body autonomy books for toddlers

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7 books to teach kids about body autonomy and consent

It’s never too early to teach kids about boundaries — but where should you start?

Dr. Shannon Curry, a clinical psychologist and director of the Curry Psychology Group in Orange County, California, stressed the importance of a parent’s role as being the most influential and trusted authority in a child’s life.

“By teaching your child about body autonomy and consent, they learn that their body is their own, that they can make choices about what happens to their body, and that they alone determine what is comfortable or uncomfortable for them,” Curry told TODAY Parents .

Katey Howes, author of the children's book “Rissy No Kissies,” added that kids are never too young to learn about autonomy, boundaries and consent.

“Finding the tools to teach them isn’t always easy,” Howes told TODAY Parents. “I wrote ‘Rissy No Kissies’ to help kids and caregivers see that we all give and receive affection in our own ways, whether that’s hugs or high-fives, cards or kisses. When kids can recognize and communicate boundaries, they grow up with healthy relationships built on respect for their own bodies and feelings — and for the bodies and feelings of others.”

“Don’t Hug Doug (He Doesn't Like It)'' author Carrie Finison said she hopes her book on consent helps both adults and children start a conversation that might not happen otherwise.

“Relationships work better when both parties are comfortable and feel respected,” Finison said. “I want 'Don’t Hug Doug' to help kids and adults to practice both asking for consent, and answering the question of whether they want a hug, so that they get comfortable having that conversation — first in the context of the story, and later in the context of their own lives.”

Ready to have the conversation? We found five more titles that will help introduce kids to the important concept of consent:

“C is For Consent” by Eleanor Morrison

This board book follows a little boy to a get-together where he determines what types of physical interactions he will have with friends and relatives. Morrison helps both children and parents see how to foster healthy boundaries.

“Don’t Touch My Hair!” by Sharee Miller

Permission is the theme of this entertaining picture book that follows Aria through the jungle, under water and even into outer space. Miller uses her female character to showcase the overlap between curiosity and consent.

“Miles Is the Boss of His Body” by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter and Abbie Schiller

At Miles’ birthday party, he is the recipient of more affection than he wants or appreciates from various family members. He announces he is the boss of his own body and receives support from his family, providing a healthy example of actions and reactions for both children and parents.

“My Body! What I Say Goes!” by Jayneen Sanders

Personal body safety is taught through age-appropriate illustrations covering feelings, secrets, respectful relationships and safe vs. unsafe touch. Recommended for ages 3 through 10, Sanders’ book can be used as children grow.

“Personal Space Camp” by Julia Cook

Space-obsessed Louis thinks he’s going to learn about the solar system when he gets called to the principal’s office for "Personal Space Camp." He quickly learns that physical boundaries, not moon landings, are on the agenda. Humor guides kids on how to communicate personal space needs in this personal library must-have.

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It’s never too early to teach kids about consent—these books can help

It's never too early to teach your child about consent and boundaries.

By Little Feminist October 12, 2022

We independently select and share the products we love—and may receive a commission if you choose to buy.

Every month, Little Feminist curates the best diverse books the globe offers, so grown-ups can focus on raising brave and kind humans . One of the topics most important to us is teaching body autonomy and consent to our children.

We believe story time is an opportunity to reinforce that each of us is the boss of our body, which means we wait to hear “yes” before we touch/play.

Related: 10 children’s books to help teach resilience & strength

For over two years, we’ve been searching for the best books to teach our kids about consent and body autonomy, but none of them were written with babies and toddlers in mind—and consent is an important topic to start teaching early!  

That’s why we wrote our own body autonomy board book called “ This is my Body – I Get To Choose: An Introduction To Consent.” The book is written with littles in mind while supporting their grown-ups, giving parents and carers the language they need to start conversations about consent.

What is body autonomy?

Let’s talk about body boundaries, consent and respect. In its simplest form, consent is giving permission for something to happen. At Little Feminist , we love the term “My body is mine.” We aim to give parents and carers the tools to create positive habits around bodily autonomy: not assuming consent from children and teaching that kids have a right to decide what happens to their bodies. Teaching this is a critical social-emotional skill that we can nurture as part of raising empathetic, body-positive kids. We want our kids to understand that their body is their own and the importance of respecting others’ bodies (and boundaries!)

How to raise children that stand for body autonomy & why it’s important

Giving affection can be freely given and withheld, and boundaries need to be in place for full body autonomy. Our little(s) rely on how we model (and teach) consent . Teaching consent is just as crucial for a baby as it is for a teen or an adult. And we know that modeling consent should start at the baby and toddler stages because a child’s body—and their autonomy over it—is just as important as an adult’s. 

For example, you can practice asking for hugs and kisses and encourage friends and family to do the same. Using verbal cues, body language and other strategies, you can teach children about consent during babyhood. Take diaper-changing: you can make eye contact, acknowledge our baby, and include them in the process and experience. For example, “I’m going to open your diaper now and wipe you. Then I’m going to put your diaper and pants back on.” Leading by example will teach them to ask before touching and respect the response. 

Related: Why I don’t make my kids apologize

But what if your child doesn’t have a choice (e.g., bath, clothing, doctor’s visit)? You can still offer options. For example, “It’s time to put on your shoes. Do you want to wear your blue or red shoes?” 

Over time, the conversation can expand to how consent plays a role in healthy relationships. Once you start teaching consent at an early age your kids will start developing a foundation of skills that will impact other areas of their life, such as:

• Body awareness
• Understanding their own feelings and others’ emotions
• Reading body language
• Asking questions
• Communicating with those around them

Why The Little Feminist created our own books about body autonomy

Books about consent are one of the most requested topics from our book club members. We’ve read all the books about consent and realized there were no complete baby/toddler-friendly titles. Most existing books about consent focus on animals rather than being feminist and intersectional, meaning: anti-racist, body-positive, trans and gender-fluid inclusive, and challenging ableism. And we found this  was problematic because teaching consent really does start with babies and toddlers, according to research . 

Related: 9 children’s books to promote body positivity, from ages 2-12

The end results? We decided to write the book we knew was missing, written and photographed specifically for 0-6-year-olds. Studies show racial bias starts as early as 6-months old, which makes meeting people and families different from us is even more important starting at a young age. We feature photographs and rhyming text in our books because babies and toddlers really relate to them.

6 favorite books about body autonomy

While you’re waiting for our new body autonomy board book on consent (coming March 2023!), here are our favorite children’s books about consent. They’ll help your little feminist learn about consent and develop the listening, language, and communication skills they need to navigate today’s world. And, they can tuck these life lessons in their hearts to carry them into future relationships!

This Is By Body I Get To Choose: An Introduction to Consent by Brook Sitgraves Turner

Best for a complete overview about body autonomy.

Ages: 0-6 years 

Release date: March 2023

Will Ladybug Hug? by Hilary Leung

Best for modeling saying “Yes” and “No.”

Ages: 0-3 years

Don't Hug Doug (He Doesn't Like It) by Carrie Finison

Best for showing joyful ways to connect beyond hugs.

Ages: 3-7 years

Yes! No!: A First Conversation about Consent by Jessica Ralli and Megan Madison

Best for conversations about consent and bodies.

We Listen to Our Bodies by Lydia Bowers

Best for teaching body awareness and understanding our own emotions.

Ages: 4-8 years

Sex Is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and You by Cory Silverberg

Best for exploring topics around bodies, gender, and sexuality.

Ages: 7-9 years

This story is a part of The Motherly Collective contributor network where we showcase the stories, experiences and advice from brands, writers and experts who want to share their perspective with our community. We believe that there is no single story of motherhood, and that every mother's journey is unique. By amplifying each mother's experience and offering expert-driven content, we can support, inform and inspire each other on this incredible journey. If you're interested in contributing to The Motherly Collective please click here .

Books to Help Start Conversations Around Body Autonomy and Consent

By janssen bradshaw.

