how to deal with problems in your marriage

Ten Common Marriage Problems And How To Resolve Them

No marriage is perfect. They all encounter problems. This article might have been a lot gloomier to read a couple of years ago, but studies show that divorces are currently lower in new marriages than they have been in decades. When you encounter marriage problems, consider looking at them as opportunities to grow the relationship and get to know each other rather than as obstacles to happiness.

Every marriage is different, and it is impossible to forecast all the challenges that your marriage may encounter. However, here is a list of some common marriage issues and some options that you and your partner can use to manage them in healthy and productive ways.

Of course, in-laws aren't exactly a marriage problem, but they can impact most of the problems that are going to be discussed on this list. As a result, it's important to look at the role that other people, in general, can play in impacting your relationship.

Before you get married, you and your potential partner should discuss the roles that you want your in-laws to play in the marriage. This can vary greatly because different people have different relationships with their parents.

Some couples see their in-laws as a valuable support network, and they like to work closely with them in virtually all aspects of their lives. Our parents can be valuable sources of information and life experiences throughout our lives, especially when it comes to maintaining a long-term relationship.

Other people, even if they have good relationships with their parents, may want their parents to play a less active role in their own marriage and child-raising endeavors. This may also be the case if you don't live near your parents.

The important thing is that both partners agree on the role that they want their in-laws to play and that they communicate this clearly and effectively to their in-laws as early as possible.

Religious differences

Religious differences can make the earlier stages of the relationship awkward and lead to potential disagreements once a couple gets married. The dating and engagement periods should be taken as opportunities to come to terms with religious differences, including establishing boundaries and relationships with the rest of the family.

The most important thing about religious differences is to always show support to your partner, regardless of how different your religious beliefs are. This can be particularly difficult when one of the partners is religious and the other is not. Belittling someone's beliefs rarely has positive outcomes.

While you may not subscribe to the same religious beliefs, you can create unique opportunities to get to know each other better on a spiritual level, and you can expose your children to different ideas and experiences so that they can decide for themselves, one day, what they wish to believe.

Political differences

Political differences can be another big source of trouble in marriages. That doesn't mean that they are insurmountable. Further, this is one potential problem source that you should explore before getting married.

One easy plan is to simply agree not to talk about politics. After all, voting is personal, so political issues only come home if you bring them back from the booth.

Keeping political discussions off limits can be difficult during social events where politics make up a common topic of discussion. There are a number of ways to handle this. Avoid the discussion. Split up until the conversation ends. Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is that you and your partner are considerate of one another's feelings.

Paying the bills

Organizing finances can be complicated, especially when it comes to paying the bills. There are a number of ways to handle this.

Some couples may benefit from one person making important payments and keeping track of expenses, while others may enjoy going through the process together. You can also divide and conquer. For example, one partner may use their accounts to pay for needs while the other can fund wants. Another option is to have a joint checking account that both couples contribute to from paychecks and draw from to pay bills. You can each maintain an individual bank account to use for purchasing gifts or paying for personal services, like happy hours with friends or salon services.

Wage disparities

Another classic marriage problem can occur when one partner in a marriage makes more money than the other or has a more “impressive” job.

For some couples, this isn't a problem because they don't see careers and income as a contest. In other couples, the partner that makes more money may try to take more authority or make more decisions. Of course, some couples are happy with the one making more money calling all the shots.

Really, the important thing is that neither partner feels that they are being taken advantage of or being controlled by the other. Instead of competing against each other, it may be advantageous to bring out the best in one another. What can you learn or adapt from your partner in order to improve your own self-confidence or achievement, if that matters to you?

Division of labor

Dividing the chores is another common source of dispute in married couples. The important thing in this case is that the chores get done. The two of you can sit down and decide which chores each of you will do based on which ones you like or don't like.

If one of you has a less time-consuming job, it might make sense for that partner to do more of the household work. If you run into a problem, consider bringing in another couple to see how they take care of their chore distribution. Many couples experience success when one person cooks and the other cleans. Alternatively, you can decide which days of the week one partner can cook and do dishes while the other partner can claim the remaining days.

Regardless of how you structure your chores at home, it is important for each person to feel like they are working as part of a team. Flexibility is essential, as well, as our weekly schedules are naturally subject to change.

Prioritizing time

Married people still have challenges with balancing their time among important priorities like sleep, work, time with their partner, time with friends, and time by themselves. This can be an additional problem if one partner has an anxious attachment style and the other has an avoidant attachment style. Sometimes marriage and cohabitation are the first scenarios where we gain insight into our partner’s attachment styles.

Both partners should be allowed to feel like they are still free to live their own lives, but neither partner should feel like they aren't appreciated. Both partners should have alone time and time with their own friends, but both should also make time to spend quality time with their partner.

Is there an hour each day that you can set aside to devote just toward one another? Cooking romantic dinners together, for example, checks off the quality time box as well as the “chores” box. Can you dedicate either Saturday or Sunday to indulging in an activity you both love to do? The key to mitigating this issue is creativity.

Different interests

Couples don't always have trouble spending enough time together because they are too busy or aren't prioritizing each other; sometimes, they just have different interests. This is another problem that usually turns up in the dating period, but can seem like more of a problem once you're married.

One way to solve this problem is to try out each other's interests. You might discover a new one. If you've tried this or if you want to maintain interests outside of those that you do together, you can keep those interests and also try to put your heads together to come up with something that you can do as a couple.

It’s also important to be realistic – did you marry your partner because they’re just like you in every way? Probably not. It may help to think of your relationship according to the rule of “quarters:”

A quarter of what you do will be highly enjoyable to both of you. Maybe you love socializing with your friends, spending time with your children, or traveling to new places.
In another quarter of your activities together, only you will find the process enjoyable. Maybe you won tickets to your favorite band, but your partner doesn’t really care for that genre of music.
In a separate quarter, only your partner will take pleasure in the experience. They may ask you to attend a networking event with them, even though you’re not a fan of small talk with strangers you’ll likely never encounter again.
In the last quarter, neither of you may enjoy what is happening, but it is important to go through it together. Experiences like car accidents, evacuating from a natural disaster, or paying bills are not inherently fun, but having a partner in crime can make them more tolerable.

Understanding that partners need time apart just like they need time together is important, but it also opens up the fact that the two of you aren't always together. That means that there's room for jealousy.

Despite common confusion, jealousy and distrust aren't the same thing. We'll talk about trust next. Jealousy is about a fear of missing out on what your loved one is doing. Jealousy can be a serious problem in relationships, but it doesn't have to be. If both of you have your own activities, it can be easier for both partners to focus on what they are up to.

Trust can be a big problem in relationships, especially if one or both partners have trust issues with other people in their lives as well. There are two good ways for a partner with trust issues to prevent that issue from causing problems in the marriage. The first is to address their trust issues. The second is to practice trusting their partner by allowing them to live their own life.

It is also important to be direct with your partner if you are concerned about their behavior. Allowing yourself to make unchecked assumptions can contribute to the development of resentment, one of the “ four horsemen ” of failed marriages, according to expert John Gottman.

If you’re feeling distrustful, ask your partner to have a conversation so that you can clarify any misunderstandings or reiterate expectations.

Seeking support for marital issues

Articles like this one can be a good introduction to anticipating some of the common problems that you are likely to encounter in a marriage. However, they probably aren't a fix-all solution. Other resources that you can use to solve problems in your marriage include turning to friends and family for support or meeting with a relationship counselor.

If you are worried that your own issues pose a serious threat to the health of your relationship, you can always go to a marriage or relationship counselor, even if your partner doesn't come along. You can also focus on your own concerns first by reaching out to a therapist or counselor. Depending on the situation, unhappy marriage therapy done online may be a more attractive option for partners seeking assistance with marital issues. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp allow you to schedule appointments from a safe location, meaning you can discuss sensitive issues in total confidence. You can also schedule appointments from a preferred time, which can be helpful for long-distance couples or simply couples with busy schedules.

Online therapy is an effective treatment approach for a range of marital challenges. In one couples therapy intervention involving 60 participants from ages 21 to 69 (who had been in a relationship with their participating partner for one to 49 years), researchers divided them into two groups: an in-person control group and an experimental videoconferencing group. All pairs took part in the same essential program, which was designed to improve self-change as a means to strengthen relationship satisfaction. After three months of follow-up, researchers determined no difference in the therapeutic alliance between the two groups. Additionally, the videoconferencing approach was confirmed as a viable alternative to in-person counseling.

What are 4 causes of marriage breakdown?

Four common causes of marriages breaking down and ending in divorce, according to a recent survey, include lack of family support, infidelity, financial stress, and too much conflict.

What are the hardest years of marriage?

According to one survey, most divorces happen between the third and seventh year of marriage, so this may be when some of the most common marriage problems occur. Meeting with a couples counselor during this time could potentially help you avoid or address issues that often arise during this time.

What are solutions to marriage problems?

Figuring out how to solve marriage problems depends on the specific problems. Common marriage problems and solutions include things like issues related to financial decisions or money problems, which may require financial counseling or at least an honest conversation to help reach alignment on financial values. One or both partners not handling their stress well could require stress management strategies or therapy.

If you’re finding it difficult to communicate, communication training in therapy could help. Challenges with physical intimacy could require the support of a sex therapist or coach, or strategies to improve communication within a sexual dynamic. Other incompatibilities, such as an age difference, sexual preference, or life goal that does not match up, causes problems, and can’t be changed, could be unsolvable. If you’re not sure where to start, meeting with a marriage counselor and/or engaging in individual or family therapy could be helpful.

What is the number one marriage problem?

According to one survey on the topic, career choices, parenting differences, and division of household labor were reported by divorced couples as the top three conflicts or marital problems in their relationship.

What is the #1 cause for divorce?

In one survey of divorced US couples, “lack of commitment” was cited as the top reason for the split. In order for a relationship to last over the long term, the partners involved generally must be willing to work at it, communicate openly, and compromise when needed. Without a commitment to this sort of mutual effort, the connection and positive emotions that were initially there may not stay strong over time.

What are the 5 biggest stressors in marriage?

The stressors a married couple may experience in their relationship can vary widely depending on the individuals and their unique circumstances. That said, some examples of five common stressors in marriage can include financial concerns, lack of healthy communication, effects of previous or current traumatic events or experiences, physical or mental health concerns in one spouse or both, and outside stressors such as work.

What is the number one stressor in relationships?

According to some reports, finances and related concerns are often a top stressor in long-term romantic relationships.

What causes tension in a marriage?

Tensions in married life can come from a variety of sources, and they may change over time and throughout different life stages. Some common sources can include jealousy, stress, financial concerns, a lack of forgiveness, certain needs not being met, a past hurt, or a lack of communication.

How do you survive a stressful marriage?

Some marriages are stressful during a specific period, and then the partners find a way through that time. Others become stressful for a reason that can’t be resolved and may then end in unhappiness and/or divorce. If you're experiencing a stressful time in your marriage, meeting with a therapist to express your emotions and consider solutions could be helpful.

What is an example of divorce stress?

“Divorce stress” refers broadly to symptoms of stress brought on by the often-difficult experience of a divorce. They could include feelings of anxiety, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a change in appetite, among others. “Divorce stress” is not currently a clinical diagnosis according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but symptoms could escalate into those matching criteria for an anxiety disorder or depression in some cases.

Is It Worth It To Live Together Before Marriage? Medically reviewed by Kimberly L Brownridge , LPC, NCC, BCPC
Are You In An Unhappy Marriage? Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA
Relationships and Relations

16 signs of an unhappy marriage & what to do about it.

Being in a marriage doesn't guarantee you'll be happy. Here are 16 signs of an unhappy marriage and whether or not it can be revived.

Most, if not all, marriages will encounter the occasional rough patch over the years—but when does a rough patch turn into an entirely loveless or unhappy marriage?

It can be scary to consider the possibility that your marriage is over, or to even recognize the signs in the first place, but it is possible to come back to each other if that's what you both want.

Here are the main signs you're in an unhappy marriage and what to do about it, according to marriage therapists.

16 signs you're in an unhappy marriage

There's constant criticism..

Constant criticism is an indication that feelings of love and warmth for each other are being replaced by judgment. If you're constantly criticizing each other, that's not a good sign, according to licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva Wellness Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC . "Criticism or name-calling is a huge boundary violation," adds licensed marriage and family therapist Shane Birkel, LMFT .

Your relationship has become sexless.

Another sign of an unhappy marriage is a virtually nonexistent sex life . Or, when you do have sex on the rare occasion, it's not great. Of course, not having sex all the time isn't necessarily a bad thing, and some couples don't mind a sexless relationship . It's not so much about how often married couples have sex ; rather, it's about whether you enjoy the sex with your spouse and feel good about your shared sex life.

You struggle to spend time together.

Being around each other may feel like a chore, or extremely forced. Without the sense of intimacy that was once there, you may feel like you have nothing to say—and also don't really care what they have to say.

You stop sharing wins with each other.

When something exciting happens, who's the first one you call? If it was once your spouse and now it's a friend or family member, that's a sign your marriage has taken a hit. Birkel notes that in unhappy marriages, there isn't much motivation to connect or share anything.

You’re both defensive.

Caraballo and Birkel both note that constant defensiveness is a sure sign that the two of you aren't communicating well , going hand in hand with the constant criticism. Simple statements or questions can also be met with backlash. For example, when one partner reminds the other to do a chore, they may get defensive and say something along the lines of, "I already said I was going to do it—don't guilt-trip me."

You avoid each other, as much as you can.

Birkel says that generally avoiding each other is also a relatively obvious sign things aren't going well. You'll likely make separate plans and have no motivation to spend time together—all of which point to an unhappy marriage.

You daydream about leaving.

It's entirely possible that fantasies of leaving or being single will start to pop up in your mind. You're becoming aware of the issues facing your marriage and how the marriage makes you feel, and it's inevitably causing you to think of the other possibilities.

There's an anxious versus avoidant attachment dynamic.

