend to see it represented that often in books. Chronic pain can come in the form of a disease or disability, or something like chronic migraines. How you choose to portray that pain and what you do with it is up to you. 

I mentioned above that not all pain needs to serve a purpose, and this is where chronic pain comes in. It doesn’t need to stop the character from doing anything, but it can be used to show how it affects their life, simply because that’s how people sometimes live. And it definitely doesn’t need to be “cured.” In real life, it rarely is, so for a character to simply exist with this as a part of their day to day is perfectly fine.

In fact, the trope of “healing a disability” is one that’s fallen out of favor and can actually be considered problematic. If you do choose to write about chronic pain or disability, be sure to get yourself a sensitivity reader to ensure you aren’t leaning into negative stereotypes or harmful tropes. 

Research your ailments

Pain is one of those things you want to get right. While you can get away with a lot in fiction, especially if you write speculative fiction, pain and injury are pretty universal ideas. 

If one of your characters gets shot or knifed in the stomach in one scene and they’re making dinner plans and heading to the gym in the next, your readers are going to give you the side eye. 

Yes, it’s fiction and the pain tolerances of fictional characters can be different from real life people, but within limits. 

If you’re writing a fantasy creature that heals quickly, that might be one way to overcome an extreme injury. Or maybe you’re writing a thriller with a Jack Ryan-type hero who would never let a little bullet wound get in his way. 

But for most, breathing, living characters, getting their arm nearly hacked off is going to take them down. Make sure you’re exercising realistic limits of pain tolerance.

The blog Script Medic is a great place to start where a medical professional breaks down various injuries for writers. It’s a great way to get information without filling your search history with things the FBI might investigate you for.

Pain Descriptions

Here are some words and phrases to help you describe pain in writing. Obviously, this isn’t an exhaustive list, but this should help get you started:

• A pale complexion
• Arching of the back
• Avoiding others
• Begging to die
• Biting a bottom lip
• Blacking out
• Blotchy skin
• Blurred vision
• Body going into shock
• Calling for help or aid
• Clenched hands and limbs
• Clenching or grinding of teeth
• Dark hollows under the eyes
• Darkness in the corner of vision
• Dragging one foot
• Drinking excessive alcohol
• Drooping eyelids
• Eyes squeezed shut
• Flinching at contact
• Gingerly moving about
• Glassed over eyes
• Gripping another person for help
• Haggard expression
• Hands gripping clothing
• Hanging on to the wall or furniture for support
• Hunched shoulders
• Hyperventilation
• Impatient gestures
• Limp arms, legs, hands, or fingers
• Looking away
• Mouth hanging open
• Nostrils flaring
• Praying to gods of deities
• Repeating oneself
• Rocking or swaying back and forth
• Rubbing areas of pain
• Sawing breaths
• Short, panting breaths
• Shuddering breaths
• Standing still
• Starbursts or floaties in the eyes
• Stilted gait
• Sweat on the brow
• Taking medication
• Tapping the foot
• Taste of blood or copper in mouth
• Tears or wet eyes
• Tentative steps
• Tight muscles and limbs
• Walking stiffly
• Watering eyes

By now, you’re hopefully a bonafide expert on the art of writing pain. As with anything, make sure you’re reading lots of books where pain is described. It can help you see what works and, maybe more importantly, what doesn’t. If you’re reading a book and the character’s pain is starting to feel like a drag, then that’s a good sign the author has taken it too far. 

But if you find yourself aware of the pain, but not distracted by it, then that’s a sign they’ve done their job well. 

If you found this article useful, be sure to visit our growing database of articles at DabbleU . We’re adding new ones every week to help you become your best writing self. We even make it super easy for you and send you all our latest tips, advice, and tricks when you sign up for our weekly newsletter . 

Nisha J Tuli is a YA and adult fantasy and romance author who specializes in glitter-strewn settings and angst-filled kissing scenes. Give her a feisty heroine, a windswept castle, and a dash of true love and she’ll be lost in the pages forever. When Nisha isn’t writing, it’s probably because one of her two kids needs something (but she loves them anyway). After they’re finally asleep, she can be found curled up with her Kobo or knitting sweaters and scarves, perfect for surviving a Canadian winter.

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7 Ways To Write A Damn Good Fight Scene

• by Bronwyn Hemus
• January 21, 2014
• 79 Comments

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Fight scenes are the single hardest character interaction to write. Many authors who know their craft in every other respect can’t write a fight scene to save their (or their hero’s) life. But don’t despair. There are a few strategies you can use to ensure you write the kind of fight scene that grips a reader from start to finish. Let’s take a look at seven of them…

1. Detail is a dirty word

It’s a general rule in writing that you should leave as much to the reader’s imagination as you can, and this is doubly true for action scenes. The choreography of the fight may be exact in your head, but you can’t force readers to see the same thing.

While describing a fight scene is a great way to paint an accurate picture, it’s not a great way to communicate a compelling experience. A lot of poorly written fight scenes read like this:

I stepped back, balancing my weight on my left foot, and threw my right fist out in a curved punch at his temple. Turning ninety degrees to the side, he brought his right forearm up to counter the blow, formed a fist with his left, and threw it at my outstretched jaw. I was in trouble.

This might be exactly what you imagine happening, but the excessive stage direction stretches the moment out, turning a frenzied series of blows into a dissection of body language and intent. This fight feels slow, and that feeling is paramount – if your reader is instinctively bored by a fight, you can’t convince them it was exciting by describing more of it.

Instead, let them know the outline of the fight and they’ll imagine the rest. Counter as it is to a writer’s instincts, ‘they struggled’ paints a far more vivid picture than describing the exact position of each combatant’s arms.

So, if you’re not describing what your characters are doing, how do you communicate the action?

2. Pace is everything

Intensifying the pace of your writing can communicate the immediacy and suddenness of conflict. Short, simple sentences keep the reader on their toes. Fights happen quickly and your description needs to match that. In The Princess Bride , William Goldman writes a brilliant sword fight, and perhaps the most enjoyable fight scene ever put to paper:

The cliffs were very close behind him now. Inigo continued to retreat; the man in black continued advancing. Then Inigo countered with the Thibault. And the man in black blocked it.

Each sentence is short, the written equivalent of a sudden move. Every time a new person takes an action in this passage, Goldman starts a new line, making the reader encounter each attack as a sudden, vital event.

This ‘new line’ technique is pretty cheesy – it works for Goldman because his story is a deliberate homage to adventure yarns – but short, to-the-point sentences are a must for any fight scene. Clarity is important in many areas of writing, and it’s not something to wish away in a fight, but the energy of a fight scene is more important than its details, and that comes from pace.

Of course, pacing works best when it’s combined with perspective.

3. Perspective defines experience

It’s difficult to communicate excitement when you describe something objectively. This is another reason that hovering around the fight describing the actions of both characters limits how gripping the experience can be. The key is to thrust the reader into the thick of the action, and to do that they need to experience the fight through a character.

That’s not to say that you have to suddenly adopt the first person. In Gregory Mcdonald’s Carioca Fletch , the protagonist attempts to get his bearings as he is set upon by unseen assailants. Mcdonald mimics this experience for the reader by having longer passages between the single sentences of violence:

Instead of looking who had pushed him, Fletch tried to save himself from falling. The edge of the parade route’s pavement shot out from under him. Someone pushed him again. He fell to the right, into the parade. A foot came up from the pavement and kicked him in the face.

The writing, and thus the reader’s experience of events, conforms to Fletch’s experience: the attempt to right himself interrupted by sudden acts of violence. You can also write to match the perspective of the attacker: there’s something especially brutal about a villain methodically taking an opponent apart.

The opposite can also be true

Of course, as with all the advice in this article, there are reasons to do the exact opposite. Mimicking perspective leads to a more energetic, visceral experience, which tends to make a fight more compelling, but perhaps you want the opposite. A detached, distanced perspective saps the energy and involvement from a fight, but if you’re trying to horrify the reader rather than energize or entertain, this is a valid technique.

For instance, a ‘cool’ fight would benefit from a close perspective, whereas an upsetting beating would likely benefit from distance. In this way, there are few ‘bad’ writing techniques – just different effects that either work with or against your intent for a scene. Keep in mind that your actual first step to improving your fight scene is understanding how you want your reader to feel about it.

4. Verbs not adverbs (and avoid passive voice)

Energetic fight scenes demand brevity, and adverbs are the opposite of that . Instead of ‘Adam hit him hard in the chest, again and again’ use ‘Adam pounded at his chest’.

The occasional adverb might have its place, but you want the punch of the sentence to come with the character’s action, not lagging after it.

There are a few exceptions. Variations on ‘She hit him. Hard’ have currency because they’re purposefully simplistic. They embrace guttural simplicity to communicate that same quality in the action, but this trick only works once before you start sounding like a caveman.

Why the passive voice won’t work

A similar technique to avoid is the use of passive voice. This is where the person or object performing an action is absent from the sentence in which it happens, as in ‘he was kicked in the face,’ where the person doing the kicking isn’t mentioned.

This is a technique you’ll see in a lot of news coverage, since it deliberately saps energy from an otherwise startling event. In a story, however, it’s the most roundabout way to communicate an action, and it’s best avoided. Even when the attacker is unseen (and therefore can’t be named), Mcdonald goes for ‘A foot came up from the pavement and kicked him in the face’ as opposed to ‘he was kicked in the face.’

Try to err on the side of ‘person, action, effect,’ since this most closely recreates the experience of watching things in real time. Agency – a person’s ability to effect the world around them – is a huge part of compelling fight scenes, and the passive voice is all about ignoring agency.

5. Sensory information is relatable

Another reason description doesn’t work in fight scenes is that immediate, physical situations aren’t characterized by a heightened degree of analytical thought. In contrast, physical situations do tend to come with a lot of sensory information. The taste of blood, the ringing in their ears, the ache of their injuries.

Evan Hunter wrote fantastically brutal fight scenes by stating a simple, physical act and then following it up with evocative sensory information:

He pulled him to his feet, almost tearing the collar… He heard the slight rasp of material ripping.

That description, from his short story collection Barking at Butterflies , adds more physicality to the encounter than any physical description could.

Sensory information is also more relatable to readers. Not everyone has been held up by the collar, but everyone has heard fabric tear and tasted their own blood. You can summon incredibly detailed information through these minor descriptions: the pull needed to tear a collar is something most people can appreciate, so they understand the violence of the grip without ever consciously considering it.

6. Make the result clear

The opposite of writing a fight scene, but something worth considering in many cases, is to skip the violence entirely. It depends whether you’re trying to provide action or communicate violence, but for the latter this can be incredibly effective.

Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club isn’t about fight scenes or action, but communicates physical violence fantastically:

I asked Tyler what he wanted me to do. Tyler said, “I want you to hit me as hard as you can.”

At this point a new chapter begins:

Two screens into my demo to Microsoft, I taste blood… My boss doesn’t know the material, but he won’t let me run the demo with a black eye and half my face swollen from the stitches in my cheek.

Here, we don’t get any details of the fight, don’t even have it confirmed that a fight took place, and yet the visceral nature of the missing scene is more powerful because of it.

You don’t have to skip the fight completely, but remember that you can create a powerful sense of what’s happening by referencing the results. While the reader can’t call to mind the exact experience of the fight on the page, fear of injury is something everyone understands.

7. Context is key

The written word is capable of many feats other types of media can’t match, but one thing it isn’t is visual. This matters because a lot of writers take their fight-scene cues from visual media, attempting to mimic the visual bombast of movie shootouts or martial arts.

In a movie, it’s easy for a fight to be impressive all on its own. We can see the people taking part, appreciate their emotions, witness their speed and flexibility, even wince at their pain. In books, fights don’t bring so much of their own context, and if a reader doesn’t understand who is fighting, why, and what the consequences will be, they’re far less likely to be thrilled.

Your fight scene as an action scene

It’s useful, in this sense, to understand your fight scene as just one type of action scene, similar to chase scenes , arguments , and even sex scenes . These scenes are interesting because they’re interactions with consequences, and those consequences are usually what makes the action exciting.

If Character A is chasing Character B, the scene is fine enough. If we know the stakes of Character B escaping, the scene is much better. If we care about Character A and Character B, and have a preferred outcome to the chase, now the scene matters.

Without context, the most an action scene can hope to be is titillating, and it’s unlikely to achieve even that. Many first-time authors begin their stories with a fight scene because it’s the most exciting thing they can think of, but without characters or stakes, it’s hard to be excited by this non-visual style of action.

If you want to write a fight scene, make the stakes clear to your reader and make sure they care about at least one person in the fight. Otherwise, you’re just trying to ‘show’ them something they can’t see, which is what drives a lot of authors to fall back on all the harmful techniques we’ve already covered.

Fight for your write

So, those are our seven tips for writing great fight scenes. Choose pace over detail, don’t get bogged down by adverbs and passive voice, draw on sensory details and results as needed, and give the reader the context and perspective they need to get invested.

What other tips do you think writers should know when dealing with fight scenes? And what is the best fight scene you’ve ever read? Let me know in the comments below.

If you want to work at a larger scale, check out How To Write An Epic Battle Scene , and I also recommend Everything You Need To Know About Writing Fantasy Weapons and What You Need To Know About Writing Injuries for more insight on this topic.

Bronwyn Hemus

79 thoughts on “7 ways to write a damn good fight scene”.

I find that writing from my own experiences help the flow. I got beat up a lot in elementary school. when I write a fight scene, I focus on the emotional aspects ad well. the rushing flow of my blood as rage sweeps through me. the nauseous wave that cramps my stomach as pain ripples from my jaw from rock hard hit. It helps me to place myself in the heroes shoes and try to feel, physically and emotionally, what the hero would.

I’m sorry to hear you had that kind of experience but it’s great that you’ve taken ownership of it and used it positively in your art.

I think you’re completely right about linking the sounds and physical experiences of injury to the emotional experience of it. When you have a personal experience of this kind it can be applied to many different stories; no matter how outlandish the conflict the resulting physical and emotional reactions remain the same.

Best wishes, Rob

Yes, less is more, exactly: even in fight scenes. I especially enjoy your examples, like Palahniuk’s one. Very interesting article, fight scenes fit with fantasy novels, which are my favourite. Thanks

Hi boostwriter,

Thanks very much. Fight scenes do seem particularly at home in fantasy novels, often as part of a larger ‘battle’ scene. Battles are incredibly difficult to write, and often done best through smaller fight scenes that represent the battle as a whole.

ha ha that part about cavemen x) i read a start to a book whose cover was very interesting, but it was written in caveman the whole first paragraph and it aggravated me so much that i didn’t give a unicorn about the story, i just closed the book and looked for a new one. Indeed, all of your points are spot-on and very helpful. Thank you, please keep posting =) Best wishes!

Thanks so much for your feedback and kind words. Yes, caveman style gets old very quickly. There’s also the fact that, generally, starting a book with that kind of action tends not to work. People are keen on it because it’s common (and works) in movies and television, but that’s because action is visceral and thrilling to WATCH. When we read action scenes more of our reaction comes from the context – we worry about a character we like getting hurt – than the action itself. Consequently if a book begins with action that might grip us if we cared about the characters, the gap between how we feel and how the author wants us to feel becomes very apparent.