We all know how important it is to teach our kids about body autonomy, consent, and safety. But for many parents, these topics are hard to talk about, and we feel uncomfortable broaching them with our children.

If you are searching for an excellent way to start talking about body autonomy and consent, these picture books provide a perfect jumping-off point.

They open up discussions about bodies, personal space, and tricky situations and help our kids feel empowered to advocate for themselves and talk to us about these topics.

Don't Hug Doug

by Carrie Finison, illustrated by Daniel Wiseman

Doug hates hugs. He hates them in all shapes, sizes, and occasions. He’s more of a high-five kind of guy. In this delightful book, Doug teaches us how to tell if someone likes hugs or prefers something different.

Bodies Are Cool

by Tyler Feder

This preschool read-aloud will have everyone's attention as all types of bodies are discussed and illustrated. Showcasing the bodies we see every day at the park, the pool, at a party — all of which are different shapes, colors, and sizes. Kids will love this delightful book about body positivity!

Can I Give You a Squish?

by Emily Neilson

Kai is a big hugger! The bigger, the squishier, and the more rambunctious it is, the better. Kai soon learns that not everyone loves gigantic, squishy hugs after he scares a pufferfish with his squeeze. Kai and his friends talk about the various kinds of affection they each favor because it’s okay to like different things.

More Than Fluff

by Madeline Valentine

Is there anything cuter than a fluffy chick? Daisy knows she’s soft, and it’s fun for others to touch her feathers, but that doesn’t mean she likes it. How can Daisy tell her friends to stop petting and squeezing her without hurting their feelings? 

Who Has What?

by Robie H. Harris, illustrated by Nadine B. Westcott

Kids are great at many things, but no one can hold a candle to their curiosity! This new book series, Who Has What? , is a cheerful and fun way to introduce your kids to the different body parts both boys and girls have. Bodies are a wonderful thing, and this picture book celebrates our differences!

What Makes a Baby

by Cory Silverberg, illustrated by Fiona Smyth

What Makes a Baby picture book is informative and inclusive for any type of family to explain the process of conception, gestation, and birth. This book has simple, bright pictures with text to follow for anyone from preschool to eight years old. Also, check out Cory Silverberg’s, Sex is a Funny Word . Set up in comic book form, it provides an easy way to start some great, healthy conversations at home with an eight to ten-year-old.

Beautiful Girl

by Christiane Northrup and Kristina Tracy

Beautiful Girl is the perfect picture book to make sure girls know they are unique. Full of inspiring words of determination, this book will help instill a mental image of confidence and love for anyone who reads it.

Changing You!

by Gail Saltz, illustrated by Lynne Avril Cravath

Dr. Gail Saltz, author of the bestselling book Amazing You! , is back again with a children’s picture book focused on puberty for elementary school students. This book covers all the topics young children get curious (or scared) about as they start to notice changes in their bodies. 

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Book Nerd Mommy

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10+ Of the Best Books for Kids About Consent, Personal Boundaries and Body Autonomy

Books can be an excellent way to introduce topics that may feel tricky and can be excellent springboards for discussion as well. This book list is one that has picture books and a couple of board books that cover the topics of consent, personal boundaries, body autonomy and safety. Some of them are more upbeat and light in nature and others are more bold, direct and serious. Some of them are simple and others have lots of information packed inside.

How you want to approach this topic and what you think will work well for your child is sure to vary from what others may prefer or need. Read through these books if you would like some recommendations and choose the one/s that you think are the best fit for you. Also, keep in mind that if you are reading the book out loud you can always add your own input as you read or even change some vocabulary. I hope this list is helpful.

This post contains affiliate links.

Miles is the Boss of His Body by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter and Abbie Schiller- It is Mile’s Birthday and he is not liking all the birthday noogies, hugs and other physical attention. Eventually he decides that enough is enough and speaks up about his discomfort and preferences. His family expresses their respect for him and how they will listen to his feelings.

Harrison P. Spader, Personal Space Invader (Little Boost) by Christianne C. Jones and Cale Atkinson- Harrison P. Spader is a personal space invader because he often talks too close, stands too close, hugs a lot and simply struggles with respecting people’s personal space. In the story he learns how to be more self aware and respect personal boundries. This book is definitely a light hearted and fun one, but the message is just as important, relatable and well addressed.

Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect: Teach children about body ownership, respect, feelings, choices and recognizing bullying behaviors by Jayneen Sanders and Sarah Jennings- If you are looking for an all around awesome book that will cover a lot of scenarios and give you a lot of material for discussion then this book is the one for you! It really addresses topics of consent and respect in relatable way that is easy for children to understand and uses sample scenarios that are familiar to kids.

Do You Have a Secret? (Let’s Talk About It!) by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos and Marta Fabrega- This book talks about the difference between good secrets and not good secrets and how you can tell the difference with an emphasis on how the information makes you feel. It is also a fairly easy one to adapt vocabulary for with families who like to use the “surprise vs secret” verbiage approach to teaching their kids.

C is for Consent by Eleanor Morrison and Faye Orlove- This is an incredibly simple and direct board book that helps teach that children have the right to say no to physical contact that they don’t want. It is a great one for the youngest bookworms that you want something short and clear for. It’s bold and applicable.

My Body! What I Say Goes!: A book to empower and teach children about personal body safety, feelings, safe and unsafe touch, private parts, secrets and surprises, consent, and respectful relationships . by Jayneen Sanders and Anna Hancock- This is anther book by Jayneen Sanders that covers a lot of information as it talks about consent, body autonomy and more. It also focuses on self awareness and helping children recognize feelings that tell them that something is unsafe.

Will Ladybug Hug? Hilary Leung- I love this little board book for introducing consent to the littlest bookworms. It is short, sweet and makes a clear point. It introduces Ladybug as someone who loves hugs and shows her in each page spread getting consent from her friends for a hug. However, sheep does not want a hug and that is okay. They enjoy a high five instead. A great one for toddlers and preschoolers.

Don’t Hug Doug: (He Doesn’t Like It) by Carrie Finison and Daniel Wiseman- Doug loves his rock collection, his sock collection and drawing with his chalk collection, but he doesn’t love hugs. He thinks they are too smooshy. This book does a great job at teaching that some people just don’t like hugs (either sometimes or all the time) and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you. It also addresses that others may love them, to find out if it’s okay to hug someone you simply have to ask. This book is done in an upbeat and positive way that is sure to be appealing to kids.

More Than Fluff by Madeline Valentine- This is the story of Daisy who is a super fluffy chick. So fluffy that everyone always wants to hug her and pat her head. Daisy doesn’t like it and decides that she has had enough. She learns ways to stand up for herself, say no and express what she does and doesn’t want. Her animal friends are respectful and learn to give her space when she wants it and enjoy a hug when she does. This is a good book for teaching self advocacy as well as consent. (There is also a trusted adult giving guidance as well.)

God Made All of Me: A Book to Help Children Protect Their Bodies by Justin S. Holcomb, Lindsay A. Holcomb and Trish Mahoney- This book is has a Christian perspective and starts by talking about how God made all of us and how every part of us is good. Then it goes on to talk about how “private parts” are to be kept private (with correct vocabulary for anatomy mentioned) and even goes on to talk about consent for any physical contact, surprises vs secrets and talking with trusted adults. An all around wonderful book that covers a lot.

A Hug by Nicola Manton and Magali Garcia- This book is another one that is excellent for introducing the topic of consent to children clearly yet gently. It talks about times that we may want hugs and how wonderful they can be as well as times we may not want one and how that should be respected. (Sometimes for seemingly no reason at all and that’s okay.) It also gives a nice list of other options/gestures such as waves, head nods, and high fives that can be used instead to say the same thing that a hug can say.

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10 Age-Appropriate Books To Teach Your Toddler About Bodily Autonomy

Help your little one learn the importance of setting boundaries and respecting the bodies of others.

