how to solve marriage problems

Marriage Problems? Here's an 8-Step Rescue Plan

Looking back, was your marriage once happier than it is now.

Posted March 18, 2013 | Reviewed by Devon Frye

Making Marriage Work
Find a marriage therapist near me
Marriage problems should not be ignored.
Steps to address problems include making a list of your disagreements and learning how to express your concerns constructively.
It’s also important to learn to make decisions cooperatively and increase positive energy toward your partner.

Am I Heading for a Bad Marriage? My Spouse Is So Annoying By Susan Heitler Ph.D.

Marriage problems need fixing, not ignoring.

I am a psychologist who specializes in marriage rescue for couples facing marital problems. When couples first contact me for help with their marriage, they typically feel distressed—even hopeless—about their relationship. If they can look back and remember good times that occurred earlier in their partnership, however, that usually signals that the marriage can be saved. In fact, this kind of marriage still has the potential to become exactly the kind of partnership the couple had hoped for when they said, "I do."

What transitions couples from desperation about their difficulties to delight in sharing their lives together? Here’s the 8-step pathway along which I guide my therapy clients—and which you are welcome to take as well.

1. Make a list of all the issues about which you have disagreements.

This includes the issues that you refrain from talking about out of fear that talking might lead to arguing. Your self-help treatment will be complete when you have both found mutually agreeable solutions to all of these issues and have learned the skills to resolve new issues as they arise with similarly win-win solutions.

If the list seems interminable because you fight about everything—from where you should live to the time of day—odds are, the problem is less that you are facing some extraordinarily challenging differences; rather, it's more likely that your manner of talking with each other needs a major upgrade.

2. Fix your focus solidly on yourself .

Attempts to get your partner to change invite defensiveness. No one likes being told they're doing things wrong—or, far worse, that they are a bad person. It's better by far for both of you to each use your energies and intelligence to figure out what YOU could do differently.

Here's a question that can get you started: What would enable you to stay loving and good-humored even if the frustrating pieces in your spouse’s repertoire never get an upgrade? That's how to become “self-centered” in the best sense. If both of you are seeking to facilitate your own upgrades, the marriage will blossom.

3. Cut the crap.

Pardon my language. But the point is that negative muck that you give each other is totally unhelpful. It only taints a positive relationship. That means no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger , sarcasm, mean digs, snide remarks…get it?

No more anger escalations either. Stay in the calm zone. Exit early and often if either of you is beginning to get heated. Learn to calm yourself, and then re-engage cooperatively.

Research psychologist John Gottman has found that marriages generally survive if the ratio of good to bad interactions is 5 to 1. Do you want to barely survive? Or do you want to save the marriage in a way that will make it thrive? If thriving is your goal, aim for 100,000,000:1. That means: don’t sling mud at all. Cut the crap.

4. Learn how to express concerns constructively .

A simple way to do that in sensitive conversations is to stick with the following sentence-starter options. In my clinical work, I give couples a handout that includes these starter phrases. I encourage them to use the handout frequently, checking how to start each comment that might be sensitive or on topics that they know could be prickly. Please feel free to download the full 6-sentence-starters guide; click here and scroll down .

I feel... [followed by a one-word feeling such as " anxious ," "sad," etc.]
My concern is…
I would like to… [note: NEVER use "I would like you to…"]
How would you feel about that? or What are your thoughts on that?

5. Learn how to make decisions cooperatively .

I call collaborative decision-making the “win-win waltz.” Win-win decision-making aims for a plan of action that pleases you both. No more insistence designed to “get your way.” Instead, when you have differences, quietly express your underlying concerns, listen calmly to understand your partner’s concerns, and then create a solution that's responsive to both of your concerns.

Practice this skillset on all the issues you listed in step 1. You may be amazed to discover that, even on issues that seemed intractable, you will be able to co-create solutions that will work for both of you.

6. Eliminate the three A’s that ruin marriages.

A ffairs, A ddictions, and excessive A nger are deal-breakers. They are out-of-bounds in a healthy marriage. Fix the habit—or it's game over.

If you or your spouse has these problems, saving this kind of marriage could be a mistaken goal. Better to end a marriage than to continue a marriage with these hurtful habits. Better yet is for each of you to figure out what you can do differently in the future. The one with the A-habit needs to figure out how to end it. The partner needs to heal, and also to learn alternatives to tolerating the habit.

Most importantly, especially if you have children who need you to learn how to be more emotionally healthy as individuals and as a couple, is for the two of you both to commit to building a new kind of marriage.

That is, end the old marriage. Build a new one with the same partner. Build a marriage where there are zero affairs, addictions, or excessive anger and instead, abounding love and trust.

7. Radically increase the positive energies you give your partner.

Smile more. Touch more. Hug more. More “eye kisses.” More sex . More shared time and shared projects. More appreciation. More dwelling on what you like about your partner.

Respond more often with agreement in response to things your partner says that in the past you might have answered with, “But...” Listening is loving—especially when you are listening to take in information, not to show what's wrong with what your partner says or to show that you know more.

Help out more. Give more praise and more gratitude . Do more fun activities together. Laugh and joke more, do new things, and go new places together.

The best things in life really are free. And the more positives you give, the more you’ll get. I wrote above about Gottman's 5:1 ratio. Increasing the positives is every bit as important as decreasing negatives to hit a 100,000,000:1 ratio.

8. Look back at your parents' marriage and assess its strengths and weaknesses. Decide what you want to do differently.

When people marry, they bring along a recording in their head of how their parents treated each other, as well as how they were treated by their parents. These relationships are where folks learn patterns of interacting for intimate relationships. Decide consciously what to keep from your folks and what to do differently.

Ready to Get Started?

Would you expect to drive a car without first taking drivers’ ed? Search out books and marriage courses to learn the communication and conflict resolution skills for marriage partnership. Then in addition to ending your marriage problems, you’ll make your partnership a loving success.

Susan Heitler, Ph.D ., is the author of many books, including From Conflict to Resolution and The Power of Two . She is a graduate of Harvard University and New York University.

Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
Find a Psychiatrist
Find a Support Group
Find Online Therapy
United States
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Asperger's
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Eating Disorders
Passive Aggression
Personality
Goal Setting
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Child Development
Self Tests NEW
Therapy Center
Diagnosis Dictionary
Types of Therapy

At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

Emotional Intelligence
Gaslighting
Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience

PRO Courses Guides New Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade Sign In
EDIT Edit this Article
EXPLORE Tech Help Pro About Us Random Article Quizzes Request a New Article Community Dashboard This Or That Game Popular Categories Arts and Entertainment Artwork Books Movies Computers and Electronics Computers Phone Skills Technology Hacks Health Men's Health Mental Health Women's Health Relationships Dating Love Relationship Issues Hobbies and Crafts Crafts Drawing Games Education & Communication Communication Skills Personal Development Studying Personal Care and Style Fashion Hair Care Personal Hygiene Youth Personal Care School Stuff Dating All Categories Arts and Entertainment Finance and Business Home and Garden Relationship Quizzes Cars & Other Vehicles Food and Entertaining Personal Care and Style Sports and Fitness Computers and Electronics Health Pets and Animals Travel Education & Communication Hobbies and Crafts Philosophy and Religion Work World Family Life Holidays and Traditions Relationships Youth
Browse Articles
Learn Something New
Quizzes Hot
This Or That Game
Train Your Brain
Explore More
Support wikiHow
About wikiHow
Log in / Sign up
Family Life
Married Life
Marriage Problems

12 Strategies to Cope with Common Marriage Problems

Last Updated: January 20, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden . Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 31,631 times.

When you’re dealing with problems in your marriage, it can sometimes feel like you’re all alone. Fortunately, there are many ways you can communicate with your spouse and come up with solutions to solve your problems together. We’ve compiled a list of ways you can cope with your marriage problems to talk with your partner and work toward fixing your relationship, one step at a time. This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Check out the full interview here.

Communicate about issues in your relationship.

Open communication is the key to any healthy relationship.

You can bring up issues in the relationship by saying something like, “Hey honey, could we sit down and talk later this evening? I have a few things I’d like to chat with you about, just to make sure we’re on the same page.”

Focus on one issue at a time.

Bringing up all your problems at once can feel overwhelming.

For example, if you want to talk about your intimacy (or lack thereof) but also about your stress levels, pick one and save the other for a different time.

Try to understand your partner’s perspective.

Listen closely, and try not to interrupt.

Show that you’re listening to your partner by asking follow-up questions like, “Interesting. Can you tell me more?” or, “I’m not sure I understand. Could you explain that again?”

Come up with solutions together.

The goal is to reach a decision that benefits both of you.

For instance, if the issue is that you feel you do more chores around the house than your spouse does, you might create a chore list that you both work on throughout the week. That way, you can both see how many chores the two of you are doing, and you both feel like you’re equally contributing to the household.

Accept the things you can’t change about your partner.

There may be recurring issues that crop up over time.

For example, maybe you like to clean up the house at the end of each day, while your partner prefers to do a big cleanup at the end of the week. You two might discuss this a lot over your relationship, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing—it’s just a difference in preferences.

Forgive your partner if you can.

Hanging onto anger and resentment isn’t great for your marriage.

Remember that forgiveness isn’t telling your partner that their actions are okay—it’s allowing yourself to move on instead of hanging onto old feelings.

Divide household tasks.

Division of labor is a huge point of contention in most relationships.

It might help to make a list of what the both of you do day by day. That way, you can see how many tasks each of you are doing throughout the week.

Talk about your parenting styles.

How you raise your children is very important to talk about ahead of time.

You could say something like, “I think it’s important that we talk about how we’ll raise our child. Do you want to discuss some things with me?”

Show love to your partner every day.

Express your appreciation for your partner whenever you can.

It helps if you know your partner’s love language . For instance, if their love language is physical touch, they might appreciate a shoulder rub or a massage. Or, if their love language is acts of service, you might do some chores around the house.

Make romance part of your daily life.

Act like you’re dating your spouse again to bring the spark back.

Have breakfast in bed together
Surprise your partner with small gifts
Plan a weekend getaway trip
Give your partner compliments
Have a candlelit dinner at home

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities.

It can be easy to focus on the negatives in your relationship.

If it helps, you could even make a physical list on paper to look at every time you need a pick-me-up. For instance, your list might say: makes me breakfast on Sundays, is a great parent, is very patient with the kids, is an awesome cook.

Work on yourself.

Examine your own contributions to any issues in the relationship.

For instance, if you and your spouse often fight when you have to stay late at work, you may be dedicating too much time to your job and not enough time for your spouse. You could work on that by reevaluating your schedule and prioritizing quality time with your partner.

Commit 100% to your spouse.

Make sure you’re fully invested in making your marriage work.

It’s not uncommon to start looking for a “way out” of the marriage when things get tough. Keep in mind, though, that almost all long-term relationships go through rough patches at one point or another, and most of them make it through to the other side.

Focus on other things that make you happy.

If you can’t find happiness in your marriage right now, find it in your hobbies or friends.

You can also focus on self-care and do things that don’t take much time at all. Spend 10 to 15 minutes soaking in a bubble bath, reading a good book, taking a walk, or listening to music.

Go to couple’s counseling if you need to.

Some marriage problems are hard to fix on your own.

A couple’s counselor can also give you real, concrete tips to help you work through your specific problems as a couple.

How Do You Save Your Marriage?

Expert Q&A

About This Article

Send fan mail to authors

Did this article help you?

Featured Articles

Watch Articles

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
Do Not Sell or Share My Info
Not Selling Info

Don’t miss out! Sign up for

wikiHow’s newsletter

Ten Common Marriage Problems And How To Resolve Them

No marriage is perfect. They all encounter problems. This article might have been a lot gloomier to read a couple of years ago, but studies show that divorces are currently lower in new marriages than they have been in decades. When you encounter marriage problems, consider looking at them as opportunities to grow the relationship and get to know each other rather than as obstacles to happiness.

Every marriage is different, and it is impossible to forecast all the challenges that your marriage may encounter. However, here is a list of some common marriage issues and some options that you and your partner can use to manage them in healthy and productive ways.

Of course, in-laws aren't exactly a marriage problem, but they can impact most of the problems that are going to be discussed on this list. As a result, it's important to look at the role that other people, in general, can play in impacting your relationship.

Before you get married, you and your potential partner should discuss the roles that you want your in-laws to play in the marriage. This can vary greatly because different people have different relationships with their parents.

Some couples see their in-laws as a valuable support network, and they like to work closely with them in virtually all aspects of their lives. Our parents can be valuable sources of information and life experiences throughout our lives, especially when it comes to maintaining a long-term relationship.

Other people, even if they have good relationships with their parents, may want their parents to play a less active role in their own marriage and child-raising endeavors. This may also be the case if you don't live near your parents.

The important thing is that both partners agree on the role that they want their in-laws to play and that they communicate this clearly and effectively to their in-laws as early as possible.

Religious differences

Religious differences can make the earlier stages of the relationship awkward and lead to potential disagreements once a couple gets married. The dating and engagement periods should be taken as opportunities to come to terms with religious differences, including establishing boundaries and relationships with the rest of the family.

The most important thing about religious differences is to always show support to your partner, regardless of how different your religious beliefs are. This can be particularly difficult when one of the partners is religious and the other is not. Belittling someone's beliefs rarely has positive outcomes.

While you may not subscribe to the same religious beliefs, you can create unique opportunities to get to know each other better on a spiritual level, and you can expose your children to different ideas and experiences so that they can decide for themselves, one day, what they wish to believe.

Political differences

Political differences can be another big source of trouble in marriages. That doesn't mean that they are insurmountable. Further, this is one potential problem source that you should explore before getting married.

One easy plan is to simply agree not to talk about politics. After all, voting is personal, so political issues only come home if you bring them back from the booth.

Keeping political discussions off limits can be difficult during social events where politics make up a common topic of discussion. There are a number of ways to handle this. Avoid the discussion. Split up until the conversation ends. Whatever you decide to do, the important thing is that you and your partner are considerate of one another's feelings.

Paying the bills

Organizing finances can be complicated, especially when it comes to paying the bills. There are a number of ways to handle this.

Some couples may benefit from one person making important payments and keeping track of expenses, while others may enjoy going through the process together. You can also divide and conquer. For example, one partner may use their accounts to pay for needs while the other can fund wants. Another option is to have a joint checking account that both couples contribute to from paychecks and draw from to pay bills. You can each maintain an individual bank account to use for purchasing gifts or paying for personal services, like happy hours with friends or salon services.