I am writing a screenplay and led beautifully into a fight scene, but I came to a dead end when it came to the writing the scene itself. So, I didn’t write it at all 🙂 Here’s what I ended with: note: Ben was kicked out of a fictional high school gang called The Boys. Most names are standing names, not finalized.

The Boys arrive at an open field, the gang The Saints are waiting. Ben, in bandages and on a crutch, limps past The Boys. The Boys freeze in shock at his arrival.

BEN (to the Saints): Your two best against me decides the fight.

SAINT ALEX: The Saints don’t make deals with The Boys.

Ben cracks his neck and throws down his crutch.

BEN: Good thing I’m not one of them.

Two Saints sprint toward Ben, one two steps ahead of the other. Ben engages. A single blow. First one down. Impact. The second tackles Ben with brute force. They land with an audible thud.

CUT TO BLACK, FADE TO:

Ben wakes up in a hospital bed. His breath is shallow, his face swollen. Ben wares more bandages than clothing. Ben rolls his head and looks at the table next to him. A note on the table beside him reads: “You saved our asses. Thanks -The Boys” Ben smiles.

Leaving room for the actors and the director to choreograph a fight scene is a great idea when writing a screenplay, and even translates to novels – the reader is a fantastic director, you just need to give them enough information to play out their own idea of how it happened.

A warmth filled johns belly. It trickeled down his leg. “Have I pissed myself again?” Johns legs went numb as he sat down in the grass. His sword became heavy so he let it slip his grasp. “No one can know I’ve pissed myself again.” A shriek rang down from above.John stared into the cloudless sky. He knew that sound. The cry of an emperial falcon.He had seen many of them during his training at the battle camps. He promised his mom, a lover of winged creatures, he would buy one for her. The bird faded from his vision, but he continued searching for it in the greysky which he could have sworn was blue moments ago. A faint sound crept up from behind the young boy. “amazing, I can hear the flaping of your wings great bird.” A shadow slowly grew in front of john. A grin surfaced beneath the dried blood on John’s face. “ve never had a bird fly so close.” A thumping sound filled johns ears as theshadow began moving. Johns vision began to blur. “are you flying away great bird? Please take me with you.” Cried the boy as the ground raced towards his face. He felt a strange peace as his vision blackened. John smiled as he envisioned flying away towards his mother’s cottage. Slowly his eyelids lowered and he flew away from the nightmare of war.

Can u tell me what you think this scene is about. I try to evoke the readers emotion without being direct. I’m practicing lol. Want to be a writer, one who makes people cry, cheer, throw my book at the wall in anger and pick it back up again in curiosity.:)

it’s about a boy who dies after fighting in a war?

Would you say these same tips apply for fights that are rather supernatural? Eg. One with a trident vs someone weaponless that doesn’t stay down

Hi Rebekah,

In a word, yes. The style of writing is meant to evoke the threat and pace of the situation, so it would be applicable to the kind of fight you describe.

Hi Antonio,

I read it as a death on the battlefield scene, a soldier reflecting on his life before the conflict.

i am looking forward to writing one… https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/36246660-mayday

All my books include at least on fist fight between two people who know little about fighting (or at least one knows little.) One or both characters are afraid of fighting and generally will do just about anything to avoid getting in a fight. You tips are very helpful. I failed at the less is more rule in the beginning, but caught on and I think those scenes are not only strengthened, but easier on the reader. I find spending a bit more on the characters experience with the unexpected adrenaline rush, emotions, fears and anger is better. I actually received some feed back from readers who felt for the characters who were more or less trapped into a fist & wrestling fight. That my characters are mostly not skilled in fighting helped win reader sympathy. I managed to stay out of fights, though as human nature goes, I was very close to not being able to get out of close encounters as a teen and young adult. That experience of fear, trepidation, excitement along with some degree of wanting to hit the other person I wanted to bring out in my characters.

You’re right, those visceral feelings are really compelling and the reader is far more likely to back a character who’s been forced into a fight. I think one of the best ‘trying to avoid a fight’ scenes is Romeo and Juliet, act 1 scene 1. The whole idea of bravado versus the reality of injury is really strong, especially in the hands of directors like Baz Luhrmann. If you haven’t seen the opening scene of Romeo + Juliet (by which I mean the 1996 movie) I’d recommend it as great research.

Well Im writing a mystery novel with a touches of paranormal themes. My books always have an immense focus on fights because of the violent nature of one of my characters. I am having trouble with these because I personally have never been very descriptive in my writing. But this Article really helped me understand more of what to do and how to write them. Thanks

I’m really glad this article has been useful to you. Don’t give up on trying to nail your fight scenes – it’s a genuinely difficult subject to get right.

So i have attempted to use this guide to write my first battle scene i will actually use in a story if its ok i would love abit of feedback.

[This scene has been removed by a moderator. Please don’t post entire scenes into comments. For extensive feedback on your writing please refer to our editing services .]

Thanks in advance

It’s really gratifying that you’ve got such immediate use out of the article, so thanks for sharing this part of your story! You’ve completely understood what I was writing about, and all the techniques described are used to great effect in your writing.

If I was going to suggest anything it would be more sensory information in the final section – the more you can put the reader in the cramped, deafening midst of battle the better. Also a proofread would be necessary before including this in a larger work, to catch any errant spelling or grammar issues.

If you want feedback on any more of your work, or to talk more about your story, please feel free to contact me via //www.standoutbooks.com/contact/ .

Hi, I’m writing a fantasy novel and I’m trying to give my character a specific fighting technique. Basically I’m in love with Japanese style Niten Ichi-Ryu, a style that uses both the katana and the smaller wazitashi and I want my character to use this technique. But since it’s set in a fantasy world that knows nothing about Japan or another other country, how would you incorporate it? Or should I just leave it out altogether? The fighting style that is?

Hi Bexter08,

There are a few options for how to handle the fighting style you’ve mentioned. First of all, you could have the character use the style, but not refer to it as Niten Ichi-Ryu – either not naming the style or else inventing an in-world name for it. Second of all, you could simply use the correct name and brazen it out – fantasy worlds are full of terms that can’t realistically, linguistically have developed there (‘katana’ is one of these), and with confidence and skill it’s possible to win the reader over to accepting them. This option would be made easier if the narrator refers to the style by name, but it’s not used in dialogue. Thirdly, you could use the English translation (which I believe is along the lines of ‘the school of the strategy of two heavens as one’), or some variation of it. Finally, you could lose the style altogether, but that would be a shame over what’s a tricky but minor issue.

My advice would be to keep the style and give it an in-world name. This could be a variant of its translated name (‘the school of two heavens’, for example), or a new term that works in your world. The only drawback to the latter option is that those familiar with the style may feel irritated, as if you’re trying to pretend you’ve made it up. This could be solved with a note in the foreword – ‘the style used by _________ and referred to as _________ is Niten Ichi-Ryu’ – or by somehow referencing its actual name – perhaps the person who taught it to the character/the place where they learned it has a name that’s phonetically similar to the style. ‘Nyten’/’Niton’, for example.

I hope that’s useful.

Dear Robert.

I am in amidst of writing a story, and a lot of fight scenes are potentially involved. In regards to leaving much of it to Reader imagination and keeping pace … What if the fight was written like boxing commentary? Think that would work due to short and fast paced that is in real life?

Trying to find that balance between what I would like the reader to see versus what they will conjure up. Got some intricate stuff in mind and I do not want to lose all of it. Thanks for writing this article! It has come in handy. We need more like it.

That sounds like an interesting device – would the narrator be the ‘commentator’, or would one of the actual characters be describing what took place?

It would be the narrator. That way not all the choreography would be lost if done right.

Thanks again.

Sounds like a smart device. My only recommendation would be to ensure you lay the groundwork for that device before jumping into it, so it doesn’t feel forced in execution.

Hello Robert.

I must say, that I find your advice spot on. In my writing I have used all of these techniques – but I wish I had read your advice first – it would have saved me a bloody lot of time. Instead of hammering it out for myself, I could’ve relied on your expertise.

The think there maybe one exception to you words of wisdom: space battles (yes, I know. I am one of those). The quiet majesty of space I believe requires more description rather than less. The vivid scenes of destruction with lasers and missiles and plasma beams play well against the void of space. That being said, I have also finished off ships and their entire crews in a short paragraph.

I am most curious. Although this is a bit outside the parameters of your well-written article, what are your thoughts on fights between vessels, (sailing vessels, modern warships, tanks, starships) both terrestrial and non?

I would like your

Thanks for commenting – I take your point about space battles. Description can lead to detachment in fight scenes, but as you say, sometimes that works well with the sterility and isolation of space. An odd example, perhaps, but the videogame ‘FTL’ is about minutely managed space battles, and the bare-bones story really works with that approach – you’re on the run from a much larger force, adrift in hostile space, so knowing every little thing that can go wrong heightens that narrative tension.

As far as battles between machines of war go, I think the key is to focus on individual experience. You can, of course, write about tank vs. tank and armada vs. armada (you can write about anything, with enough skill and drafting), but it’s usually more effective to communicate that battle via the experiences of a single crew member. A huge indent being punched into a tank’s wall, or someone burning their hand on a gun that’s been rattling off rounds, can convey the experience of this type of fight without getting lost in technical details.

It’s not a perfect example because there are visual aspects to the medium, but Garth Ennis’ ‘War Stories’ comic book series does this really well. For him, it’s all about the individuals, but he also uses their relationship to their vehicles to anthropomorphize tanks and planes. There’s one story where a huge tank takes on a sort of ‘monster’ role in the story, emerging from the undergrowth just when the protagonists think they’re safe. Certainly a good place to start if looking for examples.

Okay, so my story is about superheroes and villains. Also, I don’t really like short fights but I understand I shouldn’t have 5 pages of fighting. How could I make the fight seem longer but use less pages?

Also, grammar question, can the whole fight be in one paragraph or no?

Thanks for your questions. You can make fights feel longer in a variety of ways. One really effective device is to cut away for a while – perhaps to a character witnessing the action from afar, or someone elsewhere. This lets the fight keep going while the reader is ‘away’, allowing you to extend it for however long suits your needs. In a similar vein, showing the consequences of the fight – the collateral damage – can add to the perceived duration, as the reader has to justify how so much damage has been done.

You can also sidetrack the reader with a few details. If your characters topple a building then let them fly away for a moment, but stay with the building, describing how people escape and how it eventually falls down completely. This is a combination of the devices above, and works as a kind of illusion for the reader – if such a passage is presented between when the fight starts and when it ends, the reader will include it in the duration of the fight afterwards, even if it was really more of an aside.

You could also break the fight up over time – having the fight begin, flashing back to its cause, and then rejoining it – again, this stretches out the reader’s perception of how long the fight has been going on.

In terms of directly witnessing the fight, there are fewer options. As tempting as it can be to show the reader a huge, prolonged fight scene, they rarely translate to the less visual medium of writing. Really, the only thing that justifies a huge fight scene is making the reader really, really want to see the outcome – having built up the animosity between the characters, or the desire to see one of them bite the dust. That kind of build-up takes time, so it’s probably only going to be possible to ‘earn’ two such fight scenes in a story.

Whether the whole fight is in one paragraph or not depends on your writing style and the way you’ve treated paragraphs elsewhere. That said, it would be unusual to turn such an action-heavy scene into a single block of text. We’ve got an article on paragraphs coming up soon, including when it’s best to break them, so that should answer your question in more detail.

hi my names alexis im wriitng a 30,00 word novel for nation novel writing weak im in 8th grade and this is what i got so far————————. The loudness of the room was getting louder and louder until everyone knew that there was gonna be a big huge staring contest that was going to happen during lunch. But when Michaela arrives with Elizabeth they sit down in the chairs that were blue, clean,shiny,and had a new smell to it but those blue shiny chairs where by the cafeteria table that they were sitting. All the sudden they see that Maddie was already there with her boyfriend and her friends,which they didn’t care. but when Michaela and Elizabeth discovers that Maddie, her boyfriend, and her friends are staring at them, and they immediately get mad at maddie so Michala and Elizabeth start staring at them and maddie saw that they were staring back so maddie gave michaela and elizabeth weird looks. And everyone out of nowhere was just staring at Michaela,Elizabeth,Maddie,her boyfriend,and her friends. But as soon as they left the cafeteria it was really quiet but when everyone left the cafeteria, they said there was staring contest, but no fight.

Thanks very much for sharing your NaNoWriMo writing. I’m afraid it’s had to be cut down, as we can only accomodate so much text in the comments. Beginning writing so young is a sure path to future brilliance, so congratulations on your work and be sure to keep at it.

Hello Mr. Wood I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I had a question. I’m now writing a fantasy book where the characters can influence gravity around them and practically fly/jump great distances at great speeds. I’m now struggling in a scene where one of the characters is chasing a bad-guy (who also has those powers). How can I write a chase scene that doesn’t actually get boring? Would really help if you’d share some advice on this matter. Thanks

Thanks for the great question. I think the key thing to keep in mind is that a chase isn’t inherently interesting. Almost no physical competition is – it’s the potential outcomes that interest the reader, and then the chase (or fight, or race, or argument) becomes interesting for how likely a specific outcome seems at any given moment.

To that end, the key to a great chase scene is how worried the reader is that someone will be caught/will get away. Every stumble or shortcut makes one of those outcomes more likely, and that’s something to keep in mind when writing them. This should guide what you focus on – is someone feeling tired, is there an obstacle coming up, is there a point the character can reach where they’ll be impossible to catch?

All the tips above apply – keep it basic, let the reader choreograph the scene, and keep your focus as the author on potential outcomes. As the reader, all the excitement and intrigue of a chase scene comes from who’s going to win. Strip away incidental dialogue, set-dressing, and anything that isn’t about that. Also, try to vary which outcome seems more likely. If it feels like a character is about to be caught and they escape, or it looks like they’re about to get away and then they stumble, that’s the moment where the reader’s heart really starts beating.

Hope that’s what you were looking for.

Hello Mr. Wood

I need advice how to write an aerial, ground and naval battles. When I’m writing a fight scene it look simple and doesn’t excite the readers. This caused me to lose motivation on writing a decent story if I can’t excite the readers.

I’m currently writing two story. The first one is where a large military base was transport to a messed-up fantasy world where magic exists. They trained the peasants to fight against their tyrannical rulers and the corrupted nobles. The second one is a massive denizens went to the another world but find out that the world is controlled by a corrupted Empires so they decided to start a bloody world revolution.

I have a wild imagination so I want to write a good fight scene.

Hi Michael,

Thanks for your comments. In terms of writing huge battles, I’d suggest utilizing some of my advice to Edward (above), and also keeping your eyes peeled, as we have an article on writing battle scenes in the pipeline that should provide more comprehensive information.

In your particular case, though, I’d suggest caution. You say that your scenes fail to excite readers, and I wanted to check that this conclusion is a result of consulting with beta readers. The reason I ask is that there’s a definite tendency to overwrite fight and battle scenes for authors, specifically because it’s impossible to get down on paper the complexity and scale that’s in their heads. Feeling that a scene doesn’t live up to the vision can lead authors to scrap something that’s working.