We've all seen it: the big stereotypical smooch bestowed by a great aunt, leaving behind remnants of sticky, cherry red lipstick on your toddler's flustered face. The child seems uncomfortable , the aunt seems unaware, and the parent often feels caught in the middle. But what if instead of forcing toddlers to take part in greetings and interactions against their will, we instead taught them about having power and agency over their own bodies without coercion from others?

If you feel overwhelmed by broaching such a heavy topic with your little one, you're not alone. Parents often struggle to know how to best begin conversations about bodily autonomy , but by utilizing books created just for toddlers, caregivers can create a family awareness about consent and also take an important step in preventing abuse .

RELATED: Teaching Your Baby To Identify Body Parts

10 Yes! No!: A First Conversation About Consent, By Megan Madison & Jessica Ralli

Recommended for ages as young as two years old, Yes! No! helps even the youngest of children learn anatomically correct names for body parts while also normalizing the concept of asking or being asked permission when it comes to bodily interactions. It features simple text, colorful illustrations, and gives practical ways a child can say "no."

9 My Body Belongs To Me From My Head To My Toes, By Dagmar Geisler

A part of The Safe Child, Happy Parent series, this book gives children tools to use when dealing with uncomfortable situations. It follows a little girl named Clara who teaches readers what to do when someone makes them feel threatened and how to go about telling an adult.

8 We Listen To Our Bodies, By Lydia Bowers

We Listen to Our Bodies is the first book in a series created to approach consent issues that are part of everyday life. Each book produced will feature one of the five steps of consent : 1. I listen to my body. 2. I am in charge of my body. 3. I ask permission. 4. I check in. 5. I accept no.

7 Rissy No Kissies, By Katey Howes

Children are never too young to learn about consent, and author Katey Howes was determined to create a children's book to help parents start the conversation. Rissy No Kissies shows children that everyone gives and receives affection in various ways, and that it's important to create boundaries while also learning to respect the boundaries of others.

6 C Is For Consent, By Eleanor Morrison

C is for Consent is a straightforward approach to the topic of consent. With pastel illustrations and discussion questions, the book follows the familiar story of a little boy at a family gathering as he navigates interactions with family members.

5 Can I Give You A Squish? By Emily Nelson

Author Emily Nelson brings humor to the party with the underwater adventure Can I Give You A Squish? After scaring a puffer fish when going in for a hug, a little merboy learns that everyone has different preferences when it comes to showing affection.

4 Will Ladybug Hug? By Hilary Leung

The toddler years bring many important learning moments with them, and author Hilary Leung is here to help. Using friendly animal and insect faces, Leung created a series of books featuring various milestone moments: a sharing bear, a sleep-struggling sheep, and a ladybug who learns about respecting bodily boundaries.

3 Do You Have A Secret? By Jennifer Moore-Mallinos

Children love a fun, silly secret, but it's important for parents to teach their little ones the difference between safe and unsafe secrets. The practice of secret-keeping is unfortunately a common tactic used to groom a child to not disclose sexual abuse or inappropriate touch . Do You Have a Secret? helps children understand the importance of not keeping secrets about our bodies.

2 Oh No, Bobo! By Donna David

When a sweet little monkey is on a mission to create a pillow, he inadvertently frightens his friends. Oh No, Bobo! teaches readers the concept of personal space and reminds them of the importance of respecting the bodies of others.

1 My Invisible Bubble: Empowering Children to Set Boundaries, By Michele Chan

Author Michelle Chan uses the idea of a bubble to help young children recognize emotions, express their needs, and set important physical boundaries.

Sources: Today , Huffpost , Sex Ed Rescue , Starbright Books

Books About Consent And Bodily Autonomy For Kids And Teens

Senior Reporter, HuffPost Life

Consent is a hugely important factor in sex education for kids, yet many schools continue to exclude the subject from their curricula. That’s why sex educator Lydia Bowers is hoping to help fill the gap with her new children’s book, “We Listen to Our Bodies.”

“Many books have been written about body safety (Bad touch! Stranger danger!), focusing specifically on preventing abuse or recognizing unsafe sexual contact,” Bowers told HuffPost. “Consent, however, is not just about sexual assault but encompasses many aspects ― relationships, self-image, empathy, and responsibility. These safety and abuse books are important, but I wanted something that could sit on a classroom bookshelf and could teach consent before and, ideally, in the prevention of abuse.”

“We Listen to Our Bodies” is the first installment in a series of children’s books focusing on consent issues that are part of everyday life. Each will be based on one of the five steps of consent that she teaches families and educators: 1. I listen to my body. 2. I am in charge of my body. 3. I ask permission. 4. I check in. 5. I accept no.

“This series covers consent themes like recognizing the physical sensations our emotions create, looking for body language cues in ourselves and others, taking responsibility for our actions, and knowing that our bodies have value,” Bowers said.

The author hopes her books will be a helpful addition to family and classroom bookshelves and make conversations about consent “fun and accessible.”

“As consent conversations have increased in society, so have the number and variety of children’s books,” she said. “Then with the pandemic affecting the world, things such as personal space and alternative ways to greet people have taken on additional focus.”

With help from Bowers, HuffPost put together a list of books that aim to help young people understand consent and bodily autonomy. Read on for 16 more options for kids and teens.

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18 Books That Break Down the Concepts of Safe and Unsafe Touch For Toddlers

Published on 6/1/2021 at 6:28 PM

Consent has many layers, but it's possible to break down the aspects of consent for toddlers and preschoolers in age-appropriate ways, especially when it comes to safe and unsafe touches. From signs of affection like hugs and kisses to touching someone else's body without asking , there are a bunch of books aimed at the toddler set that cover what's OK and what isn't in order to teach body safety.

Keep scrolling to see and shop age-appropriate books that will help you to initiate important family conversations around bodily autonomy with your toddlers and preschoolers.

ABC of Body Safety and Consent

Book's Description: "The 26 'key' letters and accompanying words will help children to learn and consolidate age-appropriate, crucial and life-changing body safety and consent skills. Designed as a 'dip in and dip out' book, the text, the child-centred questions and the stunning illustrations will reinforce key skills such as consent, respect, body boundaries, safe and unsafe touch, Early Warning Signs, Safety Network, private parts, and the difference between secrets and surprises. Also included are Discussion Questions for parents, caregivers and educators. Suitable for children 4 to 10 years."

Ages it's best suited for: 4-10

Buy it here: ABC of Body Safety and Consent by Jayneen Sanders ($12)

No Means No!

Book's Description: "'No Means No!' is a children's picture book about an empowered little girl who has a very strong and clear voice in all issues, especially those relating to her body and personal boundaries. This book can be read to children from 3 to 9 years."

Ages it's best suited for: 2-9

Buy it here: No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders ($9)

C Is For Consent

Book's Description: "Finn goes to a party with family and friends. His parents encourage him to make his own choices about receiving and offering physical affection. At the end of the story, Finn waits for consent before holding the hand of his female best friend.

C Is For Consent follows expert recommendations about letting kids make their own decisions regarding physical affection. The book teaches babies, toddlers, parents, and grandparents that it is okay for kids to say no to hugs and kisses, and that what happens to a person's body is up to them. This helps children grow up confident in their bodies, comfortable with expressing physical boundaries, and respectful of the boundaries of others."

Ages it's best suited for: 0-6

Buy it here: C Is For Consent by Eleanor Morrison ($15)

Don't Touch My Hair!

Book's Description: "It seems that wherever Aria goes, someone wants to touch her hair. In the street, strangers reach for her fluffy curls; and even under the sea, in the jungle, and in space, she's chased by a mermaid, monkeys, and poked by aliens . . . until, finally, Aria has had enough.

Author-illustrator Sharee Miller takes the tradition of appreciation of black hair to a new, fresh, level as she doesn't seek to convince or remind young readers that their curls are beautiful--she simply acknowledges black beauty while telling a fun, imaginative story."