Wage disparities

Another classic marriage problem can occur when one partner in a marriage makes more money than the other or has a more “impressive” job.

For some couples, this isn't a problem because they don't see careers and income as a contest. In other couples, the partner that makes more money may try to take more authority or make more decisions. Of course, some couples are happy with the one making more money calling all the shots.

Really, the important thing is that neither partner feels that they are being taken advantage of or being controlled by the other. Instead of competing against each other, it may be advantageous to bring out the best in one another. What can you learn or adapt from your partner in order to improve your own self-confidence or achievement, if that matters to you?

Division of labor

Dividing the chores is another common source of dispute in married couples. The important thing in this case is that the chores get done. The two of you can sit down and decide which chores each of you will do based on which ones you like or don't like.

If one of you has a less time-consuming job, it might make sense for that partner to do more of the household work. If you run into a problem, consider bringing in another couple to see how they take care of their chore distribution. Many couples experience success when one person cooks and the other cleans. Alternatively, you can decide which days of the week one partner can cook and do dishes while the other partner can claim the remaining days.

Regardless of how you structure your chores at home, it is important for each person to feel like they are working as part of a team. Flexibility is essential, as well, as our weekly schedules are naturally subject to change.

Prioritizing time

Married people still have challenges with balancing their time among important priorities like sleep, work, time with their partner, time with friends, and time by themselves. This can be an additional problem if one partner has an anxious attachment style and the other has an avoidant attachment style. Sometimes marriage and cohabitation are the first scenarios where we gain insight into our partner’s attachment styles.

Both partners should be allowed to feel like they are still free to live their own lives, but neither partner should feel like they aren't appreciated. Both partners should have alone time and time with their own friends, but both should also make time to spend quality time with their partner.

Is there an hour each day that you can set aside to devote just toward one another? Cooking romantic dinners together, for example, checks off the quality time box as well as the “chores” box. Can you dedicate either Saturday or Sunday to indulging in an activity you both love to do? The key to mitigating this issue is creativity.

Different interests

Couples don't always have trouble spending enough time together because they are too busy or aren't prioritizing each other; sometimes, they just have different interests. This is another problem that usually turns up in the dating period, but can seem like more of a problem once you're married.

One way to solve this problem is to try out each other's interests. You might discover a new one. If you've tried this or if you want to maintain interests outside of those that you do together, you can keep those interests and also try to put your heads together to come up with something that you can do as a couple.

It’s also important to be realistic – did you marry your partner because they’re just like you in every way? Probably not. It may help to think of your relationship according to the rule of “quarters:”

A quarter of what you do will be highly enjoyable to both of you. Maybe you love socializing with your friends, spending time with your children, or traveling to new places.
In another quarter of your activities together, only you will find the process enjoyable. Maybe you won tickets to your favorite band, but your partner doesn’t really care for that genre of music.
In a separate quarter, only your partner will take pleasure in the experience. They may ask you to attend a networking event with them, even though you’re not a fan of small talk with strangers you’ll likely never encounter again.
In the last quarter, neither of you may enjoy what is happening, but it is important to go through it together. Experiences like car accidents, evacuating from a natural disaster, or paying bills are not inherently fun, but having a partner in crime can make them more tolerable.

Understanding that partners need time apart just like they need time together is important, but it also opens up the fact that the two of you aren't always together. That means that there's room for jealousy.

Despite common confusion, jealousy and distrust aren't the same thing. We'll talk about trust next. Jealousy is about a fear of missing out on what your loved one is doing. Jealousy can be a serious problem in relationships, but it doesn't have to be. If both of you have your own activities, it can be easier for both partners to focus on what they are up to.

Trust can be a big problem in relationships, especially if one or both partners have trust issues with other people in their lives as well. There are two good ways for a partner with trust issues to prevent that issue from causing problems in the marriage. The first is to address their trust issues. The second is to practice trusting their partner by allowing them to live their own life.

It is also important to be direct with your partner if you are concerned about their behavior. Allowing yourself to make unchecked assumptions can contribute to the development of resentment, one of the “ four horsemen ” of failed marriages, according to expert John Gottman.

If you’re feeling distrustful, ask your partner to have a conversation so that you can clarify any misunderstandings or reiterate expectations.

Seeking support for marital issues

Articles like this one can be a good introduction to anticipating some of the common problems that you are likely to encounter in a marriage. However, they probably aren't a fix-all solution. Other resources that you can use to solve problems in your marriage include turning to friends and family for support or meeting with a relationship counselor.

If you are worried that your own issues pose a serious threat to the health of your relationship, you can always go to a marriage or relationship counselor, even if your partner doesn't come along. You can also focus on your own concerns first by reaching out to a therapist or counselor. Depending on the situation, unhappy marriage therapy done online may be a more attractive option for partners seeking assistance with marital issues. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp allow you to schedule appointments from a safe location, meaning you can discuss sensitive issues in total confidence. You can also schedule appointments from a preferred time, which can be helpful for long-distance couples or simply couples with busy schedules.

Online therapy is an effective treatment approach for a range of marital challenges. In one couples therapy intervention involving 60 participants from ages 21 to 69 (who had been in a relationship with their participating partner for one to 49 years), researchers divided them into two groups: an in-person control group and an experimental videoconferencing group. All pairs took part in the same essential program, which was designed to improve self-change as a means to strengthen relationship satisfaction. After three months of follow-up, researchers determined no difference in the therapeutic alliance between the two groups. Additionally, the videoconferencing approach was confirmed as a viable alternative to in-person counseling.

What are 4 causes of marriage breakdown?

Four common causes of marriages breaking down and ending in divorce, according to a recent survey, include lack of family support, infidelity, financial stress, and too much conflict.

What are the hardest years of marriage?

According to one survey, most divorces happen between the third and seventh year of marriage, so this may be when some of the most common marriage problems occur. Meeting with a couples counselor during this time could potentially help you avoid or address issues that often arise during this time.

What are solutions to marriage problems?

Figuring out how to solve marriage problems depends on the specific problems. Common marriage problems and solutions include things like issues related to financial decisions or money problems, which may require financial counseling or at least an honest conversation to help reach alignment on financial values. One or both partners not handling their stress well could require stress management strategies or therapy.

If you’re finding it difficult to communicate, communication training in therapy could help. Challenges with physical intimacy could require the support of a sex therapist or coach, or strategies to improve communication within a sexual dynamic. Other incompatibilities, such as an age difference, sexual preference, or life goal that does not match up, causes problems, and can’t be changed, could be unsolvable. If you’re not sure where to start, meeting with a marriage counselor and/or engaging in individual or family therapy could be helpful.

What is the number one marriage problem?

According to one survey on the topic, career choices, parenting differences, and division of household labor were reported by divorced couples as the top three conflicts or marital problems in their relationship.

What is the #1 cause for divorce?

In one survey of divorced US couples, “lack of commitment” was cited as the top reason for the split. In order for a relationship to last over the long term, the partners involved generally must be willing to work at it, communicate openly, and compromise when needed. Without a commitment to this sort of mutual effort, the connection and positive emotions that were initially there may not stay strong over time.

What are the 5 biggest stressors in marriage?

The stressors a married couple may experience in their relationship can vary widely depending on the individuals and their unique circumstances. That said, some examples of five common stressors in marriage can include financial concerns, lack of healthy communication, effects of previous or current traumatic events or experiences, physical or mental health concerns in one spouse or both, and outside stressors such as work.

What is the number one stressor in relationships?

According to some reports, finances and related concerns are often a top stressor in long-term romantic relationships.

What causes tension in a marriage?

Tensions in married life can come from a variety of sources, and they may change over time and throughout different life stages. Some common sources can include jealousy, stress, financial concerns, a lack of forgiveness, certain needs not being met, a past hurt, or a lack of communication.

How do you survive a stressful marriage?

Some marriages are stressful during a specific period, and then the partners find a way through that time. Others become stressful for a reason that can’t be resolved and may then end in unhappiness and/or divorce. If you're experiencing a stressful time in your marriage, meeting with a therapist to express your emotions and consider solutions could be helpful.

What is an example of divorce stress?

“Divorce stress” refers broadly to symptoms of stress brought on by the often-difficult experience of a divorce. They could include feelings of anxiety, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and a change in appetite, among others. “Divorce stress” is not currently a clinical diagnosis according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but symptoms could escalate into those matching criteria for an anxiety disorder or depression in some cases.

Is It Worth It To Live Together Before Marriage? Medically reviewed by Kimberly L Brownridge , LPC, NCC, BCPC
Are You In An Unhappy Marriage? Couples Therapy Can Help Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA
Relationships and Relations

10 Common Marriage Problems That Couples Face And How To Solve Them

Despite what you may have been told or seen, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage; however, couples can learn how to keep their marital problems to a minimum by being proactive about problem-solving and communication. This article will cover some of the most common marital problems that can be faced even in the strongest, healthiest relationships. Tips to handle these issues will also be discussed so that you can build a foundation of trust, respect, and teamwork within your own relationship.

Relationships are often exciting in the beginning because there’s a lot of time spent going on dates and getting to know one another. After spending so much time with one another, though, it can be easy to fall into a state of boredom or even loneliness. Many couples fall into habits and routines and stop being adventurous after a few years of marriage. When boredom causes you and your spouse to stop growing or being intentional with one another, that’s when it can become a problem.

One of the easiest solutions for boredom is to start shaking things up; put simply, go out and try new things. You can start small; for example, maybe you can dedicate one day out of the week to enjoy the outdoors together or go to the movies. However, keep in mind that these can eventually become routines as well, so make sure you come up with new ideas on how to switch up activities.

Another solution is to have more interesting conversations with your partner. Ask one another about your days and try to be intentional about making time for each other and asking questions. Get curious about each other because you’ll both be changing and growing for a lifetime. Commit to getting to know your spouse all over again every day.

Getting things done around the house

One of the most common things couples fight about is who is (or isn’t) picking up the slack with household chores. While this problem often has underlying issues, it can also be one of the most solvable issues. While no one wants to have to do chores after coming home from a long day at work, someone must do it, and if one person feels that they are the only one keeping the house clean, this can create tension between partners.

This problem can be resolved by dividing and organizing tasks and agreeing on when they will get done. Some couples prefer to clean a little bit each day, while others designate a day out of the week to get all the chores done. You and your partner can make a chart together and cross things off as the chores get completed. Visual aids, like a chart, can also help keep you both accountable since you both can see what has and hasn't been done. If you have kids, this can be even easier, since you may have more hands to help around the house. No matter what system you and your spouse come up with, what matters is that you’re on the same page.

A lack of intimacy

Intimacy refers to the physical and emotional bond you share with your partner. When emotional intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it often affects how physical you are with one another. Intimacy issues are common in a marriage, but they can have serious consequences on the relationship. Often, they happen gradually, rather than suddenly; however, you may also experience dry spells here and there. This is normal and can happen in response to illness, stress, or taking medication, to name a few.

Since intimacy issues often arise because of an emotional disconnect between partners, it can be important to practice open and honest communication to get to the root of the issue. Getting the spark back in your marriage is possible, but it can take time and effort on the part of both spouses. Letting your partner know they’re appreciated, cuddling with them, giving them hugs and kisses, and incorporating touch throughout the day can all be ways to start building intimacy in your marriage. Talking to a sex therapist or couples counselor could also be helpful if you feel you can’t get through to your partner on your own.

Financial issues

Whether it involves losing a job, dining out too much, or one spouse spending more than the other in a marriage, financial troubles can rear their ugly head. Some situations might be out of your control (i.e., slow business), whereas others can be entirely preventable.

If you and your spouse have different ideas about money, it can be important to sit down and have a conversation about it. This can promote empathy and a greater understanding of one another’s perspectives. Creating a budget can also be helpful. Whether you and your spouse have a joint account or keep your funds separate, it’s possible to create a system that works for both of you. Talking with a financial advisor could also be beneficial if you can’t agree on a plan going forward.

Different core values and morals

Having a difference in values and beliefs is an issue that is frequently seen in cross-cultural marriages, especially in regard to religion . These beliefs can be ingrained in us from a very young age through our parents and upbringing, and we can hold onto them for the rest of our lives and feel strongly about them. As a result, this can create problems in the marriage, particularly if your spouse does not respect your values. Sometimes, this problem can be as straightforward as feeling alone when going to a place of worship. For example, one partner may go to church while the non-religious partner stays at home. These issues can arise when trying to raise your kids, and disagreements can come up regarding how they should think and behave.

Even if you and your partner disagree on core values and morals, it is still possible to have a healthy, loving marriage. First, it can be important to discuss why your disagreement is a point of tension in your marriage. Every couple has differences, but that doesn’t mean they must become a source of conflict. If your differing values are affecting how each of you wants to live, raise children, spend money, etc., it can be important to listen and try to understand your partner. Although their way of doing things may not seem right to you at first, perhaps it’s something you can come to terms with and accept. Maybe you can even see where they’re coming from and agree to try things their way. Marriage can be about compromise and give and take, but it must come from both parties.

An overbearing partner might ask too many questions, such as "Who are you talking to?" "How do you know them?" and "Why are they talking to you?" This can create a lot of stress and tension in the relationship, which can eventually cause it to end if it is not addressed. Even with enough reassurance on your part, your partner’s jealousy may not go away.

The insecurity that often comes with a jealous partner may need to be resolved with the help of a therapist. While you can be reassuring and supportive of your partner, you cannot fix the issues they’re dealing with yourself. Leave that work to a professional and try to be there for your partner as they make changes to promote a healthier relationship.

Excessive arguing

Arguments and disagreements can be a normal part of a marriage. After all, two unique individuals are coexisting with one another and spend the majority of their time together. This is bound to create problems at some point. Arguing in and of itself is not necessarily concerning. However, it can become a problem when the arguments are frequent and intense.

Successful marriages are built on effective communication and the ability to repair after conflict. If you and your partner are consistently arguing and struggling to mend your relationship after fights, it could signal a communication issue. Namely, you and your spouse may not know how to dissolve tension, talk about things productively, and compromise. The ability of each of you to handle conflict and move past it can be an indicator of how healthy the relationship is. If excessive arguing is getting in the way of your marriage, speaking to a professional could be beneficial. Learning effective communication skills could help turn the marriage around.