The key is not to try and chase the vision – to write in such a way that the reader is brought in as a partner, filling in details and choreographing their own most exciting scene. I think in most cases I’d argue there’s no way to write an objectively great battle scene (by which I mean a battle scene that, in and of itself, grabs and excites the reader regardless of everything else about it). Instead, it’s about building up the context of the battle beforehand, communicating it as a web of individual experiences, and leaving space for the reader. As with any action scene, it’s also advisable to focus on the potential outcomes. For example:

A scene where 127 men are blown up = boring. A scene where 127 men are blown up, but where the reader knows that 400 men will be needed to storm a fortress, and there are only 568 left = tense and exciting.

Really, it’s about making the reader do math on the fly. They need to know the ‘win’ and ‘lose’ conditions and then understand every event as a new variable. That way, they’re constantly thinking ‘oh no, now they’re more likely to lose’ or ‘that means they COULD still win’. Once you’ve got that, then it’s time to dress it up a little so the whole process seems a little more natural and less like an equation – battle estimates provided through a commander figure via dialogue rather than narration, taking enough time over a moment that it doesn’t feel perfunctory, that kind of thing.

I hope that’s useful, and please let us know what you think of the battle article once it’s up.

Hello and thank you. I’m writing a story that I most say is writing itself. But two of my characters have been snipping at each other for so long and the testosterone has finally hit its boiling point and there is no alternative, they have to duke it out. I have never written a fight scene. Your blog was the first one to catch my eye in google search. Thanks to you I now know how to proceed. I love the idea of putting the five senses in instead of description. Show don’t tell 😉 I’m very excited.

Fantastic, I’m really glad the article was so useful. I’ve also written specifically on sense writing, and have included a link to that article below:

//www.standoutbooks.com/sense-writing/

I dread battles… I hate them. For some of my earlier attempts I relied on character emotion but seeing as how I’m writing the last book of my series right now though, I am under alot of pressure to offer a lot of action especially since the whole series is leading up to this final fray. I’ve been building the action/tension through small skirmishes for the last while but I will admit it is wearing me down. My fear now is that my reserves will run dry and spoil what I hope to be an awesome climax. One thing I do find to my benifit is that, over the course of seven books, I was able to introduce a wide variety of characters slow enough for the readers to form a strong relationship with them all. Whenever I do tackle the final battle, having so many characters (I don’t know if it’s a good practice) it allows me to write several mini battles in the war, jumping between the characters I use that as my primary tool to offer more action/longer battles. Keep in mind though, this whole jumping between characters style I subtly introduced in book one and by book two I was using it constantly so my readers are used to that style. I find it helps keep the action up so if a character is doing something boring like learning or traveling etc I usually always have another engaged in more entertaining tasks. Just offering a tool that helps me… I wish I could say the same with battles though. I’m hopeless when it comes to them. 🙁

Hi Breanna,

Thanks very much for your thoughts, and a method that will help other writers with their stories. I’m happy to say we also have some advice specific to battles – I’ve included the link below.

//www.standoutbooks.com/write-epic-battle-scene/

Thanks Rob that made my day, it’s nice to know that I was able to offer something of use thay may help someone. I did check out the resource you offered, it is certainly informative. I find I need reprieves between the action both for my creative juices to recover and rest from the high points but also it is in these breaks that I bring back purpose of these fights, whether it is the character navigating the dungeon, redefining what he was looking for or regrouping after an ambush I need these lulls, they are my pillars of grounding, a chance to remind myself and readers what we’re there for. I’ll offer a quick example specific to my plot. Like with Harry Potter, my main character is the Chosen One destined to fulfill a prophecy. They are right now camping near the dark city assembling siege weapons preparing for the fight. The Bad Guy, so to speak, gets this bright idea that if he is able to kill the Chosen One this battle won’t happen and the lands will remain shadowed so he sends an ambush, waits for the main character to be seperate from the main army gathering wood for instance and then attacks. (High action scene) though the catch is that the ambush is made up of undead to increase the chances of the ambush being successful (it was only called off because the leader of the ambush was human and died properly telling his men to retreat). So now, in a lull the main character realises that there are undead he must face in the battle and is talking with any one he can trying to find a way to defeat them else every good folk will be killed by them. I am sorry it’s a bit long but again the ambush had purpose, it created further conflict forcing the Chosen One to adapt. I see no reason to add action with no purpose. One of my first writing lessons was that character and plot are so intertwined remove one and the other falls apart. For a good story they must alter each other in some way. On the flip side I remember reading this novel (which wasn’t very memorable) and in it there was one quote I recal rather vividly as it offers a perfect example of what not to do; Character One: “…we are battling, do you love battles?” Main Character: “Sure I love battles, who are we battling exactly?” Hope I helped.

Thanks for the great examples. I promise not to reply to everything you post with another article, but you reminded me of something we posted on ‘eulogizing’ characters prior to their deaths (though it works just as well for places or even states of being, like innocence or love). It works exactly as you say – in the lull – and lends the forthcoming battle meaning and poignancy.

//www.standoutbooks.com/how-to-kill-character/

Heres one im proud of about a barbarian sort of character winning a duel

The axe came downward and cut through the man’s right shoulder stopping at the first , second , third rib. The man inhales , no air comes back out. The bull puts his foot under the blade and with a single motions pulls it out , dragging a gore of dark flesh and pale organs out with it

Hi MadBull,

Thanks for sharing! There’s definitely some excellent stuff in there – ‘first, second, third rib’ is compelling writing. One thing I would suggest is that ‘came’ isn’t doing enough work for you, at the moment. A more descriptive verb such as ‘sliced’ or even ‘swept’ would tighten this up, and maybe even do enough work to take the place of the whole ‘came downward and cut’.

I’m working on writing with elements that I haven’t read about in a book before, attacks that haven’t existed before (at least in what I’ve been exposed to). Is it harmful to provide a lot of information about the way a person attacks if it is cerebral or indirect. I don’t want my audience to see the play by play, but I want to give them the resources, so when they inhabit the flesh-suit of my characters, they experience combat the way my characters are designed to.

The rule of thumb is that the form of action writing should match its content – if the fighting is meant to be fast-paced and violent, the writing should be staccato. It’s therefore fine to write detailed, cerebral action, but that’s likely to then be the way the reader experiences it. This can work for balletic, graceful action, but it means the reader is unlikely to worry about the character in the same way that brisk writing encourages.

One technique that might work is to write some early, cerebral stuff, to cover the key ideas for the reader, and then move towards more intense fight scenes later.

I’m revising my chapters, I write in deep pov, (or at least I try hard too,!) so yes “the man” is actually needed as she doesn’t know who he is. xD anyway, this has some action to it.

How is this?

The man walked down the darkened hallway, the candles on the wall reflected off of the blade of a thin long handled battle axe that he welded in hand like one would a wand. Maybe Olnenus would grant some luck for a change and he’d miss… that thing surely was flimsy. His features were hidden in the deep hood as he came up to the cell door. She quivered with the pressure struggling to keep from lunging, sweat wet her palms. This had to be a joke right? He’s so tall and skinny, honestly, Kar should’ve sent down someone with more oomph! Still all the better to get out fast. Thank you, Olnenus!

He unlocked the cell door it creaked as he pushed it open, a shining stand of curly red hair fell out from the hood, a hawk like nose jutted out before those hateful green eyes.

The pot clattered as it dropped, she backed away everything was sour again, must have displeased Olenus again. “Damn you Kar.”

He grinned, rolling the axe in his hand, it shrunk and thinned back into a wand. “Good morning pet, not amused hum?” He giggled that freaky giggle again.

A cold streak ran up her neck, she suppressed a shiver. “I won’t be mocked!” She lunged at him, her arm pulled back into a sweaty fist, aiming for his adam’s apple. That’ll shut him up.

Hum.. dialogue still needs work, well, never mind I think the action stuff is better so thanks. ^-^

One more time.. He grinned, rolling the axe in his hand, it shrunk and thinned back into a wand. “Good morning pet, want some kibble?” He giggled that freaky giggle again.

(To lame? or funny? I think it’s hella funny, though my humor is a little odd and might not work for others. Sigh.)

Thanks for sharing – there’s some great, engaging narration in there. If you’d like detailed feedback on a project, you can click the blue button in the top right of the page to contact us directly.

Thank you, you’re kind to say that! I’ll check it out. 🙂 Though, it’s probably too early to have it evaluated yet.

Hello, Mr. Wood? I am a 14 year old aspiring author. So far, my only means of writing my stories is by school-provided computers and/or smart device. Anyways, I am currently writing a story about a group of aliens that crash-land on Earth. These aliens have supernatural abilities, such as cryomamcy and reality warping. There is about to be a fight scene between two aliens. (It should be noted that these aliens have horns that are extremely sensitive to any contact.) One of these aliens has the ability of electrokinesis, while the other has the ability to possess others. Also, their height is very uneven, one being 5’10, the other being 5’2. What do you suggest for this type of scene? I apologize if there was too much to read! I can get a bit wordy at times.

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for commenting. It really depends how you want the scene to play out – for example, is either of these characters the protagonist, or are nearby civilians how the reader sees things unfold?

The articles below should be useful; the first is about writing battles, which might be useful when one character can be multiple people, and the second is about the characteristics that readers expect from certain fictional weapons, including types of magic and supernatural powers.

//www.standoutbooks.com/write-epic-battle-scene/ //www.standoutbooks.com/writing-fantasy-weapons/

Sir, I want a little bit help in writing a fight scene between my characters who have powers in fire and water.

Hi Adyasha,

I think the article below should be useful in thinking of ways to characterize and write supernatural powers:

//www.standoutbooks.com/writing-fantasy-weapons/

I’ve looked everywhere for an example of a good old fashioned bar/pub shootout. I’m writing a screenplay and originally I planned on just showing the aftermath of said shootout, but I thought why not show it? However, I’ve never written one. You wouldn’t write it like a fist fight or a cage match… so, what’s out there that would be a good model? My mind is blank!

Great question – thanks for commenting. I think a lot of the bare bones logic of a fight scene remains – there are still ‘moves’, ‘reactions’, and a need to contextualize consequence – but shootouts are often more about tension than one constant ‘fight’. The articles below should help with that, and for inspiration, I’d suggest most anything Tarantino.

//www.standoutbooks.com/10-facts-tell-how-use-tension-your-story/ //www.standoutbooks.com/george-orwell-writing-advice/

I do not completely agree. Sometimes the use of detail is helpful because you want to lengthen a particular part of a scene rather than shorten it. You want your readers to get stuck on a certain, and realize how important it is. Rather than have it pass quickly with not as much thought. Right?

Obviously, with art, there are barely any absolute rules. Most advice is more along the lines of what is likely to create a certain effect than what absolutely has to/can’t be in a certain scene. So, yes, there are lots of occasions where you’d want to use detail to lengthen a moment, but that technique is still likely to sap momentum, and therefore to make the fight less visceral and compelling.

It’s like saying ‘don’t stick your hand in a lion’s mouth’ – it’s USUALLY true, but if you WANTED to get your hand bitten off for some reason, it would no longer apply, even though the actual logic (that it’s an action that will get your hand bitten off) doesn’t change in itself. A more applicable version might be ‘try to use speech identifiers or it will be unclear who is saying what’. Good advice usually, but applied differently if you’re in the rare situation of actually wanting the reader to be confused about who is speaking.

Of course, creating art creates such ‘rare’ situations with surprising frequency. The shorter version: absolutely, there can be a benefit to deliberate use of detail, but that benefit should still be weighed against the drag it imposes on the surrounding action.

I am not very good at writing the actual fight part of it, I use a lot of detail and I have been told I am good at arguments. I am not sure where to go with my battle though. I am at the climax of my story and the antagonist is supposed to die. Both of my characters in the fight have magical powers. The Protagonist can use shadows to give her energy to fight things and can shape the shadows to do certain tasks like lift her up into the air or burn out torches. My antagonist uses light for energy and counters the shadows but I am not sure how to write it. This is what I have so far:

[Comment shortened by moderator]

From there I am not sure where to go. The father is supposed to die, I am thinking that somehow he needs to be absorbed by the orb of light so that the protagonist’s town doesn’t crumble, but I do not know how to get there does anybody have any suggestions?

I apologize; I’ve had to cut down your comment to keep our comments section manageable. If you’d like detailed feedback from an editor, I recommend our manuscript critique or editorial consultation services.

As for general advice, I’d suggest the article below, which discusses using the assumed ‘character’ of weapons to write them consistently. It’s something easily applied to types of magic.

Hello! This article really helped me with a part of the book I am writing, and just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it! If I could add one thing, it would be (if the fight is written through first person, or an omniscient) Is the characters thoughts, what has helped me a lot is to not just making it a physical battle, but emotional as well, ie, “He is saying something to me, but I cannot hear it over all the angry voices in my own head. Suddenly, I forgot my own pain, and lunged forward. I slammed into him vehemently, he tumbles back and crashes into the wall. I begin pummeling his chest and neck with my fists, screaming and ranting. My hatred for him, and what he did, is powering each blow…” (A recent segment from what I’m writing) I guess this really wouldn’t apply to everyone though, and would really depend on what your writing. Again I really enjoyed reading this, and your article has helped my writing improve so much! Thank you!

Hi Equinøx,

Great point – a character’s mental state should definitely be part of a great fight scene. A lot of authors leave emotion at the door when the action starts, but it can prompt a lot of decisions that are otherwise hard to justify (plus, it’s interesting in its own right.)

What a useful resource! I’ll be checking out more articles. 🙂

I was wondering if you have any advice on scene cuts or changes mid fight. I could see how breaking away could add tension, lose it, or just be annoying.

I’m towards the end of a long, involved fight scene in my sci-fi/fantasy novel. Currently, my main character is being hunted by a 60ft long, alien snake, and I kinda love the idea of punctuating the last line by ending the chapter on it. But would that be superfluous if the next chapter dives right back into the action? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

“Wren didn’t see it. He was distracted by the four golden eyes now focused on him. Drawn by his noise and movement, the snake rose like a pillar of shadow and let forth a bassy growl that thrummed through Wren’s bones.

Wren didn’t wait for further commentary. His hand whipped forward. His knife flew like an angry wasp into the face of the lunging snake as he rolled to the side and dashed along the beam. He leapt for a low hanging limb, swinging up into a tree just as the beam behind him was encased in tentacles. He scampered along branches and ducked into cover, chancing a glance downward at Rory and Whispering Cloud as the beast disentangled itself to strike again.

He needed Cloud to get the cable back up to him. Once he had it, Wren could free Rory, trap the snake, and get them all to safety – but he was out of tricks, and he could hear the purr of the snake’s breathing as it searched for him, smell its musk as surely as he knew it could smell the blood soaking the bandage on his hand and dripping down the cuts of his arms.

He hoped Cloud had used his distraction to get the cable into position, but all he’d seen was the monk rifling through his backpack. He hoped Rory was still alive. He hoped Cantis was still waiting for them, even though he doubted they’d make it back. It occurred to him that the tree he was pressed against was immense and was something he had never, and would never see again on White Cloud. All these things played through his mind as he waited, silent and breathless for the “collection of problems” that would be his death.