Ages it's best suited for: 4-8

Buy it here: Don't Touch My Hair! by Sharee Miller ($18)

Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept

Book's Description: " Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept is a beautifully illustrated children's picture book that sensitively broaches the subject of keeping children safe from inappropriate touch. We teach water and road safety, but how do we teach Body Safety to young children in a way that is neither frightening nor confronting? This book is an invaluable tool for parents, caregivers, teachers and healthcare professionals to broach the subject of safe and unsafe touch in a non-threatening and age-appropriate way. The comprehensive notes to the reader and discussion questions at the back of the book support both the reader and the child when discussing the story."

Ages it's best suited for: 3-11

Buy it here: Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneed Sanders ($10)

Don't Hug Doug (He Doesn't Like It)

Book's Description: "Doug doesn't like hugs. He thinks hugs are too squeezy, too squashy, too squooshy, too smooshy. He doesn't like hello hugs or goodbye hugs, game-winning home run hugs or dropped ice cream cone hugs, and he definitely doesn't like birthday hugs. He'd much rather give a high five--or a low five, a side five, a double five, or a spinny five. Yup, some people love hugs; other people don't. So how can you tell if someone likes hugs or not? There's only one way to find out: Ask! Because everybody gets to decide for themselves whether they want a hug or not."

Buy it here: Don't Hug Doug (He Doesn't Like It) by Carrie Finison ($17)

This is MY Body

Book's Description: "Your body is amazing! And it belongs to you. Find your kid's voice and empower them to speak up about their own body boundaries and consent."

Buy it here: This is MY Body: A Children's Book About Body Autonomy and Consent by Lil Carlé ($22)

My Body! What I Say Goes!

Book's Description: "The crucial skills taught in this book will help children to protect their bodies from inappropriate touch. Children will be empowered to say in a strong and clear voice, 'This is my body! What I say goes!' Through age-appropriate illustrations and engaging text this book . . . will teach children the following crucial and empowering skills in personal body safety:

- identifying safe and unsafe feelings - recognizing early warning signs - developing a safety network - using the correct names for private parts - understanding the difference safe and unsafe touch - understanding the difference between secrets and surprises - respecting body boundaries.

Approximately 20% of girls, and 8% of boys will experience sexual abuse before their 18th birthday (Pereda, et al, 2009). Parents, caregivers, and educators have a duty of care to protect children by teaching them Body Safety skills. These skills empower children, and go a long way in keeping them safe from abuse - ensuring they grow up as assertive and confident teenagers and adults. Also included in this book are in-depth Discussion Questions to further enhance the learning and to initiate important family conversations around body autonomy."

Ages it's best suited for: 3-10

Buy it here: My Body! What I Say Goes! by Jayneen Sanders ($12)

Book's Description: "Daddy loves to give Baby hugs to say 'I love you!' Now Baby and Daddy can cuddle and count along with this hug-and-read book perfect for Baby's teeny, tiny hands."

Ages it's best suited for: 1-4

Buy it here: Daddy Hugs by Karen Katz ($8)

My Body Is Private

Book's Description: "Julie, who is eight or nine, talks about privacy and about saying -no- to touching that makes her uncomfortable."

Buy it here: My Body Is Private by Linda Walvoord Girard ($8)

Book's Description: "Count from one to ten as Mommy and baby count their hugs throughout the day. From one nuzzle-wuzzle wake-up hug, to four "I'll always catch you!" sliding hugs, all the way to ten "I love you!" good-night hugs, this book captures some of the special moments mother and child share."

Buy it here: Mommy Hugs by Karen Katz ($7)

Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect

Book's Description: "Teaching young children about body boundaries, both theirs and others, is crucial to a child's growing sense of self, their confidence and how they should expect to be treated by others. A child growing up knowing they have a right to their own personal space, gives that child ownership and choices as to what happens to them and to their body. It is equally important a child understands, from a very young age, they need to respect another person's body boundary and ask for their consent when entering their personal space. This book explores these concepts with children in a child-friendly and easily-understood manner, providing familiar scenarios for children to engage with and discuss. It is important that the reader and the child take the time required to unpack each scenario and explore what they mean both to the character in the book, who may not be respecting someone's body boundary, and to the character who is being disrespected. It is through these vital discussions that children will learn the meaning of body boundaries, consent and respect. Learning these key social skills through such stories as 'Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect' and role-modelling by significant adults can, importantly, carry forward into a child's teenage years and adult life."

Buy it here: Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect by Jayneen Sanders ($12)

My Body Belongs to Me

Book's Description: "Without being taught about body boundaries, a child may be too young to understand when abuse is happening—or that it's wrong. This straightforward, gentle book offers a tool parents, teachers, and counselors can use to help children feel, be, and stay safe. The rhyming story and simple, friendly illustrations provide a way to sensitively share and discuss the topic, guiding young children to understand that their private parts belong to them alone. The overriding message of My Body Belongs to Me is that if someone touches your private parts, tell your mom, your dad, your teacher, or another safe adult."

Ages it's best suited for: 3-8

Buy it here: My Body Belongs to Me by Jill Starishevsky ($13)

NO Trespassing - This Is MY Body!

Book's Description: "Siblings Katie and her little brother Kyle learn about personal safety, private parts, and 'thumbs up & thumbs down' touches by talking with their mom in a loving and easy-to-understand manner. With an empowering dialog that is never fearful, parents can use this book to begin this important discussion with their children. Katie and Kyle's mom also explains the essential 'No Secrets' rule in their family, and that it is never their fault if they get an 'uh-oh feeling' from anyone."

Ages it's best suited for: 2-6

Buy it here: NO Trespassing - This Is MY Body! by Pattie Fitzgerald ($13)

Do You Have a Secret?

Book's Description: "Every child has secrets, and many secrets are fun to keep, for instance, a surprise birthday gift for Mom, or a secret handshake with a young friend. But sometimes, children have secrets that make them feel bad, and these secrets are best shared with their parents, or with some trusted older person. A child who is bullied might be inclined to keep it secret, but it's always best to tell parents about it. Or children who are touched intimately and improperly by an older person will soon feel better if they reveal the secret to parents. This book helps kids distinguish between good and bad secrets."

Ages it's best suited for: 4-7

Buy it here: Do You Have a Secret? (Let's Talk About It!) by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos ($8)

A Terrible Thing Happened

Book's Description: "Sherman Smith saw the most terrible thing happen. At first he tried to forget about it, but something inside him started to bother him. He felt nervous and had bad dreams. Then he met someone who helped him talk about the terrible thing, and made him feel better."

Buy it here: A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaren M. Holmes ($10)

An Exceptional Children's Guide to Touch: Teaching Social and Physical Boundaries to Kids

Book's Description: "The rules of physical contact can be tricky to grasp and children with special needs are at a heightened risk of abuse. This friendly picture book explains in simple terms how to tell the difference between acceptable and inappropriate touch, thereby helping the child with special needs stay safe.

Each story covers a different type of touch from accidental to friendly to hurtful and will help children understand how boundaries change depending on the context. It explores when and where it is okay to touch other people, when and where other people can touch you, why self touching sometimes needs to be private, and what to do if touch feels inappropriate.

This book is an invaluable teaching resource and discussion starter for parents, teachers and carers working with children with special needs."

Buy it here: An Exceptional Children's Guide to Touch: Teaching Social and Physical Boundaries to Kids by Hunter Manasco ($19)

Your Body Belongs to You

Book's Description: "In simple, reassuring language, therapist Cornelia Spelman explains that a child's body is his or her own; that it is all right for children to decline a friendly hug or kiss, even from someone they love; and that 'even if you don't want a hug or kiss right now, you can still be friends.' She goes on to define private parts and stresses that 'it's important to tell if someone tries to touch your private parts.'"

Buy it here: Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Maude Spelman ($7)

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This is MY Body: A children's book about body autonomy and consent Hardcover – 14 August 2020

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This is MY body is a children's picture book about body autonomy and consent.

