creative writing description of being drunk

How to Write a Drunk Character

Intoxication is a complex biological process, and it can affect people in a variety of different ways—making it a particularly difficult thing to write about. However, the acts of drinking, partying, and drowning sorrows in a bottle are prevalent themes in our world and in literature.  Chances are, you’ll have to write a drunk character at one point or another.

There are several things you’ll need to consider before writing a convincing drunk character. Alcohol has several predictable effects on people, but causes people to behave in unpredictable ways. Even dialogue for drunk characters will differ based on the character and your personal style of writing. Additionally, you’ll need to convey an appropriate hangover after the fact, or the scene won’t feel as authentic to your readers. If you’re writing a story in the first person, then you’ll have to deal with the thought processes and internal dialogue of the drunk character as well, which is an even more difficult thing to write convincingly. 

It might seem overwhelming to keep track of all that while writing, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. There are easy ways to break down the ideas, and you can actually use your character’s intoxication as a tool for revealing things about the story or the character in question. 

How to Describe a Drunk Person

It’s usually not hard to tell when a person has been drinking, even before they open their mouth. There are a number of visual and behavioral cues that can tip your readers off to the fact that a character may be drunk without you having to spell it out for them. They are going to be slurring their words, swaying where they’re standing, and stumbling as they walk. It’s also common for people to fidget and stumble around.

When describing a drunk person visually, there are a few features you should focus on. The first is the eyes. Drunk people often have a difficult time focusing on things around them, so their eyes may seem glossy and drift around the room as their gaze floats about their surroundings. 

The mouth is also a good indicator as well. When not emoting, the character’s jaw is likely going to be hanging slack, letting their mouth hang open ever so slightly. When they smile, however, they will usually smile much more broadly than they would if they were sober. Expressions would become exaggerated, because the character won’t be thinking about how their face looks.

Next, the person’s arms are a good indicator of their intoxication. Drunk people don’t have control over fine motor skills, so their gestures become more pronounced and sweeping. What would be a simple wave while sober becomes a wide-sweeping flail of the arm once intoxicated. 

Another easy way to spot a drunk person is the way they walk. A drunk person walking is not going to be moving with much determination, and they definitely won’t be going in a straight line. They will be stumbling around, likely using the wall or furniture to keep from falling over. Their footsteps will be irregular, and their body is going to lurch unpredictably as the character tries to keep their balance. 

Physical descriptions are not the only important aspect of describing a drunk person. You should also consider how the character behaves while they are drunk. Some people become belligerent, disobedient, sad, or giddy as a result, and how they behave will depend on several factors. 

Different Kinds of Drunks

First things first: getting drunk does not magically change someone’s personality . Alcohol amplifies personality traits that a person already has, but it won’t make someone act wildly out of character. So, a person who is ordinarily angry will be even more aggressive when drunk. A person who is often sad and lethargic will become even more depressed after more than a few drinks. 

That also means that alcohol is good at revealing a person’s natural temperament, so mysterious or two-faced characters may reveal more about their true selves when under the influence of alcohol. In addition to that, alcohol blurs inhibitions and critical thought, so a character that is ordinarily reasonable may be more receptive to bad ideas after they have had a few drinks. 

A character’s mood before they start drinking can also have an effect on how they behave once drunk, as well as their reason for drinking. If a person is drinking to have fun, they would naturally behave differently from someone who is drinking to cope with anger issues or a traumatic experience. 

(Writing characters with anger issues can also be a struggle, but if you want some help with that, I have another article on that topic: Writing a Character with Anger Issues. )

With that said, there are a few different ways that drunk people tend to behave. Some people will claim that there are officially four types of drunks, but I believe that to be trendy pseudoscience. The ways people behave while drunk are as varied as the ways they behave while sober, and no two people are exactly alike. 

However, if you’re looking for ideas to get started, here are some of the top tropes . Don’t feel like you need to be constrained to just one choice, though. Many people experience several mood swings and behavioral changes as the night goes on, especially if they continue to drink. Combinations could also be fun to play with if you could make it work for the character.

Flirty Drunk

A flirty drunk is a person who takes every opportunity to flirt with those around them. They may wear progressively less clothing as time goes on, and their sole goal is usually to get someone in bed before the end of the night. However, there are more benign flirty drunks, who really have no intentions behind their flirty behavior other than to chat and have a good time in the moment. 

This trope is pretty common, since it’s a good one to use for comic effect. It’s also great for making other characters uncomfortable, or getting the main character in trouble for flirting with someone’s significant other. This is also a fun trope to combine with others, so play around with it a little. 

Some people become much more hostile when intoxicated, and use everything as an excuse to start a fight. They may yell, break things, hurt themself, or start throwing punches. Really, they are likely to say and do whatever they want, regardless of who would be hurt. 

This type of trope is commonly used to create characters that act as abusive parents or spouses, but there are more ways to apply this kind of trope. A small, mild-mannered woman could become quite fighty after a few drinks, and a young businessman could develop a rather sharp tongue once he’s had a couple whiskeys. Try to deviate from the stereotypes to disrupt your reader’s expectations. 

You should try to find a good balance between surprising your readers, and not letting your characters behave in inconsistent ways.

Happy Drunk

A person that regularly breaks down into fits of giggles while drinking tends to be labeled as a happy drunk. These people tend to crack jokes and laugh often, finding even mundane things to be either fantastical or hilarious. 

Happy drunks are a common choice in fiction for comic relief, since a goofy drunk can bring a smile to anyone’s face—as long as they’re written well. As you can probably guess by now, I’m a fan of subverting expectations, so play around with the idea of making more stoic or rough characters get a little goofy when they’re drunk. It’s a fun way to reveal a more playful side of their personality they could be concealing, for pride or reputation’s sake. 

This is also the category that I usually fall into when I’m drunk, so I can attest: everything does get hilarious. It’s easy to get overcome with giggles at absolutely anything . 

Sentimental Drunk

People that use alcohol as an excuse to express how much they appreciate everything are referred to as sentimental drunks. They often reminisce about the past, apologize for past mistakes, and repeat the phrase “I love you guys” or some variation of that all night long. They can get teary-eyed when offered even the smallest compliment or bit of assistance, and they tend to get physically clingy to their friends—and even strangers. 

Sentimental drunks are fairly common, in both real life and in fiction. Including it in your story can create an opportunity to reveal a lot about your characters and their pasts, too. A character may express remorse for doing something that the other characters didn’t know they were responsible for, or they could confess to having a long-time crush on another character. There are tons of possibilities!

A person drinking for the wrong reasons—such as to forget a bad experience, to numb their senses, or to cope with a loss—will usually end up behaving melancholically when intoxicated. Typically, if a person is feeling sad before drinking, they will still be sad after drinking too. 

Sad drunks typically hang out in a corner alone, knocking back drinks just for the sake of not being sober. They tend to slur more, and can break down into incomprehensible sobs at any moment. Other times, they may just brush off anyone that approaches them until they inevitably drink themselves to unconsciousness. 

I probably don’t have to point this out, but this trope is everywhere . The main hero loses a loved one and drinks at a bar to forget (before getting his inevitable heroic wake-up-call to get his life back together again). A retired hero (superhero, detective, cop, etc) drinks alone at a bar, pretending he never was the hero people claim he is. Or, better yet, a story ends with the main character having a drink alone after losing everything at the end of the story (but only to set up the sequels ). The point I’m trying to make is that this trope is just a little tired.

If you want to avoid clichés like the ones above, then you really need to dive into the experiences of the character. Explore in-depth their thoughts and feelings, and linger over things that they’re conflicted about. Make the scene mean something both for the readers and the character, otherwise, it won’t feel like anything more than just a trope. 

All of the Above

Remember these are tropes, and that most people exhibit all or several of these types of behaviors. Some people display behaviors from multiple different tropes simultaneously, like sad and mean, while others cycle through them multiple times for as long as they’re intoxicated. These are also not all of the possibilities! 

Here are some additional drunk personality tropes:

• The philosophical drunk
• The annoying drunk
• The violent drunk
• The childish drunk
• The messy drunk
• The mom-friend drunk
• The anarchist
• And many many… many more. 

Remember that even drunk, characters should still behave like individuals. These are just ideas to help you figure out how your character could behave while under the influence of alcohol, but they are not intended to dictate or restrict how your character can act. All your characters should be unique, sober or not. 

Write out a few short stories for fun that feature your characters getting drunk in different settings to try to figure out what feels right for them. Putting your ideas in practice is a great way of finding out what works and what doesn’t—before you put it in your story.  

How to Write a Drunk Character in the First Person

Writing about a mind-altering condition from the perspective of the affected character can be a challenge, but it’s not impossible. There are a couple of tricks you can use to make a first-person drunk scene feel more authentic. 

The first mistake that many writers make when writing a drunk character in the first person is that they don’t alter the way they write everything. Your character is not perceiving the world the same way they usually do, so you shouldn’t write about their world the same way you usually do. Your character is not going to be thinking in complex, well-articulated sentences, so it’s going to feel weird to your readers if you continue to describe things, such as the character’s actions and surroundings, with the same style you ordinarily would. 

There are several ways to get around this. First, try focusing on visual details and immersive imagery. Focus on what your character sees and feels, rather than what they are thinking. They will not be thinking too hard about anything, so don’t linger on any particular idea for more than a few lines. Describe things visually, and feel free to dive into what that item means to the drunk character instead of what it objectively is. Have them fixate—but just for a moment, then move on quickly. 

Drunk people see things first, and act on instinct based on their experiences with that thing they’re looking at. They don’t take the time to think, and if they do, it is usually not with the same kind of analytical approach they would take while sober. For example:

“I looked out over the glassy surface of the pool, watching the underwater lights distorting with each tiny wave… I wanted to reach out and feel the icy water… the waves… And before I knew what I was doing, I found myself under the water, sputtering for air below the surface.”

That example is also a good example for illustrating another idea. Selectively cutting out parts of what is happening, such as the drunk character jumping into the pool presumably fully clothed, can represent the spotty memory and periods of blacking out associated with being drunk. 

Finally, always remember to show don’t tell . In the case of drunkenness, describe how the character is feeling, don’t just say like “I felt numb and dizzy.” Instead, describe how the room seems to float around like a boat, making the character tumble when they try to walk. Describe how their eyes seem to lag when they try to look in a new direction. Describe the feeling of not quite being able to control the trajectory of their hands, or the speed at which they move. These things are far more telling than simply stating the obvious. You want your readers to experience the feeling vicariously through your character, so let the situation be immersive. 

How to Write Drunk Dialogue

There are many different options when it comes to writing drunk dialogue, but which one you choose could be a matter of personal preference, the degree to which your character is intoxicated, and the type of character getting drunk. Some people slur more than others, while other people mash words together, so you might end up using multiple different options for different characters.

The first thing that you need to understand about drunk dialogue (before you worry about formatting it) is that the way your characters structure their sentences and express their thoughts could be quite different from how they usually do. Drunk people tend to stop speaking mid-sentence, or jump to a different topic without much warning. It’s also common for people to repeat themselves, raise their voice, or share opinions that they probably shouldn’t. Though a character normally wouldn’t dare to spill someone else’s secret or share their own secretly held beliefs, those things might just slip out after a little bit of alcohol.

Now, on to actually writing the dialogue.