The snake’s golden eyes came into view, and its face unfurled like a velvet flower. Wren had enough dignity not to scream. “

Sorry. Also wanted to mention, as a side note, that setting always makes a huge impression on me. Not stuffing the scene with details, but making sure your characters aren’t just fighting in a vacuum.

A fight being on top of a train, or the deck of a storm tossed pirate ship, or next to the Cliffs of Insanity sure does ratchet up the tension. Even something common place, like a fight next to a swimming pool or in a muddy parking lot can be full of sensory information that add extra grit to the scene.

Hi Caroline,

Thanks for commenting. Your point about setting is a great one – such an easy way to provide oneself with a host of options.

As for ending a chapter mid-action, pretty much anything can be forgiven if it works for the reader. So long as you don’t end up with two noticeably shorter chapters, this is likely to add enough tension to justify any sense that a technical rule has been broken.

Thank you! 🙂

I found this article so helpful, considering I’m bad at fight scenes. Though, I do ask for more advice. How would you write a scene where one character is far more crazy than the other? The stereotypical insane character infatuated with the other losing, a sadistic villain hellbent on destroying the stubborn hero who won’t give up. Yes, the advice above helps, but do you have any examples of these types of fights? How do you write a fight between characters that are on different sides of the mental stability chain?

Thanks very much for the kind words. There are a lot of ways to approach what you describe, but the one I’d suggest playing with first is contrasting experiences. For instance, if the more stable character is hurt and recoils but the less stable character is injured later in a similar way and it doesn’t even slow them down, the reader can see (even without being told) how differently these two people experience the world. It’s the gulf between their experiences that does the work, here, so you can use one character to make the other look unusual just by comparison, and this can work with pain, fear, reluctance to hurt someone else, etc.

There are more straightforward examples you could check out, but I’d actually suggest trying ‘A Clockwork Orange’ to really dig into this idea. The book is full of people with very different approaches to different types of violence, and those people grow and change (or don’t) as the book progresses. In terms of density, you’ll get to witness a lot of interactions predicated on drastically different attitudes to a bit of the old ultraviolence.

This article was honestly one of the most helpful I’ve come across. I’m writing a novel based around pirates and some supernatural elements, and I’d written so much until it led to a fight scene. Action is a giant obstacle for me because I’m terrible at writing it without feeling like it’s choppy and repetitive. Especially since, when it comes to pirates, it’s a lot at once. You have the ships firing their cannons and causing damage while the actual pirates have guns, swords, and fists. I find it very difficult to start writing a fight, let alone finish one successfully.

My sympathies – big battles can be incredibly hard to write well. I’m glad this article helped, and I’ve suggested a couple below that should also be useful.

What Authors Need To Know About Ships And Spaceships How To Write An Epic Battle Scene

How about writing space battles that take place around planets? I feel stuck trying to narrate in third-person limited.

I wanted to zoom in and out of the battle to show what the weapons do, but my editor said my story isn’t working in third-person omniscient.

There are a few ways to do this. The easiest is to add some way for the characters to see more of the battle – a camera drone, some kind of remote-viewing power, or just a weapons/tactics expert telling them what’s happening. This way, the reader is still just seeing what your characters are seeing.

That said, the deeper issue is that leaving the characters behind to go exposit on weaponry is unlikely to be compelling. The characters are what the reader cares about, so this type of exploration is best done through their experiences. I’d therefore suggest writing the scene such that we see the weaponry as it affects the characters. A certain weapon is locked onto them, but they’re buffeted to safety as a nearby ship is blown up by another weapon. Dazed, they’re contacted by another ship with an enemy on its tail, but before they can take action, it’s downed by something else, etc. Not only does this let you explore everything going on, but it makes everything relevant, and the weapons are more interesting because the reader encounters them as threats to the thing they care about. Obviously, you can blur the lines a little, and throw in things they see in the distance or are contacted about so it doesn’t feel like they’ve been personally attacked in every possible way. Finally, be sure to remember that books aren’t movies – spectacle isn’t as inherently impressive in this medium.

I hope that’s useful, and I’d also suggest the articles below for more insight: How To Write An Epic Battle Scene What Authors Need To Know About Ships And Spaceships

Of all the articles I’ve read about the topic, this is the one that I’ve found the most useful, with very good examples to illustrate very clear and sensible advice. I just wanted to thank you for it.

hello. I am writing a training scene. My protagonist learns how to fight. The problem is that I don’t know how to bite that… help!

Robert can you give me tips on how to write a fight against monsters that can’t talk back. Do I just do the perspective of the character during the fight scene or should it change to a 3rd point of view in between the fight. This article has also been very helpful

I find it hard in constructing fight scenes some times. its easy to think about a scenario but to describe it to the readers, I always end up stuck and my last resort is to sleep. This article has been really helpful ! . Thanks to it, I know I’d improve.

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How to Describe Pain in Writing: 45 Best Tips with Examples

Pain is one of the most challenging experiences to convey realistically in a story.

Here is how to describe pain in writing:

Describe pain in writing by using sensory language, emotional context, physical reactions, and impactful metaphors. Detail chronic, extreme, and emotional pain through a character’s experiences, expressions, and their impact on daily life.

In this comprehensive guide, you’ll discover a wide-ranging toolkit to depict pain across various dimensions—physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, chronic, and extreme.

How to Describe Pain in Writing: The Most Powerful Strategies

Table of Contents

We’ll start with 30 of the best ways to describe pain in writing:

• Draw on Personal Experience – When describing pain, recalling personal experiences can be a useful starting point. Remember that time you stubbed your toe on the door? Or when you experienced a heart-wrenching break-up? Example: “The pain was like the moment of biting down on a cracked tooth, an electric jolt of surprise and hurt.”
• Sensory Details – Use the five senses to make your descriptions vivid. Incorporate taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell into your writing. Example: “The sharp pain tasted metallic, like a mouthful of pennies.”
• Comparisons and Analogies – Similes and metaphors offer powerful tools to illustrate pain. Create a vivid picture in your reader’s mind by comparing pain to something they can easily understand. Example: “The pain struck like a thunderbolt, leaving his senses as shattered as a broken vase.”
• Physical Reactions – Highlight how pain affects the character’s physical state, such as changes in posture, facial expressions, or movements. Example: “Her face was taut, twisted as though a marionette string was pulling on her every nerve.”
• Use Powerful Adjectives and Verbs – Strong words can emphasize the intensity of emotional pain. Example: “She was swallowed by an abyss of despair, each day was a struggle, each night an agonizing eternity.”
• Incorporate Body Language – Show how emotional pain manifests in the character’s body language. Example: “His shoulders slumped, the weight of his grief pulling him down as if he wore a cloak made of lead.”
• Describe the Character’s Internal Dialogue – Giving readers a glimpse into the character’s thoughts can effectively communicate emotional pain. Example: “She kept asking herself, ‘Why me?’ as she fought to hold back the tears welling in her eyes.”
• Use the Setting to Reflect Emotional Pain – The environment can be an effective tool to mirror the character’s emotional state. Example: “The world outside mirrored his sorrow, the sky gray and weeping, the wind whispering mournful secrets.”
• Introduce Flashbacks – Flashbacks can be used to reveal past traumas or painful memories that lead to the character’s current emotional state. Example: “Every time he closed his eyes, he was back there – the shouts, the fear, the moment his world shattered into a thousand pieces.”
• Describe the Location of the Pain – Be specific about where the pain is originating. This is how you describe stomach pain or foot pain in writing. Example: “The pain was concentrated in his lower back, as if a knife was wedged between his vertebrae.”
• Use Vivid Imagery – Paint a mental picture of what the pain feels like. Example: “It was a searing pain, like hot oil splashed onto his skin.”
• Show the Duration of the Pain – Is the pain fleeting, intermittent, or constant? Example: “The pain was an uninvited guest, lingering and unwelcome.”
• Use Onomatopoeic Words – Use words that imitate the sound associated with the pain. Example: “His head throbbed with a steady, pounding rhythm.”
• Describe the Aftermath of the Pain – What is left when the pain subsides?Example: “After the pain faded, a numbing chill took its place, as if his arm belonged to someone else.”
• Reveal the Character’s Coping Mechanism – How does your character deal with pain? This can add another layer of depth to your writing.Example: “He gritted his teeth, pushing through the pain, refusing to let it control him.”
• Write about the Intensity of the Pain – Is it a mild discomfort, or is it severe enough to be debilitating? Example: “The pain was so intense, it felt like his veins were filled with molten lead.”
• Use Metaphors to Describe the Cause of Pain – Metaphors can be used to describe the cause of the pain, not just the pain itself. Example: “His headache was a relentless drummer, the rhythm echoing through his skull.”
• Describe the Pain through Other Characters’ Reactions – Showing the reaction of others can emphasize the severity of the pain. Example: “Upon seeing his pale, sweaty face, she rushed to his side, her own heart aching with worry.”
• Incorporate the Character’s Emotional Response to the Pain – The character’s emotional reaction to the pain can help the reader empathize with them. Example: “She clenched her fists, tears welling in her eyes as waves of pain washed over her.”
• Describe the Pace of the Pain – Is the pain slow and steady, or quick and sudden? Example: “The pain bloomed slowly, like a rose unfolding its petals, taking over his consciousness one thorn at a time.”
• Incorporate Sensations – Use descriptions of heat, cold, tingling, or numbness to describe the pain. Example: “A numbing cold crept up her leg, the frostbite spreading its icy fingers of pain.”
• Explain the Pain’s Evolution – Pain can change, escalate, or lessen over time. Example: “What began as a dull ache in his stomach soon intensified, twisting into a relentless cramp.”
• Analogize Pain with Weather – Like weather, pain can have periods of escalation and calming. Example: “Her pain was like a storm, surges of hurt punctuated by moments of eerie calm.”
• Incorporate Colors – Associating pain with certain colors can help visualize it. Example: “The pain was red-hot, searing through his senses, leaving him breathless.”
• Describe the Scale of the Pain – Use a scale or a well-known measuring unit to represent pain. Example: “The pain was an 8 out of 10, almost unbearable.”
• Use Hyperbole – An overstatement or exaggeration can sometimes effectively communicate intense pain. Example: “Each heartbeat was a sledgehammer, pounding against his chest.”
• Highlight Pain’s Interruption – Pain can interrupt a character’s train of thought or daily activity. Example: “His words were cut short as a jolt of pain lanced through his arm.”
• Create Contrast – Use the contrast between physical pain and a previously pain-free state. Example: “Yesterday, he was running freely; today, each breath felt like shards of glass in his lungs.”
• Change in Perception – Explain how pain alters the character’s perception or focus. Example: “Pain tunnel-visioned his world, every other sensation paled, it was as though he existed solely as an epicenter of agony.”
• Pain through Time Manipulation – Utilize time as a tool to describe pain. “Flash-forwards” or “Flashbacks” of pain can offer a unique perspective. The character could remember a past painful event with intense clarity or anticipate a future painful occurrence with dread, thereby amplifying the emotional impact of the pain experience. Example: “Every throb of his wound was a time machine, transporting him back to the battlefield, the roar of cannons echoing in his ears.”

Here is a good video about how to use your own experirences to describe pain in writing:

How to Describe Mental Pain & Anguish in Writing

Depicting mental pain in writing can lend depth to your characters, showcasing their vulnerabilities, and helping readers empathize with them.

Here’s how to dresribe mental pain in writing:

• Exhibit Physical Symptoms of Mental Pain – Often, mental pain manifests itself physically. This could include things like difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, or sudden weight changes. Example: “His worry was a relentless gnawing in his mind that stole his sleep and left him pacing the quiet house at night.”
• Describe the Character’s Emotional Responses – Mental pain often elicits intense emotional responses such as anger, fear, or despair. Show these in your character’s reactions. Example: “His anger was a blazing wildfire, incited by the sparks of his overwhelming guilt.”
• Use Metaphors and Similes – Metaphors and similes can help depict the abstract nature of mental pain, making it easier for the reader to understand. Example: “His anxiety was a hungry beast, gnawing at his sanity, bit by bit.”
• Illustrate Social Consequences – Mental pain can cause a character to withdraw socially, which you can illustrate in your writing. Example: “He was an island, his pain the vast ocean that isolated him from the rest of the world.”
• Use Internal Dialogue – Give readers insight into the character’s thoughts to understand their internal struggle. Example: “In the silence of his room, his thoughts screamed the loudest, a cacophony of self-doubt and regret.”
• Describe Coping Mechanisms – How a character deals with mental pain can reveal a lot about their personality and resilience. Example: “He found solace in music, each note a lifeline in the stormy sea of his thoughts.”
• Use the Enviroment – Reflect the character’s mental state through the surroundings. Example: “His room, once a sanctuary, felt like a prison now, the walls closing in on him, mirroring his claustrophobic thoughts.”

Consider this list of words to use when writing about mental pain and anguish:

• Overwhelmed

Also, this list of phrases might help trigger your creativity when writing about mental pain:

• Walls of despair closing in
• A storm of sorrow
• Drowning in dread
• Caught in a whirlwind of worries
• Burdened by unbearable regret
• A chasm of hopelessness
• Haunted by the past
• Carrying a weight of guilt
• Paralyzed by fear
• Lost in a sea of confusion

How to Describe Spiritual Pain in Writing

Spiritual pain can be challenging to portray as it deals with extremely abstract concepts.

Here, we’ll go over tips, words and phrases, and examples of how you can do it.

Tips to Describe Spiritual Pain in Writing

Spiritual pain can be challenging to portray as it deals with abstract concepts like faith, belief, and existential crises.

• Establish the Character’s Beliefs – Establish what your character believes in or values to show the source of their spiritual pain.
• Show a Crisis of Faith – Spiritual pain can stem from doubt or conflict in the character’s belief system.
• Demonstrate Struggles with Morality – Spiritual pain can also be associated with a character grappling with their moral compass.
• Describe Inner Conflict – Show the character’s struggle between their spiritual values and the choices they are forced to make.
• Use Symbols – Symbols, whether they are objects, people, or locations, can represent spiritual pain.

Words and Phrases to Describe Spiritual Pain in Writing

Here are some evocative words and phrases you can use to convey spiritual pain:

• Crisis of faith
• Moral quandary
• Spiritual conflict
• Ethical dilemma
• Disconnection from belief
• Existential angst
• Soul-searching
• Spiritual void
• Doubts and disbelief
• Loss of meaning or purpose

Examples of Describing Spiritual Pain in Writing

• Crisis of Faith :Example: “She stared at the once comforting religious icon on her wall, now a mocking reminder of the faith she was losing.”
• Struggle with Morality :Example: “He was torn between his duty and his moral compass, each decision felt like a betrayal of his deeply held beliefs.”
• Inner Conflict :Example: “A war waged within her, between the doctrines she had been taught and the love she felt.”
• Use of Symbols :Example: “The once vibrant church now stood dull and lifeless, much like his faith.”

How to Describe Emotional Pain in Writing

Now let’s move onto describing emotional pain in writing.

Tips to Describe Emotional Pain in Writing

Emotional pain is a profound hurt within one’s psyche that stems from non-physical sources, such as feelings of loss, rejection, or despair.