Something Birkel has frequently noticed is a clash of attachment styles : "There's a spectrum of people who are pursuers," he explains, "who are kind of boundary-less and get their self-esteem from how the other person feels about them. And then there are withdrawers—conflict avoiders that don't want to talk about issues." In these scenarios, there's often a cycle of one pursuing and the other withdrawing, only to cause more subsequent pursuing and withdrawing.

You feel more yourself when separate.

When you first get together with your spouse, you're supposed to feel like they bring out the best in you, and you like who you are around them. In an unhappy marriage, you'll feel more yourself when they're not around and may even dislike who you are around them, Birkel says.

You stop arguing.

Not arguing anymore roughly translates to the two of you not being willing to work through things anymore, Birkel says. Arguing isn't great, obviously, but at least it means you're still fighting for something. "Losing motivation to work through things with each other is a really bad sign."

You're in denial about negative patterns.

Whether you've been together for decades or you're just not keen on the idea of divorce , accepting you're in an unhappy marriage can be very difficult. This can result in denial, or an "inability to recognize negative patterns," Birkel says, adding, "if you don't recognize it, it's going to be very difficult to improve on your relationship."

There's no understanding or compassion.

Things like blame, judgment, and shaming will often take front stage in an unhappy marriage, Birkel says, leaving little to no room for understanding or compassion . When something goes wrong or isn't working, no one's willing to give the other the benefit of the doubt, a supportive gesture, or even just a loving tone of voice.

Body language changes.

We can tell a lot from body language , and it's usually not too hard to read when you know what to look for. Very basically, you and your spouse may always angle yourselves away from each other, even when speaking. You may cross your arms or put your hands on your hips a lot, in a dominating or defensive manner.

It feels physically wrong being together.

Being in each other's presence is no longer warm and joyful and instead likely feels cold, awkward, and uncomfortable. This may actually show up in certain body language, such as the examples mentioned above, but it can also simply be an overwhelming feeling that you don't want to be physically near each other. A. marriage without intimacy may struggle to survive.

You feel contempt toward each other.

Along with defensiveness and criticism, contempt is one of the "Four Horsemen" of relationships described by The Gottman Institute , one of the leaders in relationship research, Caraballo explains. Contempt is a kind of extreme disdain for another person, akin to hatred and disgust. It's a lingering emotion, and it will make most encounters with your spouse unpleasant.

You stonewall each other.

The fourth and final "horseman," Caraballo says, is stonewalling . It essentially involves someone shutting down, particularly during conflict. They might walk away or simply surrender to make the conflict go away and be left alone. Birkel adds that stonewalling shows an unwillingness to improve your relationship.

RELATED STORY: 8 Ways To Fix Your Relationship When It's Falling Apart

Quiz: Are you in an unhappy marriage?

Body language of unhappy married couples.

Body language can be one of the most obvious indicators that something in your marriage is awry.

According body language expert Blanca Cobb, M.S. , we're usually pretty good at intuitively discerning whether someone's body language is positive or negative. As she previously explained to mindbodygreen, when someone's body tenses up, that's a common "negative" expression, which may be related to stress, discomfort, or anger. "Positive" body language, on the other hand—like relaxing your body or resting comfortably—can indicate happiness and trust.

In the case of negative body language in relationships and marriage, some examples include:

Crossed arms
Angling away from each other
Avoiding eye contact
Negative facial expressions
Aggressive posturing
Closed-off posture
Looking around the room
Shaking head "no"

RELATED: Female Body Language: 10 Signs She Might Be Interested

What to do if you're in an unhappy marriage

If you've gotten this far and think you're in an unhappy marriage, the next question is, where do you go from here? It's ultimately up to you and your spouse to decide if you're able and willing to work on the relationship, or decide if the best course of action is to end your marriage .

It's important to get clear on whether to say or to go would be better for you. Unhappy marriages can actually be detrimental to our health 1 , according to research, so if you choose to stay, it should be with the earnest belief that your relationship can be repaired and that you can return to a happier place . No one should have to endure a relationship that makes them unhappy.

No matter what you path you choose, you'll want to start by opening a conversation with your spouse about how you're feeling. Couples' therapy can be extremely helpful to facilitate these conversations and to help you decide on the best course of action, Birkel and Caraballo both note. A couples therapist can help you and your partner talk through what's not working, and they can guide you through the process of rebuilding your relationship if that's what you choose to do.

It may also be worth taking some time apart to help you both get clarity on your situation. As relationship psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., previously told mindbodygreen, if you're not sure you're ready for a full-blown divorce, taking some time apart through a trial separation can also be a good option.

According to psychologist Debra Campbell, Ph.D. , if you do want to stay together, "Act now if you want to save the relationship with openness, energy, empathy, love, and most of all by teaming up again." She says that this is your relationship’s trial by fire, and now's the time to really fight for each other. " Turn to one another with a shared focus, or keep gazing out the side windows, ignoring each other, at your own peril," she previously wrote for mindbodygreen.

Can you revive an unhappy marriage?

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how to deal with problems in your marriage

Yes, a loveless or unhappy marriage can still be revived as long as both partners are committed to doing the work.

"Reviving an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage starts first and foremost with a desire to have things change," Caraballo says. The desire to work things out must also be followed by concrete steps to repair , he adds. "This could look like learning new ways to communicate more effectively , managing finances differently, or anything in between."

Again, a relationship therapist can definitely help with this. You can also try using "therapist-written books on relationship repair together, or attend workshops or retreats led by licensed professionals," Caraballo adds.

And always remember, Birkel says, if you've made the decision to work on your problems and try to save your marriage, "This is a person you love and care about and want to make it work with," he says. Remind yourself of that fact often.

When to get divorced

Deciding whether to get divorced is never easy. It's definitely recommended that you reach out to a trusted person for support as you weigh this decision, whether that's a friend, family member, or therapist.

We have a whole guide on how to know when it's time to get divorced to answer any questions you might have, but some of the biggest telltale signs that the relationship is irreconcilable include abuse of any kind, if the marriage is causing you significant distress, or if the marriage isn't improving despite you and your partner's mutual efforts. Paul notes that couples therapists can be helpful when deciding on (or going through) a divorce as well.

If you do decide on moving forward with ending your marriage, Paul emphasizes that, with enough compassion, the process doesn't have to be grueling. If you're both willing to approach the divorce in a caring and empathetic way , you can "work it out with a good mediator who does this kind of work, and it doesn't have to be so hard," she says.

RELATED: 5 Good Reasons To Consider A Sleep Divorce In A Relationship

If you want to leave your marriage but can't

You may feel unable to leave your marriage because of children, finances, cultural pressures, or abuse. If you're in such a situation, we highly encourage you to reach out for support from loved ones, mental health professionals, or a domestic violence hotline, who can help you take stock of your situation and figure out the best next steps for you. Getting an outsider's perspective can often help you shed light on options you hadn't considered, and help you remember that you're not alone in this.

For anonymous and confidential help, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or TTY 1-800-787-3224) and speak with a trained advocate for free as many times as you need. They're available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also speak to them through a live private chat on their website .

We have a full guide on how to leave an abusive relationship , for whenever you're ready.

In the meantime, you may benefit from learning how to emotionally detach from your partner and set strong boundaries .

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to be unhappy in a marriage.

It is common for marriages to go through periods of unhappiness . However, a relationship that's entirely or consistently unhappy is likely not a healthy one and requires change.

Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?

Given that research suggests unhappy marriages can have negative physical and emotion impacts on our health , it is often best to get divorced if nothing is working to improve your relationship.

Remember: Divorce isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it can actually be the healthy, empowering thing to do if you're in a relationship that is harming your well-being and isn't improving despite your best efforts.

What if you're in an unhappy marriage but can't leave?

If you are in an unhappy marriage but are unable to leave for reasons such as addiction or abuse , it is imperative you seek outside help through loved ones, mental health professionals, and/or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224).

The takeaway

An unhappy marriage is more than just a rough spot—but it doesn't mean your marriage is doomed.

It may take a lot of soul searching and hard questions to figure out whether you want to make the marriage work or if it's time to walk away. (Here's how to know if your marriage is over .)

But if you and your partner decide your relationship is worth it, you've already overcome a huge hurdle—and your marriage may be even stronger once you come out on the other side.

RELATED STORY: Married But Lonely: 4 Potential Causes & What To Do

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For anonymous and confidential help, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or TTY 1-800-787-3224) and speak with a trained advocate for free as many times as you need. They're available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also speak to them through a live private chat on their website .

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4325990/

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In This Article

Even the best of relationships run into problems sometimes. You’re both tired from work, or the kids are in trouble at school, or your in-laws are getting on your last nerve…you know how it goes.

Life throws all kinds of challenges at a relationship, from relocation to redundancy to illness. No wonder problems arise in even the strongest relationships.

To keep a relationship running smoothly, it is important to solve marriage problems before they snowball into bigger relationship problems.

When do relationships start to have common relationship problems?

For some, however, that phase of love eventually fades. As time passes and both parties of the relationship make their fair share of mistakes, what was once intoxicating becomes intolerable.

Much of the common relationship issues that couples face are minor and can easily be avoided with mutual effort, understanding and respect. Although bumps along the path of marriage are unavoidable, if you are aware of them beforehand, you will be able to overcome them without leading your relationship to the verge of collapse.

None of us are perfect, nor will we exactly be the same on every level.

Some character flaws, on the other hand, will be natural and acceptable. But if there are behaviors, perhaps a little lie here or an indiscretion there, it’s essential to consider that on a grander scale as the relationship progresses.

Is that an ongoing problem you want to work through continually, or does that constitute a deal-breaker? Something to consider.

10 causes of common relationship issues

What can destroy a relationship ? Many of the problems couples come to me for, seem to stem from issues that either cause or intensify their problems. But once couples learn how to address these two issues, everything else seems to start falling into place also.

Check out these causes of common relationship issues or issues behind relationship problems before understanding ways to solve common relationship problems:

Expectations

One of the fastest ways to create unhappiness and instability in a relationship is through disappointment. And very few things create disappointment as quickly as unmet expectations.

But, there are typically two common relationship problems with expectations in a relationship:

unrealistic expectations
unclear expectations

Oftentimes, couples struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they are simply unrealistic. It’s important to understand that our expectations often derive from other people, past experiences, beliefs, or internal values. But, that doesn’t change the fact that they are sometimes very toxic to our relationship.

Alternatively, couples sometimes struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they simply don’t know what the other one expects from them or in their relationship.

Now, maybe you are pretty certain about what YOU expect from your relationship and your partner, but that doesn’t mean that your partner can read your mind, which means they most likely have no clue what you expect.

If you want to avoid unhappiness in your relationship, it is your responsibility to be very clear about your expectations and share those with your partner.

If in doing so, you come to realize that some of your expectations might be slightly unrealistic, or even impossible to meet, you might want to review where that expectation comes from and what is more important – being unrealistic or being happy.

2. Communication

One of the most common relationship issues that couples face is communication. There is often either a complete absence of communication, constant miscommunication , or very poor communication. The end result is almost always frustration, unhappiness, and unmet needs. Many times the root cause of the communication issue is in “interpretation.”

You misunderstand what the other person is saying and spend too much time and energy arguing a point your partner never intended. It’s a futile exercise. It is, therefore, essential to take the time to fully comprehend what your partner is trying to say.

Also, if you’re the one talking, it’s important to make sure you’re communicating clearly and exactly what you mean so that your partner can understand. You need to recognize the fact that their perspective is not the same as yours.

Their experiences, points of view, and even baggage are not the same as yours. But good communication demands empathy. It’s to see the world through their eyes as much as possible and then treat them the way that you would treat yourself.

3. Unsupportive partner

Another common relationship problem occurs when a partner is unsupportive of goals and interests. When you are in a relationship, you want to treat your partner like they can be whatever they want to be.

You want them to follow their dreams and will do anything you can to help support them along the way – and you expect the same in return!

4. Finances

One of the most common relationship problems couples will admit to are troubles in the relationship with finances. Not having enough money or not knowing how to split your financial burdens , as well as loss of jobs, a lack of money, poor money management, debt, and overspending are all common issues that can put pressure on relationships.

Discuss your finances when your relationship gets serious, and be honest about any debt you may have. Rely on one another if money gets tight and never stop communicating.

5. Cheating and other forms of infidelity

Cheating is a huge issue in relationships today. The internet has made all forms of cheating as simple as downloading an app. Sexting, emotional affairs , porn, sneaking around, and physical relationships with someone other than your romantic partner are all huge issues that damage relationships, sometimes irreversibly.

Infidelity is a hard subject to broach with your romantic partner, but it is in the best interest of your relationship to let your partner know when you are emotionally or physically checking out. You owe it to yourself to give your relationship another shot. Get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest communication or seek couples counseling to help mend your relationship.

6. Not enough time spent alone

Some of the common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together. This is especially true for couples who have children. Between work and family obligations, you sometimes feel more like roommates than romantic partners . This is because you have stopped ‘dating’ one another. Such circumstances can make a romantic partner feel unappreciated, unattractive, and emotionally frustrated.

Call up your favorite babysitter and establish a child-free date night once a week with your spouse. This allows you to reconnect as a couple instead of as parents. Go on dates and treat one another like you’re still trying to woo each other.

Boredom is a common problem in long-term relationships. Being with the same person for many years can seem to take the ‘spark’ out of your union. You may also feel you have outgrown one another. Don’t despair or give up.

You can reverse this feeling by looking for new ways to connect with your partner. Look for new things to do together such as travel or take up a hobby. This will help you bond over something fun and exciting.

8. Sexual intimacy

As the years go by and your relationship becomes seasoned, there will likely be a point where your sexual flame will dim. There could be a multitude of reasons as to why you or your partners in sex has dwindled, but no matter what the cause is, this decrease in sexual intimacy tends to cause common relationship issues.

In order to avoid such problems, there are a few important things that you should consider:

As you spend more and more time with someone, the act of sex becomes predictable. In most cases, the more predictable the sex, the less fun it is to have. Think about your favorite movie for a second. When you first saw it, you were enthralled. You watched it over and over again, enjoying every viewing.