One of the techniques you could utilize is probably one you’ve seen in other stories before. You could simply write out the words as they would sound slurred out by a drunk person. As long as the misspellings you’ve chosen for the words are recognizable and make sense, then you should be fine. It’s common for drunk people to drag out the “s” sound into “sh,” so that’s a good place to start. Just be careful about making sure the words are identifiable even after you butcher the spelling. Here’s an example:

“You’re being… ridicu-lush… ’m not that drunk…” 

Another technique you could use is to smash two or more words together to further emphasize the slur and change in the character’s behavior. For example:

“Whatcha got there? ‘Nother drink? You ‘bout’a get hammered!”

In this case, “whatcha” and “‘bout’a” are compounded versions of “what do you” and “about to.” The meaning of the sentence is still clearly conveyed to readers, so it’s a good way of making the drunk dialogue stand out without making it unreadable. 

Another option is to break up the character’s dialogue with ellipses, and even litter a few hiccups in between their words. This is a good option for combining with some repetition as well. As long as you don’t overdo it with the hiccups (as a lot of writers do), you should be fine. This would look something like this:

“I don’t… I don’t know if I… hic… if I wanna go…” 

As with any dialogue, if you aren’t sure about what you wrote, just read it out loud. Try to embody the character, and act their dialogue out. If it doesn’t sound right after you’ve said it, then you can reevaluate it and make changes to it. That’s the best way to find out if it sounds like something someone would actually say. 

How to Write a Hungover Character

Hangovers are a predictable consequence of getting drunk, so it’s something you should consider showing in your story after a character gets drunk. If your character wakes up the morning after a night of heavy drinking as chipper and healthy as usual, that might not sit well with your readers. 

First things first, you’ll need to understand exactly when and how a hangover begins. Symptoms of a hangover first begin appearing the moment a drinker’s Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC) plateaus, and begins to drop again. However, since at this point the drinker is still going to be rather intoxicated, they probably aren’t going to notice the symptoms until their BAC drops significantly lower. 

The closer to 0 a person’s BAC gets, the worse they are going to feel. That’s why an extra drink is a popular “cure” for a hangover since it postpones the effects, but that only worsens the inevitable discomfort. 

The symptoms of a hangover are:

• Light sensitivity
• Dehydration
• Bodily aches and pains
• Poor attention and concentration
• Increased heart rate
• Jitters 
• Potentially dealing with injuries sustained while drunk, such as from bar fighting, falling over, etc

With that said, symptoms vary depending on the quantity and type of alcohol consumed. Sugary drinks and red wines tend to result in worse nausea the morning after, for example. Beer, on the other hand, especially a particularly hoppy beer, tends to result in more manageable hangovers.

The symptoms of a hangover can last anywhere from a few hours to an entire day—and sometimes even longer than that. Plan to have your character out of commission for at least the next 12 hours if they’ve gotten significantly wasted. 

Do Some First-Hand Research

As with almost anything, the best way to learn how to write a drunk character is to simply get drunk yourself. Pay attention to how you feel as you get tipsier and tipsier, and try to stay mindful about your experiences as you are drinking. Keeping notes is also a great idea, though they might make less sense as you get drunker. This is also the best way to learn how to write a drunk character in the first person, if your story requires that.

Obviously, that suggestion isn’t an option for everyone. If you’re underage, or you avoid alcohol for personal or religious reasons, then you shouldn’t feel the need to infringe on your preferences (or the law) to write a convincing scene. But you should still try to have conversations with people who do drink actively, and try to do so with as many different people as possible to get a wide array of experiences. Simply explain why you’re asking them about it, and most people will be open to share.

Remember to drink responsibly. 

Stay safe, and keep writing!

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19,890 quotes, descriptions and writing prompts, 4,964 themes

being drunk - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

• being irresponsible
• intoxicated

Being drunk switches off the best parts of your brain and leaves the fool to run your life, to run your mouth. If you really love me, I need to hear the sober part of you speak truth.

Being drunk is such a cop out. By all means enjoy a glass of something nice and have a laugh, but all this inebriation is cowardly. You checked out when we needed you to check in.

Being drunk robbed us of our dreams. We could have followed our passions, became so much more. All we did was rot our brains, addicted to this poison.

Being drunk is the fools anaesthetic. It puts the primitive self in command when it is the worst captain of all.

Alcohol swiches off your prefrontal cortex, a few drinks, whatever, we can still talk, but being legless drunk leaves me handling a Neanderthal.

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Writing Nestling

How To Describe Alcohol In Writing (10 Important Steps)

Introducing the art of describing alcohol in writing is akin to opening the doors to a sensory wonderland where words become the palette for crafting exquisite experiences.

The allure of this endeavor lies in the capacity to transport readers to the heart of convivial gatherings, into dimly lit speakeasies, or across sun-drenched vineyards, all through the meticulous strokes of a writer’s pen.

Describing alcohol in literature is a voyage into the realm of sensory richness, where visual, olfactory, gustatory, and tactile dimensions converge to create a tapestry that not only tantalizes the imagination but also evokes emotions and deeper layers of meaning.

It’s a craft that allows the author to infuse their narrative with the spirit of libations, where every glass becomes a vessel carrying more than just liquid—it carries history, symbolism, and the essence of characters and their stories.

In the following exploration, we will delve into the intricacies of this art, from setting the scene to unveiling the metaphorical depths of alcohol, offering writers a map to navigate the intoxicating possibilities of words.

Table of Contents

How To Describe Alcohol In Writing

Describing alcohol in writing typically involves providing information about its appearance, aroma, taste, and sometimes its effects. Here’s a step-by-step process for doing so:

Identify the type of alcohol

Specify whether you are describing a specific type of alcohol, such as wine, beer, whiskey, vodka, or any other beverage. The characteristics can vary significantly between different types.

Start with the color: Describe the color of the alcohol, whether it’s clear, amber, brown, golden, or any other shade.

Note its transparency: Mention whether the alcohol is clear, hazy, or cloudy.

Discuss viscosity: Comment on its thickness or viscosity, whether it’s thin like water or thick and syrupy.

Inhale the scent: Take a moment to smell the alcohol. Note any immediate impressions.

Describe the primary aroma: Identify the dominant scents, which can range from fruity and floral to earthy or smoky.

Note any subtle hints: Mention any secondary or subtle aromas that become apparent upon deeper inspection.

Take a sip: Taste the alcohol and allow it to coat your palate.

Describe the initial impression: Explain the first taste that hits your tongue, whether it’s sweet, bitter, sour, or something else.

Note the flavor profile: Identify the different flavors that develop as you continue to taste. This could include fruity notes, spices, or any unique characteristics.

Discuss the finish: Describe the aftertaste and how long the flavors linger on the palate. Mention any changes in taste as it dissipates.

Mention mouthfeel: Describe how the alcohol feels in your mouth, whether it’s light and crisp or heavy and velvety.

Talk about carbonation (if applicable): If it’s a carbonated beverage, describe the level of fizziness.

Alcohol content

Mention the alcohol by volume (ABV): Provide the ABV percentage, which indicates the alcohol’s strength.

Discuss any warming sensations: Note if the alcohol imparts a warming sensation as it goes down.

Suggest food pairings: Share recommendations for foods that complement the alcohol you’re describing. For example, wine with specific dishes or cocktails with appropriate garnishes.

Effects (if relevant)

Discuss the effects of alcohol consumption: If applicable, mention the effects of consuming the described alcohol, such as relaxation, intoxication, or any other relevant impact.

Personal experience

Share your personal impressions: Conclude with your overall impressions and any subjective feelings or memories evoked by the alcohol.

Edit and refine

Review your description, ensuring clarity and coherence, and make any necessary edits for conciseness and readability.

Remember to adapt your description to the specific type of alcohol you’re writing about, as each has its own unique characteristics and nuances.

Setting the Scene

In the enchanting glow of a dimly lit speakeasy, where the air carries whispers of forgotten tales and the walls harbor the secrets of many a clandestine rendezvous, the setting unfurls its mysteries.

A single amber-hued light caresses the contours of ornate glassware, casting intricate shadows on the mahogany bar.

The clinking of ice in crystal tumblers becomes a symphony, and the patrons, swathed in the elegance of a bygone era, engage in a dance between nostalgia and anonymity.

This is not just a place; it is a portal to the past, a tapestry of stories woven into the very fabric of its existence, and it beckons the thirsty traveler to step back in time and savor the elixir of history.

Establishing the context

In the realm of storytelling, context is the fertile soil from which the seeds of narrative sprout and flourish. It’s the geographical coordinates of a tale, the temporal anchor that tethers characters to their past, present, and future.

When a writer deftly establishes context, they breathe life into their narrative, painting the backdrop against which characters evolve and conflicts unfold.

Whether it’s a moonlit medieval castle shrouded in intrigue or a bustling metropolis pulsing with modernity, context is the compass that guides readers through the labyrinth of a well-crafted story, making them not mere observers but willing travelers on an unforgettable journey.

Sensory Descriptions

In the art of storytelling, sensory descriptions are the kaleidoscope through which words transform into sensations, creating a symphony of experience in the reader’s mind.

They are the brushstrokes of a vivid painting, the scents that linger in the air, the tastes that dance on the tongue, and the textures that beckon touch.

With every stroke of the writer’s pen, sensory descriptions summon the reader to run their fingers through silken moonlight, to savor the bittersweet symphony of a rainy afternoon, to hear the whispers of secrets carried by the wind, and to taste the very essence of the world crafted between the pages.

Like a masterful chef crafting a gourmet meal, writers conjure a sensory feast, inviting readers to not just read the words, but to feel them, breathe them, and become lost in their exquisite magic.

Visual imagery

Visual imagery in writing is the conjurer’s wand, the artist’s palette, and the cinematographer’s lens all at once. It’s the craft of weaving enchanting tapestries of sight with words, allowing readers to step into the vivid landscapes of imagination.

Through meticulous detail, authors can paint worlds as intricate as a microcosm or as vast as a galaxy, capturing the iridescence of a dragon’s scales, the intricacies of a cobblestone alleyway in Victorian London, or the ethereal glow of a bioluminescent forest on an alien planet.

It’s an invitation for readers to not only read but to dream with their eyes wide open, to let words transform into a visual symphony, and to walk through the pages of a book as though they were portals to an infinite realm of possibility.

Taste and Flavor

Taste and flavor in writing are the alchemical potions that turn mere words into a culinary journey for the soul. They’re the sizzling anticipation of a first bite into a perfectly seasoned dish, the delicate interplay of sweet and savory, and the explosion of sensations that dance upon the palate.

Authors, like gourmet chefs of storytelling, meticulously blend the essences of their narrative, layering emotions with the subtleties of taste to create an exquisite recipe for reader immersion.

With every page turned, readers savor the rich, multifaceted flavors, from the bitter tang of heartache to the sweet honeyed notes of love, experiencing not just words, but a full-bodied, literary feast that leaves them yearning for more, like a connoisseur of life’s most delectable experiences.

Palate exploration

Palate exploration in writing is the art of embarking on a sensory adventure, akin to savoring a fine wine or a complex dish.

It’s the delicate balance between teasing and satisfying the reader’s senses with a symphony of flavors, aromas, and textures.

Just as a sommelier navigates the nuances of a vintage, writers traverse the intricate landscape of their narrative, introducing readers to the primary, secondary, and tertiary elements that compose the story’s essence.