Being in different stages of life

Growing apart can be a sign that you and your spouse have drifted apart physically as well as mentally. For example, in a physical sense, a couple that has a significant age gap in their relationship may start to want something more out of their partner. One might want kids, while the other doesn’t. One may want to travel the world, while the other wants to settle down. However, this can also happen with people who are around the same age, especially those who marry young. Despite being the same age, people mature at different rates, and this can inevitably lead to personality differences and incompatibility issues.

If you find that you and your spouse are in different stages of life, it can be important to discuss what you each want out of the relationship. Not being open and honest about your desires and needs can breed resentment , which can erode the foundation of the marriage. Many times, you can each find a middle ground to promote contentment and satisfaction within the relationship.

Family influence

With the merging of two different families, it’s likely that not everyone will get along. Perhaps you have a father-in-law who doesn't like you because you don't make enough money, or your sister-in-law loves to gossip about your marriage to everyone. These kinds of things can happen, and you can't change what others think, but by talking to your spouse, you can reduce how they impact your marriage.

It can be important for you and your spouse to prioritize your marriage and put it first. While there’s nothing wrong with getting advice or input from other family members, ultimately, decisions must be made by you and your partner since you two are creating a unique life together. Setting boundaries with family members can also be helpful. Boundaries tell others how you expect to be treated and what topics are off-limits. You can use them anytime you feel someone is overstepping some aspect of your marriage.

Infidelity can occur for several different reasons, including some of the ones mentioned in this list already. For example, feeling bored and having no intimacy can tempt people to cheat on their spouses. In fact, it is estimated that anywhere from 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. While there is no excuse for cheating, there are factors that can contribute to it.

Some couples can work through infidelity, while others cannot. When cheating has taken place, there is likely to be some type of fallout in the relationship, and it can be difficult to rebuild the trust that was broken. Open communication, honesty, vulnerability, and a recommitment to making the relationship work can all be helpful in restoring the marriage. Therapy can also be instrumental in overcoming issues with infidelity.

Online counseling for marriage problems

You don’t have to wait until your marriage is on the brink of divorce before deciding to get help. Instead, you can begin online couples counseling with a licensed marriage therapist to begin getting the support you and your spouse need. At Regain , you can connect with a therapist regardless of the type and severity of the issue you’re facing. Counseling can give couples the tools they need to identify the issues in their marriage and communicate effectively to solve them. You and your spouse may have demanding schedules because of your children or careers, which can make it difficult to find the care you need. With online counseling, you can chat with a therapist 24/7 right from home, which may help solve the time-constraint issues you’re facing. Reach out whenever you both feel ready to start repairing your marriage.

The efficacy of online counseling for marital troubles

Experiencing problems in marriage is normal, but successful, long-lasting unions are such because these couples know how to move past obstacles together. Couples having difficulties with marital issues could benefit from online counseling, according to one study. In a web-based intervention utilizing integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT), researchers found that couples were able to recognize the issues in their relationship and then take steps together to correct them, ultimately bringing the couple closer by increasing their understanding of one another . IBCT is an approach that helps couples make improvements in their relationship by becoming more accepting of the flaws and negative aspects present within it. Over time, this acceptance can lead to positive changes in the relationship.

Understanding some of the common problems that can harm a marriage may be useful if you’re married, thinking about getting married, or considering dating or entering a relationship. While couples may experience some of the same issues, how they work through them can vary. Effective communication, vulnerability, and the willingness to work through problems can be vital for maintaining a strong, healthy union. Marital problems can be challenging to overcome, but they’re not impossible to move past when you have the right support. By connecting with a marriage or couples therapist, you can learn how to address issues in a healthy way and repair your relationship to get it back on track.

What are the top 5 conflict problems for couples? What are the signs of a failed marriage? What causes marriage problems?

What are the 3 most important things in a marriage what do married couples fight about most what will destroy a marriage what are the signs of an unhappy husband what are the 5 pillars of marriage why do couples split up when should you leave a marriage, why is physical intimacy important in every marriage, when is a prenup necessary, how does infidelity impact marriage, what is the hardest thing to tackle in marriage, how do you successfully overcome conflicts in marriage.

I Am Married And Lonely: Why Do I Feel This Way And How Can I Stop It?
How And Why Marriages Can Change Over Time

Bipolar Disorder
Therapy Center
When To See a Therapist
Types of Therapy
Best Online Therapy
Best Couples Therapy
Best Family Therapy
Managing Stress
Sleep and Dreaming
Understanding Emotions
Self-Improvement
Healthy Relationships
Student Resources
Personality Types
Guided Meditations
Verywell Mind Insights
2024 Verywell Mind 25
Mental Health in the Classroom
Editorial Process
Meet Our Review Board
Crisis Support

Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Partner

Ask these questions to get more clarity on next steps in your marriage

Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health.

No marriage is perfect; every couple faces their share of problems. Marriage counseling exists to help couples resolve these issues and repair from conflict, better understand each other, and improve relationship dynamics and communication.

Although there are always ups and downs in a marriage, if there are too many low points, it may be a sign of trouble. It is estimated that on average, couples wait for 2.68 years after problems arise before starting therapy. While a marriage counselor can't tell couples if their marriage will last, they can help you work through problems in a tried and true manner.

A study showed Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) increased relationship satisfaction and attachment for two years after engaging in EFT. This can be seen as evidence that marriage counseling can prevent couples from getting a divorce.

This article explores relationship questions to ask your partner, common sources of conflict and effective strategies to help resolve relationship problems.

15 Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Partner

Asking your partner questions can help determine the health of your marriage. This is done in marriage counseling, where partners often have to dig deep into the relationship to thoughtfully answer questions about their relationship and how they view it. Before starting the conversation, it’s essential to focus on the positive attributes instead of criticism, blame , guilt and shame .

“You want to make sure each person leaves the conversation feeling positive, has constructive ways they can improve the relationship, and has a clear understanding of what the other person needs without feeling personally attacked”, says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff , a clinical psychologist, professor, and writer in New York City.

Here are some questions to ask your partner and how it relates to the quality of your marriage:

1. When you do you feel peaceful and content with me? When do you feel sad with me? Happy? Angry? Frustrated?

This helps bring out the feelings you experience with each other and what causes those feelings. Not everyone is comfortable with or has the experience of talking about their feelings and what evokes them. Practice listening and patience with your partner and approach these questions and their responses with curiosity. The intention is not to judge, shame, or criticize, but to better understand your partner. Try your best to create a safe and encouraging space for them express themselves to you in a way that’s true for them.

2. What are your favorite memories of us?

Remind yourselves of the good in the relationship. Think about the memories and experiences that brought you together. Reflect on the foundation that you have built and what you want to continue strengthening together.

3. Are there things we used to do together that you'd like us to start doing again?

Life gets busy. Whether it’s a making a career change, having kids, or moving to a new city, it’s easy to put the things we enjoy on the back burner. Think about shared activities, hobbies, and interests from the past. What did you each enjoy and what would you like to make time and space to share together again?

4. What do you feel our strengths are, as individuals and together as a couple?

Identify your individual and shared strengths. How do you complement each other? What do you do well together? How can you use your strengths to support each other as members of the same team?

5. What are our current issues and areas of improvement?

It’s hard to begin conflict resolution without identifying what the problems are.

Dr. Romanoff explains, “It is important for couples to first identify their issues or core conflicts and then both agree and commit to working on these problems when they arise in the future…a couple that is determined to stay in the relationship, be introspective, and work on themselves tend[s] to have better outcomes.”

6. What concerns or worries you about us?

It can be difficult to hear your partner’s concerns, but this question also allows you to better understand where they are coming from so worries can be addressed and tended to.

“Having the ability to listen to understand instead of respond or react is the way around this. Being able to grasp your partner’s perspective without feeling like you have to defend yours is key to creating a harmonious, drama-free relationship,” explains Lesli Doares , Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Founder of Foundations Coaching .

7. How could we approach and improve these things together?

Brainstorm ideas and strategies to find a solution to your core issues. Doing this together can help you think as a team rather than as individuals fighting for what they need and want in the marriage.

8. Are there things you’d like that we have yet to try together?

Think outside the box and come up with creative solutions. This may be scheduling a date night once a month. Or this could be signing up for a class you’ve both always wanted to try. This may also mean attending marriage counseling sessions.

9. What could I do or change to help you feel more comfortable sharing even more honestly and openly with me?

Acting and behaving authentically around your partner is crucial for a healthy marriage. If you or your partner feel like they’re walking on eggshells or need to constantly bite their tongue, it can be difficult to talk about the issues in a meaningful way.

10. What would help help strengthen and deepen your trust even more with me?

A relationship without trust is one without intimacy or honesty . If you or your partner does not trust the other, it is very difficult to show vulnerability . You will tend to doubt each other and trouble can easily arise.

11. How effective do you feel our communication styles are, what patterns do you notice we have, and how could we improve together?

Effective communication is key to any relationship, especially in a marriage.

“Couples who work on their communication — meaning they are introspective and identify their issues, create safety with each other to openly discuss them without criticizing or hurting the other, and are aligned in their goals to improve the relationship and how they work together as a team (instead of trying to change the other person) tend to have more success,” says Dr. Romanoff.

12. What is something I've done for you that you appreciated and what about it made you feel cared for?

It’s important to understand how each partner likes to be cared for and what they view as signs of love and affection. Expressing gratitude by acknowledging and actively appreciating these acts can strengthen your connection, reduce feelings of resentment and isolation, and increase feelings of warmth and closeness.

13. What do you think of marriage counseling?

Not everyone is open to the idea of attending couples therapy. It’s important to be on the same page before considering it.

14. If you/we are thinking about leaving this relationship, what would we each need to consider staying?

This is a question that could be triggering and is something to bring up when you are both feeling calm, centered, and open. If one or both of you are considering leaving the relationship, addressing this question directly could help you each gather more information needed to consider next steps.

15. Is there anything on your mind you'd like to share with me that you haven't yet and would like to now?

Again, it’s important to be open and honest about your feelings towards each other. This can help clear the air and identify potential issues that are contributing to feelings of resentment .

It is important to ask this question when you are both in a grounded and emotionally regulated safe and to create a safe space for both of you to share from a place of curiosity, care, compassion, and understanding instead of shame, blame, criticism, or judgment.

What Causes the Most Conflict Between Couples?

Everyone is unique: we all grew up with different family influences, in different environments and social landscapes. Therefore, most conflicts between couples are due to “having different perspectives, experiences, and expectations,” Doares says.

Conflict can be related to extended family issues, intimacy, finances, parenting or running a household; however, “all [are] a result of the couple not knowing how to both accept and navigate their differences,” explains Doares.

Talking about these differences effectively and making a plan that caters to both of your unique experiences can help you gain a deeper perspective of each other.

Additionally, regardless of what is causing conflict in the relationship, marriage counselors should have protocol that applies.

What Happens If My Partner Refuses to Attend Therapy or Slacks Off On the Work?

Viewing therapy as goal setting instead of work can make people more inclined to attend session. “Having a good relationship takes effort, energy, and intent — not work”, says Doares.

Although one person can makes improvements on their own and change the relationship, they also need to understand and believe in the relationship. You can take responsibility for this by inviting them to therapy. It's crucial to focus on solutions rather than blame.

“Going in as a team to learn skills as opposed to either one of you or the relationship being broken is going to make it easier. Focusing on compassion and understanding, not judgment also works,” Doares explains.

Should Couples Have a Time Limit to Fix Their Issues?

It may be a good idea to set a time limit to fix your issues as it makes it “easier and faster to get guidance early on so they learn and implement what makes relationships work instead of trying to repair a rift later,” says Doares.

Specifically, Doares explains, “Couples should be willing to commit to six months to get things on track. This is assuming both people are willing to take direction and ownership. If they stay stuck in right or wrong, blame and judgment, things will take longer.”

What Strategies Help Couples Save Their Marriage?

Before setting any goals or picking strategies to improve your marriage, it’s important to set realistic expectations. People tend to pick one another as partners because their problems are complementary.

For instance, one partner is a taker and the other is a giver. Or one partner criticizes or pursues and the other avoids or withdraws. Dr. Romanoff adds, “These are life-long coping styles and cannot be turned into black-or-white issues”.

In addition to couples therapy, having daily check-ins with your partner about these fundamental issues can be an effective strategy.

Check-ins provide you both with a regular opportunity “to share how each person is feeling in the relationship, how they are relating to each other, and what they need from the other…[and] positively reinforce the good in the relationship by increasing [your] bond,” explains Dr. Romanoff.

Doherty WJ, Harris SM, Hall EL, Hubbard AK. How long do people wait before seeking couples therapy? A research note. J Marital Fam Ther. 2021;47(4):882–890.

Wiebe SA, Johnson SM, Lafontaine MF, Burgess Moser M, Dalgleish TL, Tasca GA. Two-year follow-up outcomes in emotionally focused couple therapy: an investigation of relationship satisfaction and attachment trajectories. J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(2):227–244.

By Katharine Chan, MSc, BSc, PMP Katharine is the author of three books (How To Deal With Asian Parents, A Brutally Honest Dating Guide and A Straight Up Guide to a Happy and Healthy Marriage) and the creator of 60 Feelings To Feel: A Journal To Identify Your Emotions. She has over 15 years of experience working in British Columbia's healthcare system.

90 years of expert advice and inspiration, for every couple.

Engagement Rings
Wedding Bands
Celebrity Weddings & News
Wedding Planning
Destination Wedding
Invitations & Stationery
Wedding Décor
Flowers & Bouquets
Food & Drink
Wedding Cakes
Photography
Wedding Dresses
Bridesmaid Dresses
Makeup & Hair
Accessories
Groom Style
Wedding Party Attire
Wedding Guest Attire
Bridal Fashion Week
Skincare & Wellness
Engagement Party
Bridal Shower
Bachelorette Party
Rehearsal Dinner
Registry Tips
Anniversary Gifts
Wedding Favors
Friends & Family
Marriage Proposal Ideas
Married Life
Love & Dating
The Brides Team
Editorial Guidelines
Editorial Policy
Terms of Use and Policies
Privacy Policy
Relationships
Married life

10 of the Most Common Marriage Problems Couples Face

And how to solve them, according to relationship experts.

Getty Images / Delmaine Donson

There’s no way around it: Long-term relationships are hard work—and there will be bumps along the way. Even the best marriages experience ups and downs, but couples that go the distance have one crucial thing in common: They face all challenges together and know that a viable solution always puts their partnership first. It's the combined unit versus those marital problems, not one person versus the other. “You can’t solve couple problems individually,” says therapist Jocylynn Stephenson. “It almost always fails, because you don’t have the input of the other person.”