• Demonstrate Rather Than Declare – Instead of telling readers that the character is feeling emotional pain, show them through the character’s actions, dialogue, and thoughts.
• Use Figurative Language – These can help express the intensity and nature of emotional pain more vividly.
• Use Sensory Descriptions – Detail how emotional pain might influence the character’s sensory perceptions.
• Past Memories Recollection -These can help show the source of emotional pain and its ongoing impact.
• Portray through Other Characters – Other characters’ reactions can give readers clues about the protagonist’s emotional pain.

Words and Phrases to Describe Emotional Pain in Writing

Choosing the right words and phrases can effectively communicate the depth of emotional pain.

Here are some you can use:

• Overwhelmed by sorrow
• Shattered spirit
• Suffering silently
• Emotional torment
• Crushed dreams
• Inner demons
• Emotional scars
• Weight of the world
• Drowning in despair

Examples of Describing Emotional Pain in Writing

• Her eyes, usually bright with curiosity, were dull, staring blankly at the world that had lost its color.
• His heart was a broken mirror, reflecting the fragments of his shattered dreams.
• Even the food tasted gray, every bite a reminder of her loss.
• His mind was a broken record, repeating the haunting memory of her goodbye.
• His friends noticed the change – the laughter that didn’t quite reach his eyes, the jokes that seemed forced.

How to Describe Chronic Pain

Chronic pain, the relentless specter haunting a person’s body, profoundly affects the rhythm of life.

Unlike acute pain, it isn’t a temporary phase that subsides after an injury heals. Instead, it lingers, becoming a persistent part of the character’s existence.

When describing chronic pain, talk about:

• Sleep interference
• Emotional toll
• Impaired concentration
• Physical limitations

For those living with chronic pain, a night of restful sleep can seem like a distant memory.

You could write, “Her nights were a symphony of restlessness, each hour punctuated by the harsh notes of pain.” This signals the reader to the constant interruptions in her sleep due to pain.

Chronic pain doesn’t merely manifest physically.

It takes an emotional toll. It can lead to feelings of despair, frustration, and sadness.

A character with chronic pain might be described as battling not just physical discomfort but also a daily war against the encroaching shadows of depression.

Additionally, the concentration required for everyday tasks might be constantly sabotaged by chronic pain.

It’s like a persistent fog clouding the mind, making it hard to focus on anything else.

For instance, “Her thoughts were marred by the gnawing pain, a foggy haze that turned the world around her into an indistinct blur.”

Finally, chronic pain brings with it physical limitations.

It can turn the simplest tasks into insurmountable challenges, reducing a once agile character to a crippled version of their former self.

How to Describe Extreme Pain

Extreme pain, in contrast, is a sudden, overwhelming force, often experienced as a reaction to severe injury or intense situations.

It’s not just about describing the physical sensation but conveying the intensity that dominates the character’s entire world.

Extreme pain can affect speech, reduce eloquent sentences to strangled gasps and stuttered syllables.

It’s the kind of agony that steals breath, grips the vocal cords, and leaves only the raw, primal sounds of suffering.

The immediacy of the reaction to extreme pain is also crucial to capture.

It’s an instinctive recoil, a swift withdrawal from the source of torment. It’s like a lightning bolt of agony that knocks the air out of the lungs and brings the character to their knees.

Finally, consider the sensory impact of extreme pain.

It can blur vision, turn the world into a swirling maelix of incomprehensible shapes, or even cause temporary blindness.

A searing pain might be described as a blinding white light, obliterating everything else in its wake.

How to Describe a Painful Expression

Painful expressions are invaluable tools in a writer’s arsenal to quickly communicate a character’s suffering without explicitly stating it.

When we describe a character’s painful expression, we focus on visible signs of discomfort, painting a vivid picture in the reader’s mind.

Consider changes in color.

Pain can drain the warmth from the skin, leaving the character ghostly pale. Alternatively, it can flush the cheeks, eyes bright and feverish.

You might write about how her once rosy cheeks turned ashen, a stark canvas that highlighted her suffering.

Tears are another potent symbol of pain.

They can fill the eyes, spill down the cheeks, or simply make the eyes glassy and bright.

Describing the sheen of unshed tears in a character’s eyes can be a powerful indicator of their silent suffering.

Finally, pay attention to the tightening of features.

Pain can twist the most serene face into a mask of distress, hardening soft lines into rigid edges. A character’s beautiful face can transform into a grimace, a silent testament to the pain coursing through them.

Metaphors to Describe Pain

Using metaphors to describe pain allows for creativity, adding richness and depth to your descriptions.

Here are 20 metaphors to inspire your writing:

• “Pain was the thief in the night, stealthily robbing him of peace.”
• “Her agony was an iceberg, a vast expanse of suffering hidden beneath the surface.”
• “His torment was a symphony, a heartbreaking melody of sorrow and despair.”
• “Pain was the storm, unrelenting and fierce, leaving devastation in its wake.”
• “Her anguish was a twisted maze, each turn amplifying her despair.”
• “His pain was a puppeteer, pulling on the strings of his endurance.”
• “The agony was a river, a ceaseless flow of torment wearing away at her resolve.”
• “His suffering was a fortress, impenetrable and cold, locking him away from the world.”
• “Pain was the flame, licking at her insides, consuming her piece by piece.”
• “Her torment was a siren song, a haunting melody that drew empathy from the hardest of hearts.”
• “His pain was an echo, a constant reminder of the injury that caused it.”
• “The agony was a ravenous beast, gnawing at her insides with relentless hunger.”
• “Her pain was a monsoon, unpredictable and overwhelming, drenching her soul.”
• “His suffering was an open book, each chapter inked with his resilience.”
• “Pain was a winter, freezing her joy, her hope, her life in its icy grip.”
• “Her agony was a quilt, a patchwork of hurt that covered her existence.”
• “His torment was an echo, a constant reminder of the injury that caused it.”
• “The pain was a labyrinth, a complex web of suffering with no clear exit.”
• “Her anguish was a shadow, a dark presence that loomed over her joy.”
• “Pain was the artist, using her body as a canvas to paint a masterpiece of suffering.”

Final Thoughts: How to Describe Pain in Writing

The effective description of pain can profoundly impact how your readers connect with your characters.

When learning how to describe pain in writing, strive for a balance between direct description and metaphor, physical and emotional aspects. This balance will help you to fully convey the complexity of pain in your narrative.

Related Posts:

• How To Write a Sad Scene: A Full Guide With 10 Examples
• How To Write a Scream (Ultimate Guide + 20 Good Examples)
• How To Write a Funeral Scene (Ultimate Guide + 20 Examples)
• How to Describe a Sunset in Writing: 100 Best Words & Phrases

How to Get Violence Right in Your Fiction

Today’s guest post is by Fred Johnson ( @fredbobjohn ), an editor with  Standout Books .

For new writers, throwing in a few combat scenes can seem like an easy way to add some excitement to a novel, but the reality is that violence can be incredibly difficult to pull off effectively.

There are many pitfalls writers will fall into when writing about violence—I want to talk about what they are and how you can avoid them. In their places, I’ve offered up two main alternative methods that I think work for ninety percent of combat scenes.

Violence: The Detailed Method

If you’re writing a fight or battle scene in genre fiction, detailed description will be the way to go nine times out of ten. This is because a fight scene of any scale and duration is likely to involve two or more people tied up in an incredibly fast-paced and complex process. Detailed description serves to guide the reader through the confusion and helps your readers suspend their disbelief.

Some of the worst combat scenes I’ve ever edited have read along the lines of:

“Bob disarmed the guard and killed the seven men behind him.”

What? How did he do that? He’s a single guy against eight assailants! Did he click his fingers and they all dropped dead?

Don’t be like the author of Bob’s brief fight—you need to make your readers believe it’s possible that your James Bond-esque hero shot his way through two hundred trained henchmen, despite what their brains are telling them.

Combat needs to be specific and it needs to be rooted in concrete actions. This is doubly true if it’s a case of an underdog protagonist surmounting impossible numbers—after all, for the reader to stay immersed in your book’s story, they need to be able to believe the story’s events. If those events are too preposterous, that’s it—you’ve lost your readers.

Take, for example, this scene from fantasy writer David Gemmell’s White Wolf :

When the death blow came it was so sudden that many in the crowd missed it. Agasarsis lunged. Skilgannon met the attack, blocking the lunge and rolling his blade round the sabre of Agasarsis. The two men leapt back. Blood suddenly gushed from Agasarsis’s severed jugular. The champion tried to steady himself, but his legs gave way, and he fell to his knees before his killer. Servaj realized that, even as he parried, Skilgannon had flicked the point of his sabre across the throat of his opponent. Agasarsis pitched face forward to the earth.

Every movement and detail is picked apart here, slowed down, and recounted by a third-party spectator. The result is a climactic and vivid end to an important encounter.

It’s for the same reason that action movies favor slow-motion effects and sharp editing—the incredibly complex and unlikely actions presented need to be slowed down and examined to be believed. Imagine if, in The Matrix , Neo and Trinity simply arrived to rescue Morpheus and told him “Oh yes, we killed those fifty guardsmen downstairs. No sweat.” No—we need to see it to believe it. And this is much the same for books.

Violence: The Implicit Method

The alternative method to writing good violence only works in certain situations, and is favored in literary fiction and detective novels. The method operates around what is left unsaid; consider Myrtle’s death in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s enormously popular novel The Great Gatsby :

A moment later she rushed out into the dusk, waving her hands and shouting—before he could move from his door the business was over. The “death car” as the newspapers called it, didn’t stop; it came out of the gathering darkness, wavered tragically for a moment, and then disappeared around the next bend.

The precise moment of Myrtle’s death is lost here—we don’t see the impact or hear the scream, and yet we know with terrible certainty that Myrtle is dead. This kind of quiet violence gains power through how understated it is, and is totally reliant upon the power of context. When attempting an implied moment of violence yourself, your prose has to boil over. You’ll want short, punchy sentences and resonant concrete images. For example, this fight between two antagonists is from a fantasy novel I edited recently:

The final blow struck Samson hard in the chest. He reeled back, his knees trembling like aspens before giving way beneath him. The hooded woman watched him fall, saw his eyes widen. Slowly, she drew the long dirk from her boot and ran her finger along its edge. “You’re in for a long night,” she said softly.

It’s the equivalent of when, in a movie, the door swings closed on the man bound to the chair in the mafia den. The scene cuts off, and although we don’t see anything, we all know bad things are happening.

So there we have it. Now, reducing good violence down to two alternative rules might seem rather limiting–I have, after all, suggested either spelling everything out in candid, straightforward language or giving the reader just enough so that she/he can work out what’s going to happen. It could be said that I haven’t left much room for any middle ground.

But, of course, great writers will always find ways to flout these rules and guidelines, so don’t feel like you have to limit yourself–writing is an art, not an exact science, and there’s always room for experimentation. That said, to break the rules, you have to first be aware of them.

Now get out there and give your characters the violent triumphs they deserve.

Fred Johnson is an editor for Standout Books , where he helps authors take their manuscripts from good to perfect. He also writes fiction and poetry, and can be found on Twitter at @FredBobJohn .

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This is a much-needed essay. As one who has lived in and with violence as a combatant, I find that the vast majority of fictional violence is either ineptly gratuitous or, as William Manchester said, romantically understated.

Neither extreme works; ‘blood gushing’ is a term I hate to see, because that condition is part of the context of combat. To an outsider, it’s horrific, but to a combatant it’s a part of the scenery, and it can make tenuous one’s footing, one’s hold of a weapon. (Blood doesn’t gush, not really. It can flow smooth and thick, or spurt from an arterial laceration, and its predominant sensation to the fighter is its signature coppery-fecal smell. I hate that smell.)

Romantic understatement doesn’t work either, because combat is the most profanely overstated of actions. Every detail is magnified; the kick of an AK is always unexpectedly harsh, and the feeling of one’s knife striking bone is always jarring.

This is, however, from the perspective of one to whom violence is familiar. To those fortunate ones who have escaped its fell effects, what I might consider an accurate description would probably come off as oddly dispassionate, and focused on the strangest of things, like the way dust puffs off a man’s jacket when he’s shot. Those are the details that hold the eye, but I suspect they do not hold the reader’s imagination.

Hi Andrew, I’m glad you enjoyed the article. I certainly can’t speak from the perspective of someone who has experienced combat, so your insights are especially valuable and interesting. That said, I think you’re absolutely right about the magnification of detail–this is what makes violence so shocking, and is something writers need to pay special attention to replicating. I love your detached details–dust puffing from a jacket would make for a wonderful image in-text.

Very helpful. Thank you. On the creative writing course I did we analysed some passages from Hemingway and Dickens. But it is hard if you don’t really know what happens in a fight or when someone is beaten up, for example, as I have found in writing about domestic violence. A little help from my friends was needed in order to produce the kind of slow-motion detailed account you recommend.

Super helpful. Thank you!

You’re very welcome, I’m glad the post helped you out.

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How To Write Characters With PTSD

January 11, 2018 by BECCA PUGLISI

So excited to have Lisa Hall-Wilson here today to share some insight on how to write PTSD realistically…

Hey hey! *mittened fist-bump* 😊 Thanks so much for having me!

Writers are always looking for ways to add authenticity to their stories and characters, so I thought I’d share some down and dirty deets about living with PTSD.

Why Write About PTSD?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been called shell shock and historically was lumped in with ‘hysteria’ for women. You can research this mental illness, the causes, and the symptoms, ( here’s a great link ), but I’m more interested in helping you write it with accuracy.

Giving characters a traumatic past and an ongoing condition that hinders their ability to move on is essential to a great character arc. The character struggling with PTSD is facing overwhelming odds, and any character who stands up to a bully of any kind (even when it’s disguised as a mental illness) is someone readers will cheer for.

To that end, I’d like to share five tips for writing a character with PTSD.

#5 – Avoid Recalling Traumatic Events

Don’t let your characters spend time navel-gazing about the events that traumatized them. (I’m talking more about backstory than nightmares or flashbacks.) Yes, I’ve seen this. Who wants to dwell on that or talk about it at all? Instead, show the coping mechanisms used to control the symptoms or turn their mind off. Show symptoms of anxiety and then send them for another lap around the block even though they’ve already done 5 more than usual.

The emotions and physical symptoms left by the trauma are so uncomfortable your character will proactively seek a way to get control, but they will avoid thinking about the why .

#4 – Show The War Going On Inside Your Character

When PTSD is triggered, everything amps up like an adrenaline rush is forced on you and won’t stop—in other words, you don’t need a flashback to show it. At the same time, the mind is ramping up your body and simultaneously trying to regain control of the physical response. Basically, when PTSD is triggered, your character will be at war with themselves.

The physical symptoms are easy to show; just write what’s happening to their bodies. Let internal dialogue focus on their awareness of being irrational, that there’s no threat, yet they’re unable to feel safe. They’ll struggle to control, to conceal, to minimize what others can see. Get it? I’m a BIG fan of Deep POV so I focus on showing the primary emotions through physiology and internal dialogue and showing secondary emotions through outward actions and spoken dialogue. (For more info on this, you can get my Writing Emotions In Layers 5 day ecourse here for FREE.) I think the Netflix series Jessica Jones shows this very well, so consider that as a possible resource.