Whether it’s the bittersweet undercurrent of unrequited love or the subtle hints of tension in a suspenseful plot, authors craft a literary menu where every word is a delectable morsel, inviting readers to savor, appreciate, and, ultimately, be transported to the heart of the narrative.

Emotions and Atmosphere

Emotions and atmosphere in writing are the ethereal architects of the reader’s soul. They weave a tapestry of feelings and environments, much like a master conductor leading an orchestra through a heart-pounding crescendo.

In the hands of a skilled writer, emotions transcend mere words; they become the heartbeats of characters, the tendrils of connection that draw readers into the narrative’s embrace.

The atmosphere, a silent yet omnipresent character, provides the stage where these emotions unfurl, be it the hushed tension of a moonlit graveyard or the jubilant cacophony of a lively carnival.

Together, emotions and atmosphere are the alchemical elixir that transforms ink and paper into a realm where readers not only witness a story but feel it resonating deep within their very essence, turning every page into an emotional journey worth embarking upon.

Impact on characters and the narrative

The impact of emotions on characters and the narrative is like the ripple effect of a stone dropped into a still pond.

Just as the stone’s entry into the water creates expanding concentric circles, a character’s emotions can send shockwaves through the storyline, driving character development and steering the plot’s course.

Whether it’s the transformative power of love, the searing weight of guilt, or the intoxicating lure of ambition, emotions are the inner landscapes that shape a character’s choices and actions.

These emotions, like powerful currents, not only reveal the innermost struggles and desires of characters but also serve as the guiding winds that navigate the narrative ship through the turbulent seas of conflict and resolution.

In this intricate dance between character and plot, emotions are the lifeblood that infuses the story with authenticity, making it relatable and resonant, leaving readers not just as passive spectators but as deeply engaged participants in the unfolding drama.

Symbolism and Metaphor

Symbolism and metaphor in writing are the cryptic keys that unlock the hidden chambers of the human psyche.

They are the secret codes, the double meanings, and the mirrors reflecting the myriad facets of the human experience.

Like master illusionists, writers employ symbols and metaphors to conjure powerful, multi-layered connections between the tangible and the intangible.

An ordinary object becomes a mystical talisman, a flickering candle flame becomes a beacon of hope, and a storm-tossed sea becomes a metaphor for tumultuous emotions.

In the alchemical transformation of words, writers invite readers to embark on a treasure hunt, deciphering the rich, enigmatic tapestry of meaning that lies beneath the surface of the text.

Symbolism and metaphor are the hidden doorways that lead to profound insights, making the written word not just a tale to be read but a profound journey to be explored, an intellectual and emotional playground where the ordinary becomes extraordinary, and the mundane becomes profound.

Alcohol as a metaphor

Alcohol, as a metaphor in literature, is like a multifaceted gem that shimmers with a myriad of interpretations. It can be the elixir of liberation, releasing characters from the confines of societal norms and inhibitions, or the poison that corrupts and leads them down a path of self-destruction.

In its liquid form, alcohol can symbolize escape, offering solace and respite from life’s burdens, or it can be the siren’s call, luring characters into a whirlpool of despair.

As a metaphor, it can represent transformation, as characters evolve through intoxication, or the fragile barrier between reality and illusion.

Like an ever-shifting mirror, alcohol reflects the myriad aspects of human nature, making it a rich and powerful symbol that adds depth and complexity to the narrative, leaving readers with much more to savor than the taste of spirits on the tongue.

The Writing Process

The writing process is a sorcerer’s incantation, an artist’s trance, and an archaeologist’s excavation, all rolled into one mesmerizing journey of creation.

It’s the alchemy where imagination transmutes into words, where the ordinary becomes extraordinary, and where the silent symphony of thoughts takes center stage.

It’s the sacred dance of inspiration and perspiration, a paradoxical labyrinth where chaos and order entwine. Writers wield their pens as wands, summoning characters from the void, carving worlds from the ether, and breathing life into the otherwise lifeless.

With each word, each revision, and each laborious edit, they navigate the nebulous waters of their own creativity, conjuring narratives that are at once an intimate confession and a universal revelation.

In this mystical realm, writers are the magicians, the creators, the explorers, and the architects, crafting stories that defy time and space, inviting readers to step into the kaleidoscope of their imagination and embark on an unforgettable adventure.

Drafting and revising

Drafting and revising in the writing process are akin to the sculptor’s chisel and the painter’s brush. In the initial draft, the writer releases the torrent of thoughts onto the canvas, unearthing the raw essence of their ideas.

It’s a fevered dance of creation, a journey where words pour out like an untamed river, bearing the writer’s soul.

But the true magic happens in the refining process. Revising is the alchemical transformation of rough stone into a polished gem, where each word is scrutinized, sentences honed to perfection, and the narrative’s architecture reshaped for maximum impact.

It’s the realm of precision, where writers play the roles of both the surgeon and the architect, cutting and restructuring with surgical precision, ensuring the final result resonates with clarity and resonance.

Drafting is the birth of an idea, while revising is the maturation process, where the story evolves from a cacophonous draft into a symphony of words, where every note, every paragraph, and every chapter harmonize to create an unforgettable narrative.

Examples from Literature

Examples from literature are like timeless jewels that have weathered the storms of time, carrying within them the echoes of bygone eras and the whispers of masterful storytellers.

They are the windows through which we glimpse the souls of characters, the landscapes of imagination, and the grand tapestries of human experience.

These examples are the golden threads that weave literary canons together, from the haunting soliloquies of Shakespeare to the dystopian visions of Orwell, and the intricate moral labyrinths of Dostoevsky.

They are both beacons of inspiration and guideposts for aspiring writers, showcasing the boundless possibilities of language and narrative.

Examples from literature are not just pages filled with ink; they are portals to different worlds, and in their lines, readers find not just stories, but the keys to unlock the mysteries of the human heart and the enigmatic art of storytelling.

Notable passages featuring alcohol

Notable passages featuring alcohol in literature are like intoxicating distillations of the human condition, a glimpse into the complexities of human relationships and the multifaceted facets of existence.

From Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises,” where absinthe flows like a river and the characters’ libations mirror their inner turmoil, to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby,” where champagne glasses brim with decadence and unfulfilled desires, these passages immerse us in the intoxicating worlds of their stories.

The iconic scene in Raymond Chandler’s “The Long Goodbye,” where a tumbler of bourbon becomes the melancholic backdrop for introspection and mystery, or the fevered, absinthe-fueled frenzy in Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray,” these notable passages are not just about spirits; they are a tapestry of human emotion, excess, and escapism.

They remind us that alcohol is not just a liquid but a mirror reflecting the complexities of life, love, and the human soul.

Frequently asked questions about How To Describe Alcohol In Writing

What’s the best way to start describing the appearance of an alcoholic beverage.

Begin by assessing the color, transparency, and viscosity of the alcohol. These visual characteristics set the stage for your description.

How do I capture the essence of an alcohol’s aroma in words?

Inhale deeply and identify the primary aromas, but don’t forget to explore the subtler notes, much like a wine connoisseur examining a fine vintage.

Can you give some tips on articulating the taste of alcohol effectively?

Start by noting the initial taste impression, then delve into the flavor profile, making sure to discuss the finish and any changes in taste. Metaphors and comparisons can be helpful.

What’s the significance of mentioning the texture or mouthfeel of the alcohol?

Texture conveys important sensory information. Describe how the alcohol feels in your mouth, whether it’s light, velvety, or effervescent.

Is it important to mention the alcohol content (ABV) when describing a beverage?

Absolutely. The alcohol by volume (ABV) percentage indicates the beverage’s strength and is vital information for readers.

Can you offer some creative ways to suggest food pairings for the alcohol being described?

Consider the alcohol’s flavors and characteristics and suggest food pairings that create harmonious flavor combinations. Think of it as a culinary adventure!

How should I approach describing the effects of alcohol consumption in my writing?

If relevant, describe the effects honestly and responsibly, considering aspects like relaxation, intoxication, or any unique sensations induced by the alcohol.

Should I include my personal experiences and emotions when describing alcohol in writing?

Yes, sharing your personal impressions can add a unique and relatable dimension to your description. Your own experiences and emotions can help readers connect with your narrative.

Are there any creative techniques to make my alcohol descriptions more engaging and memorable?

Certainly! Experiment with vivid metaphors, analogies, and storytelling to create a sensory journey for your readers. Paint a picture with words and evoke emotions.

How can I ensure my alcohol descriptions are both informative and captivating?

Strive for a balance between informative content and engaging storytelling. Use sensory details and provide information concisely to keep readers both informed and entertained.

Remember that the key to successful alcohol descriptions is engaging your readers’ senses and emotions, allowing them to experience the beverage vicariously through your words.

In conclusion, effectively describing alcohol in writing is a multifaceted and sensory-rich endeavor that requires careful attention to detail and a genuine passion for the subject.

By following the steps outlined in the process, you can craft descriptions that not only inform but also engage and transport your readers to the world of beverages.

Whether you’re discussing the appearance, aroma, taste, or effects of alcohol, the art lies in capturing the essence of the drink and conveying it in a way that resonates with your audience.

Moreover, adding a personal touch to your descriptions can infuse your writing with authenticity and relatability, allowing readers to connect with your experiences and emotions.

Employing vivid language, metaphors, and storytelling techniques can elevate your descriptions, making them not just informative but also captivating and memorable.

Ultimately, describing alcohol in writing is an art that combines sensory perception, technical knowledge, and the creative power of language.

It’s a journey of exploration, where every sip is an opportunity to uncover and share the unique qualities of each beverage.

So, whether you’re a connoisseur, a writer, or both, remember that the beauty of this craft lies in its ability to transport readers to the world of spirits, wines, and beers, making each description a captivating adventure in its own right.

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WriteWorld is a writing help blog dedicated to serving our fellow writers through education and inspiration.

anon asked: How do you write for a drunk person realistically when you have never been drunk yourself?

How do you write a death scene if you’ve never died? You pretend, imagine, and do your research.

But, since you asked about drunkenness specifically, we’ll tackle some of that research for you.

There seems to be two schools of thought for writing drunken dialogue: the Slurred Speech Supporters and the Descriptive Drunkenness Advocates .

Slurred Speech Supporters prefer to visually portray drunkenness to the reader. A few examples:

• “H-h-h-heeeeey! Wheeeere d'ya think yeeeeer goin’?” he slurred, jabbing a finger into Sam’s chest. 

Here you can see hyphens between H s, lengthy strings of the letter E , and a couple of instances of dropped or combined words using apostrophes. This is an extremely visual representation of drunken dialogue, but be advised: this style can become tedious to the reader.

• “Iamsickofyourshit,” Dennis said, his words tumbling from his mouth in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables. 

By cramming all of the words together in Dennis’ dialogue, you are visually representing the pace of speech. Be careful, choose your words wisely if you plan to omit spacing in a line, because the reader may have a difficult time with words with many syllables, rare words, or contractions.

• “Gerroff me!” he said. “I’m ash sober ash ’m gonna git. And nuffink I - wait wait wait - nuffink you can do ‘boutit.” And he ambled back to the bar without so much as hiccup in her direction.