But after 10, 20, or 30 times seeing the same plotline play out, you only pulled it out for special occasions. Your sex life is just like that favorite movie. So, spice things up . Your favorite movie’s plotline is set in stone. The plotline between you and your spouse’s sexual experience can be changed any time you want it to.

Get creative, get ambitious, and understand that it’s not the other person’s fault. It’s just that, although you enjoy having sex, it’s just the same thing over and over again. Try something new today.

Your expectations for your sex life may be a bit unrealistic. As your sex life loses steam, you likely are replacing more love and appreciation in the void left behind. Instead of harping on the lack of sex you’re having , take a moment and be grateful for the person you get to lay your head down next to.

9. The anger habit

The anger habit soon gets ingrained, and before you know it, you’re spending a large chunk of time fighting with your partner.

Think about it – if someone is angry and shouting at you, how likely are you to listen carefully and look for a solution?

Most people, understandably, react to anger with either anger or fear.

10. Not consulting each other

Let your partner know that they are a priority to you by consulting them before you make decisions.

Big decisions like whether to take a new job or move to a new city are obvious life choices that should be discussed with your spouse.

But don’t forget to include them in smaller decisions such as who picks up the kids tonight, making plans with friends for the weekend, or whether you eat dinner together or grab something for yourself.

10 signs of relationship problems that hurt the most

All relationships have their highs and lows, even the happiest of ones. There is no escaping them, and if not dealt with accurately, they can lead your relationships towards absolute chaos and destruction.

Here are 10 signs your relationship is having problems:

You both spend less amount of time together
There is minimal communication
You both are critical of each other
One partner indicates that the relationship is not going well
Differences of opinions are criticized than worked upon
You both are always defensive in front of each other
You both have stopped discussing long-term plans
You set other priorities over your relationship
Maintaining the relationship feels like a duty
You are happier when they are not around and vice versa

30 relationship problems and solutions

Now, how to solve relationship issues?

Common relationship issues are not hard to solve; all you need for that is a strong will to work on your relationship issues, and love , of course.

Here are some common marriage problems and the solutions for how to resolve your relationship problems that you should know about.

When wondering about how to solve relationship problems, it can be useful to read first and then bring the conversation up about how to handle relationship problems with your partner.

1. Lack of trust

Lack of trust is a major problem in any relationship.

Lack of trust isn’t always related to infidelity – it can rear its head any time. If you find yourself constantly doubting your partner or wondering if they’re truthful with you, it’s time to tackle your trust issues together .

Relationship problems will keep mushrooming when there is a dearth of trust in a relationship.

Solution :

Be consistent and trustworthy. Each of you should make an effort to be where you say you’re going to be and do what you say you’re going to do. This is one of the best solutions to marriage problems.

Call when you say you’ll call. Never lie to your partner. Showing empathy and respect for your partner’s feelings also helps to build trust.

2. Overwhelm

When life gets too much, you get overwhelmed. Maybe you’re in the midst of going after a promotion at work. Maybe they’re dealing with a troubled teenage son or daughter.

Whatever the reason, your relationship soon takes a back seat. Then relationship problems keep building up.

Solution:

Talk to each other about what’s happening, and about what kind of support each of you needs . Lean on each other instead of getting so caught up in other issues that they drive a wedge between you.

Figure out together a time that will be just for you two.

3. Poor communication

Poor communication leads to misunderstandings, fights, and frustration. It also leads to one or both of you feeling unheard and invalidated and can quickly build into resentment and other common relationship issues.

Communication is a skill like any other, and learning it can make all the difference to your relationship. Learn how to listen without judging or interrupting, and how to get your point across without attacking.

Communicate with each other as friends, not combatants. Figure out what your communication style is and how compatible it is with your partner.

Work your way towards the solution by understanding what communication style would work better for both of you.

Also watch:

4. Not prioritizing each other

It’s so easy to take your partner for granted , especially when you have a lot of things going on. Before you know it, the only time you get together is over a hurried family dinner or while trying to get out the door in the morning.

Make time for each other every single day. No matter how busy you are, carve out fifteen or thirty minutes; that’s just for the two of you to talk and spend quiet time together.

Text regularly throughout the day. Add in a weekly date night to make sure your partner knows they’re your priority.

5. Money stress

Money is a leading cause of stress in relationships . Maybe there’s not enough. Or maybe there is enough, but they spend it while you prefer to save. Perhaps you feel they’re too tight with the purse strings.

Whatever the issue, money can quickly cause problems.

One of the tips to fix old relationship issues regarding finances is to put those good communication skills to work here and have a serious talk about money. Figure out a budget that you both agree on and stick to it.

Work out a financial plan for your future and take steps towards it together. Make crystal clear agreements and keep them.

6. Changing priorities

We all change as we move through life. Maybe you were both ambitious once, but now you’d rather live a quiet life. Perhaps your partner is no longer enthusiastic about your shared dream of buying a house by the sea.

Changing priorities can cause a lot of conflicts.

Look for what you both still have in common while allowing your partner to change and grow. Embrace who they are now instead of pining for the past.

If you have different priorities about major lifestyle issues, l ook for common ground, and compromise that you are both happy with.

7. Chore wars

It’s easy to lose your temper when it feels like you’re the one taking out the trash for the hundredth time in a row, or you get home from overtime to find the house is a tip. Chore wars are a leading cause of conflict in relationships .

Agree together on who is responsible for what, and stick to it—factor in a little flexibility for when one of you is much busier than usual.

If you both have different ideas of what constitutes a neat home, it might be time for a little compromise.

8. Different intimacy needs

Problems with your sex life are stressful and can have a big impact on your relationship. If one of you isn’t happy or you’re finding you have widely different intimacy needs, it’s time for a serious talk.

Carve out time for intimacy. Arrange for someone else to take the kids once a week, or make the most of any time you have alone at home together.

Sex keeps you feeling physically and emotionally close, so make sure you are both happy with your sex life .

9. Lack of appreciation

It doesn’t come as a surprise to you that bad bosses compel good workers to quit ? Up to 75% quit their job not because of the position itself, but because of their boss who never expressed appreciation.

Being taken for granted is one of the fundamental reasons for breakups.

Appreciation is what keeps us motivated and committed, both in our work and our relationships.

Remembering to compliment or notice the things our partner shows, we are grateful and increases the overall satisfaction with the relationship. Saying thank you goes a long way.

10. Children

Having kids is a blessing, but it requires a lot of dedication and effort. This can cause a strain on the relationship when partners disagree on the way they want to raise children, address problems that occur, and spend family time.

Solution:

Talk to your partner about why they think something should be done differently and share your reasoning. Often, we are repeating or trying to avoid patterns we were raised by.

Get together and spend some time understanding where the need to do things a certain way is coming from. When you understand, you can change and create a new way to parent that works for your family.

11. Overinvolvement

When we find the person, we love we want to share everything with them and to have them do the same. However, this can lead to feelings of losing one’s individuality, feeling of freedom, and a sense of accomplishment.

What does it take for you to be your own person while being their partner? Think of areas that you want to keep to yourself that give you a feeling of achievement and freedom.

It might be a hobby or doing sports. Talk to your partner so they don’t feel rejected by this new change and introduce it gradually.

12. Infidelity

What each of us defines as infidelity and where we draw the line can differ. Infidelity means various things to different people. Infidelity can encompass, besides the sexual act, flirting, sexting or kissing.

When infidelity has occurred, trust is broken, and a person can feel betrayed. This can snowball into many other issues and problems.

Talking about what infidelity is for you and your partner is important. They may hurt you inadvertently because, for example, they don’t find flirting a problem.

When something has already occurred, there is a choice to be made. A couple can try to regain trust and rebuild or end the relationship . In case the first one is chosen, seeking professional help can be a wise decision.

Figuring out marriage challenges and solutions and learning how to work out relationship problems is much more productive with counseling .

13. Significant differences

When there is a critical difference in core values, the way partners approach life, and challenges, issues are bound to happen.

For example, it might be that they are more spontaneous or hedonistic, while you plan more and save rather than spend. Nonetheless, if your views and expectations from life differ considerably, you are bound to argue.

When there are core dissimilarities between you, you might wonder if you are suited for each other. The answer is – it depends. What kind of change would you both need to undertake for this relationship to survive?

Are you willing you make that change, and how much will it “cost” you? If you decide you can and want to change, by all means, give it a go. This is the only way you will know if the change is enough for this relationship to succeed.

14. Jealousy

You might be in a happy relationship for a long time before noticing the first signs of jealousy. They might act fine at first but slowly change.

They start asking for your whereabouts, distrusting you, checking up on you, distancing or stifling you, and demonstrating concern about your affection towards them.

Often this behavior is a reflection of previous experiences that were triggered by something that happened in the current relationship.

Both partners need to make an effort. If your partner is jealous, try to be transparent, predictable, honest, and share. Give them time to get to know you and trust you.

However, for this to be solved, they need to make a separate effort to change their anticipations and work out their concerns. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and this line needs to be redrawn.

15. Unrealistic expectations

If you are human, you have unrealistic expectations ; no one is free of them. Nowadays, we might expect our partner to play many major roles: the best friend, trusted companion, business partner, lover, etc.

We might expect our partner to know what we want without saying it, advocate fairness at all times, or strive to change the other into what you desire them to be.

This can lead to misunderstandings, repeated quarrels, and misfortune.

If you want to solve a problem, you need to comprehend it first. Ask yourself – what is it that you feel entitled to? If you could wave a magic wand and change things, how would the new, pink reality look like?

What are you doing at the moment that you feel could get you there?

When you grasp what you are expecting to happen, but reality and your partner are depriving you of it, you can start to look for ways to ask differently or ask for different wishes.

16. Growing apart

So many things on the task list, and there is only one of you. How long ago did you stop including things to do with your partner on that list? Drifting apart happens bit by bit, and we don’t notice.

You might wake up one morning and realize you can’t remember the last time you had sex, a date, or a conversation that is more than organizational.

A relationship is like a flower, and it can not blossom without nourishment. When you notice the signs, it is time to act. It will take time to cross the distance that has been created, but it is possible.

Prioritize your time together, bring back old habits and activities you did together, laugh, and take time to reconnect.

17. Lack of support

When life hits us hard, we cope with it the best we know. However, often our coping skills are not enough, and we need support. Lack of support from a partner can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed.

Long-lasting lack of support also affects the way we value the relationship we are in, and satisfaction drops significantly.

If you don’t ask, the answer is certainly “no.” Talking about what we need and what we can provide can clear the air of unrealistic expectations.

Unspoken and unfulfilled needs lead to negative beliefs about the relationship.

Understanding what our partner can provide helps adjust what we come to them for and look for alternative sources of support while our partner works on becoming one of the main pillars of encouragement and comfort again.

18. Addiction

Substance addiction can put a serious strain on a relationship.

Partner’s addiction can cause a significant effect on the family budget, cause many arguments, increase trust issues, cause ignorance and neglect of children and other family members, and impair overall relationship happiness.

Couple problems can be worked out with couples therapy . Counseling can be enormously helpful as it helps both partners deal with the issues arising simultaneously.

Understanding what triggers prompt addiction and building new habits as a couple promotes healthier ways of addressing problems. Individual therapy is recommended as well for both partners.

It can help understand the roots and patterns leading to addiction, and provide support to the non-addicted partner.

19. Moving at different speeds

Do you find yourself in a current relationship uncomfortable with the speed the relationship is progressing?

You might find your new partner moving more rapidly, wanting to spend more time together, constantly calling or texting, wanting to go away together, or you meeting their family?

Alternatively, you could be in a relationship that is not progressing the way you hoped it would, and the milestones you desired are not being reached.

When you and your partner need different speeds and intensities of intimacy and commitment , you may argue.

This can lead to becoming terribly upset over seemingly little things, pulling away, and questioning whether this person is for you.

Don’t sweep things under the rug rather address what is happening. Avoiding problems is not the best relationship solution.

What kind of reassurance or demonstration of love would bring you back on the same level? How are your needs different, and what can each of you do to find the middle ground?

20. Lack of responsibility

When one of the partners avoids taking responsibility, it can cause severe damage to the partnership. Money struggles, child neglect, fighting over chores, or playing the blame game can happen daily.

One of the most detrimental factors to the relationship is a significantly uneven distribution of responsibility amongst partners.

When addressing this issue, the first thing to do is to stop the blaming game. If change is to occur, you need to look forward, not backward. If the change is to be long-lasting, it needs to happen gradually.

Overwhelming a partner to make up for all this time of dodging responsibilities will just prove they were right to steer clear of them.

Give forgiving a shot as it has been linked to relationship success . Also, agree on the pace of change and the first things to share accountability for.

21. Controlling behavior

Controlling behavior happens when one of the partners expects the other to behave in certain ways, even at the expense of the wellbeing of the other partner.

This kind of toxic behavior deprives the other partner’s freedom, confidence, and a sense of self-worth.

Controlling behavior is a learned pattern of behavior from primary family or previous relationships.

At one point in life, this was beneficial for the controlling partner, and they need to learn to express affection differently. Speak up, set boundaries and adhere to them, and, if possible, try couples counseling.

22. Boredom

All relationships undergo periods of fun and boredom. However, when the feeling of monotony and apathy color, most of the days, it is time to react.

Allowing to fall into a daily routine and go with the flow can lead to decreased libido and overall satisfaction with the relationship .

Think back to the honeymoon phase and recall the things you did as a newly formed couple. What is available from that list today, and what do you still feel you could enjoy?

Make a conscious decision to add spontaneity into the relationship to start the upward spiral to a more eventful relationship.

23. Outside Influences

All couples are exposed to outside influences and opinions on how things should be done.

Some influences are benign, like grandparents’ occasional babysitting, while others can be detrimental, like disapproval of one spouse by the family or friends of the other.