Meet the Expert

Jocylynn Stephenson , MS, LCMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Based in Bethesda, Maryland, she specializes in marital conflict, separations, and divorce decisions.
Dr. Tamika Torres , PsyD, is a psychologist and business coach who has been working with individuals and couples alike for over a decade.

While the specifics of those problems will vary from couple to couple, there’s comfort in knowing that others are likely grappling with some of the same core issues you do. Read on for a look at 10 of the most common marital problems —and our experts' advice on how to work through them together.

1. You have communication issues.

A lack of communication between married couples—or any couple, for that matter—can lead to a variety of issues in the relationship, says Dr. Tamika Torres, a psychologist. "This can result in feelings of loneliness, frustration, and dissatisfaction within the marriage," she says. "Without open and honest communication, misunderstandings can arise, leading to conflict and resentment." Ultimately, communication is a relationship's foundation—and when it falters, so do other key components of the partnership. For example, if poor communication remains ongoing, emotional intimacy dwindles, as does your desire to actually address the important issues (which is when small problems turn into big ones). "Eventually, couples struggle to express their needs, feelings, and desires, leading to a sense of emotional disconnection," adds Dr. Torres.

The Solution

This is arguably the most important thing you could ever do for your marriage: Establish open and regular communication channels , says Dr. Torres. "Practice active listening to ensure both partners feel heard and understood," she says. "If communication issues persist, consider seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, to facilitate constructive dialogue and resolution."

2. You don’t take an interest in each other’s interests.

It starts with the best of intentions: You want your partner to be independent and pursue their passions, even if you don’t quite understand them. At the same time, you don’t want to overly burden your partner with the things you love that they don’t. While these sentiments come from a good place, they can create distance in a marriage. “If we allow for too much individuality, we end up in silos,” says Stephenson. “Then, we’re just kind of living parallel lives instead of weaving a life together.” This can lead to a loss of intimacy and interconnectedness that’s crucial for a healthy relationship.

Be intentional about getting more involved. You don’t have to make your partner’s hobbies your own or know every detail about the roster history of their favorite football team. But you do need to look for opportunities to share your passions. “Figure out where the two of you can align so you have visibility on each other’s internal lives,” Stephenson explains. If you love figure skating and a particularly exciting competition is coming up, ask your partner to watch it with you. (Knowing the engagement has a distinct beginning and end will help make them more amenable to participating.)

On the flip side, if your partner is an avid cyclist, make time to check in on the pastime. “It can be as simple as saying, ‘Hey, what’s going on for you? Are you going on any big rides soon? Who do you ride with?’” Stephenson says. By actively staying in the know about what’s important to your partner, you validate their interests—and reconfirm your marriage as a place to explore those interests in the process.

Getty Images / miniseries

3. Your spending habits are different.

No surprise here: Money is one of the biggest sources of tension between married couples, particularly when it comes to how to spend it. But all hope is not lost just because one person has a tight hold on their purse strings, while the other enjoys splurging.

In these instances, Stephenson begins counseling by helping couples explore the reasons behind their habits. “A lot of our work as marriage therapists is about helping couples understand one another, so I start with what spending means to each of them,” she says. “Where did you learn how to deal with money? What did you see growing up?” This lays the groundwork for more empathetic conversations about how to approach finances as a unit.

Set expectations about how to share. Scrutinizing each other’s every purchase is likely only going to add fuel to the fire, so it’s important to find compromises in this realm. A combination of joint and separate accounts can work wonders, but even then you’ll want a window into your partner’s individual goals, habits, and desires. “Here, we talk about what it looks like to structure your money,” says Stephenson. “What are the big things you want? What are the big things you’re saving for? What does your spending look like on a week-to-week basis?”

It’s also helpful to set clear expectations for how you’ll handle larger financial decisions. Work together to determine what “big” means—maybe it’s a specific amount, maybe it’s a type of investment, such as a new stock or business opportunity—and how you’ll approach those decisions.

There’s no right answer here: Some couples will want to discuss everything beforehand, while others are fine if one person takes the lead, but clues the other in after the fact. Either way, setting explicit guidelines and sticking to them will minimize surprises—which can feel like breaches of trust—down the line.

Getty Images / PeopleImages

4. You have different feelings about social media.

This marital problem is two-fold. Some duos disagree on what or how much one partner shares on social media; others argue about the amount of time their spouse spends on these apps. "When it comes to married couples, there is a fine line between sharing and oversharing on social media," confirms Dr. Torres. "In my practice, a common issue that arises from married couples, especially those in their 20s through early 40s, is oversharing on social media and not being present."

When intimate details of a relationship or a family's dynamics are shared with the world, it can lead to discomfort, insecurity, or even feelings of betrayal. "Couples may feel pressured to portray a perfect image of their relationship online, which can lead to a façade of happiness that may not accurately reflect the true dynamics," notes Dr. Torres, adding that some duos also unfairly measure themselves or their spouses against what they see online. "This can create unrealistic expectations and lead to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction within the relationship."

Technology is also a distraction. "With the constant accessibility of smartphones, tablets, and other devices, couples may find themselves more engrossed in their screens than in each other," shares Dr. Torres. "Whether you're scrolling through posts, the kids are on their iPads, or your husband is on the laptop at the kitchen counter, technology can hinder quality time spent together, leading to feelings of neglect and disconnection."

When it comes to differing feelings about social media, with regards to what you share or how much time you spend on it, start by getting on the same page. "Initiate a discussion about boundaries regarding social media usage and oversharing," Dr. Torres shared. "Establish clear guidelines, such as designated device-free times or zones, to prioritize quality time together without digital interruptions."

5. You’ve fallen out of sync on intimacy.

When it comes to sex, the most common marriage problem Stephenson encounters is differing levels and types of desire —and a reluctance to discuss that openly. “There can be a lot of shame, judgment about performance, and pressure to be and do all sorts of things, so we don’t talk about it explicitly,” says Stephenson. That makes normalizing open communication on this front is a crucial first step.

Try a two-prong approach. “Step one is understanding their history,” says Stephenson. “What did sex and intimacy look like before it changed for the worse?” Identifying the root of a problem is the first step in solving it, so she encourages couples to talk about what's contributed to the change.

Step two is determining where each person wants to be going forward. If those levels of desire match up, figure out how to remove or work around the barriers keeping you from getting there. If they don’t match up, make sure each person knows the best way to satisfy their partner while still keeping their personal boundaries intact. While it’s not a perfect solution, putting in the effort can go a long way towards showing your spouse that their needs are important to you. When done in a safe, supportive environment, it can also open you up to new experiences that can deepen your personal sexual enjoyment.

Getty Images / Hinterhaus Productions

6. Jealousy has reared its ugly head.

While you might think this insecurity stems from concerns about physical infidelity , Stephenson finds that’s not typically the case. “Most often, I find that couples get jealous of their closeness their partners feel with other people,” she says. “It’s more the emotional stuff.”

Reinvest in your relationship. Assuaging this type of jealousy is all about sharing your inner world. “Inevitably, it’s a matter of giving a person more time, more attention, and more of yourself,” Stephenson says. “In my experience, couples that have close relationships [outside of their marriage] but don’t experience jealousy are also doing the work to maintain emotional intimacy. If your partner gets enough of that, then they’re usually satisfied.”

7. It feels like you’re growing in different directions.

It’s inevitable that people will evolve in different ways over the course of a long-term relationship, and that these changes might, at times, lead you to question your compatibility. Perhaps the career-focused person you married has eased their professional ambitions in favor of finding fulfillment in family, or the partner who once shared your dream of settling closer to relatives now hopes to retire to a remote cabin in the woods.

These divergences can seem like impossible hurdles to overcome, but it’s important to realize that while the specifics of your individual dreams may have changed, you’re likely still aligned on the core components. “Generally, couples want to be happy and emotionally stable, and they want to eventually stop working,” says Stephenson. “Those are the big umbrella goals, and the rest are particularities.”

Meet your partner where they’re at. Part of the issue here is feeling like you no longer know your spouse, so put in the effort to get reacquainted. “I ask couples to make time for lots of intimacy work,” says Stephenson, who uses a list of prompts from The Gottman Institute to encourage meaningful dialogue. (Topics include greatest fears, best friends, life goals, and more.) “In giving couples these questions, I essentially ask them to get to know each other again, and to do that in a positive way.”

Understanding your partner’s hopes and dreams in intimate detail also provides more wiggle room for finding common ground. Maybe it’s not a literal cabin in the woods they need, but the feelings of privacy or being connected to nature that the cabin would provide. Finding a way to satisfy those wants in an environment you’d also be happy with could be the key to ensuring a successful future together.

8. You have different stances on parenting.

You may agree about wanting kids—but do you know if you have similar or complementary parenting styles? " Disagreements about parenting can be a major source of conflict between married couples," shares Dr. Torres. "When parents have different beliefs, values, or approaches to parenting, it can lead to arguments and tension in the relationship; one partner might not feel supported by their spouse." Disciplinary style is one such source of discord; you might want to enforce certain rules, but your partner is much more lenient. "Not only can this cause confusion for the children—it can undermine the authority of the parent," notes Dr. Torres.

You can't always know how you'll parent until you're a parent—but it can't hurt to talk through things hypothetically even before you welcome little ones. If issues arise when your family expands, "engage in open dialogue to explore and understand each other’s parenting styles and values," notes Dr. Torres. "Seek compromises that reflect a collaborative approach to parenting, emphasizing teamwork rather than opposition." By aligning on parenting strategies and goals, you'll strengthen your bond and effectively co-parent your kids.

Getty Images / Prostock-Studio

9. You’re both bored.

Ennui can be a silent relationship killer. What do you do when there’s no discernible problem, but you’ve both lost perspective on what makes your bond special? Boredom typically manifests itself as a lack of enthusiasm, and it can take a toll on a marriage if left unchecked.

Confront the issue head-on. “If I find a couple is drifting apart because they think they know everything there is to know about their partner, I tell them that they’re wrong,” says Stephenson. “Their partner has grown and changed. If you can’t see that, then you’ve got to open your eyes.”

If that boredom is a result of predictability in your life together, the best thing you can do is share that with your partner in a way that allows you to do something about it. “Externalize the problem,” Stephenson advises. “Where does your boredom come from, and what do you want to do about it?” If you feel, for example, that you’re no longer having interesting conversations, evaluate how you spend your time individually. Are you reading books, delving into new interests, or otherwise engaging in the kind of things that lead to that? After all, sometimes the best way to help your relationship is to help yourself first.

10. Your conflict resolution skills need work.

Arguing is a normal part of married life—but do you know how to effectively halt, learn from, and move past conflict? If you find that your fights are ongoing or repetitive, you might have a conflict resolution problem . "When married couples experience difficulties in conflict resolution, it can strain the relationship," shares Dr. Torres. "One common issue is a breakdown in communication, where partners struggle to effectively express their feelings and needs to each other. This can result in misunderstandings, pent-up emotions, and a lack of empathy." When you fail to resolve these fights, you risk losing each other's perspectives, "leading to a cycle of blame and defensiveness, rather than a collaborative effort to find a resolution," she adds.

It's imperative to develop and practice effective conflict resolution skills that prioritize respect, empathy, and understanding. After you argue, "take time for self-reflection and emotional regulation before engaging in discussions to prevent escalations," suggests Dr. Torres. Or, consider setting up weekly check-ins that allow you and partner to touch base emotionally—and provide room for joint reflection. "Focus on finding mutually beneficial solutions through compromise and avoid resorting to personal attacks or disrespectful behavior," notes Dr. Torres.

LovingatYourBest

MARRIAGE AND COUPLES COUNSELING

10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems

Travis atkinson.

September 17, 2021

All relationships and marriages go through periods when they face problems. The secret to a healthy and growing relationship is your ability to overcome these problems. The moment you turn your back on your relationship when you encounter marital issues, it will quickly fall into despair. Solving marriage problems will not only make your relationship healthier, but also more resilient.

10 Top Strategies for Solving Marital Problems

All couples have problems, but not every couple is able to work through them. These are the top strategies to solve your marriage problems, no matter what it is that is causing the troubles.

1. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Communication is the secret to a lasting relationship. All healthy and happy marriages keep their communication lines open.

If you are trying to solve your marital problems, you should not stop communicating with your spouse. Openly discuss the issues you are having so that you can come up with a resolution together. If you just sweep it under a rug, it will only develop into something more serious in the long run.

strategies to help solve your marriage problems

2. Recognize when you’re in a gridlock

One of the most common hurdles to solving marriage problems is when you and your partner don’t see eye to eye when it comes to your marital issues. One spouse is willing to discuss the problem and the other doesn’t find it a big deal.

When you’ve reached an impasse, it’s important to take a break. Forcing your opinion on things won’t change the situation. By taking a break, you allow time for each of you to put things in perspective.

3. Express yourself constructively

When you are in an argument with your spouse, it is easy to let your emotions take over. You could end up saying hurtful things that only worsen the problem instead of fixing them. Try to avoid this route whenever possible.

When discussing your marital problems, focus on being constructive. It is also important to stay on-topic and not to bring up previous issues.

4. Break the curse of familiarity

Married couples that have been together for a long time have this false belief that they know each other deeply. However, this can often be the root of the problem in a relationship.

Never stop asking questions or attempting to get to know your partner. This will help you understand their needs better and help avoid conflict, or understand their perspective when it comes to discussing issues within your marriage.

There will be less conflict in your relationship if you know where your partner is coming from.

5. Make decisions together

When you are solving marriage problems, you need to approach them together and decide on the best solution as a couple. One spouse cannot be authoritarian and make decisions for the both of you. In fact, this is something that causes marriage problems in the first place.

By making decisions together, you can both be at ease knowing that you’ve considered your partner’s feelings and concerns. Avoid the urge to insist on what you want or doing things your way. Keep an open mind and encourage your spouse to voice their opinion.

If things start to get heated between you in an argument, think of ways to deescalate the conflict and try to keep things light.

6. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings

Have you ever experienced opening up about your feelings and then having those feelings shut down or dismissed? It’s not a good feeling. It makes you feel undervalued and unnoticed.

You don’t want your spouse to feel this way. If you are trying to resolve conflict within your marriage, you need to encourage one another. Give your spouse a chance to speak up and make their feelings known. Even if you don’t agree with them, don’t dismiss their feelings. Instead, try to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they feel that way. Look at what you can do to address those feelings. That is what couples in healthy marriages do.