Making up “combo words” is another very popular method of visualizing drunken speech. Gerroff , gonna , nuffink , and 'boutit are all combo words. This dialogue also has misspelled words to encourage a slurred reading, namely ash (words with S sounds in them may have their S s replaced with Sh or Ch ), ’m (dropping a letter before or after the apostrophe in a contraction can be confusing, but it certainly adds to the slurred look of the dialgoue), and git ( I s and E s may be interchangeable, depending on your taste and the usual speech of the character while not drunk). You can also change Th  to  D in words, usually those beginning with  Th . Notice as well the lack of comma punctuation in “wait wait wait” and the character’s confusion between I and you in the dialogue.

• Daisy took the shot glass back from Quentin, sloshing vodka all over both of them. “I’m not drunk how dare you I’m the soberest girl in this room!" 

The complete lack of internal punctuation in this sentence (or three sentences, as it were) lends a very visual slur to Daisy’s speech. The sentences don’t end on the page, so your audience doesn’t hear individual sentences when they read the dialogue.

If you’re trying to figure out where slurred speech might go in a line of dialogue, write it normally then say it aloud with your tongue stuck firmly to the bottom of your mouth. You can also place your tongue between your teeth on the right or left side of your mouth, or try speaking with your mouth full of food. Any way you do this, you’re going to sound like you have a speech impediment, not like you’re drunk. That’s ok, we’re just trying to get an approximation of where the slurs would realistically go.

Over-enunciate and mark the places where a nice, staccato  K or T might flavor the dialogue well. Let your mouth be loose and say the line again, this time paying attention to where you have problems getting the word out clearly and mark those words for slurring or for word combos. For places to put Sh or Ch instead of S sounds, close your mouth and say the line through your teeth. The S s should come out as slightly more pronounced, so you’ll be able to hear candidate for word slurring a bit better. Try using these techniques on this sentences:

• I’m going to go home and sleep it off just like you suggested.
• You’re not the boss of me!
• When I finish my drink, I think I’ll jump off the roof into the pool.

On to the Descriptive Drunkenness Advocates . These writers argue that not every drunk person is slurring up a storm and making up new words in their drunken state. They prefer to minimize the visual slurs in their dialogue (or completely omit them), and simply embroider descriptively around dialogue or use dialogue indicators to make it clear to the reader that the character is hammered. We’ll show you what we mean:

• Collin stumbled forward and grabbed a lamppost for support. He clung there, slack-jawed and slumped over, for a long time before he said, "You can’t leave me here, Jane.” His red solo cup slid from his hand to plunk pitifully on the sidewalk at his feet.

Here we can tell that there’s something definitely wrong with Collin. He needs help from a lamppost to stay upright, so he’s either sick or drunk. By the last line of the example, the reader has pieced together the red solo cup, the universal symbol of “party”, and the slinky-like behavior and concluded that Collin is probably drunk.

• “I’m going to a pance darty! Wanna come?”

Toss in a spoonerism (or “a verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect”) for more light-hearted drunkenness. You can also be freer with slang words like wanna or gonna or ain’t because the character is too drunk to worry about correct grammar or enunciation with the sixth scotch and soda in hand.

• Carley leaned over to talk in my ear but did not trouble to lower her voice much. I could smell the wine on her breath; her teeth had a slightly purple tinge. “Yeah, and that’s when Lisa told me she slept with Greg and Jordan on the same night! Do you believe it? What a whore!” Silence had swept through the crowded room as she spoke, and over by the kitchen counter I spotted Lisa holding a broken glass in her fist, her face contorted with shock and rage.

Oh dear. Carley has blabbed a secret. Drunk people do that. Notice also the use of  yeah , a slang word, and the description of Carley’s breath and wine-washed teeth. Drunk people speak inappropriately. Consider exhibiting racism, sexism, lack of confidence in another character, affection for another character, and so on in your dialogue with a drunk character.

• “What’s wrong with your voice?” asked Nan. “Nothing’s wrong with my voice. I’m perfectly fine in my voice,” said Kari, trying to sound as sober as possible.

We love this example from the NaNoWriMo forums. Check out the word repetition and the weird phrasing here. “Notice how Kari repeats the word voice ? And the phrase 'I’m perfectly fine in my voice’ is a little odd. It’s little things like that.” This is a very nuanced way of exhibiting drunkenness.

Drunken physicality is pretty easy. Very pronounced drunken physicality will include falling, flailing, and stumbling. Drunk people also stereotypically puke, fall asleep suddenly, and shout or laugh a lot. You can tone this down to the point of non-existence if you like, depending on the character. Sometimes drumming fingers or a slightly-parted mouth or a woman walking in heels like they’re stilts will suffice to describe drunken physicality.

Drunk people often have personalities that do not coincide with that of their sober selves. This change is a sliding scale, ranging from a calm, civil person who, when drunk, violently kills people (the Jekyll and Hyde) to a noisy person who becomes more reserved while drunk. Since alcohol loosens your inhibitions, many people reveal their inner selves when very drunk, but some don’t. We’d say go with what progresses your plot.

Remember, people may behave differently while drunk, but they also behave differently in every situation and with different characters. The way your drunk character behaves in a knife fight will be different than at a party surrounded by friends and again different if he is preparing to commit suicide. See what we mean? A character will also behave differently while drunk around his parents vs. strangers vs. his best friend. Consider all of these factors before writing your scene.

Here are some articles to help you learn more about drunken behavior:

• Five Things Drunk People Like to Do
• How to Write a Drunk Character
• The Different Types of Drunk You Can Be
• The Ten Worst Types of Drunk

Beyond all of this, our best advice to you is to get some first-hand experience. If you don’t drink, or you’re not old enough to drink yet, people watch at the bars of restaurants or at house parties. Hang out with drunk people and take notes. You can even watch videos of drunk people on YouTube (stay away from movies, where people are only acting drunk).

Writing drunkenness is a matter of style, and it’ll be down to you to figure out how you do it. Play with different methods of writing drunkenness until you come up with a mix that suits you, then stick with it . If characters visually slur in one scene, you should write drunkenness in the same way in other scenes as well. Consistency is key here, especially if you have one character getting drunk several times. His emotions and the circumstances may change, but they way that you write drunkenness should not.

Thank you for your question, anon. We hope this provided you with a starting point for developing your style for writing drunk characters!

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KathySteinemann.com: Free Resources for Writers and Poets

Word lists, cheat sheets, and sometimes irreverent reviews of writing rules. kathy steinemann is the author of the writer's lexicon series..

Ways to Describe Breath & Breathing: A Word List for Writers

(Discover even more words in The Writer’s Body Lexicon .)

Reading a good book might seem as natural as breathing. Writing one? Not so much. Writers often labor over words, including breath and breathing .

Before proceeding, let’s look at the differences between breath and breathe .

Breath (noun; short ea as in wealth and soft th as in truth ): the air taken into or expelled from the lungs during respiration

Breathe (verb; long ea as in tease and hard th as in writhe ): to take air into and then expel from the lungs; to respire

If you have trouble keeping the words straight, remember that the verb breath e ends with an e , and v e rb contains an e .

Throughout this post, breath and breathing can often be interchanged.

Emotion Beats and Physical Manifestations

The way characters breathe, or don’t breathe, shows their emotions.

Alarm, anxiety, concern, dread holding one’s breath shallow, fast breaths

Anger , rage noisy breathing loud speech with short breaths between sentences

Anguish, depression, despair hyperventilation shaky, shallow breaths

Annoyance holding one’s breath berating someone else for breathing or chewing too loudly

Attraction, desire holding one’s breath fast breaths

Calmness, patience, peacefulness, serenity quiet, breathy voice deep, relaxed breaths

Confidence puffed-out chest deep, relaxed breaths

Disbelief short gasp holding one’s breath for a moment

Emotional distress, pain labored breathing hyperventilation

Envy, jealousy breathing through clenched teeth muttered insults under one’s breath

Fear, fright, terror holding one’s breath shallow, rasping breaths

Frustration holding one’s breath rapid expulsion of air

Guilt deep breaths uneven breathing

Happiness , satisfaction breathy giggles deep, relaxed breathing

Hatred loud breathing short, rapid breaths through flared nostrils

Hopefulness deep breaths holding one’s breath

Impatience releasing a pent-up breath loud breathing

Infatuation, love deep breaths checking one’s breath behind a raised hand

Insecurity slumped posture, shallow breathing checking one’s breath behind a raised hand

Irritation noisy inhalations through nostrils pulling in a huge breath and holding it

Nervousness, worry quick, shallow breaths inhaling through nostrils and exhaling through pursed lips

Overwhelm labored breathing, panic attack loud exhalation accompanied by low moan

Paranoia short, shallow breaths holding one’s breath

Pride, self-satisfaction deep breaths puffed-out chest

Relief sighing releasing a large pent-up breath

Scorn puffed-out chest exhaling with a pfft sound

Shock, surprise breathless voice sudden audible inhalation through mouth

Unease humming under one’s breath breathing that keeps time with a song playing in one’s mind

If you need additional beats, consult a body language dictionary . (As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.)

Adjectives to Describe Breath and Breathing

Labored? Effortless? Panic-stricken? An asthmatic’s breathing will differ from that of an athlete or a nervous job applicant.

As you peruse this list of descriptors, bear in mind that many are opinion adjectives .

A and B abdominal, abortive, abrupt, absent, accidental, acrid, agonized, agonizing, alcoholic, angry, anguished, anticipatory, apathetic, apprehensive, aromatic, asthmatic, audible, automatic, autonomic, bad, bated, bibulous, bitter, blissful, blistering, bloody, blustery, boozy, brisk, brittle, bug-free, bug-infested

C and D calculated, calm, carefree, careful, carnivorous, carrion, casual, cautious, chest-swelling, choking, clammy, clattery, cloying, condescending, confident, congested, conscious, constrained, contemptuous, convulsive, cool, crisp, croaky, dank, decisive, deep, deliberate, demonic, desperate, despondent, difficult, dispassionate, dispirited, dolorous, dramatic, drawn-out, dry

E and F easy, effortless, emotionless, energizing, ephemeral, erratic, euphoric, exaggerated, exasperated, excruciating, exhilarating, expectant, experimental, explosive, extended, exuberant, exultant, faint, fainting, fearful, feeble, fervent, fetid, fiery, final, first, fitful, flaming, fleeting, foamy, forced, foul, fragmented, fragrant, frantic, frenzied, fresh, frigid, frosty, frothy, full, fusty, futile

G and H gagging, gaseous, gasping, gentle, germy, ghastly, glottal, gratifying, greedy, grim, groaning, gulping, gusty, guttural, hacking, half-hearted, harsh, hasty, haunting, heady, heavy, histrionic, hoarse, hopeful, hot, humid, hurried, hushed, husky, hysterical

I to L icy, impatient, impotent, inaudible, indifferent, indignant, indistinct, ineffectual, instinctive, intentional, intermittent, intoxicating, invigorating, involuntary, irregular, jerky, jittery, jubilant, labored, laborious, languid, last, lazy, lengthy, lethargic, light, lingering, liquor-laced, listless, long, long-suffering, loud, lusty, luxurious

M to O malodorous, mechanical, meditative, melancholy, melodramatic, moaning, much-needed, mucousy, muffled, nasty, natural, nauseating, nervous, noiseless, noisy, noxious, obvious, odious, offensive, off-putting, ominous, optimistic

P pained, pain-free, painful, painless, panicky, panic-stricken, panting, peaceful, pent-up, plaintive, pleasurable, polluted, portentous, potent, powerful, preliminary, premature, preparatory, prolonged, pronounced, protracted, pungent, purposeful, putrid

Q and R quick, rabid, racking, ragged, rancid, rank, rapid, rapturous, rasping, raspy, rattling, raw, reflex, refreshing, regular, relaxed, repugnant, repulsive, resolute, restorative, resurgent, retching, reticent, revitalizing, revolting, rhythmic, robust, rotten, rousing, rueful, rushed

S saccharine, salty, satisfying, self-confident, self-important, serene, shaky, shallow, sharp, shrill, sibilant, sickening, sickly, silent, slight, slow , sluggish, smoky, smooth, snobbish, snotty, sobbing, sober, soft, sonorous, sooty, sorrowful, sour, spasmodic, spicy, spiritless, sporadic, sputtering, squeaky, staccato, stale, steady, steadying, stealthy, stertorous, stinky, stomach-churning, subdued, sub-glottal, sudden, sullen, supercilious, sweet, syrupy

T and U tense, tentative, terse, testy, theatrical, thin, throaty, tight, timid, timorous, tiny, torpid, torturous, toxic, tranquil, tremulous, turbulent, uncontrolled, uneasy, unenthusiastic, unfettered, unholy, unimpeded, unpleasant, unruffled, unsatisfying, unstable, unsteady, unworried, useless

V to W vexed, vile, visible, vital, voluntary, walloping, warm, wary, weak, weary, welcome, whimpering, whooping, whopping, wintry, wistful, woozy

Similes and Metaphors

Friedrich inched toward the end of the dark tunnel, and pushed the cover with a tentative palm. Frischluft! Gott sei Dank! He swallowed his first breath of freedom in his new country.