Your relationship comes first, and everyone else’s opinion is secondary. Show each other support and that you are a united front against the world.

To resist the influence, you can limit the amount of time spent with or personal information you share with the family members or friends trying to impact you.

Marital problems and solutions may appear quite similar on the outside, but no one knows better than you what you need to make it work.

24. Ineffective argument

Arguments are a part of every relationship. However, the way fights are led, and what is their outcome can have a big impact on the relationship.

Disagreement can be helpful or destructive, depending on what you do with them. Having the same fight over and over, losing your temper, or saying things you regret later is bound to make you feel it’s not worth it.

After an argument, you should feel you have made progress in understanding where your partner is coming from.

A good fight is one after which you have agreed on what can be the first step both will take to resolve the issue. Start by listening to hear the other side, not only by waiting for your turn.

Research together ways to fight better and only ever focus on the next step needed to take.

25. Keeping a scoreboard

When you keep blaming and recalling mistakes each of you has made, you are keeping a virtual scoreboard of each other’s faults. If being right is more important than being with the other person, the relationship is doomed.

This leads up to a build-up of guilt, anger, and bitterness and doesn’t solve any problems.

Deal with each problem separately unless they are legitimately connected. Focus on the problem at hand and speak your mind. Don’t let it build up and mention it months later.

Decide if you want to save the relationship and if you do, learn to accept the past as is and start focusing on where to go from here.

26. Life gets in the way

In a relationship, it’s usually the priority to nurture and develop the connection. When life is a persistent inconvenience, it means one or both of you were not necessarily ready to get involved, and that can happen.

Unexpected encounters with another person occur all the time. But when they do, it’s essential to allow it to flourish- placing it first over the chaos.

When the two of you notice you put the union on the back burner, it’s time to make a conscious effort with reprioritizing the other person regardless of your day-to-day situation to battle the new relationship struggles.

27. Trust is critical from the very beginning

Every relationship has problems, but when you first connect, you don’t want to go in with the idea that you can’t trust the other person. If this is baggage from a past relationship , that’s unfair and self-defeating for any new partnership.

If your new partner made a promise and then lied to get out of it, that will create mistrust early on. That’s tough to get back. In an effort to do so, one piece of advice on relationship problems is that there needs to be much transparency and commitment in keeping your word moving forward.

28. You can readjust goals at a moment’s notice

Perhaps in the first few weeks of dating, your life goals appear to be similar, but a profound life circumstance changes your perspective on where you see yourself in the future or maybe your mate’s.

The change is not in keeping with what the two of you discussed. In this situation, you can find a way to get your partner to see things from your point of view, or the partnership won’t be possible.

These are the kinds of issues in relationships that are difficult to overcome. Often differences in life goals are deal-breakers.

29. A kind word here or there

New relationship problems can include a lack of manners in numerous ways. Pleasantries like telling someone they look nice or saying thank you, or expressing how much you appreciate something they’ve done wane after a few dates.

It shouldn’t—unfortunately, comfortability and taking a partner for granted set in quickly. If you notice this early on, say something, but also make sure to lead by example. Be the first to tell your mate these things often.

30. Notice continued bad behaviors with a new relationship

You’ll know you have early relationship problems if your mate is continuously on their phone when you’re together. That’s incredibly rude behavior for anyone when they’re with other people for any reason, let alone being on a date or in the early stages of a partnership .

The focus should be on time spent with each other since free time is precious with the world’s hectic pace. When this happens at the start of a partnership, it won’t get better with time. It needs to be addressed and stopped to strengthen your union ultimately.

Relationships are marathons

Most relationship problems and ways of fixing relationship problems would be something that you must have heard about or experienced; still, when it comes to utilizing this common knowledge, not everyone is thorough with the implementation.

It’s not difficult to answer “how to solve marriage problems,” and there is plenty of advice on relationship issues and solutions.

However, when it comes to solving marriage issues and relationship issues advice, everything boils down to effort and implementation.

These common problems in relationships are not completely avoidable, and every couple runs into some of them at one point.

The good news is, working on relationship problems can produce a considerable difference and get your relationship back on track, free from all relationship difficulties.

Be creative, don’t give up on each other, and you will reach the solution.

Share this article on

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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When you’re dealing with problems in your marriage, it can sometimes feel like you’re all alone. Fortunately, there are many ways you can communicate with your spouse and come up with solutions to solve your problems together. We’ve compiled a list of ways you can cope with your marriage problems to talk with your partner and work toward fixing your relationship, one step at a time. This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Check out the full interview here.

Communicate about issues in your relationship.

Open communication is the key to any healthy relationship.

You can bring up issues in the relationship by saying something like, “Hey honey, could we sit down and talk later this evening? I have a few things I’d like to chat with you about, just to make sure we’re on the same page.”

Focus on one issue at a time.

Bringing up all your problems at once can feel overwhelming.

For example, if you want to talk about your intimacy (or lack thereof) but also about your stress levels, pick one and save the other for a different time.

Try to understand your partner’s perspective.

Listen closely, and try not to interrupt.

Show that you’re listening to your partner by asking follow-up questions like, “Interesting. Can you tell me more?” or, “I’m not sure I understand. Could you explain that again?”

Come up with solutions together.

The goal is to reach a decision that benefits both of you.

For instance, if the issue is that you feel you do more chores around the house than your spouse does, you might create a chore list that you both work on throughout the week. That way, you can both see how many chores the two of you are doing, and you both feel like you’re equally contributing to the household.

Accept the things you can’t change about your partner.

There may be recurring issues that crop up over time.

For example, maybe you like to clean up the house at the end of each day, while your partner prefers to do a big cleanup at the end of the week. You two might discuss this a lot over your relationship, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing—it’s just a difference in preferences.

Forgive your partner if you can.

Hanging onto anger and resentment isn’t great for your marriage.

Remember that forgiveness isn’t telling your partner that their actions are okay—it’s allowing yourself to move on instead of hanging onto old feelings.

Divide household tasks.

Division of labor is a huge point of contention in most relationships.

It might help to make a list of what the both of you do day by day. That way, you can see how many tasks each of you are doing throughout the week.

Talk about your parenting styles.

How you raise your children is very important to talk about ahead of time.

You could say something like, “I think it’s important that we talk about how we’ll raise our child. Do you want to discuss some things with me?”

Show love to your partner every day.

Express your appreciation for your partner whenever you can.

It helps if you know your partner’s love language . For instance, if their love language is physical touch, they might appreciate a shoulder rub or a massage. Or, if their love language is acts of service, you might do some chores around the house.

Make romance part of your daily life.

Act like you’re dating your spouse again to bring the spark back.

Have breakfast in bed together
Surprise your partner with small gifts
Plan a weekend getaway trip
Give your partner compliments
Have a candlelit dinner at home

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities.

It can be easy to focus on the negatives in your relationship.

If it helps, you could even make a physical list on paper to look at every time you need a pick-me-up. For instance, your list might say: makes me breakfast on Sundays, is a great parent, is very patient with the kids, is an awesome cook.

Work on yourself.

Examine your own contributions to any issues in the relationship.

For instance, if you and your spouse often fight when you have to stay late at work, you may be dedicating too much time to your job and not enough time for your spouse. You could work on that by reevaluating your schedule and prioritizing quality time with your partner.

Commit 100% to your spouse.

Make sure you’re fully invested in making your marriage work.

It’s not uncommon to start looking for a “way out” of the marriage when things get tough. Keep in mind, though, that almost all long-term relationships go through rough patches at one point or another, and most of them make it through to the other side.

Focus on other things that make you happy.

If you can’t find happiness in your marriage right now, find it in your hobbies or friends.

You can also focus on self-care and do things that don’t take much time at all. Spend 10 to 15 minutes soaking in a bubble bath, reading a good book, taking a walk, or listening to music.

Go to couple’s counseling if you need to.

Some marriage problems are hard to fix on your own.

A couple’s counselor can also give you real, concrete tips to help you work through your specific problems as a couple.

How Do You Save Your Marriage?

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10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems

Travis atkinson.

September 17, 2021

All relationships and marriages go through periods when they face problems. The secret to a healthy and growing relationship is your ability to overcome these problems. The moment you turn your back on your relationship when you encounter marital issues, it will quickly fall into despair. Solving marriage problems will not only make your relationship healthier, but also more resilient.

10 Top Strategies for Solving Marital Problems

All couples have problems, but not every couple is able to work through them. These are the top strategies to solve your marriage problems, no matter what it is that is causing the troubles.

1. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Communication is the secret to a lasting relationship. All healthy and happy marriages keep their communication lines open.

If you are trying to solve your marital problems, you should not stop communicating with your spouse. Openly discuss the issues you are having so that you can come up with a resolution together. If you just sweep it under a rug, it will only develop into something more serious in the long run.

strategies to help solve your marriage problems

2. Recognize when you’re in a gridlock

One of the most common hurdles to solving marriage problems is when you and your partner don’t see eye to eye when it comes to your marital issues. One spouse is willing to discuss the problem and the other doesn’t find it a big deal.

When you’ve reached an impasse, it’s important to take a break. Forcing your opinion on things won’t change the situation. By taking a break, you allow time for each of you to put things in perspective.

3. Express yourself constructively

When you are in an argument with your spouse, it is easy to let your emotions take over. You could end up saying hurtful things that only worsen the problem instead of fixing them. Try to avoid this route whenever possible.

When discussing your marital problems, focus on being constructive. It is also important to stay on-topic and not to bring up previous issues.

4. Break the curse of familiarity

Married couples that have been together for a long time have this false belief that they know each other deeply. However, this can often be the root of the problem in a relationship.

Never stop asking questions or attempting to get to know your partner. This will help you understand their needs better and help avoid conflict, or understand their perspective when it comes to discussing issues within your marriage.

There will be less conflict in your relationship if you know where your partner is coming from.

5. Make decisions together

When you are solving marriage problems, you need to approach them together and decide on the best solution as a couple. One spouse cannot be authoritarian and make decisions for the both of you. In fact, this is something that causes marriage problems in the first place.

By making decisions together, you can both be at ease knowing that you’ve considered your partner’s feelings and concerns. Avoid the urge to insist on what you want or doing things your way. Keep an open mind and encourage your spouse to voice their opinion.

If things start to get heated between you in an argument, think of ways to deescalate the conflict and try to keep things light.

6. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings

Have you ever experienced opening up about your feelings and then having those feelings shut down or dismissed? It’s not a good feeling. It makes you feel undervalued and unnoticed.

You don’t want your spouse to feel this way. If you are trying to resolve conflict within your marriage, you need to encourage one another. Give your spouse a chance to speak up and make their feelings known. Even if you don’t agree with them, don’t dismiss their feelings. Instead, try to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they feel that way. Look at what you can do to address those feelings. That is what couples in healthy marriages do.

7. Understand that it’s not a competition

It is not uncommon for spouses to feel the need to ‘win’ an argument. It feeds their ego and makes them feel good about themselves when they prove their spouse wrong about certain things.

You should not solve your marital problems with this kind of attitude. Often, if you win an argument, your relationship loses. This should not be about who wins or loses; focus on fixing issues in your marriage so you can both be happy and healthy.

8. Keep a positive attitude

This might sound like an obvious tip but most couples who are fighting find it difficult to stay positive. Successful couples are the ones that can maintain a positive perspective throughout their relationship even when dealing with marital issues.

The fact that you and your partner are taking steps to address your problems is a good sign. This should inspire you to stay positive about the future of your relationship. Hold on to that positivity and find ways to save your relationship, especially if you both agree that it’s worth saving.

9. Give your partner space

Most spouses are so desperate to resolve issues within their marriage that they end up smothering their other half. However, taking this approach when you are dealing with marriage problems will only make things worse.

Give your spouse the space to think and reflect. It will also give you the opportunity to look at things from their perspective. When you give each other space, you don’t act based on emotions but rather on logic and reasoning.

10. Get counseling.

Counseling is a great way to solve marriage problems. It will involve a few sessions only, and is a great way to address issues within your relationship on a neutral ground. You can also get the guidance of an expert so you can work out the cause of the problem.

The secret to success with counseling is to follow through with the plan. Any consultation you’ve done with a therapist will be of no use if you have no accountability and don’t follow through with it. It is important that both spouses take accountability for fixing their marital problems.

If you think counseling is expensive, it’s definitely cheaper than divorce! Plus, if you are serious about solving marriage problems, this is one of the best ways to go about it.

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10 Common Marriage Problems That Couples Face And How To Solve Them

Despite what you may have been told or seen, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage; however, couples can learn how to keep their marital problems to a minimum by being proactive about problem-solving and communication. This article will cover some of the most common marital problems that can be faced even in the strongest, healthiest relationships. Tips to handle these issues will also be discussed so that you can build a foundation of trust, respect, and teamwork within your own relationship.

Relationships are often exciting in the beginning because there’s a lot of time spent going on dates and getting to know one another. After spending so much time with one another, though, it can be easy to fall into a state of boredom or even loneliness. Many couples fall into habits and routines and stop being adventurous after a few years of marriage. When boredom causes you and your spouse to stop growing or being intentional with one another, that’s when it can become a problem.

One of the easiest solutions for boredom is to start shaking things up; put simply, go out and try new things. You can start small; for example, maybe you can dedicate one day out of the week to enjoy the outdoors together or go to the movies. However, keep in mind that these can eventually become routines as well, so make sure you come up with new ideas on how to switch up activities.

Another solution is to have more interesting conversations with your partner. Ask one another about your days and try to be intentional about making time for each other and asking questions. Get curious about each other because you’ll both be changing and growing for a lifetime. Commit to getting to know your spouse all over again every day.

Getting things done around the house

One of the most common things couples fight about is who is (or isn’t) picking up the slack with household chores. While this problem often has underlying issues, it can also be one of the most solvable issues. While no one wants to have to do chores after coming home from a long day at work, someone must do it, and if one person feels that they are the only one keeping the house clean, this can create tension between partners.