Your body is amazing! And it belongs to you. Find your kid's voice and empower them to speak up about their own body boundaries and consent.

• Print length 30 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Tablo Pty Ltd
• Publication date 14 August 2020
• Dimensions 21.59 x 0.64 x 27.94 cm
• ISBN-10 1649692048
• ISBN-13 978-1649692047
• See all details

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Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Tablo Pty Ltd (14 August 2020)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 30 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1649692048
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1649692047
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 21.59 x 0.64 x 27.94 cm
• 8,280 in Parenting & Family

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“Body autonomy” – you may have heard these words, but what do they mean? Body autonomy is the fundamental human right to be in control of your own body. You get to choose what happens to your body.

Experts know there are protective factors that parents and caregivers can use to reduce the risk of child abuse; not letting a child be alone with other friends or family, or preventing children from accessing social media and apps that may put them at risk. Another protective factor is teaching body autonomy. Children need to learn from a trusted adult that they have rights, including the right to decide who can touch them and what feels appropriate. This can be taught to children as young as toddlers, and the lessons can continue through the teenage years.

Adults can start by teaching young children and toddlers that they are the boss of their body. Some tips for this age group are: •    Adults should ask permission before giving a child a hug or cuddle. •    Children should ask before touching someone on the playground, “Can I push you on the swing?” •    Adults should ask permission as well, “Can I help you get on the slide?” •    The areas that a swimsuit covers are private and no one should ask to look at or touch their swimsuit areas (except when a caregiver is giving a bath/changing diaper in a safe way or doctor safely provides a medical exam). •    Teach children accurate names for their body parts. This not only encourages autonomy, but will aid professionals if the child were ever to need to sharesomething that happened to them. •    Teach children it is ok to say “no,” even to adults. •    Give kids alternate ways to show affection. They may not want a hug, but might be ok with a high five or fist bump.

Keep an eye out for signs that your child is taking control of their body. Do they seem uncomfortable with a hug from Aunt Beth? Do they resist being held by other adults? They may not feel safe with that person, or maybe they just don’t want to be touched right now. Adults should respect the desires of the child.

For school-age children, we know that they are ready to learn about personal space. Some kids like the idea of having a personal “bubble” that surrounds them, allowing themto decide who to let in that bubble. Adults can teach that this goes both ways – it is not ok for someone to invade the child’s personal space, nor should they invade someone else’s. Kids at this age also start to have opinions about their hairstyle and clothing choice. Let them express their autonomy and individuality this way, as long as it is safe and allowed by their school.

For older tweens and teens, adults can teach body autonomy in terms of dating and friend groups. Some like the phrase, “my body, my choice.” They get to decide who touches them and when. It is also important to teach about consent. This is vitally important for all genders and ages, especially as they start to navigate dating or spending unsupervised time outside the home.

The more often and comfortably adults have these conversations with children, the more likely those children are to speak up if something happens to them that they don’t like or that shouldn’t happen. Don’t be afraid to have tough conversations with your children – they need you to protect them and teach them how to protect themselves.

https://whyy.org/articles/to-teach-young-kids-the-concept-of-consent-fo…

https://www.rchsd.org/2019/12/seven-steps-to-teaching-children-body-aut…

http://stepstoself.com/how-to-teach-your-child-body-autonomy/

About the Author

Molly Horn is the PR/Marketing Coordinator at Alliance For Children, and has a Bachelor's in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. 

Every item on this page was chosen by an ELLE editor. We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy.

I Wanted to Teach My Daughter Bodily Autonomy. Motherhood Taught Me to Value My Own.

In an exclusive excerpt from Touched Out , author Amanda Montei shares how her daughter’s lessons in consent shaped her own approach to autonomy.

In an exclusive excerpt from Amanda Montei’s new memoir Touched Out , a mother considers how talking with her children has taught her about her own body—a healing process she hasn’t always welcomed or wanted.

When I gave birth to my first child, whom the doctors swiftly marked “girl,” I had no idea how complex the work of passing on a sense of bodily autonomy would be. My new daughter was so small she had to be monitored constantly. We were ordered to stay at the hospital for two days while her little red feet were repeatedly pricked for glucose tests, and the wails she let out as nurses squeezed blood from her heels made me sweat. I wanted to tell them to stop, but I just said, “How much more?”

I desired, even then, resolute autonomy for my daughter, but I have not always known how to give it to her in a culture that doesn’t want her to have it.

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Still reeling from childbirth, in the early days of motherhood I didn’t see breastfeeding as an opportunity to provide my daughter with her first lessons on consent. Instead, our nursing relationship became increasingly one-sided. I lost any strength to resist my baby’s demands, to say no, to refuse her—not only because she was needy and helpless and it was my job to care for her, but because the parenting advice I consumed in books and online told me, breast was best.

I recall stumbling on a few articles and posts on motherhood forums during late-night deep dives into the internet: essays and posts about mothers who pinched their children hard when their babies bit their nipples, or who simply shouted in response to moments of pain during breast-feeding. I latched on to these bits of advice as firmly as my daughter clamped down on my nipple, but I never had the strength to communicate my boundaries that clearly. When I did lash out, I felt ashamed for overreacting.

Though I mostly disavowed my own body and needs in early motherhood, I tried to follow the experts online who told me to respect my daughter’s infant body. My husband and I tried not to gasp or giggle at any diapered explosions—out of deference, as the Magda-Gerber-inspired guidance suggested—but we still found ourselves laughing uncontrollably the day I looked on while Jon changed a diaper, streams of greenish goo squirting from our baby’s butthole all over his hands, which now flailed wildly, tossing wipes in all directions. Our daughter’s wide eyes looked up at us, wondering what she had done to make us smile, asking for more.

Despite the missteps, I pressed on. I talked to my daughter about all my care work, and insisted my husband do the same. We looked to her, even when she was young, for confirmation that she consented—to us picking her up, carrying her around, dressing and undressing her. Over time though, as my daughter learned to resist things that were in her best interest, and to insist on using only my body for a ride or a meal, even when I was tired and drained, I became confounded by the potent dance of consent that took place between parent and child.

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The physical intimacy of caring for my baby, and the everyday navigation of questions around touch and consent, soon triggered unprocessed memories of my early sexual life—of other times when I had felt my body was not my own, but rather just a tool for another person’s pleasure. I began thinking more about my own experiences growing up in what author Roxane Gay calls, in the introduction to the anthology Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture, “a culture where it often seems like it is a question of when, not if, a woman will encounter some kind of sexual violence.” And I worried about whether I could protect my daughter, who would grow up in a culture that still polices, controls, and uses women’s bodies.

How could I secure my daughter’s safety and autonomy? How could I ensure that the things that happened to me didn’t happen to her?

I have always wanted my daughter to have the sexual education I never had, but over the years, talking to her about bodies has taught me about my own—a resurrection of experience I didn’t always welcome or want. The language that passes between us has from the beginning been filled with urgent lessons about gender, but like my own mother—who never taught me an alternative to what she saw as a culture of inevitable male violence—the lessons I have passed on to my daughter have at times surprised me.

When I was pregnant with my second child and back at work, my daughter observed the way I navigated labor in and outside the home, trying my methods on for size, as she sometimes did with my too-big-for-her clothes. “Oh gosh,” she said one afternoon, in the middle of her newly favored game of “I’m the mom.” She looked down at her doll sternly; then, with a heavy sigh of feigned exhaustion, hoisted the doll high up on her shoulder, as she mimicked the disciplined, reluctant labor of motherhood. She gathered herself up for more. “All right, baby,” she said. “Let’s go.”

Watching these little performances unfold, I felt embarrassed, shaken, responsible, misrepresented. But back then, my life reflected a culture that beats women down until they are wearied, frayed. And there she was, my daughter, performing submission. Sometimes she loaded many bags up with knickknacks found around the house, piling them all on her two tiny shoulders, lugging them around. She was imitating the slog, the depressive’s heavy body. She was imitating me.