7. Understand that it’s not a competition

It is not uncommon for spouses to feel the need to ‘win’ an argument. It feeds their ego and makes them feel good about themselves when they prove their spouse wrong about certain things.

You should not solve your marital problems with this kind of attitude. Often, if you win an argument, your relationship loses. This should not be about who wins or loses; focus on fixing issues in your marriage so you can both be happy and healthy.

8. Keep a positive attitude

This might sound like an obvious tip but most couples who are fighting find it difficult to stay positive. Successful couples are the ones that can maintain a positive perspective throughout their relationship even when dealing with marital issues.

The fact that you and your partner are taking steps to address your problems is a good sign. This should inspire you to stay positive about the future of your relationship. Hold on to that positivity and find ways to save your relationship, especially if you both agree that it’s worth saving.

9. Give your partner space

Most spouses are so desperate to resolve issues within their marriage that they end up smothering their other half. However, taking this approach when you are dealing with marriage problems will only make things worse.

Give your spouse the space to think and reflect. It will also give you the opportunity to look at things from their perspective. When you give each other space, you don’t act based on emotions but rather on logic and reasoning.

10. Get counseling.

Counseling is a great way to solve marriage problems. It will involve a few sessions only, and is a great way to address issues within your relationship on a neutral ground. You can also get the guidance of an expert so you can work out the cause of the problem.

The secret to success with counseling is to follow through with the plan. Any consultation you’ve done with a therapist will be of no use if you have no accountability and don’t follow through with it. It is important that both spouses take accountability for fixing their marital problems.

If you think counseling is expensive, it’s definitely cheaper than divorce! Plus, if you are serious about solving marriage problems, this is one of the best ways to go about it.

10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems

All Pro Dad

Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships healthy and thriving. It’s just like when you stop investing in the house you are living in. It will easily fall into disrepair. Think back to when you first started to pursue your wife. It required commitment, hard work, and imagination. If winning her required that back then, why does it surprise us when neglect creates marriage problems after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted. Why risk everything now?

There are many good strategies if you want to restore your marriage. We suggest these 10 strategies to help solve your marriage problems.

1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships.

Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there’s widespread support for making yours work.

2. Choose to love.

Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Love may have come easy when it was brand new. Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Choice is an act of maturity and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.

3. Act as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than your own.

Putting our spouse first nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection. It can also lead to physical intimacy.

4. Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.

It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. “You’re the most important thing in my life” gives way to “my work… the family business…the children… my aging parents… even golf, football or drinking…” Marriages don’t work well when our partner plays second fiddle to anything – even the children. It’s a fact – the happiest kids are those with parents who love one-another best.

5. Start over from scratch.

Ask her out. Make sure you remember why you did the first time and build from there. When did you last talk for hours, hold hands at a movie, or give her a kiss when she wasn’t expecting it? Get silly about one-another. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway- then you’ll remember why.

6. Stop taking one-another for granted.

Say “thank you” for that cup of coffee. Celebrate obscure anniversaries. Tell her how much it means to you that she cooks a great meal – or vice versa. Notice the haircut. Ask her out. Clean her car. Pay attention to the little things and act like someone who values the relationship.

7. Pray for your spouse.

Chances are you launched your marriage with both promises and prayers. Pray for your spouse , and ask for guidance as you pledge to make the kind of effort that simply won’t float without turning to God every day.

8. Get counseling.

You say you can’t afford it? Believe us, it’s cheaper than divorce. Most counseling simply involves a few sessions to get the communication flowing again. For guys, a willingness to talk in that context sends a huge, positive message to your spouse.

9. Follow the counseling with an action plan.

Just like a personal fitness program, counseling comes with homework and an action plan over time. Draw up the plan, ask friends you trust to help hold you accountable, then follow through. When both spouses take responsibility, anything is possible.

10. Change the patterns.

Do you always come home angry? Then stop the car a block away and pray about it first or do whatever else it takes to change your attitude. Does she always nag you when you leave dirty clothes on the floor? Try getting changed in a different room and initiate a new reflex. Do you always fight about discipline? Try agreeing with her decisions and supporting her 100% – you may find the kids act better because you’re not fighting. You’ve heard the old joke:

Patient: “Doctor, it hurts when I do that…”

Doctor: “Well, don’t do that anymore.”

Huddle Up Question

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some strategies you can use when you are having a difficult time getting along with someone?”

More Resources

Forgiveness: It’s Not What You Think

A House Divided

From “My Wife Hates Me” to “My Wife Loves Me”

QUICK LINKS

Contributors
Fostering and Adoption

5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100 Tampa, FL 33609 (813) 222-8300

EMAIL SIGN UP

Marriage Sharing | Married as One LLC

Don't let the #1 Cause of Divorce Ruin You Marriage

20 Common Marriage Problems - How to Solve Them

Selfishness
Unforgiveness
Defensiveness
Unfaithfulness
Lack of attention
Lack of investment
Lack of support
Lack of self-improvement
Lack of empathy
Lack of knowledge

How Can I Solve My Wife and Husband Problems?

Marriage problems and solutions for christians.

When I got married 14 years ago, I did what many couples do that were going through marriage problems.

I googled solutions. And, honestly, at that time, finding solutions to common marriage problems from a Christian worldview was quite challenging.

If you ever wondered asked yourself, “ How can I solve my wife and husband problems?”

This article offers Cristian options and solutions to Christian problems.

Even marriages that appear to be perfect, will have marriage issues.

Having problems in marriage isn’t the biggest problem.

The biggest problem is not knowing how to communicate through these problems so that you discover the solution.

Poor marriage communication is the root cause of many marital problems.

This is why I recommend pre-marriage counseling.

Counseling often provides the communication tools couples need to have a healthy marriage .

If your marriage has problems on this list, that are not being worked on consistently, then your marriage may be in trouble.

Learn how to navigate and overcome the hurdles presented by common marriage problems, starting with this essential resource.

However, here is a comprehensive list that you should seriously study. Study this list to learn the common causes of marriage problems faced by married couples, and learn to consistently apply the solutions offered.

Doing so will ensure that problems in your marriage don’t eventually lead to divorce. The goal isn’t learning how to, never have marriage problems.

The goal is to learn how to quickly and clearly identify your marriage problems.

Once identified, learn how to fairly and respectfully resolve them.

Keep in mind that many problems in marriage .

How to Solve Marriage Problems

1.) Selfishness

”Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-5

If I had to choose two of the most common marriage problems I have observed leading to more divorces than I can count, selfishness, would definitely be tied at #1.

The sad thing about this marital problem is, that we are often barely aware that it’s happening. After all, if they love you, they should do ‘this and they should do ‘that’ right?

The problem with that way of thinking is, spouses tend to fail to follow the model shown by the relationship between Jesus and the church. Jesus’ relationship with the church wasn’t based on what He was getting.

Jesus’ relationship with the church was based on what He was giving.

A relationship is FOR giving. (pun intended)

There is absolutely no way to escape having marital problems when selfishness is overbearing.

I have to say overbearing since, as imperfect beings, we also can’t escape thinking of the ‘self’ more than the two ‘selfs’ in marriage from time to time.

Communication in marriage is by far, the most important skill spouses need to have a married life with fewer marital problems.

But, can you imagine how difficult marriage communication would be with a selfish spouse?

Husbands and wives are called to mutually submit to each other’s wants and needs.

Get this book Free: 20 Common Marriage Problems .

A submission where spouses are mutually committed to meeting the godly aligned desires of each other.

What’s the common problem with selfishness in marriage?

One spouse usually ends up prioritizing their desires, expectations or needs over the other spouse.

As a result, the spouse who is not being prioritized tends to feel unloved, unimportant, or even resentful. What’s the solution?

Keep in mind that marriage isn’t solely about you, it’s about you two.

Another way of saying that is, “marriage isn’t about me, it’s about we.”

Jesus’ relationship with the church is meant to be an earthly example of a heavenly union, seek to copy that.

”For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.” 1 John 2:16

Pride ends more marriages than deaths do.

Pride is tied at #1 for the most common marriage problem.

If you ever wondered, ”What causes lack of communication in marriage,” pride is definitely a top answer.

Pride leads to many marriage communication problems because pride gets us to blame our spouse, for things we should be solely blamed for.

Pride causes marriage issues because, oftentimes, spouses refuse to admit their wrongs.

When we refuse to admit wrongs long enough, those wrongs continue in our marriage unfixed.

Imagine being married to a verbally abusive wife. Now imagine that spouse refusing to say, ”I’m sorry.”

Imagine the problems you will have in your marriage when you feel that it’s always your fault for issues in your marriage and rarely the fault of your spouse.

Dealing with the problem of pride (solution): Understand that no one who walks this earth’s surface is perfect.

Everyone has sins they need to work on by having a relationship with Jesus.

Look at your faults as an opportunity to improve who you are, not an opportunity to make you feel bad about who you are.

If you are dealing with an extremely prideful spouse, put them around groups or a community of people that can hold them accountable.

3.) Unforgiveness

”And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25

It’s amazing to me how unforgiving spouses can be.

Especially, when as imperfect humans we constantly need forgiveness for our sins daily.

As Christians how can you consistently sin against our God and expect forgiveness while stubbornly holding a grudge against your spouse?

If you’re not Christian, you would at least agree that no one is perfect, and because of that, everyone will make mistakes.

How many mistakes have you made against your spouse? Here is a better question.

How many times have you repeated the same ”mistake” that you were asking forgiveness for?

”How do I prevent unforgiveness from causing marriage problems?” Solution: Learn to apply the same grace given to us by Jesus, to our spouse.

How do you do that practically?

First, keep in mind that you constantly cause issues in your marriage that your spouse has to forgive you for. Secondly, have patience.

It often takes time to get better. It often takes time to do better.

Take it day by day.

Lastly, pray that God changes your hearts.

Learn the skills necessary to limit these common marriages problems from becoming marriage-ending problems by reading this.

4.) Negativity

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34

Here is what sometimes sucks about married life, and what makes it difficult to have a happy married life.

Dealing with a very negative spouse. ”Why does having a negative spouse cause marriage issues?”

Negativity creates an environment that isn’t pleasant to be around.

When married couples no longer enjoy being around each other, the married couples become unmarried couples.

The solution to this common marriage problem: Pray for your spouse. Get them more involved in church. Put them around positive people.

It isn’t wise to address their negativity directly. It is usually an internal issue that the spouse has to deal with.

5.) Denial

”Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.” Psalm 86:11

No one likes to hear that their baby is ugly!

I don’t mean to be cruel.

What I mean about that statement is, that we usually don\’t like to hear the truth about ourselves.

We rather cling to what makes us feel good. Denial leads to married life problems.

There’s no denying that. Denial makes you blind to your imperfections.

In a way, you can say denial is a distant ‘cousin’ to pride in the sense that there is a blindness to one’s faults.

When there is that blindness, it becomes impossible to work on it, leading to your spouse suffering.

Working on denial(solution): Becoming a better spouse often means being faced with areas in your life where you are not so great.

Learn to embrace truth.

6.) Insecurity

”The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10″

Troubles in marriage caused by insecurity rarely have to do with our spouse.

Typically, that insecurity that is giving your marriage problems was caused by whoever you dated before your spouse.

Let me guess. You dated someone that cheated, or lied frequently? That led to your heart being broken?

What you didn’t realize is that you didn’t learn to fully trust again.

Because of that, you now project your past insecurities in your current marriage. Your dating problem shouldn’t be your married problem.

Faith Biblically speaking can be defined as, ”trust in light of the evidence.”

In other words, you trust something based on the reliability of what you have seen so far.

For example, you have a car, get in the car, start the car, and drive that car to work five days a week.

If for some reason, you had to go to work on that 6th day, based on the light of evidence (car starting up the previous 5 days) you have no reason to reasonably believe that your car wouldn\’t start on that 6th day.

I say that to say this, you deal with insecurities causing your marriage issues by understanding that it is your spouse’s consistency of character that should ease your insecurities.

Your past should not be projected on your spouse.

7.) Defensiveness

what are the causes of problems in marriage

”Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.\” Proverbs 12:1

Defensive listening is a poor habit to form in marriage.

Defensive listening has no place in a loving marriage. You have to be able to tell your spouse that they are doing something that hurts you without them getting defensive.

The challenges many married couples face in marriage are not being able to share a fault with their spouse without their spouse getting defensive and someone turning it around on them.

Turning it around on them may include playing the ‘blame game’, playing ‘victim’, or giving the silent treatment.

All these examples are examples of defensiveness because instead of at least considering what your spouse is saying to you, you immediately go into attack mode.

Prevent this from being your marital problem (solution): When your spouse attempts to talk to you about something that you are doing wrong, don’t immediately go on attack mode. Instead, PAUSE.

Pause, and consider what you are hearing. What your spouse is telling you isn’t an attack on your entire character. What your spouse is telling you is simply one thing about you that can become better.

8.) Unfaithfulness

”Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5″

Unfortunately, cheating happens in marriage. It sucks, and in a perfect world, with perfect people, it wouldn’t happen.

Cheating shouldn’t happen, no person deserves to feel that type of heartbreak.

However, for this article, I want to take an unpopular approach.

I’m not taking this approach simply to be controversial.

This perspective needs to be addressed. I am going to attempt to defend the person cheating.

The Bible makes it clear that spouses should NOT refrain from having sex with each other.

Because then, Satan will tempt you with sex.

Stop. Don’t rebuttal. Just seek to understand.

There is no excuse for cheating, but, there are often reasons people cheat that we can empathize with.

It doesn’t make cheating right.

It just makes it more understandable.

I remember hearing a story about a woman who ended up having 5 children and was forced to give up her life (career and educational pursuits) to be a stay-at-home mom and raise her children.

Fortunately, the father, her husband, was financially established and could support his family with ease.

So, what led to the wife’s cheating?

The husband worked too much, wasn’t affectionate, didn’t help with chores in the house, rarely provided support with daily tasks involving the kids, and basically had the perception that all he had to do was provide financially.

The husband believed that having his family need for nothing financially was all he had to do.

The wife patiently tried to get her husband to feel how overwhelmed she felt.

The wife constantly expressed to her husband how alone she felt. She patiently and consistently shared how unloved and undesired she felt.

Her husband gave her feelings no serious consideration. Wait! That’s no excuse to cheat. You’re right. By excuse, we define it to mean something similar to making that ”wrong, a right.”