This problem can be resolved by dividing and organizing tasks and agreeing on when they will get done. Some couples prefer to clean a little bit each day, while others designate a day out of the week to get all the chores done. You and your partner can make a chart together and cross things off as the chores get completed. Visual aids, like a chart, can also help keep you both accountable since you both can see what has and hasn't been done. If you have kids, this can be even easier, since you may have more hands to help around the house. No matter what system you and your spouse come up with, what matters is that you’re on the same page.

A lack of intimacy

Intimacy refers to the physical and emotional bond you share with your partner. When emotional intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it often affects how physical you are with one another. Intimacy issues are common in a marriage, but they can have serious consequences on the relationship. Often, they happen gradually, rather than suddenly; however, you may also experience dry spells here and there. This is normal and can happen in response to illness, stress, or taking medication, to name a few.

Since intimacy issues often arise because of an emotional disconnect between partners, it can be important to practice open and honest communication to get to the root of the issue. Getting the spark back in your marriage is possible, but it can take time and effort on the part of both spouses. Letting your partner know they’re appreciated, cuddling with them, giving them hugs and kisses, and incorporating touch throughout the day can all be ways to start building intimacy in your marriage. Talking to a sex therapist or couples counselor could also be helpful if you feel you can’t get through to your partner on your own.

Financial issues

Whether it involves losing a job, dining out too much, or one spouse spending more than the other in a marriage, financial troubles can rear their ugly head. Some situations might be out of your control (i.e., slow business), whereas others can be entirely preventable.

If you and your spouse have different ideas about money, it can be important to sit down and have a conversation about it. This can promote empathy and a greater understanding of one another’s perspectives. Creating a budget can also be helpful. Whether you and your spouse have a joint account or keep your funds separate, it’s possible to create a system that works for both of you. Talking with a financial advisor could also be beneficial if you can’t agree on a plan going forward.

Different core values and morals

Having a difference in values and beliefs is an issue that is frequently seen in cross-cultural marriages, especially in regard to religion . These beliefs can be ingrained in us from a very young age through our parents and upbringing, and we can hold onto them for the rest of our lives and feel strongly about them. As a result, this can create problems in the marriage, particularly if your spouse does not respect your values. Sometimes, this problem can be as straightforward as feeling alone when going to a place of worship. For example, one partner may go to church while the non-religious partner stays at home. These issues can arise when trying to raise your kids, and disagreements can come up regarding how they should think and behave.

Even if you and your partner disagree on core values and morals, it is still possible to have a healthy, loving marriage. First, it can be important to discuss why your disagreement is a point of tension in your marriage. Every couple has differences, but that doesn’t mean they must become a source of conflict. If your differing values are affecting how each of you wants to live, raise children, spend money, etc., it can be important to listen and try to understand your partner. Although their way of doing things may not seem right to you at first, perhaps it’s something you can come to terms with and accept. Maybe you can even see where they’re coming from and agree to try things their way. Marriage can be about compromise and give and take, but it must come from both parties.

An overbearing partner might ask too many questions, such as "Who are you talking to?" "How do you know them?" and "Why are they talking to you?" This can create a lot of stress and tension in the relationship, which can eventually cause it to end if it is not addressed. Even with enough reassurance on your part, your partner’s jealousy may not go away.

The insecurity that often comes with a jealous partner may need to be resolved with the help of a therapist. While you can be reassuring and supportive of your partner, you cannot fix the issues they’re dealing with yourself. Leave that work to a professional and try to be there for your partner as they make changes to promote a healthier relationship.

Excessive arguing

Arguments and disagreements can be a normal part of a marriage. After all, two unique individuals are coexisting with one another and spend the majority of their time together. This is bound to create problems at some point. Arguing in and of itself is not necessarily concerning. However, it can become a problem when the arguments are frequent and intense.

Successful marriages are built on effective communication and the ability to repair after conflict. If you and your partner are consistently arguing and struggling to mend your relationship after fights, it could signal a communication issue. Namely, you and your spouse may not know how to dissolve tension, talk about things productively, and compromise. The ability of each of you to handle conflict and move past it can be an indicator of how healthy the relationship is. If excessive arguing is getting in the way of your marriage, speaking to a professional could be beneficial. Learning effective communication skills could help turn the marriage around.

Being in different stages of life

Growing apart can be a sign that you and your spouse have drifted apart physically as well as mentally. For example, in a physical sense, a couple that has a significant age gap in their relationship may start to want something more out of their partner. One might want kids, while the other doesn’t. One may want to travel the world, while the other wants to settle down. However, this can also happen with people who are around the same age, especially those who marry young. Despite being the same age, people mature at different rates, and this can inevitably lead to personality differences and incompatibility issues.

If you find that you and your spouse are in different stages of life, it can be important to discuss what you each want out of the relationship. Not being open and honest about your desires and needs can breed resentment , which can erode the foundation of the marriage. Many times, you can each find a middle ground to promote contentment and satisfaction within the relationship.

Family influence

With the merging of two different families, it’s likely that not everyone will get along. Perhaps you have a father-in-law who doesn't like you because you don't make enough money, or your sister-in-law loves to gossip about your marriage to everyone. These kinds of things can happen, and you can't change what others think, but by talking to your spouse, you can reduce how they impact your marriage.

It can be important for you and your spouse to prioritize your marriage and put it first. While there’s nothing wrong with getting advice or input from other family members, ultimately, decisions must be made by you and your partner since you two are creating a unique life together. Setting boundaries with family members can also be helpful. Boundaries tell others how you expect to be treated and what topics are off-limits. You can use them anytime you feel someone is overstepping some aspect of your marriage.

Infidelity can occur for several different reasons, including some of the ones mentioned in this list already. For example, feeling bored and having no intimacy can tempt people to cheat on their spouses. In fact, it is estimated that anywhere from 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. While there is no excuse for cheating, there are factors that can contribute to it.

Some couples can work through infidelity, while others cannot. When cheating has taken place, there is likely to be some type of fallout in the relationship, and it can be difficult to rebuild the trust that was broken. Open communication, honesty, vulnerability, and a recommitment to making the relationship work can all be helpful in restoring the marriage. Therapy can also be instrumental in overcoming issues with infidelity.

Online counseling for marriage problems

You don’t have to wait until your marriage is on the brink of divorce before deciding to get help. Instead, you can begin online couples counseling with a licensed marriage therapist to begin getting the support you and your spouse need. At Regain , you can connect with a therapist regardless of the type and severity of the issue you’re facing. Counseling can give couples the tools they need to identify the issues in their marriage and communicate effectively to solve them. You and your spouse may have demanding schedules because of your children or careers, which can make it difficult to find the care you need. With online counseling, you can chat with a therapist 24/7 right from home, which may help solve the time-constraint issues you’re facing. Reach out whenever you both feel ready to start repairing your marriage.

The efficacy of online counseling for marital troubles

Experiencing problems in marriage is normal, but successful, long-lasting unions are such because these couples know how to move past obstacles together. Couples having difficulties with marital issues could benefit from online counseling, according to one study. In a web-based intervention utilizing integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT), researchers found that couples were able to recognize the issues in their relationship and then take steps together to correct them, ultimately bringing the couple closer by increasing their understanding of one another . IBCT is an approach that helps couples make improvements in their relationship by becoming more accepting of the flaws and negative aspects present within it. Over time, this acceptance can lead to positive changes in the relationship.

Understanding some of the common problems that can harm a marriage may be useful if you’re married, thinking about getting married, or considering dating or entering a relationship. While couples may experience some of the same issues, how they work through them can vary. Effective communication, vulnerability, and the willingness to work through problems can be vital for maintaining a strong, healthy union. Marital problems can be challenging to overcome, but they’re not impossible to move past when you have the right support. By connecting with a marriage or couples therapist, you can learn how to address issues in a healthy way and repair your relationship to get it back on track.

What are the top 5 conflict problems for couples? What are the signs of a failed marriage? What causes marriage problems?

What are the 3 most important things in a marriage what do married couples fight about most what will destroy a marriage what are the signs of an unhappy husband what are the 5 pillars of marriage why do couples split up when should you leave a marriage, why is physical intimacy important in every marriage, when is a prenup necessary, how does infidelity impact marriage, what is the hardest thing to tackle in marriage, how do you successfully overcome conflicts in marriage.

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Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems: 9 Simple Steps To Solve Issues Fast

March 2, 2022 By Editorial Staff - Reviewed by Joseph Nolan

Relationship conflict can be difficult. But there are practical solutions to marriage problems. In this article, we will discuss nine of the most common solutions to marriage conflict.

This post contains some affiliate links to products that I use and love. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission, at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here .

In This Article

Austin and Jasmine Learn to Resolve Issues

Austin and Jasmine were like most couples. They got married right out of college. Jasmine got pregnant with their first child two years into the marriage. Austin’s job required lots of travel.

After 10 years, things were starting to fall apart. They were fighting more and more, and it seemed like they were growing further and further apart.

One night, they had a huge argument that led to a full-blown fight. They were screaming and yelling at each other, and it seemed like things were about to get physical.

Finally, they both decided that it was time to find solutions to their marriage problems. They agreed to separate for a month. They didn’t want to divorce, but they knew they couldn’t continue down the path they were on.

They both needed to learn different skills that would help them work through their issues. It was a long and difficult road, but eventually, they were able to repair their marriage and find the happiness that they had once had.

The nine things listed in this article were the starting point for Austin and Jasmine. Applying these practical, common-sense principles helped them get back on track so they could rebuild their relationship.

Nine Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems

No one enters into a marriage expecting it to fail, but unfortunately, many do. If you’re experiencing problems in your marriage, don’t give up hope.

There are ways to resolve these issues and save your marriage . Here are nine practical steps to help you do just that:

1. Communication is key.

Successful couples know how to communicate. They not only understand why communication is important, but they have also learned skills that help them navigate difficult issues .

Talk to your spouse about what’s bothering you and try to come to a resolution .

Marriage conflicts can be resolved through effective communication . This means that both spouses need to be able to openly express their thoughts and feelings, listen to each other, and be willing to compromise. If one spouse is not able to communicate effectively, the conflict will likely continue to escalate.

One problem that can often arise in marriage is that spouses may not feel heard or understood. This can lead to resentment and frustration.

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Effective communication can help to resolve these issues by providing a forum for both spouses to share their thoughts and feelings. It is also important for spouses to be able to listen to each other. This means that they should pay attention to what the other person is saying, and try to understand their point of view.

This can be difficult, especially if one spouse is feeling angry or frustrated. However, it is important to remember that listening is not the same as agreeing with the other person.

Finally, spouses need to be willing to compromise. This means that they should be willing to meet each other halfway, and not insist on getting their own way. Compromise can be difficult, but it is often the key to resolving conflicts.

2. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. If something is wrong, talk about it.

Emotions are a natural part of life, and itâs important to express them in a healthy way. Bottling them up can lead to all sorts of problems, so itâs important to talk about them openly and honestly.

Bottling up your feelings can lead to all sorts of problems, such as depression, anxiety, and even physical health problems.

If something is wrong, talk about it with someone you trust. Talking openly and honestly about your feelings can help you feel better and can help you resolve any problems you may be having. Bottling our emotions can also lead to us lashing out at others.

If weâre bottling up our anger , for example, we may end up taking our frustration out on the people around us. This can damage our relationships and make it harder for us to deal with our emotions in a healthy way. Talking about our feelings can also help us to better understand them.

When we talk about our feelings, we can start to see patterns in the way we react to certain situations. This can help us to better manage our emotions in the future.

3. Try to understand your spouse’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it.

When your spouse has a different opinion than you do, it’s important to try to understand where they’re coming from. Even if you don’t agree with their point of view, it’s helpful to have an understanding of why they think the way they do. This can help to avoid conflict and promote better communication.

This is why empathy is so important. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When you empathize with your spouse, you’re showing them that you care about their feelings and that you’re willing to try to see things from their point of view. It’s not always easy to do, but it can help to strengthen your relationship.

Agreement on big issues is necessary for a marriage to work. But it is okay to disagree on smaller issues. In fact, it’s healthy for couples to have different interests and to see the world in different ways. It’s important to remember that you’re not always going to agree with your spouse, and that’s okay. As long as you’re able to respect their opinions and communicate effectively, you’ll be able to handle any disagreement that comes your way.

Here are three simple steps to make sure you handle disagreements right:

Listen to your spouse
Acknowledge their feelings
Respond with love and acceptance

If you can follow these steps, you’ll be able to resolve any disagreement in a healthy way.

4. Make time for each other. Dedicate time each day to spend with your spouse, without distractions.

Spending time with your spouse should be a priority in your relationship. Dedicating time each day to spend with your spouse without distractions can help strengthen your relationship. This time can be used for talking, spending time together, or just being in the same room. It is important to make time for each other to connect and strengthen your relationship.

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We know time together is a key to making marriage strong, but what about when life throws you curve balls?

What if you donât have time to spend together because of work, kids, or other obligations?

Thatâs where date nights come in.

Date nights are a great way to reconnect with your spouse and have some uninterrupted time together. They donât have to be expensive or extravagant, but they should be something that you look forward to and make time for.

Some ideas for date nights include:

Picnic dinner in the park
Watching a movie at home
A night out at your favorite restaurant
Hiking or biking together
A weekend getaway

No matter what you do, the important thing is that you make time for each other and focus on your relationship. Date nights are a great way to do that!

5. Be affectionate. Show your spouse that you still care by being physically affectionate.

When it comes to physical affection , there are countless benefits to being physically close to your spouse.

For one, it feels good. Human beings are wired for touch and when we are physically close to someone we love, it releases oxytocin, which is often called the âcuddle hormoneâ because it makes us feel happy, content, and safe.

Physical affection can also help to strengthen your bond as a couple. In a study published in the Journal of Personal Relationships , researchers found that couples who were physically affectionate with each other were more likely to report being satisfied with their relationship.

Physical affection can also help to reduce stress and anxiety. In a study published in the Journal of Health Psychology , researchers found that couples who engaged in more physical affection had lower levels of cortisol, a hormone that is released in response to stress.