#3 – PTSD Is About Minimizing Triggers

Those managing PTSD will have a proactive (but not necessarily healthy) strategy to manage symptoms. Some methods might be subtle while others are extreme. When triggered, survival instincts kick in and your choices are simple: fight, flight, or freeze . Do you know what your character’s primal goal is when they’re triggered? Is it safety? Is it survival? Is it escaping? Have them seek that out at all costs.

They could have a mantra they recite to control their thoughts. They might have a safe person, someone they trust to watch their backs in new or upsetting situations. Grounding techniques involve consciously cataloguing why the what-ifs won’t happen ( There are two exits, It’s a public space , etc.). The slow removal of their dependence on these management techniques is a great way to show growth.

#2 – Give Them A Tell

Self-awareness is critical for management. Your mind starts the whole ball rolling and sets your body off: I’m not safe. I’m not safe . It’s very hard to catch this mental initiation; more often your body tips you off that your mind is racing. The self-awareness has one purpose: to enable you to manage what you see coming.

I have a couple of tells that always tip me off: blushing and sweating—profuse sweating disproportionate to the environment. Does your character have a physical symptom they’ve trained themselves to watch for? Have your character become more self-aware throughout the novel. Let them become more aware of the problematic thoughts jumpstarting the crazy train. They’ll want to hide what’s going on because it makes others uncomfortable (people stare, they avoid the character, or treat them differently). Show the character’s awareness of the stigma, and let them fail from time to time.

#1 – Blindside Your Character

You can be blindsided by a trigger at any point. A situation that’s been fine a thousand other times can trigger you that one day. This is a great device to save for a pivotal conflict.

It’s like a two-by-four to the head. Show their emotional wounds bleeding all over the floor and have them keep going anyway. Show them growing stronger, trusting people again, forgiving themselves, etc. Let the whole process be messy, two steps forward and one step back. The stories that end in a pretty bow and leave everyone “cured” simply aren’t authentic.

TIP from WHW: For brainstorming help when it comes to possible conflict scenarios that can challenge your character (or trigger them), try the Conflict Thesaurus .

Have a question you’d like to ask about writing PTSD in fiction with realism? What’s the most compelling portrayal of PTSD in fiction you’ve seen so far?

Lisa Hall-Wilson is an award-winning journalist and author. She’s passionate about helping writers take their craft to the next level. Lisa’s next class is Method Acting For Writing: Learning To Write In Deep POV on January 22. At the heart of Deep POV is an immersive experience for the reader through an emotional connection to the character. There are a number of stylistic choices an author makes to facilitate this. This interactive 3-week intensive gathers ten years of in-the-trenches study and writing all in one place to help you write better faster.

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers —a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

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Reader Interactions

August 26, 2021 at 6:05 pm

Honestly this really helped me! In the third book in my series one of the four main characters has gone through a set of tortures and he has PTSD and panic attacks. Now I’m editing the draft I wanted to make more of his attacks realistic and this helped!

August 13, 2019 at 4:16 pm

Trigger Warning – Sexual Topics

Charlie in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” portrays PTSD from child abuse very well. I have PTSD from child abuse, but constantly run into people who think PTSD must be for soldiers who were in combat, for women who were sexually assaulted, or (less commonly) for little boys who were molested. All of those things can certainly cause PTSD, but you can get PTSD from anything your brain perceives to be traumatic. There’s no list of things that absolutely will or will not give someone PTSD.

July 25, 2019 at 3:09 pm

My story’s antagonist is stalking/tailing the protagonist to try and discover her secret (membership in a particular group). I want to humanize him. Would any aspect of PTSD lead a person to obsessively tail someone?

October 17, 2020 at 7:50 pm

I know this was a long time ago that you asked, but I can answer! No, there is none. However, if your antagonist knows the protagonist personally/cares deeply about her, you could give him something like borderline personality disorder, in which case he would be so obsessed with keeping her in his life and not losing her that it leads him to do terrible things.

January 16, 2018 at 9:58 pm

Another good Netflix one, like Jessica Jones, is The Punisher. It has several characters that portray varying degrees of PTSD, covers multiple causes, and how differently it can be handled and dealt with. It’s one of the most compelling representations that I’ve seen.

January 17, 2018 at 12:28 am

Yes – Watched both seasons of The Punisher (and the season where that character appears in Daredevil). I really liked how they portrayed it on that show. You’re right – PTSD can vary between individuals as well as in intensity, frequency of attacks and triggers.

January 12, 2018 at 4:40 pm

Have you spoken to a psychiatrist? they could probably help you a lot with your ‘how to write characters with PTSD’, I agreed with Angela who says it is very complicated and individual.

January 13, 2018 at 2:15 pm

Absolutely it’s individual and I was admittedly diagnosed with a mild case of it. There is a wide spectrum of symptoms and severity. I tried to give a basic outline for mild to moderate PTSD – and of course I’m not trying to give actual medical advice here in any way. I just see it written about in ways that are unbelievable. As with any writing advice, your mileage may vary.

January 12, 2018 at 7:34 am

The most compelling portrayal of PTSD in fiction I have seen so far is season 4 of Legend of Korra. A group of four assassins tries to kill Korra in seasons three. Her friends save her but three of the assassins die. season 4 deals with her physical and mental recuperation, dealing flashbacks while trying to stop a tyrant from controlling one of the four Kingdoms. Before the final confrontation with the tyrant, she talks with the assassin that survived in his jail cell. He declared that the tyrant needed to be stopped when Korra told that he is partly to blame for the rise of the tyrant and only offered to help Korra get over her mental block so that she can stop the tyrant. Korra tried once before and she was triggered and saw her violent face on the tyrant face as the mental block.

January 12, 2018 at 2:43 pm

Sounds interesting. Will have to check it out. Thanks for sharing!

January 14, 2018 at 2:24 am

You should start with season one of Avatar The Last Airbender to get the full story. Legend of Korra is the squeal to The last Airbender. Both are animated series that aired on Nickelodeon.

January 11, 2018 at 9:55 pm

Great post, Lisa. PTSD is something we touched on a bit in our last book, but no where as in depth as we could have – it is a very complicated and individual outcome as a result of trauma. These are great tips to keep in mind.

January 12, 2018 at 8:05 am

Thanks for having me! The best way to make our writing authentic is to talk to someone who’s been there.

January 11, 2018 at 2:52 pm

I just wrote a character with PTSD last year, basing it on my own (mild) PTSD experiences. I did focus mostly on his coping mechanisms, and what happened when accidentally triggered. So this blog confirmed that I was, indeed, doing it right. Thanks so much for clearing it up!

January 11, 2018 at 9:44 pm

Awesome! Glad you found it helpful.

January 11, 2018 at 9:25 am

Great post! I’m writing a story with PTSD–the complex kind, so it’s a good post for me.

January 11, 2018 at 10:39 am

Glad you found it helpful!

January 11, 2018 at 9:13 am

Thanks so much for having me, Becca! I’ll hang around for the next couple of days and answer questions. 😀

[…] fatigue is a real ailment and, like any real-life element, it needs to be represented accurately. If you’ve suffered with this condition, you’ll have firsthand experience and it will be easier […]

[…] How To Write Characters With PTSD […]

[…] Netflix show Jessica Jones features a character struggling with PTSD. She numbs her feelings and quiets her thoughts/self-doubt/guilt through alcohol because […]

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50 Fight Scene Writing Prompts and Ideas

Hi, friends! It’s been a while since I did a writing prompts post, so I thought I’d do one that could be useful to writers of thrillers, crime novels, fantasy novels, and even romance and science fiction novels with strong action elements.

Since this is a writing prompts post, I’m not going to go into detail about how to write a fight scene—even though I actually love writing them. I will say, though, that it’s similar to writing a love scene in that you don’t need to describe every single move in detail. You want to get the excitement across and convey how it feels for your main character.

Okay, let’s dig in!

1. Two people fight without waking or disturbing a third person.

2. Someone uses an object that isn’t usually considered to be dangerous as an effective weapon.

3. It’s impossible to tell the real opponents from the ones who are illusions or holograms.

4. People fight in zero gravity.

5. People fight underwater.

6. People fight in a building that’s on fire.

7. Two people fight, and an unlikely bystander saves our main character.

8. Two people fight, but when a third person attacks our main character, his other opponent saves him.

9. Fortunately, his blood is also a weapon.

10. One of the fighters is drugged or drunk.

11. Someone’s trying not to hurt the person who’s attacking him.

12. Someone finds out that she’s fighting the person she meant to join forces with or save.

13. Someone fights while wearing something that makes them appear the opposite of tough or intimidating.

14. They fight naked.

15. They fight in Times Square on New Year’s Eve.

16. A protester and counter protester fight.

17. Someone shoves his opponent into a body of water, and then rescues him when it’s apparent he’ll drown.

18. Someone gets help from an animal.

19. A friend, co-worker, or ally suddenly attacks someone.

20. One person dumps a gallon of something over the other person’s head.

21. One person chokes the other with a computer cord.

22. One person chokes the other with a string of Christmas lights.

23. Someone defends herself from an attacker while driving at top speed.

24. They fight in a hospital, which makes it easy for the main character to patch himself up afterward.

25. Bullying the bartender or server was a mistake.

26. She knocks out two men with one move.

27. They fight in a locked closet.

28. He celebrates his victory too early.

29. Someone leaps from a considerable height to land on an opponent.

30. Someone breaks the rules of the duel.

31. She accidentally wounds the person trying to stop the fight.

32. He accidentally wounds a bystander.

33. Someone was only pretending to be knocked out.

34. Her weapon gets stuck.

35. Priceless objects or valuable property gets damaged in the brawl.

36. Someone uses a bed sheet in the struggle.

37. The fight is a ruse to distract people from what’s really going on.

38. Someone repeatedly tries to avoid the fight to no avail.

39. Someone takes refuge in a disgusting place.

40. He finds himself battling a creature he didn’t believe existed.

41. They fight on slick ice.

42. He fights three challengers in succession.

43. Her glasses get destroyed and she can barely see.

44. He steals his opponent’s car, not realizing his allies rigged it with an explosive.

45. Someone’s ridiculous move or antic catches an opponent off guard.

46. Someone loses an opponent in the crowd and then finds her again.

47. A garden tool becomes a deadly weapon.

48. Someone hurls a shopping cart through the air.

49. Someone gets bashed with a crown or tiara.

50. He accidentally kills his opponent.

I hope you enjoyed these! And if you want even more inspiration for your writing, check out my book 5,000 Writing Prompts: A Master List of Plot Ideas, Creative Exercises, and More .

[spacer height=”20px”]If you have thoughts about writing fight scenes, please share them in the comments! Thanks for reading, and happy writing!

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17 thoughts on “ 50 fight scene writing prompts and ideas ”.

Great prompts! The choking with Christmas lights idea made me think of “Die Hard” (we watched it not long ago, and Bruce Willis SHOULD have choked one of the bad guys with Christmas lights!!) I agree with your advice, Bryn, that every detail of a fight scene doesn’t have to be described. It’s definitely a case where “less is more”. Too much description and too much technical information can bog down the action. This is one area where I have to work really hard to get it right, but it’s so worth it when the scene comes together. I used #2 (non-dangerous dangerous weapon) in my current WIP; the MC had to get creative in a situation where she accidentally found out her “guest” was an assassin. You never quite look at ordinary things the same way again. 🙂

I’m glad you mentioned Die Hard, Lisa, because I really want to watch that this Christmas season! 😀 I think you’re so good at writing action and violence. That kind of sounds like a weird compliment, haha, but it’s true!

LOL…thanks, Bryn…I think… No, I seriously appreciate that compliment because action/fighting is not my forte. I’m a non-violent (and pathetically non-confrontational) person by nature, so it feels like bench-pressing a cement mixer whenever I sit down to write that stuff. I have two violent scenes left to write as I grind to the end of my story; I’m not sure if I’m stressing more about killing off beloved characters or the prospect of actually completing this story I first imagined 20 years ago. 🙂

And then there’s ‘The Quiet Man’ that seemed to try to include all 50 in one go! If you’ve never seen that fight sequence, rent the movie NOW. It’s epic.

The Misfits ( Funny Wonder Woman Mixed) Fight Scene Ronnie McCow(Cowman) looks excited and at Captain Turd, who’s seemingly unimpressed by the presence of Wonder Woman before them as she greets them. Cowman almost leaps for joy and shakes her hand eagerly. “Can you sign my butt Wonder Woman?” he asks, pulling out a magic marker and bending over. Wonder Woman shakes her head in disgust as Captain Turd confronts her. He introduces himself and Cowman and gets straight to the point. “Excuse my friend here, but we really don’t need your help saving the world?” Captain Turd says. “Why the hell not? I’m freaking Wonder woman!” she explains to him, eying him in disgust as well. “No offense…but you’re a woman…” he retorts. Shocking both her and Cowman. “Just because I’m a woman jackass? You guys need me!” she retorts, her face getting hot. Cowman nudges Captain Turd. “What the hell Turd?” he says punching him. “I’m one of the strongest women in my universe…what the hell’s your problem Turd?” “You’re nothing, I can beat your a#s easy!” Turd disses her, waving his dismissively. “Well…fight me right now Turd. Let’s see what you got,” she says taking her Lasso and twirling it around. Cowman tries to talk sense into Captain Turd, but Turd ignores him and tells him to step aside. Captain Turd puffs his chest out and gets into fighting position. “After I school you…you mind making me a sandwich sweetheart?” he taunts as Cowman face palms. (Wonder Woman attacks him and it’s a hilarious one-sided fight, as Captain Turd gets manhandled and beaten up badly, while Cowman laughs and records it on his cell phone). He figures Turd will be taught a lesson the hard way as the beating continues in the background. His costume torn and ripped, Captain Turd painfully crawls toward him, calling for Cowman to help him. Wonder Woman walks up confidently, she knees Captain Turd in the face and puts her foot on his neck. Cowman pleads and apologizes for Turd’s sexist behavior. Wonder Woman rolls her eyes dismissively. “I should kicks your butt too, first for asking me to sign your butt and associating yourself with this jerk…” she says while Turd tries to crawl away, but he gets caught in her Lasso of Truth. Cowman pleads with her and calls for a truce. “I promise my friend won’t say anything insulting to you again. Is that right Turd?” he calls. “No! Your still a whore Wonder Woman!” he calls. Wonder Woman face gets red again as Cowman does another face palm as she marches back toward him angrily. Cowman’s phone goes off and it’s a video chat call from Speck, they’re hacker and informant. (Captain Turd’s beating from Wonder Woman continues in the background). Speck asks how’s the meeting with Wonder Woman going. Cowman looks up at Captain Turd’s beating and lies, telling him it’s going great, shrugging and laughing it off. He informs him of Dr. Chlamydia’s plan as his virus is spreading and tells him they need to hurry and stop him before people in the city die from the virus and signs out as Captain Turd begs for mercy painfully and surrenders and apologizes to her. Cowman tells them they need to work together as a team.

Why the fuck would they fight naked. This isn’t a porno.

that is so true

For #2 my mind instantly went to toothbrush and I have no idea why.