No, there is no excuse.

But there was a reason. And by reason, I mean “something that causes something to occur.”

Sure, she could have just left her husband. She could have taken her and her five kids and attempted to start a life independent of her husband.

It would have been extremely difficult, but it could have been done.

As imperfect humans, do we always think of the most righteous thing to do?

Or do we usually think of dealing with the pain that we are currently feeling with some sort of immediate pleasure?

Husbands and wives cheating is NOT okay, but it happens, unfortunately, and we need to talk solve that marital problem by thoroughly addressing that reason.

Solution? That Scripture speaks loud enough.

Husbands shall not deny wives the affection she needs from her husband. Nothing is a substitute for that.

Wives shall not deny husbands their physical intimacy.

There is no substitute for that.

Marriage Communication Problems

9.) Secrecy

”Would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.” Psalm 44:21″

Everyone has secrets, right?

Since everyone has secrets, why shouldn’t you have yours?

Having that mentality is what leads to marriage problems.

Problems in a marriage are rarely new problems.

Sometimes those problems are problems that never get a chance to be talked about.

Many people think truth ends marriages.

I personally believe that lies have destroyed way more marriages than truth has.

Ending your struggles in marriage may be as simple as preventing yourself from keeping secrets.

After all, if your action is something that has to be hidden, why commit the act in the first place?

Ending secrecy in marriage (solution)- It’s not easy being vulnerable right?

It’s not easy sharing a secret with someone knowing that the secret you share can be used against you.

But, married couples biblically speaking, are one flesh.

That truth alone reveals a level of intimacy that is to be sought after by married couples.

We may not ever fully arrive at that destination, but we are to head in that direction.

Take it day by day.

Perhaps, reveal something new to your spouse every week, and you two talk about it.

10.) Lies

”Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” Colossians 3:9-10

Lies destroy trust in a marriage. Lies destroy marriages.

”It’s just a little lie,” spouses say.

Yet, if that same ”little” lie was told to them, they would be outraged.

The solution to lying is simple. Keep in mind that, ”honesty is the best policy.” Honesty doesn’t have to hurt your spouse’s feelings.

Find different being honest .

You sure can tell your spouse that their breath stinks. Or, you can say, ”sweetie your breath isn’t pleasant right now.”

11.) Sex

”How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. ”

Song of Solomon 7:6

That specific verse in my opinion, wisely addresses many common marriage problems relating to sex in marriage.

That verse is talking about how excited a husband is about his wife before sex.

I don’t know of one married couple who has ever had marriage issues because their spouse was excited to have sex with them.

Husbands want to be desired by their wives.

Wives want to be desired by their husbands. How do you solve sexual marriage problems?

Do not deprive each other of feeling desirable. Simple, yet, pretty deep. Just in case you missed it, making sure that your spouse consistently feels desired is the solution.

12.) Revenge

”Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19

We are such sinful creatures. When we feel hurt, what do we want to do?

We want the one that hurt us to hurt too.

Married couples who are focused on revenge instead of improving themselves in marriage for each other won’t have a happy marriage life.

What do you do instead of getting revenge? (solution)

You pray that God removes that urge in you.

You realize that if God exercised revenge on you, that you would be in hell.

Thank God for His Grace that covers our past, present, and future sins.

13.) Lack of Attention

”Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,\” Ephesians 5:25

You focus on the things you care about.

Someone who cares a lot about fitness spends a lot of time at the gym.

Some who care a lot about their career spend a lot of time working.

There is no excuse for the one you are in union with not getting that same attention and focus.

Taking your spouse for granted is how spouses often lose focus on their spouse.

Don’t make this a marriage problem you commonly face in your marriage.

Solution: “shower’ your spouse daily with your undivided attention, aka focus.

14.) Lack of Investment:

”The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.” 2 Corinthians 9:6″

What exactly are you doing to help your marriage flourish?

Solution– Take active steps. You can go to marriage conferences. You could read a marriage book. You can listen to a marriage podcast. All these actions show investment in your marriage.

15.) Lack of Support

”So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6″mark

It’s easy for married couples to support each other when there is a death of a loved one.

It’s easy for us as spouses to support each other when something else traumatic happens.

How about we support each other daily, with the simple day-to-day tasks?

Problems in the marriage often occur because one spouse feels like they are alone in the day-to-day upkeep of raising children, or household chores.

Don’t make that a problem in your married life. Solution– Be mindful of what your spouse goes through on a day-to-day basis, and be empathetic. Sometimes just asking, ”how was your day,” is enough.

16.) Lack of Self-Improvement

”For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

You”re not perfect. Neither is your spouse. And guess what? Even if you two go on to be married 40 years, you still won ‘t achieve perfection.

The least you can do for the person stuck with you for four decades is to try to get better every day, in very specific, purposeful ways.

The solution is to consistently ‘upgrade’ yourself for your spouse.

17.) Lack of Empathy

”Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Why is it, that when something happens to us, we want to be understood and sympathized with?

Yet, when something happens to others, we are quick to condemn?

Jesus, have mercy on us. Sometimes your spouse doesn’t need or want your judgment, rebuttal, or solution.

They just need you to feel what they are going through.

If they get cut, you say ouch. That’s the idea behind empathy. Being understanding is how you prevent the lack of empathy from being a marital problem. (solution)

18.) Lack of Knowledge

”If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5″

Investing in your marriage should lead you to be more knowledgeable about different aspects of your marriage.

Would you like to be a more romantic person in your marriage?

Do you find being romantic one of the challenges you face in marriage?

Great, you identified a common marriage problem many married couples have.

Watch videos on being romantic in marriage .

Read books that talk about romance. Go to a conference where the theme is igniting passion in your marriage.

Solution: Keep learning how to turn your weaknesses in your marriage, into strengths.

19.) Silence

”Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28

If you keep silent to prevent yourself from saying something unkind to your spouse, then great. I applaud you for your wisdom and restraint.

However, if you are the type of spouse to keep silent because you don’t like, or don’t want to talk about marriage issues, then, your silence is one of the worse forms of common marriage problems.

Solution: Learn when to speak, and when to be silent. Work on developing a healthy balance.

20.) Disrespect

”Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29″

Often, disrespect is a marital issue because one spouse doesn’t agree with how the other spouse thinks or feels about a particular problem in their marriage.

Instead of learning to work through those differences, the spouses choose to disrespect each other’s views.

Who says your view is right, to begin with?

You assume you’re right, and by default, your spouse is wrong then proceed to belittle their viewpoint.

Solution- You need to keep in mind what type of husband or wife you desire to be. Do you want to be known as a disrespectful spouse?

If not, learn to work through those differences in a way that doesn’t automatically display that your spouse is less than.

Learn the skills necessary to limit these common marriage problems from becoming marriage-ending problems.

Check out a more solution focused approach below.

Addressing Common Relationship Challenges

Every marriage faces its fair share of challenges.

However, being aware of these common problems and addressing them proactively can help couples overcome them and prevent their escalation into bigger issues.

One of the most prevalent challenges in a marriage is unrealistic expectations.

Many couples enter into marriage with preconceived notions of what their partner should be like or how their relationship should unfold.

These unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration.

It is essential to have open and honest conversations about expectations and work together to find common ground.

Financial problems are another common challenge faced by many married couples.

Money is often a sensitive topic, and disagreements about finances can strain a relationship.

Open and transparent communication about financial goals, budgeting, and spending habits is crucial.

It is essential for couples to work as a team and make financial decisions together, considering each other’s perspectives and finding compromises that work for both parties.

Managing Unrealistic Expectations

Unrealistic expectations can be detrimental to a marriage.

When we enter into a marital union, it is essential to understand that our partner is not perfect and will have flaws.

Expecting our partner to meet all our emotional, physical, and intellectual needs can put undue pressure on the relationship.

Instead, it is important to accept and appreciate our partner for who they are, while also supporting each other’s growth and personal development.

Moreover, managing unrealistic expectations requires effective communication.

It is necessary to express our needs and desires clearly, while also being open to compromise and understanding our partner’s limitations.

Regular check-ins and discussions about expectations can help maintain a healthy balance in the relationship and prevent misunderstandings.

Overcoming Financial Hurdles in Marriage

Financial issues can wreak havoc on a marriage if not addressed appropriately.

It is crucial for couples to develop a solid financial plan and work together towards their financial goals.

Here are some strategies to overcome financial hurdles in marriage:

Create a budget: Sit down together and create a comprehensive budget that includes all income, expenses, and savings goals. This will help both partners have a clear understanding of the financial situation and make informed decisions.
Communicate openly about money: Discussing financial matters openly and regularly is essential. This includes being honest about debts, financial concerns, and goals. By maintaining open lines of communication, couples can work together towards financial stability.
Set financial goals together: Establishing shared financial goals can motivate couples to work towards a common objective. Whether it’s saving for a house, planning for retirement, or paying off debt, having a clear vision can help align efforts and make financial decisions easier.
Seek professional help if needed: In some cases, couples may find it beneficial to seek the guidance of a financial advisor or counselor. These professionals can provide expert advice and help navigate complex financial situations.

Remember, overcoming financial hurdles requires patience, understanding, and teamwork.

By working together, couples can overcome financial challenges and build a stronger foundation for their marriage.

Keys to a Happy Marriage

A happy marriage is built on a foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect.

While every relationship is unique, there are certain key elements that contribute to marital happiness.

Let’s explore some of these keys to a happy marriage:

Effective communication: Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. It involves not only expressing one’s thoughts and feelings but also actively listening to one’s partner. Good communication allows for understanding, compromise, and the resolution of conflicts.
Physical intimacy: Physical intimacy plays a vital role in a happy marriage. It is a way for couples to connect emotionally and physically, strengthening their bond. Expressing love through physical touch, gestures, and intimacy helps foster a deep sense of connection and intimacy.
Quality time together: Spending quality time together is essential for maintaining a happy marriage. It allows couples to nurture their relationship, create shared memories, and strengthen their emotional connection. Whether it’s date nights, weekend getaways, or simply enjoying each other’s company at home, carving out dedicated time for each other is crucial.
Healthy communication: Healthy communication involves not only expressing positive emotions but also effectively addressing conflicts and disagreements. It is important to address issues as they arise, rather than letting them fester and create resentment. This can be done by practicing active listening, empathy, and finding mutually agreeable solutions.

Thriving in Married Life

Thriving in married life requires dedication, effort, and a willingness to adapt and grow together.

Here are some strategies that can help couples thrive in their married life:

Appreciating the little things: Small gestures of love and appreciation can go a long way in nurturing a relationship. Simple acts like saying “thank you,” leaving a sweet note, or surprising your partner with their favorite treat can make a significant difference.
Balancing social media: In today’s digital age, it is important to strike a balance between spending quality time with your partner and engaging in social media. Setting boundaries and designating device-free time can help create a deeper connection and prevent feelings of neglect.
Seeking professional help: If communication issues, intimacy issues, or other relationship problems persist, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide guidance and support to help couples navigate through difficult times and strengthen their relationship.
Celebrating milestones: Celebrating milestones, both big and small, is an excellent way to keep the spark alive in a marriage. Whether it’s a wedding anniversary, a promotion at work, or a personal achievement, acknowledging and celebrating these milestones together can create a sense of joy and shared accomplishment.

In conclusion, marriage problems are a natural part of every relationship, but they can be overcome with patience, understanding, and hard work.

By maintaining open lines of communication, managing expectations, addressing financial issues, and nurturing the emotional connection, couples can navigate through the challenges and build a happy and fulfilling married life.

Remember, a successful marriage is a continuous journey of growth and discovery.

Embrace the difficulties and celebrate the joys, knowing that with commitment and love, you can overcome any obstacle that comes your way.

Looking for a marriage problems pdf or paperback?

7 thoughts on “20 Common Marriage Problems – How to Solve Them”

Pingback: SAMPLE – (DUPLICATE THIS) – Use for blog – Duplicate – [#1439] - Marriage Sharing | Married as One LLC

Pingback: Marital Conflict: 3 Ways Christian Spouses Can Overcome Common Marriage Problems - Marriage Sharing | Married as One LLC

Pingback: Rebuilding Trust After Cheating: A Christian Perspective on Working Through Infidelity - Marriage Sharing | Married as One LLC

Pingback: 5 Self-Respect Lessons from the Bible - Marriage Sharing | Married as One LLC

Pingback: What Causes Lack Of Communication In Marriage? | Marriage Sharing | Married As One LLC

Pingback: Christian Marriage Coaching Near Me | For Christian Couples | Marriage Sharing | Married As One LLC

Jazakallah. Navigating common marriage challenges, such as communication and financial issues, requires open dialogue, understanding, and mutual support. Building a strong foundation through love and trust is key to a happy and thriving marriage.

30 Common Relationship Problems and Solutions

Jeannie Sytsma, AMFT, works for Relationship Reality 312 in downtown Chicago. At this highly-respected private practice she works mainly with couples who are experiencing... Read More

Sylvia Smith shares insights on love revitalization and conscious living. She believes purposeful actions can transform relationships into happier, healthier ones.

couple sitting and talking to each other

In This Article

Even the best of relationships run into problems sometimes. You’re both tired from work, or the kids are in trouble at school, or your in-laws are getting on your last nerve…you know how it goes.

Life throws all kinds of challenges at a relationship, from relocation to redundancy to illness. No wonder problems arise in even the strongest relationships.

To keep a relationship running smoothly, it is important to solve marriage problems before they snowball into bigger relationship problems.

When do relationships start to have common relationship problems?

For some, however, that phase of love eventually fades. As time passes and both parties of the relationship make their fair share of mistakes, what was once intoxicating becomes intolerable.

Much of the common relationship issues that couples face are minor and can easily be avoided with mutual effort, understanding and respect. Although bumps along the path of marriage are unavoidable, if you are aware of them beforehand, you will be able to overcome them without leading your relationship to the verge of collapse.

None of us are perfect, nor will we exactly be the same on every level.

Some character flaws, on the other hand, will be natural and acceptable. But if there are behaviors, perhaps a little lie here or an indiscretion there, it’s essential to consider that on a grander scale as the relationship progresses.

Is that an ongoing problem you want to work through continually, or does that constitute a deal-breaker? Something to consider.

10 causes of common relationship issues

What can destroy a relationship ? Many of the problems couples come to me for, seem to stem from issues that either cause or intensify their problems. But once couples learn how to address these two issues, everything else seems to start falling into place also.