So why is physical affection so important? Because it feels good, it strengthens your relationship, and it reduces stress . Whatâs not to love?

6. Be forgiving. If your spouse makes a mistake, forgive them.

It is important to be forgiving of your spouse when they make a mistake because it is key to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. When one partner forgives the other for their transgressions, it creates a feeling of trust and allows for the relationship to move forward.

Holding onto resentment and anger will only damage the relationship and hinder its growth. Forgiving your spouse is also beneficial to your own mental and emotional health, as it allows you to move on from the mistake and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice that we make and it is one that can have a profound impact on our relationships. When we forgive our spouse for their mistakes, it allows us to rebuild trust and connection, and ultimately strengthens the relationship.

There are little known keys and principles for communcating in a way that makes you feel bonded and close to your spouse. We cover them in our Communication Bootcamp. >> Click here to learn more <<

Forging Deep Connections

Download this FREE eBook and discover how to create a deep connection with your spouse! You’ll learn:

5 Things to Test How Connected You Are
Things to Consider If You Want Deep Connection
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â¦And so much more!

7. Don’t criticize. If you don’t like something your spouse does, try to talk to them about it in a constructive way.

When you’re married, you’re not just living with your spouse, you’re living with their quirks too. And, sometimes, those quirks can drive you crazy. Maybe your spouse leaves their clothes all over the place, or maybe they’re always forgetting to do the dishes. Whatever it is, if you don’t like something your spouse does, it can be tough to keep quiet about it.

But, before you start airing your grievances, it’s important to try to talk to your spouse about it in a constructive way . That means avoiding name-calling, insults, and other forms of negativity. Instead, try to talk to them about how their behavior makes you feel, and see if you can come up with a solution together. Of course, this can be easier said than done.

If you’ve been having the same argument over and over again, it’s likely that there’s some underlying issue that needs to be addressed. In that case, it might be helpful to use a program like Mend The Marriage which can help you and your spouse communicate better and work through your issues.

No matter what, it’s important to remember that, as frustrating as your spouse’s quirks can be, they’re still a part of who they are. And, ultimately, you love them for who they are, quirks and all.

8. Don’t try to change your spouse. Accept them for who they are.

There are many reasons why you should not try to change your spouse. First and foremost, it is important to remember that you cannot change anyone but yourself . If you try to change your spouse, you will only be met with frustration and resentment.

Additionally, it is important to respect your spouse’s autonomy and independence . If you try to change them, you are essentially telling them that you do not trust them to make their own decisions. This can be very damaging to your relationship and can lead to resentment and mistrust.

Lastly, trying to change your spouse can be a sign of a lack of self-confidence. If you do not feel good about yourself, it can be tempting to try to change your spouse in order to make them more like you. However, this is not a healthy way to approach a relationship.

Ultimately, you should love your spouse for who they are, not for who you want them to be.

9. Seek help if needed. If you’re having trouble resolving a problem, seek professional help.

Most problems couples face are common marriage difficulties. At some point, most couples experience marriage issues. When those issues escalate, it’s time to shift gears and get professional help.

Going to a professional to help with your marriage problems may seem like a daunting task, but it can be one of the best decisions you ever make. A professional can help you and your spouse understand the issues you are facing and work to resolve them.

There are many different types of professionals who can help with marriage problems, including therapists, counselors, and psychologists. It is important to find one who is qualified and experienced in helping couples work through their issues.

When you meet with the professional, be prepared to discuss what is going on in your marriage. They will likely ask a lot of questions about your relationship and about the problems you are experiencing. It is important to be honest and open with them, as this will help them to provide the best possible help.

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The professional will likely give you both some exercises to do at home in order to help resolve the issues you are facing. They may also recommend that you attend couples counseling sessions.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or hopeless about your marriage, please do not hesitate to seek professional help. It can be the start of a journey towards a happy and healthy relationship.

Final Thoughts On Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems

No marriage is perfect, and even the best ones will experience problems from time to time. However, by following these nine practical steps, you can help resolve any marriage problems you may be experiencing.

2. Donât keep your feelings bottled up. If something is wrong, talk about it.
3. Try to understand your spouseâs point of view, even if you donât agree with it.
7. Donât criticize. If you donât like something your spouse does, try to talk to them about it in a constructive way.
8. Donât try to change your spouse. Accept them for who they are.
9. Seek help if needed. If youâre having trouble resolving a problem, seek professional help.

What’s Next?

Marriage Repair Handbook

What’s Include:

Why conflict is not always bad , but here’s how to deal with it if is.
How to use the 30 minute rule to minimize potential conflicts
How to reignite physical intimacy; why it increases your sense of connection
The six intimacy killers and how to address them in a healthy way
How to move past your past so you can enjoy your future
A list of ‘Immediate Impact Actions’ you can do starting today that will change your relationship
And so much more

36 Questions For Couples

Based on the research of psychologist Arthur Aron who demonstrated how these 36 questions could make total strangers fall in love.

EXPLORE Random Article

How to Help a Couple with Marriage Problems

Last Updated: March 12, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Nihal Shetty . Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 2,097 times.

If a friend has confided in you that they’re struggling with their marriage, you might be wondering how you can best help them navigate their emotions and feelings during this time. In situations like these, unless you’re a trained therapist, it’s best to play the role of a good listener and let the couple have the autonomy to make their own decisions. We’ll show you how to help a couple with marriage problems by walking you through ways you can be a source of support.

Offer emotional support.

A simple “I’m here for you” can help you make your friend feel less alone.

“I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I know it must be hard, but I also know that you’re a strong person.”
“I know you mentioned that you’ve been going through some issues in your marriage. Just wanted to let you know that you can trust me if you need someone to talk to.”
“I care about you, and want you to know that I’m here to support you as you work through these marriage problems.”

Be a good listener.

Give your friend space to process their thoughts with you.

“How did this make you feel?”
“How have your past conversations with your spouse gone?”
“What kinds of things can I do to support you?”

Rephrase their own perspective.

Summarize your friend’s thoughts to help them understand their feelings.

“So, what I’m hearing you say is…does that sound right?”
“So it sounds to me like what you’re getting at is…”
“So from your perspective, it seems like…”

Help them understand their spouse’s perspective.

Your friend may need help imagining their spouse’s point of view.

“Have you had a conversation about your needs? Maybe she just doesn’t know what they are.”
“It sounds like your husband has had a lot of trauma in the past. Do you think that could have something to do with this?”
“In-laws can sometimes feel intimidating. Do you think that your wife has a reason to be nervous around your parents?”

Limit your advice unless your friend asks for it.

Too much advice can be taken the wrong way.

“When I had these issues with my husband, it really helped when we decided to set aside 30 minutes each night to talk with no other distractions.”
“Every marriage is different, but maybe it would help if you had another conversation about each of your childcare responsibilities.”
“Seeing a couple’s therapist really helped us during some rocky patches. I could give you some recommendations if you’d like.”

Stay positive about their spouse.

Many people feel defensive of their spouses, even while criticizing them.

“I know you’re going through tough times, but hopefully you can both work together to solve these issues.”
“I know your husband is a really important part of your life. I’m here to support you as you try to work things out with him.”
“No matter what happens, I’m really glad that both of you have been a part of my life.”

Remember that divorce is your friend’s choice, not yours.

Even if you don’t think the marriage is a good one, stay away from telling them to divorce.

Connect them with community support.

Find couples with marriage experience in your shared social circles.

Talk to them about marital enrichment programs.

Your friend may be unaware that marital enrichment programs exist.

It can feel a little awkward bringing up these programs with your friend, especially if they aren’t aware of how popular they are. Try saying something like, “A lot of couples try doing sessions at a marital enrichment program. Have you heard of these? I could help you find one close by.”

Suggest couple’s counseling.

Couple’s therapy is one of the most effective suggestions you can make.

Bring up couple’s therapy to your friend by saying something like, “Have you considered couple’s therapy? I think it would really help both of you to have someone facilitate a discussion between you two.”

Be watchful for signs of abuse.

If you suspect your friend is a victim of domestic violence, plan for their safety.

If you notice visible bruises or other signs of abuse on your friend, ask them something like, “I know you might not feel comfortable talking about it, but if anyone is hurting you, please know me know. I care about you and you can trust me.”

Expert Q&A

↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/be-there-for-a-friends-relationship-crisis-but-dont-give-advice-1423504783
↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/practical-approach-addressing-barriers-physical-activity/202010/3-things-good-listeners
↑ https://maritalfirstresponders.org/research/
↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/so-happy-together/202006/mediating-other-people-s-marriage-problems
↑ https://www.usccb.org/topics/marriage-and-family-life-ministries/difficulties-married-couples-face
↑ https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Richard-Miller-5/publication/227718384_A_review_of_empirically_supported_marital_enrichment_programs/links/5d07bf3b299bf1f539cb19e1/A-review-of-empirically-supported-marital-enrichment-programs.pdf
↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/201712/couples-therapy-does-it-really-work
↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
↑ https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-worried-about-someone-else/

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A psychologist reveals 6 signs a marriage may end in divorce.

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Marital dissolution happens for a lot of reasons. Here are six of the most common reasons, according ... [+] to psychological research.

A classic 1997 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family analyzed over a decade’s worth of data from thousands of married couples to figure out the top causes of divorce. They came up with six, which are explained below.

While the research was conducted almost 30 years ago, the results are as relevant today as they were when first published.

1. Cheating/Infidelity

Infidelity remains one of the primary precursors to divorce, significantly undermining trust and emotional security within a relationship. When one partner breaches the fidelity pact, it leads to profound emotional pain and a sense of betrayal. This breach can erode the foundation of the relationship, making it difficult for the injured party to regain trust or for the relationship to recover fully.

Psychological studies consistently show that infidelity is not merely a physical act but a breach of emotional commitment and integrity, which are crucial for sustaining a healthy marital bond.

“Consistent with prior literature, infidelity was associated with an especially large increase in the odds of divorce,” write the authors, Paul Amato and Stacy Rogers, of the 1997 study.

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Financial disagreements are a leading cause of marital problems, often exacerbated by one partner's irresponsible spending habits. When one spouse consistently makes financial decisions without consulting the other or disregards agreed-upon budgets, it can lead to resentment, stress and ultimately, marital breakdown.

This issue goes beyond financial stability—it reflects deeper issues of respect, communication and mutual goals within the relationship.

Because “financial infidelity” is a top cause of marital problems, researchers have created a Financial Infidelity Scale to measure the extent of the problem. Rating items such as “If I really wanted to purchase something but my partner did not approve of the price, I would consider buying it anyway and not telling them” or “Sometimes I pretend to be saving money when, in reality, I am not” on an agree-disagree scale can help couples get to the root of the problem.

3. Drinking And/Or Drug Use

Substance abuse, including excessive drinking or drug use, can severely strain a marriage and is frequently cited as a precursor to divorce. Substance use disorders can alter behavior, impair judgment and lead to emotional instability, creating an unsafe or unpredictable environment within the relationship.

Moreover, substance abuse often correlates with other issues such as financial strain, neglect of responsibilities and emotional distance—all of which contribute to marital dissatisfaction and conflict.

4. Jealousy

Jealousy, whether rooted in past experiences or current insecurities, can poison a relationship by fostering mistrust and controlling behaviors. Excessive jealousy often reflects underlying issues of low self-esteem, fear of abandonment or unresolved trauma, which can lead to obsessive thoughts, accusations and attempts to control the partner's actions.

Over time, jealousy can suffocate intimacy and erode the emotional connection between partners, making reconciliation challenging without addressing its root causes.

Interestingly, the researchers found that husbands, more than wives, were more likely to cite wives’ jealousy as a significant relationship strain. This is also consistent with the finding that husbands reported fewer marital problems overall than wives.

Therapy aimed at building self-esteem, improving communication skills and fostering trust can help couples navigate jealousy constructively and strengthen relationship bonds.

5. Moodiness

Chronic moodiness or emotional volatility can strain marital relationships by creating an unpredictable and tense atmosphere at home. Mood swings, whether caused by underlying mental health conditions or situational stress, can lead to frequent conflicts, emotional distancing and difficulty in resolving disputes calmly.

When one partner's mood fluctuations dominate the relationship dynamics, it can leave the other feeling emotionally neglected or on edge, contributing to feelings of dissatisfaction and, ultimately, the breakdown of marital harmony.

6. Irritating Habits

Over time, seemingly minor habits or behaviors that initially seemed endearing or tolerable can become significant sources of irritation and tension in a marriage.

Whether it's leaving dirty laundry around, constant lateness or persistent forgetfulness, these habits can wear down patience and goodwill between partners. What may start as mild annoyance can escalate into frequent arguments or emotional distancing if left unaddressed.

Couples therapy often focuses on improving communication skills and negotiation strategies to address these problems constructively, fostering mutual understanding and compromise. Addressing problematic habits and behaviors early can prevent them from becoming entrenched sources of conflict that contribute to marital dissatisfaction and, potentially, divorce.

Unsure whether your marriage will stand the test of time? Take the Marital Satisfaction Scale to learn more.

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Welcome to Plathville’s Plath Family’s Ups and Downs Through the Years: Feuds, Arrests and More

Since Welcome to Plathville premiered, the Plath family has dealt with their fair share of ups and downs.

Kim Plath and ex- husband Barry Plath — who announced their separation in June 2022 — rose to fame after the series debuted on TLC in 2019. The docuseries chronicles Kim and Barry’s life in rural Georgia with children Ethan, Hosanna, Micah, Moriah, Lydia, Isaac, Amber, Cassia and Mercy . (Hosanna and her husband, Timothy Noble , have not appeared on the reality TV show .)

While the family had a tight bond for years, things hit a snag leading up to Ethan’s 2018 nuptials to Olivia Plath when she clashed with Kim over planning the wedding .