Parenthood, I came to see, isn’t just a tool for passing on beliefs about bodies, but for learning about the beliefs we already carry—the kind we lug around, that weigh us down. The ever-shifting nuance I had to embrace as I taught my daughter about needs and wants, about what I value, about how I do and do not always live by those values—and as she challenged me on those discrepancies—made it seem as though I was not only struggling against my own worst impulses, but constantly doing damage control against the worst cultural ideas about women.

“Parenthood, I came to see, isn’t just a tool for passing on beliefs about bodies, but for learning about the beliefs we already carry.”

Doing this important work has taught me to unload some of my own heaviest bags. When my daughter entered grade school in the middle of the pandemic, I began fussing with her hair unconsciously, following her around with hairbrushes in the morning, asking if she wanted to comb out her bed head, seeing she did not, but sometimes still insisting. Eventually I stopped telling her how to present her body to the world. She likes to leave her hair wild. I let her. It is important to me that she know her body is her own, not mine to mold, present, and control.

I know, however, that untamed hair and a sense of self-possession won’t be enough to protect her—to secure the basic rights she deserves to make decisions about her body, for example, or to keep her from harm in a culture in which sexual violence remains pervasive. My anxieties about my daughter’s future remain, even though she has become so self-assured, so confident in naming what she wants.

And I know the demand for women’s self-knowledge is a common way in which we police girl’s and women’s desires, placing blame on them when boys and men wrong them. I used to buy into this thinking in my parenting, too—this idea that if I could just teach my daughter to speak for herself, to know herself completely, she would be safe. When little boys hit her or pushed her around on the playground, I would rush in, telling her to hold up her little hand and yell, “Stop!” Sometimes it turned into an odd victim-blaming moment, in which I’d scold her, “You have to stand up for yourself!” But none of us know ourselves unfalteringly, nor should that be a standard for saving ourselves from the violence of others.

Self-protection is not the same as feeling safe.

I want my daughter to be okay not knowing what she wants, just as much as I want her to know what she does want. I want her to feel she is allowed to be uncertain without opening herself up to violence, and without falling into the belief I held for so long: the belief that uncertainty was just a condition of my sexuality.

Raising a girl in a world that wants to control her body has been a mind fuck, but the work is no less complex with children of any other gender. By the time my second child—this one marked “boy” — was born, I had accepted how gender shaped my approach to parenting, even if I still felt confused about the lessons I was running in my own home. Having a boy in my arms, however, felt immediately different, a sentiment for which I scolded myself. My second baby certainly did not yet have the capacity to endorse his own gender identification—he did not even know he had hands!

Even so, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this baby was different—a potential enemy. Parenting a son with patriarchy in mind, I reasoned, meant I had to be extra attentive to the ways in which my best efforts at making him a good person would be thwarted by a culture of masculinity that would teach him to take take take . A few years in, however, I felt like I had been conned into reproducing the exact gender roles I was trying to avoid. I had positioned my daughter as a victim of the patriarchy, my son as an aggressor. I had left no room for anything in between.

Over the years, my children have brought home their own stories about gender, and I have learned to make room for them to be curious, without imposing my own vocabulary. They joke about tying penises into ponytails and run around the house singing songs about vaginas because they like the sound of the word. I have tried to help them find joy in their bodies and to resist the urge to shut it all down for fear they aren’t approaching the subject the right way. I remind myself they are already more fluent and articulate about gender and autonomy than I was before they were born. When they move to hug me or climb on me, they frequently forget that I am not a toy , but more often, they look into my eyes and ask for consent, the way I did with them when they were babies.

I still want my children to know themselves and their bodies, but this can only be one arm of protection, one limb in a larger system. I also want them to see their bodies as implicated in institutions, their desire as both coerced and liberated, limited and privileged, because with that comes the power to understand consent as itself a practice of care.

I continue to do the obvious things: I teach them that a friend saying “no” once is enough, but also that sometimes bodies tell us what they want or don’t want without words—with facial expressions, with grunts or noises, or by tensing up. Giving my children the tools to affirm their own autonomy and the autonomy of others feels undeniably important, like the path from which all others diverge, even if the work also feels impossible, all-consuming, and never enough.

In talking with my children about all this, I have also had to look more closely at my own allegiance to idealized depictions of mothers, especially mothers who sacrifice everything for their children. I know this image serves a broader culture in America that is—right now, during my children’s most formative years—acting aggressively to control and violate women’s bodies, trans bodies, and the bodies of anyone who is perceived to deviate from gender norms.

Touched Out: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control

My approach to resisting such a culture in our home hasn’t always been measured or cool: I have shouted at my children to give me space, to stop climbing on me, to just got outside please , as I project my frustrations with the world on to their little bodies. These are not aspirational moments. They still evoke shame for me, even as I have learned to be more tender with myself. I worry that I have pushed my children too far away, too soon, or too often, because of my preoccupations with consent.

Sometimes, I even play out my grown children’s perspective of me: a mother who was self-involved, closed-off, not the kind of mother we see in the movies, always longingly remembered for hollowing herself out in service of motherhood. But this, I now know, is not my voice. It’s the voice of a culture that is external to the deep and complex relationship I share with my children—one filled with tangled legs on the couch, hand squeezes in public spaces that, like morse code, send messages of our love, nights of reading books in each other’s arms, and so many boogered kisses.

My kids will likely not say I was the most selfless mother. But why is this something to which I ever aspired? They will know I loved them deeply, and they will know what was important to me—as a mother, but also as a person. Resenting me for my values is their birthright, but I’m at peace now with the knowledge that my kids will grow up knowing how important bodily autonomy and the right to say “no” was to me—even though, or maybe especially because, I am a mother.

Adapted from Touched Out by Amanda Montei, published by Beacon Press, available September 12, 2023. Copyright © 2023 by Amanda Montei.

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How to Teach Your Child About Consent

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• Importance of Teaching Consent
• Risks of Not Teaching Consent

How to Teach Kids About Consent, By Age

Experts, including the Academy of American Pediatrics (AAP), agree that children need to be taught about bodily consent and body autonomy and that conversations around this should start at an early age. But these can be difficult subjects, and it’s understandable that many parents feel unsure about how to bring these concepts up with their kids.

Let’s take a look at why teaching about consent is important, and the best way to go about it—from the preschool years through the teen years.

Why Is It Important to Teach Kids About Consent?

Probably the most urgent reason to teach your children about consent is to protect them from sexual abuse. No one wants to think about sexual abuse of children, but the statistics are sobering. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report that one out of every four girls and one out of every 13 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse during childhood. What’s more, 91% of the time, the perpetrator is someone the child knows, such as a family member or caregiver.

Elizabeth L. Jeglic , PhD, professor of psychology at John Jay College and author of " Protecting your Child from Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Child Safe ," explains that because most perpetrators know the child, they often gain the trust of parents or guardians, who might not realize something is amiss. That’s why we need to empower our children to be able to recognize when their body autonomy is being violated and to feel safe in relaying that information to us.

But there are reasons to teach our children about consent besides the threat of sexual abuse, says Julia Baird , PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at Torrance Memorial Medical Center.

“When children understand that they can decide when and how they use their bodies and that it is their right to do so, they begin to develop a sense of agency that impacts all aspects of their lives, not just their physical bodies,” she describes. “They learn how to be assertive and set boundaries , and also how to identify their own needs as well as being aware of others’ needs.”

What Are the Risks of Not Teaching Kids About Consent?

Simply put, not teaching our children about consent puts them at risk of sexual abuse, says Katie Edwards , PhD, associate professor of counseling psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. “If we don’t teach children about consent and body autonomy or give them skills to resist and report sexual abuse, we are perpetrating the sexual abuse epidemic in our country,” she says.

We can’t always rely on others to do this teaching, either, says Dr. Jeglic. “Not all schools and states provide education on consent,” she notes. We can’t ignore the fact that children are going to learn about sex online or from their peers, and in those cases, parents can’t control how this information is delivered. Learning about consent from their parents keeps them safe, and provides them with accurate and clear information, says Dr. Jeglic.