Check out these causes of common relationship issues or issues behind relationship problems before understanding ways to solve common relationship problems:

Expectations

One of the fastest ways to create unhappiness and instability in a relationship is through disappointment. And very few things create disappointment as quickly as unmet expectations.

But, there are typically two common relationship problems with expectations in a relationship:

unrealistic expectations
unclear expectations

Oftentimes, couples struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they are simply unrealistic. It’s important to understand that our expectations often derive from other people, past experiences, beliefs, or internal values. But, that doesn’t change the fact that they are sometimes very toxic to our relationship.

Alternatively, couples sometimes struggle to meet each other’s expectations because they simply don’t know what the other one expects from them or in their relationship.

Now, maybe you are pretty certain about what YOU expect from your relationship and your partner, but that doesn’t mean that your partner can read your mind, which means they most likely have no clue what you expect.

If you want to avoid unhappiness in your relationship, it is your responsibility to be very clear about your expectations and share those with your partner.

If in doing so, you come to realize that some of your expectations might be slightly unrealistic, or even impossible to meet, you might want to review where that expectation comes from and what is more important – being unrealistic or being happy.

2. Communication

One of the most common relationship issues that couples face is communication. There is often either a complete absence of communication, constant miscommunication , or very poor communication. The end result is almost always frustration, unhappiness, and unmet needs. Many times the root cause of the communication issue is in “interpretation.”

You misunderstand what the other person is saying and spend too much time and energy arguing a point your partner never intended. It’s a futile exercise. It is, therefore, essential to take the time to fully comprehend what your partner is trying to say.

Also, if you’re the one talking, it’s important to make sure you’re communicating clearly and exactly what you mean so that your partner can understand. You need to recognize the fact that their perspective is not the same as yours.

Their experiences, points of view, and even baggage are not the same as yours. But good communication demands empathy. It’s to see the world through their eyes as much as possible and then treat them the way that you would treat yourself.

3. Unsupportive partner

Another common relationship problem occurs when a partner is unsupportive of goals and interests. When you are in a relationship, you want to treat your partner like they can be whatever they want to be.

You want them to follow their dreams and will do anything you can to help support them along the way – and you expect the same in return!

4. Finances

One of the most common relationship problems couples will admit to are troubles in the relationship with finances. Not having enough money or not knowing how to split your financial burdens , as well as loss of jobs, a lack of money, poor money management, debt, and overspending are all common issues that can put pressure on relationships.

Discuss your finances when your relationship gets serious, and be honest about any debt you may have. Rely on one another if money gets tight and never stop communicating.

5. Cheating and other forms of infidelity

Cheating is a huge issue in relationships today. The internet has made all forms of cheating as simple as downloading an app. Sexting, emotional affairs , porn, sneaking around, and physical relationships with someone other than your romantic partner are all huge issues that damage relationships, sometimes irreversibly.

Infidelity is a hard subject to broach with your romantic partner, but it is in the best interest of your relationship to let your partner know when you are emotionally or physically checking out. You owe it to yourself to give your relationship another shot. Get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest communication or seek couples counseling to help mend your relationship.

6. Not enough time spent alone

Some of the common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together. This is especially true for couples who have children. Between work and family obligations, you sometimes feel more like roommates than romantic partners . This is because you have stopped ‘dating’ one another. Such circumstances can make a romantic partner feel unappreciated, unattractive, and emotionally frustrated.

Call up your favorite babysitter and establish a child-free date night once a week with your spouse. This allows you to reconnect as a couple instead of as parents. Go on dates and treat one another like you’re still trying to woo each other.

Boredom is a common problem in long-term relationships. Being with the same person for many years can seem to take the ‘spark’ out of your union. You may also feel you have outgrown one another. Don’t despair or give up.

You can reverse this feeling by looking for new ways to connect with your partner. Look for new things to do together such as travel or take up a hobby. This will help you bond over something fun and exciting.

8. Sexual intimacy

As the years go by and your relationship becomes seasoned, there will likely be a point where your sexual flame will dim. There could be a multitude of reasons as to why you or your partners in sex has dwindled, but no matter what the cause is, this decrease in sexual intimacy tends to cause common relationship issues.

In order to avoid such problems, there are a few important things that you should consider:

As you spend more and more time with someone, the act of sex becomes predictable. In most cases, the more predictable the sex, the less fun it is to have. Think about your favorite movie for a second. When you first saw it, you were enthralled. You watched it over and over again, enjoying every viewing.

But after 10, 20, or 30 times seeing the same plotline play out, you only pulled it out for special occasions. Your sex life is just like that favorite movie. So, spice things up . Your favorite movie’s plotline is set in stone. The plotline between you and your spouse’s sexual experience can be changed any time you want it to.

Get creative, get ambitious, and understand that it’s not the other person’s fault. It’s just that, although you enjoy having sex, it’s just the same thing over and over again. Try something new today.

Your expectations for your sex life may be a bit unrealistic. As your sex life loses steam, you likely are replacing more love and appreciation in the void left behind. Instead of harping on the lack of sex you’re having , take a moment and be grateful for the person you get to lay your head down next to.

9. The anger habit

The anger habit soon gets ingrained, and before you know it, you’re spending a large chunk of time fighting with your partner.

Think about it – if someone is angry and shouting at you, how likely are you to listen carefully and look for a solution?

Most people, understandably, react to anger with either anger or fear.

10. Not consulting each other

Let your partner know that they are a priority to you by consulting them before you make decisions.

Big decisions like whether to take a new job or move to a new city are obvious life choices that should be discussed with your spouse.

But don’t forget to include them in smaller decisions such as who picks up the kids tonight, making plans with friends for the weekend, or whether you eat dinner together or grab something for yourself.

10 signs of relationship problems that hurt the most

All relationships have their highs and lows, even the happiest of ones. There is no escaping them, and if not dealt with accurately, they can lead your relationships towards absolute chaos and destruction.

Here are 10 signs your relationship is having problems:

You both spend less amount of time together
There is minimal communication
You both are critical of each other
One partner indicates that the relationship is not going well
Differences of opinions are criticized than worked upon
You both are always defensive in front of each other
You both have stopped discussing long-term plans
You set other priorities over your relationship
Maintaining the relationship feels like a duty
You are happier when they are not around and vice versa

30 relationship problems and solutions

Now, how to solve relationship issues?

Common relationship issues are not hard to solve; all you need for that is a strong will to work on your relationship issues, and love , of course.

Here are some common marriage problems and the solutions for how to resolve your relationship problems that you should know about.

When wondering about how to solve relationship problems, it can be useful to read first and then bring the conversation up about how to handle relationship problems with your partner.

1. Lack of trust

Lack of trust is a major problem in any relationship.

Lack of trust isn’t always related to infidelity – it can rear its head any time. If you find yourself constantly doubting your partner or wondering if they’re truthful with you, it’s time to tackle your trust issues together .

Relationship problems will keep mushrooming when there is a dearth of trust in a relationship.

Solution :

Be consistent and trustworthy. Each of you should make an effort to be where you say you’re going to be and do what you say you’re going to do. This is one of the best solutions to marriage problems.

Call when you say you’ll call. Never lie to your partner. Showing empathy and respect for your partner’s feelings also helps to build trust.

2. Overwhelm

When life gets too much, you get overwhelmed. Maybe you’re in the midst of going after a promotion at work. Maybe they’re dealing with a troubled teenage son or daughter.

Whatever the reason, your relationship soon takes a back seat. Then relationship problems keep building up.

Solution:

Talk to each other about what’s happening, and about what kind of support each of you needs . Lean on each other instead of getting so caught up in other issues that they drive a wedge between you.

Figure out together a time that will be just for you two.

3. Poor communication

Poor communication leads to misunderstandings, fights, and frustration. It also leads to one or both of you feeling unheard and invalidated and can quickly build into resentment and other common relationship issues.

Communication is a skill like any other, and learning it can make all the difference to your relationship. Learn how to listen without judging or interrupting, and how to get your point across without attacking.

Communicate with each other as friends, not combatants. Figure out what your communication style is and how compatible it is with your partner.

Work your way towards the solution by understanding what communication style would work better for both of you.

Also watch:

4. Not prioritizing each other

It’s so easy to take your partner for granted , especially when you have a lot of things going on. Before you know it, the only time you get together is over a hurried family dinner or while trying to get out the door in the morning.

Make time for each other every single day. No matter how busy you are, carve out fifteen or thirty minutes; that’s just for the two of you to talk and spend quiet time together.

Text regularly throughout the day. Add in a weekly date night to make sure your partner knows they’re your priority.

5. Money stress

Money is a leading cause of stress in relationships . Maybe there’s not enough. Or maybe there is enough, but they spend it while you prefer to save. Perhaps you feel they’re too tight with the purse strings.

Whatever the issue, money can quickly cause problems.

One of the tips to fix old relationship issues regarding finances is to put those good communication skills to work here and have a serious talk about money. Figure out a budget that you both agree on and stick to it.

Work out a financial plan for your future and take steps towards it together. Make crystal clear agreements and keep them.

6. Changing priorities

We all change as we move through life. Maybe you were both ambitious once, but now you’d rather live a quiet life. Perhaps your partner is no longer enthusiastic about your shared dream of buying a house by the sea.

Changing priorities can cause a lot of conflicts.

Look for what you both still have in common while allowing your partner to change and grow. Embrace who they are now instead of pining for the past.

If you have different priorities about major lifestyle issues, l ook for common ground, and compromise that you are both happy with.

7. Chore wars

It’s easy to lose your temper when it feels like you’re the one taking out the trash for the hundredth time in a row, or you get home from overtime to find the house is a tip. Chore wars are a leading cause of conflict in relationships .

Agree together on who is responsible for what, and stick to it—factor in a little flexibility for when one of you is much busier than usual.

If you both have different ideas of what constitutes a neat home, it might be time for a little compromise.

8. Different intimacy needs

Problems with your sex life are stressful and can have a big impact on your relationship. If one of you isn’t happy or you’re finding you have widely different intimacy needs, it’s time for a serious talk.

Carve out time for intimacy. Arrange for someone else to take the kids once a week, or make the most of any time you have alone at home together.

Sex keeps you feeling physically and emotionally close, so make sure you are both happy with your sex life .

9. Lack of appreciation

It doesn’t come as a surprise to you that bad bosses compel good workers to quit ? Up to 75% quit their job not because of the position itself, but because of their boss who never expressed appreciation.

Being taken for granted is one of the fundamental reasons for breakups.

Appreciation is what keeps us motivated and committed, both in our work and our relationships.

Remembering to compliment or notice the things our partner shows, we are grateful and increases the overall satisfaction with the relationship. Saying thank you goes a long way.

10. Children

Having kids is a blessing, but it requires a lot of dedication and effort. This can cause a strain on the relationship when partners disagree on the way they want to raise children, address problems that occur, and spend family time.

Solution:

Talk to your partner about why they think something should be done differently and share your reasoning. Often, we are repeating or trying to avoid patterns we were raised by.

Get together and spend some time understanding where the need to do things a certain way is coming from. When you understand, you can change and create a new way to parent that works for your family.

11. Overinvolvement

When we find the person, we love we want to share everything with them and to have them do the same. However, this can lead to feelings of losing one’s individuality, feeling of freedom, and a sense of accomplishment.

What does it take for you to be your own person while being their partner? Think of areas that you want to keep to yourself that give you a feeling of achievement and freedom.

It might be a hobby or doing sports. Talk to your partner so they don’t feel rejected by this new change and introduce it gradually.

12. Infidelity

What each of us defines as infidelity and where we draw the line can differ. Infidelity means various things to different people. Infidelity can encompass, besides the sexual act, flirting, sexting or kissing.

When infidelity has occurred, trust is broken, and a person can feel betrayed. This can snowball into many other issues and problems.

Talking about what infidelity is for you and your partner is important. They may hurt you inadvertently because, for example, they don’t find flirting a problem.

When something has already occurred, there is a choice to be made. A couple can try to regain trust and rebuild or end the relationship . In case the first one is chosen, seeking professional help can be a wise decision.

Figuring out marriage challenges and solutions and learning how to work out relationship problems is much more productive with counseling .

13. Significant differences

When there is a critical difference in core values, the way partners approach life, and challenges, issues are bound to happen.

For example, it might be that they are more spontaneous or hedonistic, while you plan more and save rather than spend. Nonetheless, if your views and expectations from life differ considerably, you are bound to argue.

When there are core dissimilarities between you, you might wonder if you are suited for each other. The answer is – it depends. What kind of change would you both need to undertake for this relationship to survive?

Are you willing you make that change, and how much will it “cost” you? If you decide you can and want to change, by all means, give it a go. This is the only way you will know if the change is enough for this relationship to succeed.

14. Jealousy

You might be in a happy relationship for a long time before noticing the first signs of jealousy. They might act fine at first but slowly change.

They start asking for your whereabouts, distrusting you, checking up on you, distancing or stifling you, and demonstrating concern about your affection towards them.

Often this behavior is a reflection of previous experiences that were triggered by something that happened in the current relationship.

Both partners need to make an effort. If your partner is jealous, try to be transparent, predictable, honest, and share. Give them time to get to know you and trust you.

However, for this to be solved, they need to make a separate effort to change their anticipations and work out their concerns. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and this line needs to be redrawn.

15. Unrealistic expectations

If you are human, you have unrealistic expectations ; no one is free of them. Nowadays, we might expect our partner to play many major roles: the best friend, trusted companion, business partner, lover, etc.

We might expect our partner to know what we want without saying it, advocate fairness at all times, or strive to change the other into what you desire them to be.

This can lead to misunderstandings, repeated quarrels, and misfortune.

If you want to solve a problem, you need to comprehend it first. Ask yourself – what is it that you feel entitled to? If you could wave a magic wand and change things, how would the new, pink reality look like?

What are you doing at the moment that you feel could get you there?

When you grasp what you are expecting to happen, but reality and your partner are depriving you of it, you can start to look for ways to ask differently or ask for different wishes.

16. Growing apart

So many things on the task list, and there is only one of you. How long ago did you stop including things to do with your partner on that list? Drifting apart happens bit by bit, and we don’t notice.

You might wake up one morning and realize you can’t remember the last time you had sex, a date, or a conversation that is more than organizational.

A relationship is like a flower, and it can not blossom without nourishment. When you notice the signs, it is time to act. It will take time to cross the distance that has been created, but it is possible.

Prioritize your time together, bring back old habits and activities you did together, laugh, and take time to reconnect.