“When we were dating, I knew that I was being controlled in what we were allowed to do, what we’re allowed to say,” Olivia recalled to Us Weekly in August 2021 . “I remember the night that it clicked for me was the night we got engaged. We come in the door, [Kim] waited up for us and she, like, grabbed my hand and looked at the ring. And the first thing she said was, ‘Oh, I want to trade rings with you.’ And I was like, ‘OK, that’s really weird.’”

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Olivia has remained at odds with Kim and Barry, but she and Ethan — who split in October 2023 — were on good terms with his siblings.

Scroll below to revisit the Plaths’ ups and downs through the years:

Credit: TLC

While the family had a tight bond for years, things hit a snag leading up to Ethan’s 2018 nuptials to Olivia Plath when she clashed with Kim over planning the wedding .

Olivia has remained at odds with Kim and Barry, but she and Ethan — who split in October 2023 — were on good terms with his siblings.

Scroll below to revisit the Plaths’ ups and downs through the years:

Credit: Youtube/TLC

October 2018

As Olivia and Ethan planned their dreamy wedding, the blogger was at odds with Kim before getting into a heated exchange during the reception.

“I think a lot of it was my mom trying to make it her wedding almost,” Micah exclusively told Us in August 2021 about what went down. “It was at her place. She had what she wanted to do. She’s just, you know, really excited, and I feel like that happens a good amount of times, but she probably went a little overboard and Olivia definitely felt that way.”

He added: “I mean, I don’t know exactly, but this is kind of what I’ve gotten from it just a whole bunch of things like that, that led up to, a lot of frustrated and bad communication. Just people not saying what they’re going to do, doing things differently, doing things other people didn’t want to.”

November 2019

Nearly one year after Olivia and Ethan’s dramatic wedding day, the family’s docuseries premiered on TLC. Welcome to Plathville has since been airing for four seasons.

Credit: Courtesy of Ethan Plath/Instagram

August 2021

As the Plaths began filming season 3 of Welcome to Plathville , Ethan and Olivia’s marital struggles were thrust into the spotlight.

“Our relationship almost had to hit rock bottom for us to kind of wake up, prioritize and actually deal with our own problems,” she told Us in August 2021 , noting couple’s therapy helped the pair’s marriage improve. “It really sucked hitting rock bottom. When we started the season, pretty much, like, everything [was] not going well at all and kind of came to a head within the first few weeks. It also means that as uncomfortable as the first few episodes and scenes are going to be, it gets a lot better. It gets worse before it gets better. … We’re in a much better place now.”

October 2021

Ethan and Olivia eventually left their Cairo, Georgia, hometown in the season 3 finale, but wanted to “tie up loose ends” with his family before moving. “It’s time to close the chapter and move on,” Kim and Barry’s eldest son said of their estranged relationship with his folks .

Moriah and longtime boyfriend Max Kallschmidt announced their split in February 2022 before the “Missed Myself” singer confirmed the news during the May 31 episode of the TLC hit. During the episode, Moriah confided in brother Micah that Max confessed to cheating on her and then attempted to conceal the truth.

“It hurt so bad because I feel like I gave him everything I had. And then as soon as I moved to Tampa, it’s, like, you’re just going to do that?” she tearfully admitted. “I also feel like looking back and reflecting on our relationship and stuff that I didn’t see when I was in it, it just kind of made me, like, [realize] maybe it wasn’t as good as I thought it was.”

Throughout season 4 of Welcome to Plathville , Kim and Barry admitted that they were living separately. By June, they announced their breakup.

“After considerable thought and discussion, we have decided to end our marriage,” the pair — who got married in July 1997 — told Us in a joint statement . “While this was not an easy decision, we know it’s the best choice for both of us. We have been through many highs and lows in our 24 years of marriage and as we navigate this new chapter in our lives, we will coparent our amazing children.”

Credit: Courtesy of Micah Plath/Instagram

August 2022

Olivia alleged in a season 4 episode that Kim had used Ethan’s credit card without his permission, claiming that she stole from his bank account. While Ethan asserted that he did not know his password to revoke his mother’s access, the siblings clarified the story in a social media statement and noted that Ethan and Kim had an ongoing business agreement. The brothers and sisters have since been open about supporting one another.

“Some of us kids have been rebels and are finding our place in life and our very thankful to be supported and unconditionally loved by our family … no matter what choices we make or who we become,” their joint Instagram message read. “Please remember that we are human and do make mistakes. Nobody is perfect and we continue to learn and grow with every day. Not one person is at fault.”

Credit: Courtesy of Lt. Jeffrey Yarbrough Public Information Officer

October 2022

Us confirmed that Kim had been arrested on October 20 for driving under the influence, property damage and personal injury in Wakulla County, Georgia. While Kim has not addressed the charges, the sheriff’s office confirmed that she turned herself in on a DUI warrant. The reality TV matriarch was released later that day.

Credit: Youtube/TLC ; Courtesy of Lt. Jeffrey Yarbrough Public Information Officer

Kim was found guilty in her DUI case, according to online court records. She was sentenced to perform 50 hours of community service, attend DUI school and complete a substance abuse evaluation. The Georgia native will also have to pay $963 in court costs and comply with random drug and alcohol testing.

October 2023

Nearly five months after Ethan and Olivia sparked split speculation, they announced their plans to separate.

“It just didn’t work between us, though Lord knows we both gave it all we had,” Ethan wrote via Instagram on October 27. “It seemed we were constantly pulling each other in opposite directions in life with different goals. I wish Olivia the best in the future ahead. I care for her deeply and always will.”

Credit: TLC/YouTube

Kim officially filed for divorce from Barry, two years after they announced their split. In the docs, obtained by Us , Kim described their marriage as “irretrievably broken” and listed their date of separation as December 23, 2021. In addition to asking the court for equal separation of their “marital property” and “marital debts,” she requested primary custody of her and Barry’s three minor children — Amber, Cassia and Mercy.

“Plaintiff shows that she is a fit and proper parent to care for the minor children and that she is entitled to both temporary and permanent primary custody of the minor children,” the docs read. Kim also asked that Barry pay child support.

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Welcome to Plathville

Samsung might finally be about to deal with the Galaxy S24 Ultra's biggest problem

A redesign could see sharp corners replaced with a rounded look

The G alaxy S24 Ultra is on of the best phones Samsung has ever made. Much of this is down to its incredible camera, which gives it a coveted spot as one of our best Android phones . Unfortunately, there’s one thing that lets this phone down, and that’s its sharp corners. But Samsung could finally be about to deal with this problem with the rumored Galaxy S25 Ultra, likely to be released next year.

This all dates back to Samsung’s decision in 2022 to make its Galaxy S22 Ultra a note-style design with an S Pen integrated directly into it. This has led to hands all around the world being dug into so uncomfortably that it can ruin the whole experience of owning the phone for some people.

All of this could be about to change, according to Ice Universe , a long-trusted and reliable leaker of all things Samsung. He’s previously documented how using the phone has caused damage to his hand and now he’s claiming that the squared corners are going to be replaced with rounded ones. The tipster goes a step further and says the corners will be “really rounded”. Hands can breathe a figurative sigh of relief.

I can confirm 100% that the Galaxy S25 Ultra will not crush your palm again.It's really rounded! pic.twitter.com/rKf8TmCoAs June 27, 2024

Rounded corners are already commonplace in the Galaxy S24 and Galaxy S24 Plus models so this won’t feel like the biggest design change Samsung has ever made. Bringing continuity across the three handsets in the series will certainly make sense, not just from an ergonomic point of view but also in terms of a design ethos.

Long term Galaxy S24 Ultra users might be concerned that the rounded corners might mean a drop in S Pen integration but this is apparently not the case.

Samsung’s love affair with square corners is apparently not over, though. If the leaks are to be trusted, then Samsung has plans to introduce equally harsh square corners into the rumored upcoming Galaxy Z Fold 6 . Dropping them for one phone and introducing them for another won’t make sense to most users but only time will tell what designs Samsung opts for.

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3 Keys to Managing Stress in Your Marriage

Marital stress is unwanted and can seriously harm a relationship if unchecked..

Posted January 3, 2023 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

What Is Stress?
Take our Burnout Test
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Couples communicate best when they are relaxed and well-rested. Stress interferes by causing irritability and emotional exhaustion.
Emotional intimacy in relationships decreases when each partner's desire for intimacy changes due to stress.
Chronic stress can lead to physical health problems, further straining an already precarious relationship.

Stress awareness and stress management are critical in long-term relationships. According to new research , learning to support one another and identify when each other is experiencing stress is important to marriage satisfaction and overall well-being. Here are three specific ways that stress management helps a marriage improve communication, increase intimacy , and enhance physical health.

1. Communication

Stress can negatively impact how spouses interact with each other. Under stress, people typically become more irritable, anxious, or emotionally exhausted. This, in turn, can affect spousal communication and behavior. Romantic partners may also have less patience and be more prone to conflicts.

Stress can also lead to changes in one's emotional state, which can affect their ability to communicate the desires and preferences that are important for a partner to hear clearly. When couples struggle with chronic stress, they may withdraw from each other emotionally and become less effective at sending the right signals to their partners.

2. Intimacy

Stress can lead to a decrease in intimacy between partners. When people are under psychological pressure, they may have less time and energy for shared activities and affection, and they may be more focused on their own stress and concerns rather than on their relationship. Stress can also lead to changes in one's emotional state, which can affect their desire for intimacy.

The critical point is that couples need to find ways to manage stress and support each other during times of anxiety in order to maintain healthy and positive interactions with each other. This can help improve communication and intimacy, thereby protecting the overall health of the relationship.

3. Physical Health

Chronic stress can have a negative impact on physical health. It can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses such as the common cold and flu. It can also lead to physical health problems, such as:

Headaches: Stress can cause tension headaches or migraines .
Digestive problems: Stress can cause or exacerbate digestive issues such as acid reflux, stomach ulcers, and inflammatory bowel disease.
Heart problems: Chronic stress has been linked to an increased risk of heart attack and stroke.
Sleep problems: Stress can disrupt your sleep patterns, leading to insomnia or other sleep disorders.
Weight gain or loss: Stress can cause changes in appetite and metabolism, leading to weight gain or loss.

In addition, stress can lead to physical health problems, such as problems sleeping , which can further decrease communication and intimacy between partners. Many of us need to do a better job of taking care of ourselves physically. This can include activities such as exercise, mindfulness , and seeking support from friends and loved ones.

It is important for couples to find ways to manage unwanted stress and to support each other in critical aspects of marriage. Three key areas are improving communication, increasing intimacy, and protecting overall physical health.

Bennett, K. (2019). Ancestral threats vs. modern threats. In Shackelford, T.K., & Weekes‐Shackelford, V. (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science . Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_2997-1

Bennett, K., Gualtieri, T., & Kazmierczyk, B. (2018). Undoing solitary urban design: A review of risk factors and mental health outcomes associated with living in social isolation. Journal of Urban Design and Mental Health, 4 : 7 . https://www.urbandesignmentalhealth.com/journal-4---solitary-urban-design.html

Vorbach, L., & Bennett, K. (2020). Cortisol affords immediate action and alertness. In Shackelford, T.K., & Weekes‐Shackelford, V.A. (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science . Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_1152-1

Vorbach, L., & Bennett, K. (2020). Stress and cortisol. In Shackelford, T.K., & Weekes‐Shackelford, V.A. (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science . Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_1151-1

Neff, L. A., & Buck, A. A. (2022). When Rose-Colored Glasses Turn Cloudy: Stressful Life Circumstances and Perceptions of Partner Behavior in Newlywed Marriage. Social Psychological and Personality Science , 0 (0). https://doi.org/10.1177/19485506221125411

Kevin Bennett, Ph.D., is a teaching professor of social-personality psychology at Penn State University Beaver Campus and host of Kevin Bennett Is Snarling, a podcast about danger, deception, and desire.

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What to Do If You're Married but Lonely

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

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Signs of Loneliness
Why Married People Feel Lonely

Frequently Asked Questions

You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. While being in a committed relationship might seem like the solution to the feeling of loneliness, it is possible to be married and lonely.

Loneliness is a subjective state of mind in which people desire more social contact but feel disconnected or isolated from other people. It's more about how you feel about your connectedness to others. If you’ve ever felt lonely in a crowd, you can appreciate that being surrounded by other people isn’t necessarily a cure for feelings of isolation.

You might be spending time with your spouse, but this doesn't mean that you can't feel lonely even in their presence. These feelings can lead you to feel empty, unwanted , or misunderstood by your significant other.

Is it normal to be lonely when you're married?

According to a 2018 survey by the AARP, being married but lonely is far from uncommon. Nearly 33% of married people over the age of 45 reported feeling lonely.

This article discusses why people are sometimes married but lonely as well as some of the steps you can take to combat feelings of loneliness in your marriage.

Signs of Being Married and Lonely

Living with another person isn’t a cure for loneliness. It is your feelings of being connected to your spouse that keep you from feeling isolated and alone in your relationship. Some of the signs that you might be feeling lonely in your marriage include:

You feel lonely, even when you're together . It feels like there is a separation between you that you don't know how to fix.
You don't talk to each other . Perhaps you feel like your spouse isn't interested in what you say. Or maybe you just don't feel like telling them about the ins and outs of your day. In either case, you're not communicating and it’s leading to feelings of isolation and disappointment.
You find reasons to avoid your spouse . This might involve staying at work late, finding things to stay busy away from your partner, or simply scrolling social media to avoid interacting with them.
You rarely or never have sex . Not only is your relationship lacking emotional intimacy, but you're also lacking physical intimacy.

All of these factors can contribute to feelings of loneliness in your marriage. Sometimes this might only affect one person in the relationship, but in many cases, both partners may be left feeling isolated and cut off from their partner.

Being Alone vs. Being Lonely

Remember that solitude isn’t the same thing as loneliness. You can be alone, but not lonely. You can also spend time with your spouse and still feel isolated or emotionally abandoned. Having time to yourself can be good for your mental health, but it is important to know what you can do if you are feeling lonely .

Why Are People Married but Lonely?