Even if you don’t know a word of German, you’ll understand the analogy of freedom to fresh air.

Here are a few more idea-starters:

• cloyingly sweet, like honey mixed with maple syrup
• convulsive as a newborn’s first gulps of air
• crisp as a winter wind
• laborious as a mountain climber’s gasps at high altitude
• like a sofa cushion wheezing under the weight of a sumo wrestler
• like a tire hissing its way to pancake status
• like a whisp of morning mist
• like ill-tuned bagpipes
• like the puffs of an accelerating steam engine
• like the rhythmic whoosh and clunk of a blacksmith’s bellows
• noisy as a pressure-relief valve
• shrill as a dentist’s drill
• welcome as fresh air to a pearl diver breaking the surface of the sea
• wheezier than an asthmatic without an inhaler
• with a snore that rumbles the rafters like an earthquake

Breath Scents

Wordsmiths often include the scent of breath by making figurative comparisons. Just about anything a person eats, tongues, inhales, or stuffs in the mouth will transfer its scent.

This list contains a sampling of figurative and literal comparison starters.

A to E acetone, another man, another woman, apples, an ashtray, an autopsy, a baby’s bellybutton, a bar, beef jerky, bratwurst, Brussels sprouts, bubblegum, cannabis, a cesspit, cherry pie, cigarette butts, compost, cough syrup, dead [fill in the blank], death, dirty bath towels, dog breath, espresso, an ex-girlfriend’s lipstick, expectorant

F to T fish, glue, a horse’s butt, a hospital, kitty litter, limes, Mary Jane, meatballs with gravy, medicine, a moldy public shower, a nursing home, nutmeg, onions, oranges, oysters, pepper, rancid cheese, road kill, rotten meat, rotten socks, sauerkraut, snuff, something dead, sour milk, spice, strawberries, sulfur, tacos, tequila, a toilet

See also the Scents sections of 600+ Ways to Describe Beards and 800+ Ways to Describe Chins .

Verbs (1): Transitive

A patient’s shallow breathing could alarm her doctor or disquiet a visitor. A wounded soldier’s breath might seep through his teeth . The breath of a man in a snowstorm will warm his hands.

Commonality: each verb or phrasal verb requires a direct object, as do those in the following list.

A to F alarm, billow (across, into, over, through), blow (across, into, over, through), bubble (from, out of, over, through), burst (from, out of, through), caress, come in, concern, disquiet, distend, drift (from, out of, over, through), erupt (from, out of), explode (from, out of), flood, flow (from, out of, through), foam (out of, through), froth (from, out of, over, through)

I to W intoxicate, puff (across, into, over, through), seep (from, out of, through), surge (from, out of), tickle, trickle (from, out of), unnerve, unsettle, waft (across, into, over, through), warm, weave (across, into, over, through), whoosh (across, into, over, through), worry

Verbs (2): Intransitive

When included in verb phrases, many intransitive verbs become transitive. For example: His breath rattled . In this sentence, rattled stands alone (intransitive). His breath rattled in his chest. What did his breath rattle in? It rattled in his chest. Rattled in is a transitive phrasal verb.

B to W bugle, burble, catch, cease, escape, fail, freeze, gurgle, halt, hitch, pause, quicken, rattle, reek, resume, smell, stink, stop, whistle

Verbs (3): Verbs that Take Breath or Breathing as an Object

These verbs and phrasal verbs represent what characters can do with or to their breath/breathing or to that of others.

For example:

• She fought for breath .
• The nurse listened to the baby’s breathing .
• The scarf muffled his breath .
• He suppressed his breathing .

B to T block, catch, cease, check out, control, cover up, crave, draw (in), exhale, fight for, force out, freshen, gasp, gulp, heave, hinder, hold, huff, impede, inhale, let loose, let out, listen to, lose, monitor, muffle, muzzle, need, notice, obstruct, puff out, release, save, snuff out, spit out, squeeze (from, out of), stifle, stop, struggle for, suck in, suppress, take (away), trap

Nouns to Replace Breath and Breathing

Too many repetitions of breath and breathing in your WIP ? Consider alternatives:

C to W choke, exhalation, expiration, gasp, gulp, hiss, huff, hyperventilation, inhalation, lungful, morning miasma, mouthful of air, pant, puff, rattle, snore, snort, snuffle, splutter, wheeze, wind

Story Props

Try to develop a storyline or subplot with one or more of the following props.

A and B aromatherapy, asbestos, aspiration, asthma inhaler, bad news, bee allergy, belching, bitter almond odor (evidence of cyanide poisoning), breath spray, breathalyzer, bronchitis, brown bag (for puffing into during hyperventilation attack), burglary

C to G cayenne pepper, chest cold, choking, cold hands (blowing on them), COPD, corset, cough syrup, cystic fibrosis, decaying teeth (bad breath), dental braces, dental bridge, dental retainer, dentist, diaphragm, free diving, girdle, goldenrod

H to P halitosis, haunted house, Heimlich maneuver, high-altitude training, hyperventilation, ketoacidosis (possible diabetes), lung cancer, lung transplant, marathon race, meditation, mountain climbing, mouse, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, muffler, organ donor, oxygen mask, panic attack, peanut allergy, plastic bag, plugged nose, pneumonia

R to Y rescue breath, scarf, scuba mask, shortness of breath, ski mask, smog, snake, snorkel, spider, strep throat (bad breath), stressful situation, suffocation, tantrum, tax audit, tongue piercing, tonsillitis (bad breath), tuberculosis, Valsalva maneuver (scuba diving), ventilator, wasp allergy, yoga

See also the Nouns section of 600+ Ways to Describe Lips and Mouths .

Clichés and Idioms

A search for “living, breathing” and “living and breathing” at Google produces millions of search results — strong evidence that writers should avoid phrases such as the following:

• a living and breathing culture
• a living and breathing document
• a living, breathing being
• a living, breathing monster

Opt instead for descriptors such as alive, animate, aware, conscious, reactive, responsive, sentient, or vibrant .

Included way too often by some writers are characters releasing a breath they didn’t realize they had been holding. More than a couple of times per novel, and readers will notice.

Here are a few more overused phrases, with suggested replacements.

• below one’s breath: discreetly, softly, quietly
• breath of fresh air: different, innovative, new, refreshing
• in the next breath: immediately, next, then
• in the same breath: concurrently, instantaneously, simultaneously
• out of breath: breathless, gasping, winded
• to breathe one’s last: die, expire, perish
• to get one’s breath back: rally, rebound, recover
• to speak under one’s breath: mumble, murmur, mutter
• to take a breather: chill, relax, rest
• to take one’s breath away: astonish, awe, shock, surprise
• waste of breath: futile, pointless, useless
• with bated breath: anxious, eager, excited
• with every breath: continuously, incessantly, nonstop

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8 thoughts on “ Ways to Describe Breath & Breathing: A Word List for Writers ”

Thank you, Kathy. After a couple of months away from writing, my brain needed your very helpful list of words. Cheers, Louise Forster.

Good luck with your writing, Louise. I’m glad you found the list helpful.

Thanks for the detailed post regarding ways to describe breathing. My issue is breathing related, but not in regards to describing breathing in descriptive/narrative writing. It’s more so how to show it in dialogue.

To give you more context, my character (alongside 4 other characters), are running, and have been for some time. While running, my character answers a question asked by another character, and because of the prolonged physical exertion, their breathing is heavy. In real life, when you talk during strenuous exercise, you can only speak in short bursts. Maybe 4-5 words before needing a breath.

My question is how to structure the dialogue to show this heavy breathing while they’re speaking. Should it be structured like, “If I run *gasp* for any longer *gasp* I think I’m gonna *gasp* pass out!”?

I just don’t know how to structure the dialogue so it shows the heavy breathing without being too disruptive. I know this isn’t exactly what this post is about, but I couldn’t find anything about structuring heavy breathing into dialogue.

Kind regards, Footrot Flats

Why not try a simple approach, Footrot?

He gasped several times as he spoke. “If I run … for any longer … I think I’m gonna … pass out!”

Maybe even remove several times .

Thanks your feedback, and stay safe!

Thanks for your reply Kathy.

They say keeping it simple is the best approach. Thanks for responding to my query in a way that simplifies my writing.

Take care and stay safe Footrot Flats

My pleasure!

Thank you Kathy for another helpful word list!

Thanks for stopping by, Kate!

Describing Breathing in Creative Writing

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on April 7, 2022

Categories Writing , Creativity , Storytelling

When writers talk about how they infuse their work with sensory detail, it’s usually about describing the color of something or what a character’s hair looks like. Let’s face it: breathing is one of the things we take for granted as humans. We do it so unconsciously that most people don’t even realize when or why they’re breathing. Our breathing rate changes with our emotions – it can be fast and shallow when we’re anxious, and deep and calm when we’re relaxed. As a creative writer, you can make your descriptive writing more vivid by incorporating more sensory information into your novel or story.

What’s in a Breath?

When thinking about how to describe breathing in your novel, ask yourself what you want to convey. Word choice matters.

If your character is having a panic attack, she takes short, shallow breaths.

A character preparing for a fight will have more controlled breathing; their breaths will be slow and steady and then become faster and shallower as the adrenaline kicks in.

Shallow breathing can also indicate stress or panic, as the fight starts to go badly, for example.

At a lull in the fight, the character might start heavy breathing, to get enough wind to continue.

During or after the fight, pain can come through the breath.

Just as the reader can get information about a character through their actions, they can also find out who they are by the way they breathe.

This technique is useful when you’re writing a suspenseful scene and building tension or fear.

If there’s something sinister under the bed and your protagonist’s heart is racing, you should express it through her breathing: “heart-pounding,” “breath coming in short gasps.” When you describe their breathing in this way, the reader senses that something is wrong because it deviates from normal behavior.

Take a Deep Breath

That was a deep breath, and you’re still reading. Good!