This is awesome i’m in the process of making my own show and i could use some of these in the show. Thank you

Oh, that’s so cool! Good luck with the show!

Hi Bryn, thanks for sharing this awesome list! To write effective combat scenes in thrillers, you need to be concise, considerate of emotion, and realistic. Please read my blog: The Do’s and Don’ts of Writing Combat Scenes in Thrillers Hope this will also help, thank you!

Hi Paul, I read your blog on combat scenes. Thanks for the pointers. Very helpful.

So i am trying to write a scene between two wolves fighting (much alike the fight scene in Twilight Breaking Dawn) but I’m having a hard time really emersing the readers into the fight. Any tips

I suggest you check direwolf-wolf fight scenes in “A Song of Ice and Fire” series.

Thanks, Bryn, Great list with interesting situations for fighting. A lot of writing spice here.

Thank you for this list, it’s helpful! I’m considering for my WIP a chapter where I blend together “bullying bartender/waiter was a mistake”, as this is sci-fi, the waiter is an android, and “MC gets help from bystander” which is the waiter from the previous scene. Both sequential scenes are from the viewpoint of this waiter which is not MC of the story.

I would also like to propose another prompt: * A squad of soldiers gets ambushed and their leader injured and incapacitated.

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How to write painful torture scenes without being over-the-top

I'm trying to write torture scenes but I'm not really all that confident about it since I've never written anything like it before and have never really witnessed anything violent. I know the methods and steps of the tortures I want to write about but it's more the description and how to write it without going too far that's hard for me.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can write these scenes in a way that the reader will wince in pain, instead of cringing from a bad scene?

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• 2 You didn't happen to read, by any chance, Gene Wolfe's " The Book of the New Sun "? –  Alexander Commented Feb 20, 2019 at 17:17
• 6 It's a brutal slog, but I'd recommend reading The Gulag Archipelago, by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. There's accounts of all manner of kinds of torture and violence, and different kind of torturers, and an exploration of the consequences of horrible experiences and how they can change people. (Plus, a lot of interesting history.) It's not short, though. –  Jedediah Commented Feb 20, 2019 at 22:07
• @Alexander had a great book that shows it well, but Child of the Daystar also has some pretty great horror scenes painted in some pretty vivid imagery. –  Anoplexian Commented Feb 21, 2019 at 15:17

8 Answers 8

If the torture scene is happening to your MC or your current narrator, instead of focusing on all the blood and gore which can make a lot of readers queasy or uncomfortable, focus on the narrator's agony . If your goal is to both portray the goriness of torture to send a message AND show your narrator's pain, and especially since you said yourself you haven't really witnessed anything gory or violent, you should watch a horror movie or at least read up on torture.

If the torture scene is happening to someone else and your narrator is watching, focus on the narrator's absolute horror and disgust at what they see . You don't have to do a play by play of every single action, but to show the reader why your narrator is so terrified, you should give the reader a taste of what the narrator sees.

If you're totally uncomfortable with blood and gore and you just can't get it to work in your writing, try psychological torture . This focuses almost completely on the mind, so you can take it wherever you want to.

All scenes have more than one thing going on. Scenes are never just a series of sequential facts, there are negotiations and compromises, misdirections and sacrifices – yes it's all scaled down to the one scene, but there is still the thing the character wants conflicted with the thing the character has. This is what the scene really is about.

The horror of the torture is like the scenery outside the train window for the torturer. He is not a slobbering maniac (that is movie over-acting). Torturer is going to enjoy the pleasantries about this "journey". It is a ride he has taken many times, and he knows the idea is to take it slowly to enjoy each small moment along the path (smell every flower), because it won't last long enough. He already knows the scenery, there won't be any surprises along the way, so there is actually an over-emphasis on the small details and subtleties. If he rushes it, it will be over too soon, so this is a refined pleasure, a rare wine that is sipped not gulped.

Now, along with the torturer on this pleasant train ride is the victim, and they are not experienced at all. They are expecting this brut force smack-around and they want it to be over. They are completely misjudging the pace that this journey is going to take. If they can speak, they are trying to provoke. If they can fight they will fight harder immediately because this is not a long-wait game, this needs to be over quickly. The torturer might even humor them a little, just to be funny, but that's not at all how it works.

So there are two very different goals for each, and this is outside whatever plot-oriented goals are forefront. This back-and-forth tempo fight is going to be an under-current to whatever the primary goals are. There will be many times where the torturer will stop and wait for the victim to stop resisting and settle back down to focus on the experience they are sharing together, like a parent allowing a child to burn through a tantrum. Every time this happens, the victim has lost a defense wall and the torturer becomes more intimate.

The victim assumes the idea is to make them blurt out the secrets during excruciating moments of pain. That's not how it really works. Those excruciating moments of pain are about getting the victim to raise and lower their defense walls. Every time a wall drops, he steps in a little closer and they begin again. Eventually, there are no more walls to drop. The torturer is inside with full access because the victim has no defenses and is completely passive. This is when the train ride is over. The torturer access the secrets without resistance, and there is nothing more to be enjoyed.

• 4 A "wonderful" rendition of this is in the torture scenes from Outlander . In particular, it is decidedly uncomfortable to see what it looks like once there are no more walls to be had. –  Cort Ammon Commented Feb 21, 2019 at 3:51
• 1 The sadistic torturer is an option, but so is the punchclock villain; a torturer who just sees it as a regrettable and distasteful necessity. He doesn't want to prolong the agony, he just wants you to crack as fast as possible so he can get back home to his beloved wife, children and pet dog. These guys can actually be more creepy. All the more so if you can get the readers to empathise with them . –  Paul Johnson Commented Sep 8, 2019 at 14:52

You might find it helpful to look at the Torture Porn trope, to have a clearer idea of what to avoid. A work would be called "torture porn" when it appears to seek to disgust the reader/viewer while at the same time giving visceral thrills. Consequently, it would be full of "lovingly described" details of the torture.

Descriptions of pain and agony too can be "too much", in which case your reader would close off. There's a point where a readers capacity to "feel the characters' pain" is filled, after which it's "he suffers, I get it, move on". You've basically made the reader numb. You don't want that. (This is not meant to imply that readers are unfeeling monsters. You can think of it rather as a defence mechanism.)

So what do you do, to help your readers stay with you, instead of closing off either due to excessive gore or excessive agony? You administer a smaller dose, or you dilute it until it is bearable.

For example, in Alexandre Dumas' La Reine Margot , two characters are taken to be tortured. We follow one character as he is strapped down, the exact way the particular way of torture works is explained, its consequences mentioned, we share the character's fear right before. Only, he's not tortured. The whole thing is faked. The other character is tortured for real, but we're not with him . We only hear the screams, and even then, we don't realise he's not just play-acting, like the first, until after . Then it hits you like a ton of bricks.

In The Princess Bride we are not told exactly what is being done to Westley, only that "he suffered not at all" under months of regular torture, until he is hooked up to "the machine". There is no description of the thing that makes any sense whatsoever, there's nothing for the mind to latch onto, to try and imagine what it's like. The only clue is Westley's reaction: the guy who up until then was busy with wisecracks, "cried like a baby". It's his response that makes you shiver. If the unbreakable guy broke, what he was made to suffer must have been terrible. No description needed.

There are other methods you can use. You can time-skip, to only show the character after they've been tortured. You can have the character faint early on. With torture, less is very often more. It is only so long as you haven't made your reader go numb, that you can deliver a punch.

It's easy to vary the level of graphicness. (Is "graphicness" a word? Whatever.) If you write, "George was captured and tortured", and that's the total description, it would take an extremely sensitive person to be disturbed by that. If you give step by step details of how he was skinned alive, how they peeled back the skin, how he screamed in agony and the torturers laughed, describe the look of the raw skin, the blood, etc, that could be very creepy.

I don't think the problem is how to make it more or less disturbing. The problem is deciding what the right level is. For one reader, if you say, "they stabbed him with hot pokers", the reader will cringe and be on the verge of fainting. For others the most detailed and graphic descriptions will leave them saying, "huh, sounds painful I guess".

You have to know your intended audience. If you're writing for children I'd presume you'd be much less graphic than if writing for adults. Women generally have much lower tolerance for gruesomeness then men. Etc.

To at least some extent, you let the story determine the audience rather than vice versa. That is, if you write a story with graphic descriptions of torture, then that will determine who your readers are. People who are more squeamish won't want to read it, people who like that kind of thing will.

It's a lot like sex scenes. For some readers, if you say "Bob and Sally kissed" they get all embarrassed and question if they want to continue reading this salacious story. For others, detailed descriptions of the kinkiest sex acts leave them saying, "Is that all? What dull sex lives these characters have."

My general advice -- and maybe I'm speaking more for myself here than readers in general, I've never seen a study on the subject -- is that being too graphic is more likely to hurt the market for your book than not being graphic enough. If I'm reading a novel and it gets too gruesome, I often quit reading. I'm looking for something entertaining and fun: I don't want to be grossed out. I don't remember ever saying, "That could have been a good book, but there just weren't enough scenes of graphic torture." Hey, people have occasionally asked me if I've seen some movie about Nazi concentration camps or the like, and my response is generally, "No, and I don't plan to see it. I know the Holocaust was terrible. I don't need to be reminded of the gruesome details." But obviously there are people who love to watch gruesome horror movies, so there certainly is a substantial market for such material. I don't want to overstate my case here.

One thing you must decide is why is this torture taking place? Is the tormentor some unbalanced person who loves inflicting pain? Is he a seasoned professional who must extract the truth from the victim and then go home to a more or less normal life?

Myself, I chose the second as they can be more devastating than some unhinged person who revels in the suffering of others. I made mine a pure professional - no malice towards his specimens and nothing but fondness for some afterwards - once he knows them heart and soul.

By that time, he has broken their spirit, many bones, shattering who they once were and making them but a shadow of themselves unable to recover. A broken will might recover, broken body can heal, agony fades - but when all are combined there is no recovery and he will grant mercy to those he has come to like.

I have a scene where my MC is captured and taken to a torturer. The person who takes him to this man (her father in-law) only listened to parts of the stories, tuning out the end where he would mention killing those specimens he had come to like.

I focus on my character’s attempt to deal with a situation over which he has no control and the certainty that this is where he will die.

My torturer examines his victim carefully, almost tenderly. It is his belief that the relationship between him and those he questions is intense and intimate. As wetcircuit says, at the end there are no secrets.

I briefly describe the mechanism and gloss over the array of instruments. I mention a few and that this man seems to blend the traditional with the modern.

My MC hopes to die quickly without divulging much, but doubts that will happen as this torturer knows exactly what the human body can survive. My MC knows this man, his reputation and what his brief future holds. He is a fly in the spider’s web with as much chance of escape. Freedom becomes death - after everything has been extracted from him.

I have the torturer rather suave and matter of fact, recognizing in this specimen a person with considerable training who might be a waste to kill.

The purpose of pain is to create fear, fear of greater pain. Eventually, the character will break unless someone intervenes.

Exhaustion will set in and the dance is over - no secrets, no lies and nothing left to hide.

Get inside both the questioned and the questioner. I found my torturer becoming rather chilling as he looked at my character as a piece of flesh to be reduced, not a person at all.

Manipulation can be a large part of it - the contrast between a gentle touch which the victim might well know is from page 50 of the book, and the agony to come can unbalance a person and set the torturer up for success.

Your torturer has all the time in the world, the victim does not and might not know this. Perhaps he thinks he can negotiate his way out - cooperate and be released. The torturer is in control at all times.

Perhaps your character holds on to hope and in his naivety believes this is something that he can both survive and transcend.

Is the torturer trying to confirm information? Is he doing it for fun? If there is a purpose behind it, that can make it more realistic and more chilling.

To me the most powerful and effective torture scenes were the ones where the author did not describe the torture process, only the aftermath.

One example, that still haunts me years later, is the torture of the Blue Bard in the A Feast for Crows (A Song of Ice and Fire) book by George R. R. Martin. By describing the Blue Bard after the torture (quoting from memory here) such as "his always blue boots were soaked red with his own blood" and "he raised his remaining eye and spoke as blood bubbled from his broken teeth" he created an extremely powerful sight.

I think the reason why this kind of writing works is because it is mostly up to the individual how much they want to imagine of the process of the torture. People who are less tolerant to such things can quickly read on and not get disheartened. But by showing the painful results you still convey to the reader how much pain the character must have went through.

Do you actually need to describe the torture scene? Depends on the genre and your style, I guess, but I would rather do something opposite.

Describe the events up to where the torture begins and cut to the next day when the victim wakes up badly scarred, or the torturer reports the findings to his supperior joking about the screams and prayers of the victim making his job difficult. Let the reader do the job and fill it with the worst torture they can imagine.

We didn't actually see Theon's d##k being cut off. Would it improve the scene by much if we did?

(yes I'm aware that this was asked over a year ago, but I always like to put my two-cents in when it comes to writing advice)

My advice might have been said already, but I tend to write a lot of torture scenes ranging from stab/gunshot wounds to being eaten alive by vultures (fun times, I know), and from what I've learned as I've written and watched people's comments on my work, less is more. Of course, there are always exceptions, because let's face it, most rules of writing can be broken at some point or another. I'm not entirely sure how much you're going for, so I'll start small and build up. That way, if something I describe starts getting uncomfortable, you know not to keep reading.

Lots of people before me have suggested flashing through the actual torture bit, but if you actually want to write it out, but are still scared, try this: psychological torture. Be warned, though. This kind of torture typically takes a long time if there's no physical pain involved. Like, months. I've read too many books both published and otherwise where psychological damage without pain is gained within the first few minutes of torture. That's not realistic. There's different ways to do this, but just Google "psychological torture" and you'll find some fun stuff. Remember, torture is not about the pain itself. It's about the fear of pain. Use this. It's your most important tool. Get good at describing fear, and you'll have your torture scenes, as well as your suspense scenes, come together coherently a lot faster.

Say you want to include pain. Sounds good. One thing to know, though, is that if the pain is intense and long enough, the victim will say anything to get it to stop, whether that's true or not. If your torturer is experienced, they'll know this. Be aware of humans' reactions to pain. Again, Google is your friend. You can even find a lot of this without running into really graphic stuff.

My number one piece of advice? Take it slow. Write short, quick sentences describing initial shock and pain, and then use longer sentences to describe emotions and thoughts. If you want to add more description and more pain, spread it out among the other parts. People in intense pain tend to feel things almost slower. Take advantage of that passage of time and take breaks from the actual pain and wounds to focus briefly on things like tears, restraints, sounds, glimpses of the torturer's face, etc. Spread the wounds out in your writing. This gives the effect of slowing time to the reader as well, and even if you aren't graphically describing the actual torture, they might feel right there next to the narrator, helpless and afraid.

All this other stuff is just for if you want more advice :)

Most successful writers who include pain (who aren't writing for the horror genre, because that typically focuses on gore) also include the shock. For example, when a character gets stabbed, it may take them a second to realize what had happened, especially if it came as a complete surprise. If this character is the narrator, first or third, this second can feel a lot longer, and you can do some pretty powerful things with that brief moment of silence. Therefore, you have part of your scene written without describing gore or even pain.