Research suggests that loneliness has been on the rise in recent years. A 2018 survey conducted by the Pew Research Center found that people who were unhappy with their family life were more likely to report feeling lonely.

There are many factors that can contribute to loneliness in your marriage:

Work and family : One of the most common reasons why married couples feel as if they are drifting apart is due to the pressures from family and work. When you are both struggling with busy schedules filled with caring for children, working, and juggling other responsibilities, you may feel like two ships passing in the night. Because you rarely have time together as a couple, you might find yourself feeling more and more that you are growing apart from your partner .
Stressful events : Sometimes the challenges that couples face together can create rifts in a relationship. A stressful or traumatic event can put a strain on even the strongest of relationships, but it can feel even more difficult if it magnifies or exposes weaknesses in your marriage. Losing your job is something that can become more difficult if you feel like your spouse isn’t being supportive or sympathetic. In these cases, you may find yourself feeling abandoned and lonely even after the stressful event is resolved.
Unrealistic expectations : In some cases, your feelings of loneliness might have less to do with your spouse and more to do with other needs that aren’t being met. Poor interpersonal relationships outside of your marriage, for example, might cause you to expect your spouse to meet all of your social needs. Because you are looking to your spouse to fulfill a need that they cannot be reasonably expected to fill, it’s little wonder that you end up feeling dissatisfied.
Lack of vulnerability : Not being vulnerable with your partner can also lead to feelings of isolation. This means that the person you are closest to doesn’t know the personal, intimate details of your life. If you’re not talking about your deeper emotions, including your dreams and fears, it’s much more difficult to feel understood and connected to your spouse.
Social media comparisons : Making unrealistic comparisons to relationships you see portrayed on social media can also contribute to feelings of loneliness. One 2017 study found that people who spent more time on social media sites also reported experiencing higher levels of loneliness.

This increase in loneliness was likely worsened as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. Because many people's social circles became much more limited during and even after the pandemic, it created a great deal of pressure for many married couples.

Where people used to have other relationships to help fulfill some of their social needs, the pandemic often forced people to rely on their spouses to fulfill all of these roles. Changed workplaces, increased telecommuting, and other life changes have also meant that people's social situations have changed even after the pandemic. So when your partner simply can't meet all of these demands, you might find yourself feeling like you don't have the support you need.

Loneliness in a marriage can be caused by a number of different things. Family, work, and stress often play a role, but internal factors such as your own unrealistic expectations and fear of vulnerability can also make it hard to connect with your spouse.

Effects of Being Married and Lonely

Loneliness is an emotionally painful experience. It's also one that many people don't talk about. Unfortunately, research also suggests that these feelings can have a negative impact on both your physical and emotional health. Some ways loneliness might affect you include:

Increase alcohol and substance use
Increased risk for depression
Worsened immunity
Poor overall well-being
Greater risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke

Feelings of loneliness can also affect your well-being in other ways. When you are feeling lonely in your marriage, you might be less likely to engage in health-promoting behaviors like exercising or eating healthy. It might also impact your sleep or cause feelings of stress and negative thinking that can also be detrimental to your health.

What to Do If You’re Married but Lonely

If you are feeling a sense of loneliness or isolation in your marriage, there are steps you can take to feel more connected. Figuring out the possible cause of the problem, talking to your spouse, and spending more quality time together are great places to start.

Talk to Your Spouse

The first step is to talk to your partner about what you are feeling and see if they are experiencing the same thing. If you are both feeling lonely, then it’s likely something you can work on together to reconnect and build a deeper sense of connection.

If this sense of loneliness is one-sided, it might be more difficult to address. If your partner is being emotionally supportive but you still feel lonely, it might be something else within yourself that you need to work on.

Avoid Blaming

As you work on overcoming loneliness in your relationship, it’s important to avoid placing blame. This can cause your partner to feel attacked and become defensive.

Instead of framing these conversations around what your spouse isn’t doing (“You never ask me questions about my day!”), focus on talking about your own feelings and needs (“I’ve been feeling alone and it would help me if you asked me about my experiences and feelings.”)

Spend More Time Together

Getting more quality time with your spouse is another important step. The demands of daily life, including family and work, can make it hard to focus on your relationship. Doing things like carving out time for a date night, going to bed at the same time, and talking about your days are just a few things that can help you feel more connected to your spouse.

Limiting your social media use may also be helpful. As the research suggests, heavy social media use may contribute to increased feelings of isolation and loneliness.

It can also contribute to unrealistic expectations about your own relationship. When you see filtered highlights of other people's lives and relationships, it may make you feel less positive about your own.

Creating limits around your social media use can also have other benefits, including more time to spend with your partner. If you’ve found yourself scrolling through your newsfeed instead of talking to your partner, consider creating a time and space where you put down your phone and focus on each other instead.

Get Professional Help

If loneliness is still causing problems, you should consider talking to a therapist about why you are married but lonely. Couples therapy can be highly effective and can address problems with trust, intimacy, empathy, and communication. A therapist can help you learn more about how to connect with each other, develop stronger communication skills, and work on any underlying issues that might be interfering with your marriage.

If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, you can take steps to fix the problem. Talking to your spouse is an essential first step. Spending more time together can also help you feel more connected. Couples therapy can also be effective for improving different aspects of your relationship.

A Word From Verywell

It's important to remember that every marriage is different. And every relationship will have a natural ebb and flow, which may include periods of feeling less connected.

If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, it's important to figure out what might be causing it and take steps to address the problem. Getting to the bottom of the issue now can help you work toward building a healthier relationship.

The reasons you feel married and lonely are likely complex and varied. For many people, the pressures of juggling work and family life often leave little time to spend quality time together as a couple, which can result in disconnection and loneliness. Stressful events, poor communication, lack of intimacy, and unrealistic expectations can also play a part.

The first step toward overcoming loneliness in a relationship is to discuss the problem with your spouse. They might be feeling the same way, or they might be completely unaware of the problem. Be careful not to accuse or blame them, but mention that you would like to spend more time together to focus on rebuilding your sense of intimacy and connection. If you're still struggling, it can also be helpful to talk to a professional couple's therapist.

Walkaway wife syndrome is a colloquial expression to describe someone who leaves a marriage because they are unhappy and can no longer stay in the relationship. It is also sometimes referred to as 'sudden divorce syndrome' or 'neglected wife syndrome.' Feeling lonely in a relationship can sometimes contribute to the emotional disconnection that ultimately leads to the end of a marriage.

Thayer C, Anderson GO. Loneliness and Social Connections: A National Survey of Adults 45 and Older . AARP Research; 2018. doi:10.26419/res.00246.001

Hsieh N, Hawkley L. Loneliness in the older adult marriage: Associations with dyadic aversion, indifference, and ambivalence . J Soc Pers Relat . 2018;35(10):1319-1339. doi:10.1177/0265407517712480

Cacioppo JT, Cacioppo S. The growing problem of loneliness . The Lancet. 2018;391(10119):426

Bialik K. Americans unhappy with family, social or financial life are more likely to say they feel lonely . Pew Research Center.

Flood SM, Genadek KR. Time for each other: work and family constraints among couples . J Marriage Fam . 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255

Primack BA, Shensa A, Sidani JE, et al. Social media use and perceived social isolation among young adults in the U.S . American Journal of Preventive Medicine . 2017;53(1):1-8. doi:10.1016/j.amepre.2017.01.010

Harvard University. Loneliness in America: how the pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness and what we can do about it .

Lee SL, Pearce E, Ajnakina O, et al. The association between loneliness and depressive symptoms among adults aged 50 years and older: A 12-year population-based cohort study . Lancet Psychiatry . 2021;8(1):48-57. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(20)30383-7

Vitlic A, Lord JM, Phillips AC. Stress, ageing and their influence on functional, cellular and molecular aspects of the immune system . Age (Dordr) . 2014;36(3). doi:10.1007/s11357-014-9631-6

Xia N, Li H. Loneliness, social isolation, and cardiovascular health . Antioxid Redox Signal . 2018 Mar 20;28(9):837-851. doi:10.1089/ars.2017.7312

Overton AR, Lowry AC. Conflict management: difficult conversations with difficult people . Clin Colon Rectal Surg . 2013;26(4):259-64. doi:10.1055/s-0033-1356728

Schofield MJ, Mumford N, Jurkovic D, Jurkovic I, Bickerdike A. Short and long-term effectiveness of couple counselling: A study protocol . BMC Public Health . 2012;12:735. doi:10.1186/1471-2458-12-735

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Category: Announcements

Xbox Gaming Coming to Amazon Fire TV: Play More Games, No Console Needed

Ashley McKissick, Corporate Vice President, Xbox Experiences and Platforms Engineering

At Xbox, we’re committed to bringing the joy and community of gaming to everyone. Today, we’re announcing a collaboration with Amazon where Xbox Game Pass Ultimate members in over 25 countries can play games directly from the Xbox app on select Fire TV devices via cloud gaming, giving people even more choice in how they play their favorite games.

In July, the Xbox app will be available on the Fire TV Stick 4K Max (2023) ($59.99) and Fire TV Stick 4K (2023) ($49.99). For people new to console gaming, or for those looking for another way to play, it’s a great low-cost, convenient, and portable option to enjoy a huge library of incredible games.

To get started, players just need a Fire TV Stick, a Bluetooth-enabled wireless controller, and an Xbox Game Pass Ultimate membership to gain instant access to hundreds of phenomenal games, including Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II, Starfield, and Forza Horizon 5, among others.

Plus, Bethesda Game Studios’ beloved Fallout games are also available with Game Pass Ultimate, including Fallout 76 and Fallout 4 . Fallout fans will be able to play these games on select Amazon Fire TV devices alongside the acclaimed Fallout TV show on Prime Video, which released in April.

Once downloaded, the Xbox app is designed to offer a smooth and seamless experience. Here’s how it works:

Simply install and launch the Xbox app from your Fire TV device.
Sign in with your Microsoft account to play. If you’re an Xbox Game Pass Ultimate member, you’ll have instant access to hundreds of cloud-enabled games.
Not a member? No worries! You can join Xbox Game Pass Ultimate for one low monthly price , or check out Fortnite without a membership.
Connect a Bluetooth-enabled wireless controller. Controllers like the Xbox Wireless Controller, Xbox Adaptive Controller, PlayStation DualSense, or DualShock 4 controller are all compatible.
Start Playing!

Over the past several years, we have been on a journey to deliver cloud gaming to more devices and to more people around the globe. We are excited to add Fire TV to our growing family of cloud gaming devices and eager to welcome new players into this experience.

Stay tuned for additional details. You can read about Xbox Cloud Gaming (Beta) on Fire TV devices at Amazon’s blog here , and to learn more about Xbox Cloud Gaming (Beta), visit xbox.com/cloudgaming .

Editor’s note: This post was edited to indicate that the Xbox app will come to select Amazon Fire TV sticks in July 2024.

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Counseling, either together or separately (or both), can help you with the decision-making process. Research published in 2020 revealed the most frequently given reasons for divorce from a sample of more than 2,000 people. They were: Lack of love/intimacy. Communication issues. Lack of sympathy/respect/trust.
7 Causes for Conflict in Marriage and How to Resolve Them
Unmet expectations - unreasonable expectations. Conflicting standpoints on the subject of children. Inability to manage marriage finances. Allocation of time to marriage and personal pursuits. Lack of sexual compatibility. Breakdown in communication. Mismatched dynamics and imbalanced powerplay in personalities. Other types of marital conflict.
12 Marriage Problems Couples Commonly Face
2. Lack of intimacy. Sex matters. Still, many couples lose interest in intimacy because of emotional issues, medical problems, financial or other life stressors, or because things seem to be in a rut. If you want to maintain a loving marriage, you must be willing to make physical intimacy a priority.
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Gottman refers to criticism as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," a group of factors that can be lethal to a relationship and one of the top signs of divorce. The other three are contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Of course, expressing your feelings to your partner is healthy if something they did triggers you.
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You feel more yourself when separate. When you first get together with your spouse, you're supposed to feel like they bring out the best in you, and you like who you are around them. In an unhappy marriage, you'll feel more yourself when they're not around and may even dislike who you are around them, Birkel says. 10.
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Get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest communication or seek couples counseling to help mend your relationship. 6. Not enough time spent alone. Some of the common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together.
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Listen closely, and try not to interrupt. Your partner probably has their own view of what's going on in your marriage. Do your best to see things from their perspective, and don't dismiss how they're feeling right away. If you try your best to be understanding, you two can have better, more productive conversations.
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Avoid the urge to insist on what you want or doing things your way. Keep an open mind and encourage your spouse to voice their opinion. If things start to get heated between you in an argument, think of ways to deescalate the conflict and try to keep things light. 6. Acknowledge your spouse's feelings.
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Austin and Jasmine Learn to Resolve Issues. Nine Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems. 1. Communication is key. 2. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. If something is wrong, talk about it. 3. Try to understand your spouse's point of view, even if you don't agree with it.
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Rephrase their own perspective. Summarize your friend's thoughts to help them understand their feelings. Studies have shown that after confiding their marriage problems to someone else, people have said that having their own perspective rephrased and stated back to them is among the most helpful things a listener can do.
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Division of labor

Prioritizing time

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Being in a marriage doesn't guarantee you'll be happy. Here are 16 signs of an unhappy marriage and whether or not it can be revived.

16 signs you're in an unhappy marriage

Your relationship has become sexless.

You struggle to spend time together.

You stop sharing wins with each other.

You’re both defensive.

You avoid each other, as much as you can.

You daydream about leaving.

There's an anxious versus avoidant attachment dynamic.

You feel more yourself when separate.

You stop arguing.

You're in denial about negative patterns.

There's no understanding or compassion.

Body language changes.

It feels physically wrong being together.

You feel contempt toward each other.

You stonewall each other.

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What to do if you're in an unhappy marriage

Can you revive an unhappy marriage?

When to get divorced

If you want to leave your marriage but can't

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Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?

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