Now let’s go over the basics of describing breathing in creative writing:

• Sensory details can tell you a lot about a person’s state of mind. For example, when you take a deep breath through your nose before speaking in public, what does it smell like?
• What does it sound like as the person exhales?
• Describing breathing in terms of sensory input is an effective way to convey the main character’s thoughts to readers and help them understand why the character does or doesn’t feel prepared for the challenge that awaits them.
• As with any literary device like an allusion or a metaphor (and yes – breathing is a literary device), don’t overdo it. A character who takes a deep breath more than once per scene may be perceived by readers as weak-willed or indecisive, and that’s not always what you want them to think of your main character; again, use this technique judiciously unless that’s exactly the aspect of his or her personality you want to emphasize!

In the context of creative writing, holding your breath means that tension is rising. As we’ll see in the last example, you can achieve this effect by describing exactly how long someone held his or her breath.

But what else happens when someone holds their breath? How do they feel? What’s going on inside him or her?

• The first thing that happens, of course, is that they stop breathing. The need to breathe becomes stronger and stronger as the oxygen level in the blood decreases. This causes blood pressure to rise and pulse rate to increase. Over time, the body compensates for the lack of air supply by increasing the carbon dioxide content in the body; it’s easier to keep the blood pumping with an increased CO2 content than with low oxygen content.
• Soon this leads to headaches, dizziness, and disorientation (which can make breathing difficult).
• After a few minutes of not breathing, your heart starts beating irregularly due to the low oxygen level in the blood: fast or irregularly at first, then slower and slower until it stops completely – and when your heart stops beating, you’re dead.

There may be scenes where you can use physiology to increase tension, but be careful not to overdo it. Emphasize the characters’ reactions, not their physical reactions.

Breathing on Other Characters

Another approach is to describe how one character’s breath affects another character. You might focus on how another person’s breath affects your narrator: “The scent of her perfume filled my nostrils as she approached me, and a hot breath came from her lips as she spoke.”

You could also write about how your narrator’s breath affects another character, “His eyes widened as he smelled the alcohol on my breath. When I sighed, he froze and stared at me. My sighs quickened as I watched him for a reaction that didn’t come.”

Some more examples:

• The warmth of her breath sent shivers up and down my spine.
• His words hit me like blows to the stomach, each one robbing me of breath.
• A breath of warm air tickled the back of my neck, making me tense in anticipation before relaxing again with a sigh.

Let It Out Slowly

Once you take a deep breath, how should you exhale it? Here are a few ways:

• Through the mouth. This could be an expression of relief, frustration, or exasperation. It could also show that the person is trying to maintain control. A controlled breath can be indicated by exhaling through pursed lips like a whistle.
• Through the nose. This is often described as a snort of derision or disbelief and is used to show that your person finds something ridiculous or silly.
• The actual sound of breathing can also be described as a sigh, laugh, sob, groan, gasp, sharp breath, or even a scream or laugh (we’ll get to that later).

Where the Breath Happens

It’s most natural to inhale through your mouth. If your character needs a deep, restorative breath or a soothing sigh, mouth breathing will probably suffice.

Nose Breathing

If you want to fine-tune your character’s breathing, you can have them breathe in or out through their nose. Nasal breathing can bring smells into the character’s awareness and draw attention to sensory details in the text.

Exhaling through the nose lends a sense of sophistication and refinement to characters who otherwise lack such qualities (e.g., snobby professors and refined criminals).

Pursed Lip Breathing

Pursed lip breathing is an interesting technique because it evokes certain emotions such as frustration, anger, annoyance, and sadness…

When you’re forced to breathe this way, certain emotions are naturally evoked, making your text more organic without having to tell you exactly what’s happening on an emotional level in every scene.

Breathing Is Automatic and Easy to Forget About, but It’s Important to Life and Your Writing

Breathing is a reflex action that’s automatically controlled by the central nervous system. That means you don’t have to consciously think or make an effort to perform it. It’s basically as important to life as water and food.

On average, a person breathes in and out between 12 and 20 times a minute when at rest. Whether you’re running, sleeping, or sitting down to read this article, your body is constantly taking in oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide.

Respiration is a reflex that’s constantly going on in the background, keeping us alive as we go about our daily activities – it’s easy to forget about it and only notice it when something goes wrong.

Breathing can be considered an involuntary activity, meaning it happens without us having to make the conscious decision to breathe.

However, since breathing has both a voluntary and an involuntary component (you’ve to decide when to speak or sing), there are some ways your character can control breathing.

It’s Used as a Literary Device in Fiction

As you may recall, literary devices are the tools fiction writers use to create meaning, emotion, and imagery.

Examples include:

• Similes and metaphors.
• Onomatopoeia and alliteration.
• Personification is also included. Personification involves ascribing human characteristics to an object or idea.

Authors may use a short breath to show tension or nervousness: “She could barely catch her breath.” The author uses this phrase to convey how tense and frightened the character is.

A long breath can also be used to express relaxation: “Her breathing was slow and deep.” In this case, it’s not so important what the character is feeling, but where their thoughts are.

When someone says that their heart is beating or pounding in their chest, we understand that he or she’s nervous or excited about something. If a character in your story breathes loudly, it means he or she’s worried or anxious-or that he or she may even be looking forward to something.

Reveal a Lot About Their Emotional State, Physical Condition, Health Status, and More

You can use breathing in any piece of writing that features a character. For example, if you are writing a novel, short story, or play, you could consider showing the reader how a character is feeling by describing their breathing.

This will not only tell the reader what your character is experiencing but also reveal different things about their emotional state, physical condition, and health.

Your character may experience several different reactions throughout your writing and the quality of their breathing will change depending on these experiences.

• “The nurse held the stethoscope to his chest and listened carefully as he breathed in and out.”
• “The man had been following her for blocks now, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.”

Of course, you can use breathing as more than just an indicator of emotion and health. It’s a great metaphor for lots of things: life or death situations, taking on too much work at once, or even being afraid to take chances on love.

• Think about the bigger picture. Should you describe your character’s breathing at all? Will it help the reader know what your character is feeling?
• Consider how much information to give the reader. Do you want to give more information or less?
• Decide which perspective to use (first person, second person, or third person) and decide whether to use multiple perspectives in one piece of writing.

Showing how a character reacts can be very useful for readers as well as for showing a sense of time and place. In creative writing, this often means describing a moment that shows us something about a character like her nerves, her anxiety, or her excitement.

Describing Breathing Creatively

A compelling description in your story can be the difference between an otherwise forgettable scene and an engaging one.

The best way to do this is to keep a few things in mind.

• When characters breathe in creative writing, try to avoid using “breathe” repeatedly by simply replacing it with synonyms like “gasp.” Start by opening a thesaurus
• Use action verbs to make your character’s breathing sound more like a natural part of their surroundings.
• Use descriptive adjectives to describe the feeling of exhaling. Describe the rate and rhythm of the breathing. For example, someone might be “panting” or taking “shallow breaths.”
• Don’t be afraid to use metaphor or simile when describing breathing in creative writing-it will add life and color! You could also use similes to create an analogy, like comparing someone’s breath to steam on a cold morning. You could also compare it to waves lapping on the beach or butterflies fluttering. But keep it within the realms of your genre and context!
• The more creative you are with your description of breathing, the more effective your writing will be at bringing your reader into the scene!

Make Readers Feel What Your Characters Are Feeling

I hope some of these suggestions will help you add excitement to your description of breathing and make readers feel what your characters are feeling.

In general, it should be used to draw attention to a character’s emotional state or when the character is excited or stressed. It’s one of those writing skills worth developing.

A few more options include:

• Describe how far apart breathing becomes. When people are nervous, their heart races and they take rapid breaths. This is a simple way to show that a person is anxious without having to write out their inner thoughts.
• Does someone’s age affect their breath? An older person might become short of breath with strenuous activity, whereas a younger person could be fine with the same amount of exertion.
• Don’t forget body language combined with breathing as a way to depict character or situation.
• How about using other senses in combination with breathing? If someone has just eaten spicy food and needs water, describe how every time they try to breathe, the scent of hot peppers wafts into their nose.

Breathing Sounds and Words for Creative Writing

• Hyperventilate

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DefinitelyMaybe Contributor Contributor

Being drunk

Discussion in ' Character Development ' started by DefinitelyMaybe , Oct 5, 2012 .

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); Can someone please describe to me what it feels to be drunk? Properly drunk, sometimes known in the UK as "blotto". I need this to help me understand what a character might be feeling at various times.  

psychotick Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); Hi, It's been a very long time since I was drunk, and I've only managed the feat a few times in my life. Usually I just used to drink in my student days until I got to the 'happy' stage, which is generally early on. A few beers for me. However the one time I can remember being truly blotto as you put it, was when somewhere along the way I found whiskey. (An evil drink!). And what I remember of that night was at some stage being happy, and then not a hell of a lot until it was three or four in the morning, the sleet was pelting down, and I was lying shirtless on the back yard of my student flat, projectile vomiting, followed by dry wretching, into the grass. At the time the fire in my guts was so bad I thought I was dying. It was not something I have ever wanted to repeat. Cheers, Greg.  

reviloennik New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); I got so drunk once that on my walk back home I had to basically sit down on the pavement because my vision disappeared. I was only aware of the sounds around me. Then some kind stranger helped me to get back on my feet and walked me home. All the way my vision wasn't much improved and I don't recall the stranger at all. I do recall throwing up afterwards and spending the night by the toilet, everything spinning around me and me waiting for things to feel better and the dawn to come. Lucky me, I never suffer from hangovers, not even on that occasion.  

James Berkley Banned

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); ok, been snickered a lot but im guessing blotto is a whole step further down the scale. one this i always note is how your sense of time changes. it can go from midnight to closing time suddenly. also everything takes longer but does not feel like it ( i am a religious watch wearer). you are also quite numb to what is happaning, rain, sleet, person that keeps stabbing you whit a pen to get your attention. no big deal. Being international James Bond i was going to suggest we go get or make Vespa's if you are in NYC and old enough.  

cazann34 Active Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); Being drunk as many stages and it can go a bit like this; there's the relaxed stage - one drink at the end of the day, then there's the slightly merry stage-you feel happy for no apparent reason, the next stage is probably when you begin to slur your words and wobble a little when you walk. A few more drinks and you start to get emotional; dragging up woes from your past or present or want to take on the world in a fight, this is also the stage your co-ordination goes were even the simplest activity has you in a muddle - like trying to put your coat on is a good one (trying to put your arms into sleeves) And if you're dum even to continue drinking, the alcohol might making your head spin, or worse, your stomach and you might be sick. If you drink beyond this you'll probably going to black out eventually - falling asleep somewhere embarrassing or be taken over by the maniac that lives within - he/she has been waiting for this moment to get you into trouble - I had a friends who got so drunk that she woke up in the cells (police cell) and had no idea why she was there.  

EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); When I was 17, I started New Years Eve at my cousin's house drinking screwdrivers (vodka and orange juice). But he soon ran out of vodka (I'd only had a couple at that point) so I switched to gin. Had a couple of those, and then we went to a bar. I somehow knew that switching back to vodka at that point would be bad (never mix, never worry), and I didn't want to order gin and orange juice (not cool enough) so I ordered a Tom Collins. They were serving them in beer mugs. I don't remember how many I had. I also don't remember who drove me home that night, I only know that someone did, it was someone I didn't know, and it was in a raging snowstorm that had blown up. In our house, everything was on the first floor except my room, which was in the finished attic. I got upstairs before my grandmother could intercept me, and once there, I knew I couldn't make it back down again. But then I knew I was going to be sick, and the only course was...out the window. The next thing I knew, it was the next morning, I was lying on my bed right next to the window, I had rowlfed (as we used to say) all over myself and there was snow blowing in the open window. I've never touched either vodka or gin since. A word about hangovers (and that morning was my first and last): first you're afraid you're going to die, then you're afraid you're NOT going to die.  

Pheonix A Singer of Space Operas and The Fourth Mod of RP Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); One of my friends upon turning 21 decided to mix a solo cup full of Petrone, Jack Daniels, Vodka, and I think he said Rum... (not sure on the exact mixture) anyway, he remembers nothing but there is videotape of him running around the neighborhood trying to lift houses with full confidence that he is strong enough to do it, screaming the whole time.  

lixAxil Self-Proclaimed Senator of the RPG subforum. Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); One passes through several stages 1) Unlock himself. Becames more sociable and talkative 2) Happy phase. Everything will make you laugh, you'll do stupid things. 3) Sad phase. You'll start reminding problems on your life and will became sad, and even crying, yet you'll rarely will keep things to yourself, is not weird if you scream. 4) Anger/violent phase. You get angry and even hit people 5) Turn off the TV. From this one, you don't remember anything.  

Ashrynn Active Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); It depends on how drunk you get and the type of person you are. Hrmm...Then a few more drinks and I'm so drunk I can even hear myself slurring and having trouble walking. When I turned 21 I tore through shots of Tequila and Long Islands all night without throwing up or blacking out. It was Halloween in SF and I kept flirting with girls in their costumes on the street while we were bar hopping(which is very hard for me to imagine doing). At around midnight we were going to head out, but I stole my cousins keys so she couldn't leave and ran off. Then I tried my hardest to stand still as I went into another bar(which is very hard thing to do). I made out with someone else, but then my cousins found me and I kept trying to get her to go with us. Then I had more to drink at this club and I think I danced with someone and wound up being this girl's date to an underground rave in SF around 3 AM until around 5~6 where I woke up on the other end of SF with someone else. During this entire time I was sending texts to my ex and a few friends also. ~ I realizes I'm a total slut when I get plastered and I do really crazy things ~ That said I didn't throw-up or black-out.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); Thanks for all the information. It's certainly different from how I imagined it. I don't think I've ever been more than just tipsy myself.  

Encore New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); Since you have already had a lot of answers about what it feels like to be blotto, I would like to add something a little different that might be useful. I believe that different types of alcohol can affect how people act when intoxicated, for example if I drink Rum I turn into a bitch, if i drink Vodka I am happy, if i drink Tequila I get violent! So on the rare occasions I drink alcohol these days I stick to Vodka! There is actually an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Lilly and Robyn are trying to get Barney and Marshall to makeup and they feed them drinks depending on how they act when drinking that particular drink.  

Rose Hunt Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); Encore is right. I know people that drink beer all day every day and they are, well, theirselves. But give them whiskey, and they are mean sun of a guns. I know a girl who drinks any of it though and gets the exact same way every time. I wonder if some people don't think they should act a certain way and therefore do. You know, like you give someone non-alchoholic beer and they act drunk?  

Carthonn Active Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_8cc62844b28520d837e7acd475aed9bb'); }); When you're proper drunk walking is always a bit more difficult. Depending on the severity you might run into a few walls. I once tripped over a bike rack and slashed my leg open. Didn't really feel it until the next day. When the room starts spinning the night is over. Just lay down and hold on. Run to the bathroom and once you see that toilet the flood gates open. You'll say things like "Never again!!!!!!!!" You always come back...but you might switch spirits You also become far more confident. Although it might be more like you stop caring what people think.  

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The 11 best American English phrases to describe being drunk

For whatever reason, English speakers like to come up with creative ways to talk about being drunk. This is a review of some of the most common phrases.

Talk about someone who's a little drunk:

These are phrases to use for someone who's had a few drinks and has started to feel the effects:

I'm a little tipsy .

I was a bit buzzed .

Ithink he's had one too many .

Talk about someone who's very drunk

If someone gets very drunk, here are some casual phrases that you can use to describe their extreme drunkenness:

I was so wasted !

You're hammered .

She was blasted .

We used to get plastered before every game.

This one is very strong and inappropriate in some situations:

He was absolutely shit-faced .

Talk formally about someone who's drunk:

You can use these formal phrases in formal situations, or you can use them playfully in casual conversation:

Sir, are you intoxicated ?

I was inebriated .

It is illegal to drive while under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

What about (some other phrase)?

There are a lot more phrases for talking about being drunk. In fact, there are new phrases being created every day. But these are ones that you're almost certain to hear if you drink with American English speakers.

British English speakers use some of the phrases above, plus they have even more interesting and colorful phrases. If you want to know more British English drinking slang, find your closest British pub and start up a conversation with someone!

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Writing like a Boss

From the desk of Samantha R. Uhrig

The Writer’s Guide to Fainting

Hi, writers!

Here’s a post that’s a little different than usual, what with it being so full of medical facts: the writer’s guide to fainting (or passing out).

Because I couldn’t number the books I’ve read that portray fainting scenes incorrectly, and I’ve seen so few tutorials on how to write them better.

We’re going to start with the basics:

The Causes of Fainting

You know that feeling when you haven’t eaten or drank anything in a while, and you start to feel a little lightheaded? It’s kind of like that.

Fainting is caused when a person’s brain doesn’t receive enough oxygen. Their blood pressure drops, resulting in a usually brief period of unconsciousness. Aside from having a medical condition, this can happen if the character:

• is dehydrated
• is in a good deal of pain
• is terrified
• has been standing in a hot place for too long
• has been physiologically triggered (examples: anxiety, the sight of blood, etc.)
• is in shock
• has been drinking

In most cases, fainting doesn’t happen out of the blue. There are symptoms that build up to it. Some are obvious, some not so, but as a writer (and even beyond your writing life!) it’s good to know them.

Those symptoms are as follows, in no particular order: dizziness, lightheaded feelings, shortness of breath, nausea, confusion, hot feelings, sweating, difficulty hearing, blurred or tunnel vision, headaches, and trembling.

Please don’t be intimidated by all those symptoms, because guess what? You don’t need to use them all in your writing!   Just pick one of two and you’ll be good to go.

Myths of Fainting: What Do Most Writers Get Wrong?

Remember when I mentioned how many books incorrectly portray fainting? Though I hate to state the obvious, those books were written by writers . Maybe even you and I!

But what exactly do we get wrong? Well, here’s a couple of examples.

The floor swayed beneath me. The last thing I saw before the darkness consumed me completely was his wide-eyed, innocent face.

I gave her a sly smile, my legs wobbling. She didn’t return it; in fact, her face remained stony. And I was willing to bet that the expression held long after I’d fainted .

What’s the problem with those examples?

I have fainted before. But I hadn’t even  realized  what happened till I woke up. This is important to remember, especially if you’re writing in first person: odds are,  your character won’t know that she’s currently fainting.

Of course, there are exceptions. (Aren’t there always?) If your character has passed out in the past, she may recognize the signs. But at that point, maybe she takes the proper actions to prevent it. It all depends on the character.

She sat bolt upright and found herself somewhere completely unfamiliar. Everything in the room was bathed in white, from the walls to the blankets on her legs. The only pops of color were the abstract painting on one wall and the pink t-shirt of the woman sitting at her bedside. “Finally,” said Mother in a slow breath. She sat up in the bed. Her head pounded. “How long was I out?” “Four days.”

Finding things like this in a book is maddening. Here’s why: people don’t pass out for days at a time. Say it with me:  people don’t pass out for days at a time.

Allow me to contradict myself here. Yes, some people  do  faint for that long a time – but that’s otherwise known as a  coma.  And comas are completely different from passing out for a few minutes.

My Experience

Like I said earlier in this post, I have passed out before. It was nothing serious – I was only out for a few seconds, because of dehydration – but I’ll list the important stuff, for all your writing needs.

• I was lightheaded  for a few hours beforehand.  I even bumped into several chairs and tables!
• My vision went fuzzy and black for a few seconds before the incident.
• Yes, I did dream while I was out.  But I don’t remember it, and it lasted only what I imagined to be a minute or two. In reality, it was just a few seconds.
• I woke up confused and scared.  Granted I was pretty young (13) when it happened, but still. If your character has no history of passing out, and had no idea that it was about to happen, who’s to say she wouldn’t be scared out of her mind after awaking?
• I hurt my teeth. Especially my front teeth. They were totally numb, and I thought I’d lost at least one (I didn’t, thank goodness). I don’t think most people take teeth injuries into account, so I thought I’d put it here.

A Small (But Necessary) Disclaimer

Obviously, I’m not a doctor. I’m just a blogger with some knowledge to share. So I cannot guarantee the accuracy of everything in this post, but I certainly gave my best effort. And it’s my hope that I’ve helped you write more realistic fainting scenes through it!

Phew! This post certainly was different, wasn’t it?

Please feel free to ask any questions below, or contact me directly at [email protected]. Happy writing!

3 responses to “The Writer’s Guide to Fainting”

Hey Sam! This was a great post! I love putting things like this onto my characters, so it was really helpful to read this. I would have never thought that you would injure your teeth, and I laughed so hard when I read the part about being gone for four days. I guess I’ll have to change that…Ha ha! Thanks for the post!

Thank you! I love receiving your comments. 🙂 Yes, my teeth ached pretty bed for a few days later … I pretty much lived off of liquids. 😉 Have a good weekend!

By the way, I love your new look!

Writers After Dark

—Life Through the Eyes of Storytellers—

Using Body Language in Your Novel, Part Two—Eyes, Pupils, & Eyebrows

They say that our eyes are the “windows to the soul.” Isn’t that sweet? Yes, yes it is. Which is why this would be a fantastic place to practice some poetry, but instead, how about we exploit this little tidbit to benefit our writerly lives? Let’s explore the eyes—in the art of using body language in fiction.

It’s undeniable that our eyes are very special, but what exactly do we see when we stare into someone’s eyes? Information about their emotional state, that’s what. Can you imagine what damage this type of knowledge can do in the wrong hands? Oh boy!

For the villains, they can manipulate, hurt, and deceive. For the heroes, they can help, console, or protect. OR vice versa! Hey, it’s not mutually exclusive, and that’s the beauty. As the reader, you can get an insight on the emotional turmoil they’re all going through. And as the writer, well, you hold all the power, don’t you? But with great power comes great responsibility . . . err . . .

With all that power, don’t go crazy adding visual expressions every other paragraph. Save them to enhance crucial moments in your story.

Here are some body language “tells” to further enhance your characters’ emotions:

Part Two: The Eyes

“When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Categories:

* Aroused, Bedroom, or Doe Eyes . Sexual desire is a common cause of pupil dilation. So to indicate arousal in your character, go ahead and describe dilated pupils peeking through her lashes in the dim light. Or, you know . . . use your own wording. * Blinking Eyes . Use this when your character is nervous or troubled about something. When the blinking rate goes up, it indicates lying, stress, or sometimes arrogance. On the other hand, rapid blinking also flutters the eyelashes and can be a shy romantic expression. * Calculating Eyes . Described as eyes that move from side to side or looking down, use it to indicate your character is processing information or planning something—good for villains. It’s also much harder for a person to maintain eye contact while making calculations, so keep that in mind.