Next comes the actual, physical pain. If you want to keep it light, keep it brief. Quick visualizing words for pain include stabbing, burning, searing, shocking, etc., though I find myself using those a bit too frequently, so you can always come up with more creative words (or just use a variety). This is your focus. After all, you want your readers to feel (or at least imagine) what your character is feeling. If the narrator is the victim, you can do a lot with this. Look up specific reactions to pain, because other than the pain itself, your character can also sweat, clench their muscles/teeth, scrunch their face up, have trouble breathing/moving, etc. If the narrator is watching, a good idea is to briefly include what the victim looks like they're feeling, and the narrator's reaction. For example, the narrator might vomit at the sight of the victim being stabbed.

If there's a wound involved (which there almost always is), an option is to briefly describe it physically from the narrator's point of view. If they can't see it, skip the physical description, or add how they think it looks. This can be as brief as "blood oozed from the knife wound" or you can go into more depth, though I'd keep it to three sentences, maximum, because as mentioned in other responses, you don't want to numb your reader. This is not your focus. This is just to give your readers a quick visual. Personally, I'd rather read about the pain and what the character is going through rather than what it looks like.

The trick with this: constantly (you know, to an extent) remind the reader that they are injured, hours, days, and sometimes weeks after the fact. If you don't, it's unrealistic. If you Google modern torture cases, you'll get a pretty good idea of how much psychological damage torture does. You have to keep this up through the rest of the story. This is one rule you should never break.

Other quick tips: 1. giving the torturer a good, rounded reason to actually torture makes the scene really creepy without much pain. You can slowly drop hints of their motivation, and let the readers figure it out, or you can have them actually mention it. I would suggest the first, but to each his own. I've seen it both ways. 2. remember that your character most likely can't get up and walk away afterward, even during a breakout with others helping them (unless they're carried uselessly). Don't pull a Mandalorian and go "stop. I can stand" and have your character walk off as if they didn't just have severe brain injuries (no hate on the show, though, I love everything about it except that one scene).

Really, just do your research and incorporate it in your writing, and you'll most likely do just fine.

As mentioned in the beginning, I tend to write pretty violent and graphic torture scenes compared to the example above, but the basics are the same. Hope this helps!

• Yeah, I thought that scene in The Mandalorian was really un-realistic too. In fact, it made me kind of mad... so if your characters are injured in any way don’t don’t do that please. It’s annoying. –  Hello.There Commented Dec 30, 2020 at 2:14

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what would be the best way to describe being beaten? not exactly torture, but during the fight, and getting hit without just saying a punch to the stomach, and what would be the best reaction of that? i know some, like to your stomach can knock the breath out of you, but among other things?

How a character reacts to a hit to the stomach will depend on whether or not they had the presence of mind to tighten their abdominal muscles before the impact occurs. This is where the concept of the breath being knocked out of the body comes from, it’s a natural reaction to being hit. If you exhale all the air from your lungs, you’ll notice that your abdominal muscles automatically tighen and the body, particularly the shoulders, curl inwards pulling back. This is the concept behind the kihap, or the loud shout, that occurs in most martial arts when hitting the target. The kihap forces all the air from the lungs, making the muscles of the attackers body tighten at the key moments before impact with their victims body. The problem, of course, with the reaction is that it won’t really help to mitigate the effects of punch to the stomach if the exhalation occurs after the punch is thrown.

As with almost everything to do with combat, timing is key.

Basically, the character is going to feel like they want to throw up. They may actually throw up. A hit to the stomach will force it back into an unnatural position, one that is very uncomfortable. Dizziness, dropping the head as the body comes forward to protect the stomach, arms automatically moving to protect (i.e. wrap their arms around) the injured area. You can also expect a sudden flood of adrenaline if the victim is taken by surprise and sometimes even if they’re not as the body kicks over into fight or flight mode.

So, there could be a sudden increase in heart rate, a loss of fine motor control, a bitter taste in the mouth, etc. And of course, because all the air has suddenly left the body, they’ll be attempting to suck it down like there’s no tomorrow. The effects will be more immediate if the attack is unexpected, so: shock, surprise, anger, fear, panic, all these mental reactions can be used to stun lock the mind and leave the victim incapable of fighting back. If the person in question is unused to experiencing that kind of pain, the effects will be greater and the recovery much more slow. The more used to this particular variety of pain they are, the more hardened they will be to it.

Don’t think of it as an immunity, but rather something more easily ignored. It’s similar in concept to the idea of working out. In the beginning, your muscles are screaming and you feel like you’re going to die. But, as time passes and you keep working at it, it gets easier and the pain of your muscles doing things they don’t want to do becomes more familiar and more easily ignored. Taking a hit is relatively similar, though much more immediate and difficult to overcome.

When getting hit in the face, such as the nose, expect rapid swelling and possibly blood. So, a warm, wet feeling on the face, a taste of copper in the mouth, a sharp stinging pain right between the eyes, it will interfere with vision. Tasting your own blood is a rather surreal experience. People, for the most part, do not react well to it. The head snaps back and will again, drop forward right into the next hit if the victim isn’t careful. Any hit to the face (or really at all) invites the possibility of biting the tongue, especially if the victim isn’t wearing a mouth guard. If that happens, there will be more blood in the mouth, pain, panic, and gagging. For a hit below the eye expect rapid swelling, stinging pain, and loss of vision. There will be visible bruises that will last for, oh, a good week or more afterward.

Bruises are common in all parts of the body when they get hit and they last a long time. If your character fights constantly, they will show that wear and tear in all it’s glory on their body. It can last for a month, depending on how deep the bruises go. When I was training it wasn’t uncommon for me to find small welts all over my body, so much so that when I see a bruise now I just shrug it off.

During my third degree test, I took a roundhouse to my forearm and it became one, big mass of a bruise. I had a matched set for about two weeks, because I’d used the other arm for brick breaking.

The hand of the attacker will also bruise and possibly cut the skin, both on the victim’s body and the attacker’s knuckles. It’s worth remembering that a proper punch is necessary to keep the hand from breaking many of the small bones on impact. But hitting someone else is going to sting. Attacking better protected places on the body, like the rib cage, or the face, will be more obvious as opposed to hitting in the soft places like the throat or the stomach, still the hands will show signs of being in a fight regardless.

This is why the concept of “I don’t want to hurt anyone” is a nice sentiment, but complete bull. Want has nothing to do with it. Combat is a choice. If you fight or fight back, you’re going to hurt someone even if that person is just yourself. The question is not really “do I hurt them at all” but how far do you go and can you live with the consequences.

In specific instances, there’s the possibility of friction burns from the clothes rubbing against the body.

And of course, the most important and long lasting effect on the mind: shame. Also, guilt.

There’s more to it, but at that point it’s a good idea to start looking through medical and forensics textbooks on the subject. This is a little morbid, but in order to generate the right kind of feeling, you may want to stop and look at images of people who have been battered. Hollywood is very clean and combat is ugly. If you want to know how to describe something, you need to know what it actually looks like and decide whether or not it’s something you want to bring into your story.

(Edit: I should also point out that there is no “best” way to do anything, just the best that you’re capable of while working with the scene and how the themes there fit within the overall narrative. Violence is an excellent way to evoke emotion, but readers do have a threshold. How realistic you are is going to depend a lot on what you want them to be seeing and feeling when they read that scene. A sequence that is too vicious and too raw without properly being set up by the narrative runs the risk of knocking the reader out of the moment. This isn’t me saying don’t do it, just make sure you’re balancing realism with the needs of your story. A brutal beating is a key moment for a character, but it shouldn’t happen on the page more than once in a book that’s not dealing with abuse and brutal beatings (and even sometimes when it is). Work with what you’re capable of writing and marry that to what your comfortable with, after you’ve assessed what those limits are, feel free to push away at them as needed.

In the end, you're the only one who can really figure out what your story needs to function.)

@ howtofightwrite / howtofightwrite.tumblr.com

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Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

Writing someone waking up from a knockout.

Discussion in ' Plot Development ' started by Alesia , May 12, 2013 .

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); After talking to friends that have been knocked out, I already have the main points in mind like headache, dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, etc.. What I'm having trouble with is how to start the scene. I don't want to use something generic like "waking up, the first sensation was a headache." Believe it or not, I actually have the whole scene almost completely written out save for the first few sentences. Any suggestions?  

Garball Banned Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Knocked out from a physical blow? If you are unconscious for more than a few seconds, it can mean a serious problem like a major concussion. Most fighters are not knocked completely unconscious. Think of it as a reset button. The system is never powered off, but it has to most start up scripts to get back up and running. I would talk about vision coming in and out of focus, not being able to discern distinct sounds or voices, no equilibrium, confusion. Knocked out from anesthesia? Do not know. Never gone under.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Specifically knocked unconscious by a hard kick to the head with a steel toed biker/combat style boot during a fight. The MC has been out long enough to be drug into a room and tied up and the scene I'm trying to start begins with them waking up, what they feel/see/smell as they come to their senses and figure out what's going on. Where I'm having an issue is finding the right descriptive words to begin the chain of events without using a generic "she woke up with a bad headache."  

rodney adams Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Have your MC start talking or having an internal monologue when she wakes up. It helps to show rather than tell, and I think it would be a less awkward way to start your story. EX: Ugh... Where am I? Wow, my head hurts... My mouth. It's so sore. I taste... iron. Oh my god, is that piss? Man, that reeks! It's obviously bad, but you get the general idea.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); I thought about that, but I wasn't sure if it was considered tacky to open a 3rd person perspective with first person thoughts.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Maybe you could start with a sentence talking about her coming to while in the third person, and then start her thoughts? Again, you don't have to do what I said. It's merely one route you could go.  

TerraIncognita Aggressively Nice Person Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Maybe start it by describing the physical sensations she's experiencing? I've blacked out once and nearly blacked out another time. The first time was having the wind knocked out of me and the second was from pain. Both times I remember my vision getting dim around the edges and when I came to again or fought it off the black/gray fuzzy edges receded. My visual disturbances were what I first noticed. I'm not sure if that's any help or not. I've never been knocked out due to a blow to the head.  

mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); you could start it like this: A mess of monkeys were pounding on a steel door, with ballpeen hammers. Neon lights flashed on and off fast enough to send any epileptic into a seizure and the ship she was on must have just gotten sucked into a whirpool. Click to expand...

Gallowglass Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); How realistic are you aiming for here? If you're MC's out long enough to be tied up and dragged to a room, they've got brain damage. That aside, though, I'll quote a passage I've cut from my own novel that's based on my (and my friend's) experiences fighting: He blinked back at thunderstorms swarming in his mind, the disjointed haze receding to the point where he could make sense of the world around him. Though the edges of his vision flickered and danced, the centre coalesced into a graffiti-splattered garage, all twisted metal and spare parts. The letters seemed to run like fresh paint and he stumbled with every second step, but he had to reach that door Click to expand...

T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Supporter Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Gallowglass said: ↑ How realistic are you aiming for here? If you're MC's out long enough to be tied up and dragged to a room, they've got brain damage. Click to expand...

foiler New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); I used to box, and I was actually knocked out. I remember the surreal sensation when I began to come to. The first thing that crossed my mind was that I wasn't asleep in my bed. It took me a moment to realize that I was on the canvas, and I wasn't waking up normally. I didn't remember getting knocked out at all. I also remember that it seemed like my senses were coming back to me one at a time, as if my brain was going through some kind of reboot. First, my hearing came back "online", the buzz of the crowd started to register, then I opened my eyes and saw the stained canvas stretching out into the horizon. After that, I think my self-awareness started to kick in, as I began to piece together what happened - and then a numbing sensation rushed in and I heard a slight ringing in my ears. Someone was speaking to me, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. It seemed as if the world was underwater, everything was moving in slow motion, and all sounds were garbled like a damaged recording. It was like a fog that descended over all your senses, and gradually lifted, one sense at a time. I never wrote about that before. I hope it helped.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); I'm of the thought that in fiction there's some suspension of disbelief. How often do we see this in films? A K.O'd person wakes up and the dialogue goes as such: K.O'd individual: "Ugh, how long was I out?" Other Individual: "Couple hours maybe." "K.O'd individual: "Oh man, my head is killing me." Gets up and walks away like nothing happened, maybe holding their head. Realistically you could explain the lack of brain damage as the person got kicked in the head and immediately rebooted, but while dazed they were drugged with some kind of tranquilizer. Although when you're dealing with biker gangs I doubt they would carry such a thing into a kidnap. Foiler: That's a pretty good description right there.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); The first thing that crossed my mind was that I wasn't asleep in my bed. It took me a moment to realize that I was on the canvas, and I wasn't waking up normally. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); The first thing that crossed my mind was that I wasn't asleep in my bed. Click to expand...

AllWrite Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Alesia said: ↑ After talking to friends that have been knocked out Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Why? I'm canvasing many sources since personally I've never been knocked unconscious.  

Xatron New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Alesia said: ↑ Why? I'm canvasing many sources since personally I've never been knocked unconscious. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); It's coming along now. The only other question I have is since this is a kidnap type scenario, when the initial confusion recedes and the individual realizes they are tied up, it's reasonable to assume the body's fight or flight response would take over and adrenaline would override and grogginess, at least for a time right?  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Alesia said: ↑ It's coming along now. The only other question I have is since this is a kidnap type scenario, when the initial confusion recedes and the individual realizes they are tied up, it's reasonable to assume the body's fight or flight response would take over and adrenaline would override and grogginess, at least for a time right? Click to expand...

chicagoliz Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Xatron said: ↑ I don't think so. If one wakes up tied up but alone without any sign of a captor, I don't believe there would be any adrenaline rush right away since nothing is happening right at that point to his knowledge. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); chicagoliz said: ↑ I don't agree. Waking up tied up would be pretty disconcerting. Somebody obviously did this to you, even if they are not currently present. I think that it would be likely that the captor would return. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Reading over this topic, I found some novel excerpts describing people waking up from a K.O. and honestly some made me LOL. Why? Because there were quite a few that talk about the person woke up...thinks "what happened?" Paragraph or two detailing their entire day, then a man hit them in the head with a shovel. They vividly remembered their vision going black and falling to the ground. But what I can gather from here is there's no recollection of the K.O., so shouldn't it be more like the last thing they remembered was a man running toward them with a shovel?  

Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); "Where am I?" has become very cliche, but in reality, it's pretty darned accurate. Trouble is, you're in no condition to vocalize it, or even think it coherently. You don't know where you are, how you got there, where you should be, what time of day it is, or why your face is scrubbing the carpet. And why is everything swaying and hissing in your ears.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); Getting back to my original question, any suggestions for an opening line that's not utterly stupid (I/E "she woke up with a bad headache.")  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_a19e65e81c70b6d9cac2e0bfd8ade5f9'); }); The possibilities are almost endless -- I'd say you should go with a description of what the character is feeling as she realizes where she is and that she is tied up. Something like: Marla opened her eyes and blinked. In front of her was a white wall with a photograph of what looked like a sunrise, although she couldn't make it out for certain. Her vision was still slightly hazy. As she tried to raise her hand to wipe the sleep and hair from her eyes, she realized she couldn't move her arm.  

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