Additionally, says Dr. Jeglic, children who have open communication with their parents about sexuality and bodily consent have higher self-confidence and are less likely to be victimized. Importantly, they are also more likely to report possible abuse to their parents.

The way parents teach their kids about consent will vary from one child to another. Age and maturity will also factor in. You want to keep the discussions developmentally appropriate, but open and informative. Here are some ideas for how to accomplish this.

Preschool-Aged Children

It may seem strange or counterintuitive, but discussions about consent can happen during your child’s preschool years. New York State’s Office of Children and Family Services suggests that these discussions can happen as early as when your child is 3 years old.

A simple and effective thing you can do at this age is to teach your child the correct names for their body parts, including their private parts. We often shy away from using anatomically correct language, such as penis or vagina, because these words are uncomfortable, says Dr. Edwards. But it’s critical that we teach our young kids these words so that they can communicate clearly.

“For example, if a child tells her teacher that her uncle is touching her ‘cookie’ because that is the nickname she uses for vagina, the teacher may not understand what that means,” Dr. Edwards offers.

Young children also need to be taught that no one is allowed to touch their private parts . They need to be told that their body belongs to them and that it’s OK to say no to any kind of unwanted touch. “They should also be taught that they always have a right to tell people whether they want to be touched (in a non-sexual way) or not such as hugs, cuddles, or tickles, and that others should always respect their words,” says Dr. Jeglic.

Books About Consent for Preschoolers

For some parents, reading books to their children about these subjects can be a helpful way to bring them up. There are quite a few picture books out there appropriate for preschoolers that discuss these topics, including:

• " Will Ladybug Hug? " by Hilary Leung
• " Rissy No Kissies " by Katey Howes
• " Don't Hug Doug: (He Doesn't Like It) " by Carrie Finison
• " C Is For Consent " by Eleanor Morrison

Elementary-Aged Children

As children get older, you can make the body autonomy and consent discussion more specific. For example, says Dr. Edwards, you can talk to your children about what they should do if someone touches them inappropriately or violates their boundaries.

“Children should be taught to shout ‘No!’ or to run away if someone is trying to touch them inappropriately or hurt them in some other way,” she suggests. “They should identify the trusted adults they can tell if someone is trying to touch them inappropriately.”

You should also start to teach your children that consent and boundaries are reciprocal, Dr. Jeglic recommends. “They should learn that they need to ask others for consent if they want to touch, hug, snuggle them,” she explains.

Finally, children should be taught about secrets. Often, sexual predators will them that what they do is a “secret,” and children this age are often of the belief that when someone tells you a secret, you must oblige and keep it under lock and key. But as the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) notes, children need to understand that this is not the case at all when it comes to inappropriate touching and sexual abuse.

Books About Consent for Elementary Schoolers

Again, there are age-appropriate books to help you start this important discussion with your elementary-aged child, including:

• " My Body! What I Say Goes! " by Jayneen Sanders
• " It's Not Like It's A Secret " by Misa Sugiura 
• " Personal Space Camp " by Julia Cook
• " Miles Is the Boss of His Body " by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter and Abbie Schiller

Tweens and Teens

Part of the reason why it’s important to start talking to kids about consent as early as possible is that before you know it, your kids will become teenagers, and these topics become more pertinent than ever. Not only that, but as kids enter the tween and teen years, they start to become uncomfortable talking about these subjects. The earlier you establish some basic principles and open up lines of communication, the easier it will be to continue discussing these topics as your kids get older.

With tweens and teens, you want to focus on consent within relationships, whether romantic or not. You can model this within your own relationships, says Dr. Jeglic, showing that consent is something dynamic and should always be respected. When it comes to sexual activity, it’s important to teach teens the importance of clear, enthusiastic, verbal consent.

“Teens should also be taught about affirmative consent and always ask verbally, but also about how to observe body language, and that consent cannot be given if someone is drunk or high, passed out or asleep,” says Dr. Jeglic.

One way that you can broach some of these discussions with your teen is through the media, RAINN suggests. You can ask them what they think about something that happened on social media. You can discuss how consent is depicted on TV and in movies. You may also find it helpful to relate to your kids by sharing your own experiences with these subjects. The bottom line is to be direct with your children and don’t shy away from these issues.

A Word from Verywell

If you are still feeling uncomfortable about these discussions, that’s OK! When this is the case, Dr. Baird says that it can be helpful to examine your own feelings about these issues. Consider things like the messages you were given growing up about consent and body autonomy. Ask yourself honestly: What makes you so uncomfortable?

Talking to a therapist or counselor about these feelings and concerns can be helpful. It can also be helpful to talk to your child’s pediatrician, who can give you some perspective on the matter, and offer some fresh ideas for how to open up these discussions with your child.

American Academy of Pediatrics. Child abuse and neglect: What parents should know .

New York State Office of Children and Family Services. Say no! Protecting children against sexual abuse .

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Preventing child sexual abuse .

Rady Children’s Hospital - San Diego. Seven steps to teaching children body autonomy .

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. Talking to your kids about sexual assault .

Harvard Graduate School of Education. Consent at every age .

By Wendy Wisner Wendy Wisner is a lactation consultant and writer covering maternal/child health, parenting, general health and wellness, and mental health. She has worked with breastfeeding parents for over a decade, and is a mom to two boys.

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Kids Books About The Body: Anatomy, Personal Hygiene & Germs

Inside: Read these kids books about the body when they’re learning all about the human body, personal hygiene, and the immune system.

If you’ve been following along this week, you know we’ve been learning all about the human body.

So far we’ve:

• used these fun germ worksheets and memory game
• created a cool skeleton craft for kids
• worked on these human body worksheets
• built this simple lung craft
• colored these 5 senses puppets
• made this germ blow painting art

It’s been a fun and educational week!

Today we’re wrapping everything up with our favorite kids’ books about the body.

There are books here for kids of all ages from toddler, to preschool, kindergarten and beyond.

Read on below to see which one is best for your kids.

Human Body Books For Kids

This post contains affiliate links for your convenience. You can read my full disclosure here .

Curious George Discovers Germs is all about the day George gets sick! He learns about what germs are, how they affect your body and how to get better again. This book is a must-read for Curious George fans.

Germs Are Not For Sharing is a simple board book that teaches toddlers the basics of good personal hygiene. It’s simple and short so little kids can sit through the entire story.

My First Human Body book is a fun coloring book that teaches kids facts about the human body. This educational coloring book features various organs and body systems and is fun for kids to use!

More Educational Activities For Kids

• Forest Animal Worksheets For Kids
• Dinosaur Books For Kids Of All Ages
• Ocean Zones For Kids

Human Body Ideas For Kids

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• Main content

After decades of struggling with body image and disordered eating, I wrote a children's book about body positivity for kids and the adults in their lives

• Fueled by diet culture,  I spent decades dealing with disordered eating.
• I'm raising my children to be body positive but a comment from my daughter reminded me of my shame.
• It inspired me to write a book that teaches readers all bodies are good bodies.

In the summer of 1987, I was 7 years old. My friend and I sat on the community-pool deck, dangling our feet into the water and counting down the minutes until the adult swim ended so we could resume our underwater handstand contests.

My friend looked down at her legs and then looked at mine. She poked at my body, giggled, and declared, "Fat thighs." I was actually a thin little kid who just happened to be bigger than her. Regardless of my size, this was the first time I can recall anyone talking about my body. I had never really given it a lot of thought before this comment, but it marked a shift and started me down a road of body struggles that would continue for decades .

Of course, other factors played a role. Being a teenager in the 1990s — an era when diet culture thrived and body-shaming was the norm in pop culture — didn't do my body image any favors. As a competitive equestrian in those days, being fat was pretty much a cardinal sin. As a result, I was hell-bent on staying thin. While working at "People" magazine in my 20s, I continued to be critical of my body. For months at a time, I'd subsist on a highly restrictive, low-calorie diet and work out twice daily . Thinness was a prize and I was determined to win.