* Closing Eyes . When it’s for more than a second or two, this may indicate he’s lied to you, since this is a type of defense mechanism. But it can also be used by visual thinkers so they can better see the internal images without external distraction.

* Damp Eyes . This can be used to indicate anxiety, fear, sadness, suppressed weeping, exhaustion along with redness of the eyes, or if your character has been crying recently. * Darting Eyes . Have your character’s eyes dart back and forth or side to side to indicate insecurity or distraction. You can also use it to showcase your character being uncomfortable, and/or that he’s looking for an escape route. * Drooping Eyes . Described as a lack of eye blinking, or what we call a “blank stare” on the person’s face. Use it to indicate your character is bored or tired. “Dress it up” with your character glancing at her watch, yawning, or with a repetitive finger or foot tapping to drive it home!

* Friendly Twinkle . This can be used to put other people at ease—either readers, or one character to another to show positive interest. A friendly twinkle in a character can help break the ice, make a character like another or feel comfortable, appear to be a welcoming person, or give others a cue to their fascinating personality.

* Following Eyes . If your character is following someone around with her eyes, it can indicate she’s either interested in or scared of that person.

* Glancing . Use this to indicate your character’s desire, attraction, disapproval, or suspicion. Dress it up with a smile to suggest interest, or add in a frown to indicate suspiciousness and hostility.

* Gazing Eyes . Looking up and down at a whole person can be used to indicate your character is sizing them up, either as a potential threat or as a sexual partner.

* Shielded Eyes . Covering or shutting the eyes can indicate your character’s attempt to block out someone or something he doesn’t want to hear.

* Staring . This can be used to indicate your character’s interest, shock, disbelief, surprise, or aggression of something or someone.

* Squinting Eyes . This can be used to indicate discomfort, stress, an assessment of something or someone, uncertainty, tiredness, and even anger. If your character receives a squinted eye expression right after he says something, it could mean the person doubts his words, or disagrees with him. Squinting can also be used by a character who is lying so the other person can’t detect their deception.

* Looking Up . Have your character look upward to indicate she’s thinking, or that she’s bored or being judgmental.

* Looking Down . Have your character look down at someone as an act of power and domination. Or have them looking down but avoiding the other person as a sign of submission, or to indicate guilt.

* Looking Sideways . Looking to the left can indicate your character recalling a sound. Looking to the right can indicate that they are imagining the sound.

* Looking Down and to the Right . This can be used to indicate internal dialogue or emotions. If you had a character talking to himself, this would be his visual expression. In some cases, his eyes will also look down to his right if he’s going to lie.

* Looking Down and to the Left . This can be used to indicate recollection of smell, taste, or feeling. For example, if your character was abducted and she was asked to describe what she remembered about the place she was being held, her eyes would move in this direction.

* Looking Up and to the Right . This can be used to indicate recollection of images or the imaginative construction of something—in other words: lying. If she’s looking upward and to her right, she’s accessing her imagination and is making it up.

* Up and to the Left . Looking upward and to the left can indicate recalling a memory. If she’s describing something she’s seen, she’d look upward and to the left— truthfully accessing her memory.

Eye Contact:

Eye contact between two people is a powerful act of communication and may show interest, affection, or dominance.

* Prolonged Eye Contact . Use this to indicate your character might be lying. In trying to avoid looking shifty-eyed, some liars will purposefully hold their gaze a bit too long. They might also stand very still and unblinking.

* Limited Eye Contact . Use this to indicate your character is feeling insecure. Or, she might also be lying and trying to avoid the lie being detected.

This is the one part of the eye where we have no control. Dilation happens automatically since we have no conscious control over our pupils, and can be used to showcase your character’s true emotion, especially if they’re trying to hide it.

* Pupil Dilation . To indicate excitement, or when they’re around people they like or admire, have your character’s pupils dilate . It can help in showcasing a character’s loyalties. Pupils also dilate when it is darker to let in more light, so next time your character is in a dark room, like a club or dimly lit restaurant, you can describe your character’s eyes as dilated.

* Pupil Contraction . You can have your character’s pupils contract to indicate disgust, anger, irritation, annoyance, or when your character isn’t attracted to someone. Also, people with small pupils can appear threatening or just unfriendly, so use this tidbit to enhance a scene.

* In general, dilated pupils are positive while constricted pupils are negative.

* Lowered Eyebrows . This can be done with a lowered head, which can conceal the eyes. It can indicate deception, annoyance, and can be a sign of a dominant person.

* Raised Eyebrows . This can indicate surprise, cynicism, fear, discomfort, openness, and as a sign of attraction.

* Middle-pulled Eyebrows . Described as being pulled together. This can be used to indicate your character is angry, frustrated, or confused. It can also indicate intense concentration.

* Eyebrow “Flash.” Described as a quick repeated up-and-down movement. This can be used to indicate your character’s recognition and greeting of someone. (More effective for me: if they’re pretending they don’t know the person, but are betrayed by their eyebrows.)

So there you have it! Some extra details to use for your characters’ eyes and eyebrows. Be sure to come back in the next few weeks for more body language tips for your novel.

See Part One—Facial Expressions here.

Coming up next: posture, arms, shoulders, legs, and feet.

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Published by S. Katherine Anthony

S.K. Anthony (Shanny) is a writer, a reader, and make-stuff-up-er who lives in New York. She is an award-winning author and a podcaster. When she isn’t busy with her toddler twins, S.K. finds herself being transported into the world of imagination. Well, either that or running away from spiders . . . she is convinced they are out to get her! View all posts by S. Katherine Anthony

22 thoughts on “Using Body Language in Your Novel, Part Two—Eyes, Pupils, & Eyebrows”

Great information. Thanks for sharing.

Like Liked by 1 person

Yay, Kphoenix! Glad you liked it! 🙂

Another helpful post! Thanks! 😉

There you are! I missed you this week lol I measure our posts by you, if you like them, then we can breathe lol. 😛 ❤

LOL! You guys are awesome! 😉

Playing catch-up this week. Had a cover reveal, then hid out in the writing cave. Word count was over 11K and I actually like about…six words. 😀 😀

There just isn’t enough coffee!

Enjoy the weekend!

Reblogged this on Felicia Denise, Author and commented: The eyes have it! 😉

As usual, you’re the best! Thanks for sharing, Felicia! 😘

[…] via Using Body Language in Your Novel, Part Two—Eyes, Pupils, […]

Fantastic post! Very helpful.

Hey! As my namesake, your opinion counts double lol Glad you found it helpful, and thanks for stopping by, Kat! 😉

This is great! I’ll keep it in mind, thanks!

Awesome! Glad you liked it! 😀

[…] Eyes (descriptions and meanings behind actions) […]

Thanks for this post! I had my looking up and to the right confused with my looking up and to the left as a ‘tell’ for lying…back to editing!!! 🙂

Yay! Glad I was able to help! Thanks for stopping by, Anne! 😀

[…] See Part Two—The Eyes here. […]

[…] See Part Two—Eyes, Pupils, & Eyebrows here. […]

Pupils are controlled by the autonomic nervous system. A good rule of thumb is a contraction of the eye is a sympathetic response and dilation is parasympathetic (sympathetic is activation of fight or flight, parasympathetic is deactivation) excellent description of how the eyes mirror the true inner thoughts. And in case anyone is wondering, sexual excitement is parasympathetic in nature. Also don’t forget the effects of drugs, someone on opiates will have constricted pupils so through that in on your opiate addicted super sleuth.

Exactly!!! Thanks for the extras. I had a long section on pupil dilation, but had to make the executive decision to cut it since the post was already long lol

Great way to summarize it, JT! 🙂

No problem sweetie, just my Healthcare knowledge slipping out.

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WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

Helping writers become bestselling authors

Setting Thesaurus Entry: Pub

April 25, 2009 by BECCA PUGLISI

Booths, high tables and stools, long bar, hanging glass racks, mirror behind the bar, hundreds of different alcohol bottles, stools, kick plate along bar, straws, sprayers, TVs, beer/wine/highball/martini glasses, beer on tap, shot glasses, bowls of peanuts/pretzels…

music, talking, laughing, cheering, swearing, yelling, whistling, TVs, calling out orders, glasses clinking, cutlery scraping, thump of glass mugs onto tabletop, pool balls hitting one another, dings from the VLTs, the pressurized rush of a beer tap, coffee pot gurgling…

Beer, food cooking, grease, spices, char, sweat, perfume, aftershave, cigarette smell clinging to people’s clothing, bad breath, beer breath, vomit, dirty money

Beer, pop, alcohols (rum, vodka, liqueurs, whisky, gin, etc), coffee, pub food (nachos, salsa, hot wings, teriyaki wings, dry ribs, poppers, tempura, calamari, pizza, fish and chips, burgers, etc), water, orange juice, wine, gum, mints

Drunk people (bumping, groping, brushing, stumbling), taking hold of the back of a chair or stool and dragging it to a table, fingers around a glass of beer covered in condensation, wiping finders/mouth with a dry napkin, sticky hot sauce on fingers, spilling beer on self…

Helpful hints:

–The words you choose can convey atmosphere and mood.

Example 1:  After a slight hesitation, I squeezed myself onto the only vacant seat at the bar–a stool with a torn leather seat. Smoke permeated the room, forcing me to adopt a squint as I kept the entrance in view. TVs blared overhead and truckers slouched to either side of me, the collection of empty shot glasses and beer mugs in front them suggesting career drinkers. I set my purse on the worn bar and tried to flag down a bartender, accidentially dragging my sleeve through a spill of beer. Damn it! I glared at the door, ready to leave as soon as Marcie showed up. Only my sister would pick a place like this…

–Similes and metaphors create strong imagery when used sparingly.

Example 1: (Simile)  The woman with the platinum blonde hair and tight mini skirt sauntered up to the bar, eyeing the regulars like an aging lioness hungry for a meal…

Think beyond what a character sees, and provide a sensory feast for readers

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers —a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

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Reader Interactions

April 30, 2009 at 4:10 am

It must have been hard work researching this one! 😉 Thanks again for some great ideas.

April 29, 2009 at 7:31 pm

LOL! Aging lioness hungry for a meal. I LOVE it.

April 28, 2009 at 7:07 pm

Glad it helps. I know this one is more for the adult writers, but it’s a great setting and you never know… 😉

Have a great week, everyone!

April 28, 2009 at 6:50 pm

This is a fun one!

April 28, 2009 at 6:26 am

More good stuff like usual. Love your blog!

April 27, 2009 at 1:33 pm

I can almost smell that stale beer and hear the tinkle of glass.

Love that aging lioness…

April 26, 2009 at 10:22 am

Great entry! If it was the afternoon, I might have a cold one after reading it!

April 26, 2009 at 10:08 am

Wow, you really worked on this list. It’s absolutely the BEST one I’ve seen on this. I really like the touch, which I need to use more! I love exp. #1 using the simile. Thanks so much! *SMILES*

April 25, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Thanks for the excellent tips!

April 25, 2009 at 7:47 pm

Pubs are so much fun! Working them into kids books is a nice challenge 🙂

April 25, 2009 at 2:26 pm

April 25, 2009 at 11:18 am

Nice list. Thank you for all your hard work!

[…] Pub […]