Despite my parenting, my daughter internalized negative body standards

Fast-forward to 2019: I was a mom to two little girls, ages 3 and 6, and I had discovered the body-acceptance movement, Health at Every Size , and the practice of intuitive eating. Over the next few years, I would put a lot of work into healing my body-image issues and disordered eating.

I never wanted my daughters to feel about their own bodies the way I did about mine or to be focused on trying to change their bodies to fit a cultural standard. I'm raising them to understand that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that their weight and appearance have nothing to do with their worth.

One day, while out grocery shopping with my 6-year-old, a great song played in the store. I did a little shimmy and was met with a horrified expression on my kid's face. I figured I'd embarrassed her by dancing in public — a rite of passage as a mom. But this was something more.

"Mommy," she said, eyes wide. "Something is jiggling."

My knee-jerk reaction was to feel ashamed and embarrassed. I'd done so much work on my body image to this point, and it was something I was mostly able to keep in the background. A jarring comment like this one made me hyper-focused on my appearance for a moment. But this was also one of those teachable moments as a parent and I wanted to capitalize on it.

"There's nothing wrong with jiggling!" I told her. She shrugged and we moved on, but I couldn't help wondering where this idea had come from, since I'd always been so careful not to speak negatively about my body in front of her. I decided to table the conversation with her until I had more information.

Back home, I did some research, which suggested that even preschool children are internalizing our culture's message that thin is good and fat is bad. My second grader had long since been indoctrinated into society's anti-fat bias.

I was inspired to write a book about body positivity

This research inspired me to begin having conversations about body acceptance and anti-fat bias with both of my daughters and write my first picture book, " B Is for Bellies: A Celebration of Every Body. " I think we're starting the conversation about body acceptance with children too late. I wondered what would happen if kids grew up thinking that all bodies are good bodies, just as they are.

When I got the idea for the book, I jotted down a couple of mantras:

J is for jiggle, bodies bounce when they move. When you're dancing, parts wiggle. Get into the groove!

M is for muscles, like those in your thighs. They're for power and shape, whatever their size.

Twenty-four more little poems followed, one for each letter of the alphabet. I wanted to cover all the ways humans can be different that kids often home in on : race, ethnicity, ability, and gender expression. My hope was to subtly remind young readers — and the adults reading aloud to them — that all bodies deserve respect and that we are more than just our bodies.

Since "B Is for Bellies" went on sale in July, I've received some truly fulfilling feedback. Parents tell me their kids want to read it over and over, and that it sparks conversations about body-positive thinking . I've even met teary-eyed adults at my readings who say how much they wished they had this book as a child but are thrilled to have it now.

Thanks to this book's wonderful illustrator, I hope children will see themselves on our pages.

So when kids today hear a comment about their thighs, skin color, or the fact that they are differently abled, I hope they'll think back on the mantras in this book. Maybe, by planting those body positivity seeds early on, our kids will grow into people who celebrate themselves — exactly as they are.

In ‘Touched Out,’ Amanda Montei deftly illuminates how the girlhood training she received about her body also shapes ideas of what makes a ‘good’ mother and wife

Years ago, at a high school party, Amanda Montei found herself in a bedroom alone with a football player she liked. He was a virgin; she was not. She imagined there was more to her presence in that room than this set of facts. She felt chosen, special; she pictured them falling in love, becoming a couple. Only later did she learn this encounter had been plotted by the football player’s buddies, who knew about her crush on him. He accomplished what he came for and never spoke to her again.

What does this depressing but unremarkable story have to do with being a mother in 21st-century America? On the surface, nothing. But in her trenchant and revelatory book “Touched Out: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control,” Montei deftly illuminates how the girlhood training she received in turning her body over to others also shapes contemporary ideas of what makes a “good” mother and wife. “It’s impossible to disentangle the exploitation of women in the home from assumptions about what women owe men in the streets, in the workplace, and in bed, nor from how much women are expected to give up in meeting such demands,” she asserts.

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Montei hasn’t always seen this link so clearly. When she gave birth to her first child eight years ago, she was as susceptible as any new mother to narratives equating good parenting with self-erasure. She embraced the rigorously child-centric theories that are now parenting gospel, such as “attachment parenting” and “gentle parenting,” and threw herself into their requirements: baby-wearing, breast-feeding on demand, responding promptly to her baby’s every noise. Intensifying this togetherness, Montei — like the millions of other mothers who have “chosen” to exit the workforce due to our nation’s lack of affordable child care — was now a full-time homemaker while her husband earned the bread. Their punk-spirited partnership had transformed overnight into a 1950s trope.

Montei often found sublime pleasure in the “sweet, warm, new project” of caring for her daughter. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d been primed — in a manner reminiscent of that long-ago party — into agreeing to something without full knowledge of the terms. American motherhood felt like “something I wanted, then got, only to find I had been lured in by a group of boys who didn’t care at all how I ended up and were nowhere on the scene,” she explains. She had consented to motherhood, yes — even longed for it. And yet, she writes, “my housewifery also felt forced, compulsory, staged. And the experience of getting what I wanted was immediately tainted by what I hadn’t known before consenting.”

What distinguishes Montei’s book from other excellent critiques of contemporary motherhood published in the wake of the pandemic, such as Angela Garbes’s “Essential Labor” and Chelsea Conaboy’s “Mother Brain,” is its emphasis on corporeal autonomy — a focus all the more urgent in our post-Roe landscape. Long before Montei discovered the term “touched out” in an internet parenting forum, she understood in her flesh what it describes: the overwhelm many caregivers feel as a result of the demands on their body by children and partners. She had absorbed the myth that good mothering meant constantly being at her child’s disposal physically — not only as a source of nourishment and comfort but as a diversion and plaything. (In one moment, uncomfortably familiar to me as a mom of three, her body becomes a literal railroad, crisscrossed over and over by her toddler’s toy train.)

At first, Montei was relieved she wasn’t the only “touched out” mother. She’d felt guilty when she chafed against her daughter’s grasping hands or recoiled at her husband’s advances, interpreting these responses as a personal failure. But as the #MeToo movement erupted in 2017, her relief morphed into something sharper. Her own marriage had revealed how male entitlement can infiltrate even the most egalitarian heterosexual partnerships: “My self-proclaimed feminist husband didn’t consciously expect me to service his feelings when he came home wrecked and deflated from … work,” she writes, “but unconsciously he did.” Unsurprisingly, in a culture that tends to attribute any dip in female sex drive to “hormones,” her husband believed her suppressed desire was a phase that would pass — preferably ASAP.

Most reporting on the “touched out” phenomenon also treats it as a matter-of-course phase, “a natural condition of biology, perhaps even of the feminine condition, but also normal, a vague designation that sidesteps culture and politics.” But how “normal’ is it really, Montei asks, for legions of mothers to want “to pull their own skin off”? The stories of sexual violence flooding forth these past few years have made clear the dangers of conflating commonness with normalcy. The ubiquity of “touched out” mothers is the problem, a symptom of the systems that have made the violation of women’s bodies standard operating procedure.

The central achievement of “Touched Out” — the one that makes me want to press this book into the hands of every parent and expectant parent I know — is how artfully Montei connects the dots between her private shame and this collective assault, opening the door for her readers to do the same. Maybe, like those first few #MeToo revelations, her story could awaken a chorus of touched out mothers, joining their voices to declare that enough is enough.

From where I write this, hiding in my office from my children’s encroaching footsteps, I would very much like to think so.

TOUCHED OUT: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control

By Amanda Montei

Beacon, 256 pp., $27.95

Nicole Graev Lipson is a freelance writer and book critic and the author of the forthcoming memoir-in-essays “Mothers and Other Fictional Characters.” Follow her on Instagram @nglipson.