17. Lack of support

When life hits us hard, we cope with it the best we know. However, often our coping skills are not enough, and we need support. Lack of support from a partner can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed.

Long-lasting lack of support also affects the way we value the relationship we are in, and satisfaction drops significantly.

If you don’t ask, the answer is certainly “no.” Talking about what we need and what we can provide can clear the air of unrealistic expectations.

Unspoken and unfulfilled needs lead to negative beliefs about the relationship.

Understanding what our partner can provide helps adjust what we come to them for and look for alternative sources of support while our partner works on becoming one of the main pillars of encouragement and comfort again.

18. Addiction

Substance addiction can put a serious strain on a relationship.

Partner’s addiction can cause a significant effect on the family budget, cause many arguments, increase trust issues, cause ignorance and neglect of children and other family members, and impair overall relationship happiness.

Couple problems can be worked out with couples therapy . Counseling can be enormously helpful as it helps both partners deal with the issues arising simultaneously.

Understanding what triggers prompt addiction and building new habits as a couple promotes healthier ways of addressing problems. Individual therapy is recommended as well for both partners.

It can help understand the roots and patterns leading to addiction, and provide support to the non-addicted partner.

19. Moving at different speeds

Do you find yourself in a current relationship uncomfortable with the speed the relationship is progressing?

You might find your new partner moving more rapidly, wanting to spend more time together, constantly calling or texting, wanting to go away together, or you meeting their family?

Alternatively, you could be in a relationship that is not progressing the way you hoped it would, and the milestones you desired are not being reached.

When you and your partner need different speeds and intensities of intimacy and commitment , you may argue.

This can lead to becoming terribly upset over seemingly little things, pulling away, and questioning whether this person is for you.

Don’t sweep things under the rug rather address what is happening. Avoiding problems is not the best relationship solution.

What kind of reassurance or demonstration of love would bring you back on the same level? How are your needs different, and what can each of you do to find the middle ground?

20. Lack of responsibility

When one of the partners avoids taking responsibility, it can cause severe damage to the partnership. Money struggles, child neglect, fighting over chores, or playing the blame game can happen daily.

One of the most detrimental factors to the relationship is a significantly uneven distribution of responsibility amongst partners.

When addressing this issue, the first thing to do is to stop the blaming game. If change is to occur, you need to look forward, not backward. If the change is to be long-lasting, it needs to happen gradually.

Overwhelming a partner to make up for all this time of dodging responsibilities will just prove they were right to steer clear of them.

Give forgiving a shot as it has been linked to relationship success . Also, agree on the pace of change and the first things to share accountability for.

21. Controlling behavior

Controlling behavior happens when one of the partners expects the other to behave in certain ways, even at the expense of the wellbeing of the other partner.

This kind of toxic behavior deprives the other partner’s freedom, confidence, and a sense of self-worth.

Controlling behavior is a learned pattern of behavior from primary family or previous relationships.

At one point in life, this was beneficial for the controlling partner, and they need to learn to express affection differently. Speak up, set boundaries and adhere to them, and, if possible, try couples counseling.

22. Boredom

All relationships undergo periods of fun and boredom. However, when the feeling of monotony and apathy color, most of the days, it is time to react.

Allowing to fall into a daily routine and go with the flow can lead to decreased libido and overall satisfaction with the relationship .

Think back to the honeymoon phase and recall the things you did as a newly formed couple. What is available from that list today, and what do you still feel you could enjoy?

Make a conscious decision to add spontaneity into the relationship to start the upward spiral to a more eventful relationship.

23. Outside Influences

All couples are exposed to outside influences and opinions on how things should be done.

Some influences are benign, like grandparents’ occasional babysitting, while others can be detrimental, like disapproval of one spouse by the family or friends of the other.

Your relationship comes first, and everyone else’s opinion is secondary. Show each other support and that you are a united front against the world.

To resist the influence, you can limit the amount of time spent with or personal information you share with the family members or friends trying to impact you.

Marital problems and solutions may appear quite similar on the outside, but no one knows better than you what you need to make it work.

24. Ineffective argument

Arguments are a part of every relationship. However, the way fights are led, and what is their outcome can have a big impact on the relationship.

Disagreement can be helpful or destructive, depending on what you do with them. Having the same fight over and over, losing your temper, or saying things you regret later is bound to make you feel it’s not worth it.

After an argument, you should feel you have made progress in understanding where your partner is coming from.

A good fight is one after which you have agreed on what can be the first step both will take to resolve the issue. Start by listening to hear the other side, not only by waiting for your turn.

Research together ways to fight better and only ever focus on the next step needed to take.

25. Keeping a scoreboard

When you keep blaming and recalling mistakes each of you has made, you are keeping a virtual scoreboard of each other’s faults. If being right is more important than being with the other person, the relationship is doomed.

This leads up to a build-up of guilt, anger, and bitterness and doesn’t solve any problems.

Deal with each problem separately unless they are legitimately connected. Focus on the problem at hand and speak your mind. Don’t let it build up and mention it months later.

Decide if you want to save the relationship and if you do, learn to accept the past as is and start focusing on where to go from here.

26. Life gets in the way

In a relationship, it’s usually the priority to nurture and develop the connection. When life is a persistent inconvenience, it means one or both of you were not necessarily ready to get involved, and that can happen.

Unexpected encounters with another person occur all the time. But when they do, it’s essential to allow it to flourish- placing it first over the chaos.

When the two of you notice you put the union on the back burner, it’s time to make a conscious effort with reprioritizing the other person regardless of your day-to-day situation to battle the new relationship struggles.

27. Trust is critical from the very beginning

Every relationship has problems, but when you first connect, you don’t want to go in with the idea that you can’t trust the other person. If this is baggage from a past relationship , that’s unfair and self-defeating for any new partnership.

If your new partner made a promise and then lied to get out of it, that will create mistrust early on. That’s tough to get back. In an effort to do so, one piece of advice on relationship problems is that there needs to be much transparency and commitment in keeping your word moving forward.

28. You can readjust goals at a moment’s notice

Perhaps in the first few weeks of dating, your life goals appear to be similar, but a profound life circumstance changes your perspective on where you see yourself in the future or maybe your mate’s.

The change is not in keeping with what the two of you discussed. In this situation, you can find a way to get your partner to see things from your point of view, or the partnership won’t be possible.

These are the kinds of issues in relationships that are difficult to overcome. Often differences in life goals are deal-breakers.

29. A kind word here or there

New relationship problems can include a lack of manners in numerous ways. Pleasantries like telling someone they look nice or saying thank you, or expressing how much you appreciate something they’ve done wane after a few dates.

It shouldn’t—unfortunately, comfortability and taking a partner for granted set in quickly. If you notice this early on, say something, but also make sure to lead by example. Be the first to tell your mate these things often.

30. Notice continued bad behaviors with a new relationship

You’ll know you have early relationship problems if your mate is continuously on their phone when you’re together. That’s incredibly rude behavior for anyone when they’re with other people for any reason, let alone being on a date or in the early stages of a partnership .

The focus should be on time spent with each other since free time is precious with the world’s hectic pace. When this happens at the start of a partnership, it won’t get better with time. It needs to be addressed and stopped to strengthen your union ultimately.

Relationships are marathons

Most relationship problems and ways of fixing relationship problems would be something that you must have heard about or experienced; still, when it comes to utilizing this common knowledge, not everyone is thorough with the implementation.

It’s not difficult to answer “how to solve marriage problems,” and there is plenty of advice on relationship issues and solutions.

However, when it comes to solving marriage issues and relationship issues advice, everything boils down to effort and implementation.

These common problems in relationships are not completely avoidable, and every couple runs into some of them at one point.

The good news is, working on relationship problems can produce a considerable difference and get your relationship back on track, free from all relationship difficulties.

Be creative, don’t give up on each other, and you will reach the solution.

Share this article on

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?

If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.

Take Course

Learn More On This Topic

Communication

By vickey easa, licensed clinical social worker.

25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions

Relationship

Approved by angela welch, marriage & family therapist.

By Rachael Pace

Top 5 Positive Parenting Solutions – Finding Common Ground with Your Spouse

By Tyler Jacobson

How to Work Through Common Family and Relationship Problems

Approved By Jeannie Sytsma, Marriage & Family Therapist Associate

3 Common Relationship Communication Problems & How To Avoid Them

Approved By Maggie Martinez, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

What Is Hyper Independence in a Relationship? Signs & Solutions

By Noah Williams

Emotional Intimacy

35 Romantic Games for Couples to Fan the Flames of Love

Approved By Dionne Eleanor, Coach

Zodiac Signs

By marriage.com editorial team, relationship & marriage advice.

The Role of Romance in a Relationship and its Importance

By Kelli H, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

How Important Is Intimacy in a Relationship

Approved By Christiana Njoku, Licensed Professional Counselor

How Important Is An Emotional Connection In A Relationship?

By Draven Porter

By Calantha Quinlan

Benching Dating: Meaning, Signs, and Ways to Deal With It

By Callen Winslow

Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies

While conflict is not uncommon, if left unresolved along with related stress, it can damage the bonds that form between people (Overall & McNulty, 2017).

If we accept that all partners will disagree at times, we must also recognize that it is crucial to find a resolution to ensure that the relationship’s health is maintained (Grieger, 2015).

This article explores conflict and its resolution in couples and other relationships, introducing key strategies and activities to help avoid or recover from any harm done.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

Is conflict resolution important for healthy relationships, how to resolve conflicts in relationships: 4 steps, 5 helpful strategies for couples & married people, 5 exercises, activities, & worksheets for couples therapy, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Conflict need not always lead to damage. Challenge and disagreement within a relationship (romantic or otherwise) can encourage growth, deeper understanding, improved communication , and progress toward a goal (Overall & McNulty, 2017; Tatkin, 2012).

But this is not always the case.

The most critical aspect of conflict affecting the health of a relationship is its resolution. There will always be disagreement and differences of opinion of one kind or another. However, to avoid a loss of trust, damage to intimacy, or behavior that further upsets the relationship, “the couple will want to make sure that the resolution does not leave lingering hurt or resentment in one or both of them” (Grieger, 2015, p. 161).

Clinical psychologist Russell Grieger (2015) suggests that disagreements have four possible outcomes:

The outcome is good for the first person, but not the second. This is a win–lose situation. One person gets what they want, while the other is left defeated, possibly feeling hurt, angry, and resentful. Such feelings may lead to further disagreements or surface in other areas of the relationship.
The outcome benefits the second person, but not the first. This is similar to the first possible outcome, only this time it is the first person within the relationship who is left feeling thwarted or slighted (a lose–win scenario).
The outcome is bad for both people. The third option is bad for both people; they equally face loss (lose–lose). Often a result of stubbornness on both sides when neither wants the other to ‘win,’ so neither will give in . Again, this is damaging for the relationship and, if ongoing or repeated, ultimately toxic.
A resolution is found that is appropriate for both people. The couple or partners work toward an equally beneficial resolution and achieve a win–win outcome. Neither person is left feeling defeated or damaged, leading to increased confidence and trust in the relationship .

Undoubtedly, the fourth option is the most ideal for a long-term, healthy partnership and avoids the potential for a downward spiral in the relationship (Grieger, 2015). When in response to conflict, a win–win outcome leads to growth and moving forward.

Step 1 – Eliminate relationship disturbances Firstly, it is vital to remove or at least reduce emotions that will get in the way of conflict resolution, such as hurt, anger, and resentment.

Otherwise, either side is unlikely to listen patiently and openly to what the other is saying.

Step 2 – Commit to a win–win posture Each party must commit to finding a solution that works equally for both. One side winning while the other loses is not acceptable. The couple must remain motivated and open to change.
Step 3 – Adopt purposeful listening A win–win solution is more likely when each partner is actively listening to the other. Each individual knows what a win looks like for themselves but now must purposefully listen to the other, avoiding censorship or judgment.

Once both have a shared understanding, a win–win solution is possible.

Step 4 – Practice synergistic brainstorming The couple can progress toward identifying a workable resolution, having removed any emotional contamination, adopted a win–win mindset, and fully committed to a win for both.

The couple can share ideas, hopes, needs, goals, and concerns until finding a solution that satisfies both of them.

Download 3 Communication Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to improve communication skills and enjoy more positive social interactions with others.

Download 3 Free Communication Tools Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

Email Address *
Your Expertise * Your expertise Therapy Coaching Education Counseling Business Healthcare Other
Phone This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Conflict can become an unhealthy habit, leading to a repeating pattern of one or both partners consistently feeling they have lost (Grieger, 2015).

It’s important to consider what brought the couple together in the first place and what they can do more or less of to show their love and understand one another better going forward.

Launching and landing rituals

Heading out to work, school, or the store is described as launching , a time when one partner leaves the relationship world for the non-relationship world (Tatkin, 2012).

Launchings and landings (returning to the relationship) can be an opportunity for conflict or the perfect chance to build healthy relationship-building habits.

Ask yourself or your client:

Do you run out the door?
Do you give a lingering kiss and share a moment?
Do you return, slamming the door as you come in and ask what’s for dinner?
Do you walk in with a smile and a funny story to tell?

What is right for one couple may not be for the next. It is essential to consider the message sent by each partner’s behavior. An enjoyable farewell and return can, in time, improve connections and reduce the risk of conflict.

Blueprint for love

Caddell (2013) describes the importance of building a blueprint for love. Conflict often arises from misunderstandings or a failure to consider the other’s needs and wishes.

Understanding what a loving relationship looks like to your partner may make it easier to recognize what upsets or frustrates them.

Use the Blueprint for Love worksheet to reflect on how a relationship’s blueprint for love might look.

The exercise begins by asking the client to think of a couple from their past who had a loving relationship. It may be their parents, or they can choose two other people who showed love, acceptance, and caring for one another. Then the person considers what they are looking for in a relationship.

Nothing swept under the rug

Conflict is often unavoidable and sometimes outside of our control. However, how we respond to disagreements, harsh words, and arguments is .

Tatkin (2012, p. 155) suggests couples should adopt the “policy never to avoid anything, no matter how difficult.” Not leaving things to fester and returning at a later date requires paying attention to one another and recognizing what is sensitive for the other person.

Aim to discuss and agree on a mutually beneficial outcome as soon as possible after an issue occurs. If that’s not possible, then agree when it can be discussed.

Revisiting the past

Sometimes couples forget what they saw in each other when they first met. Instead, they become wrapped up in repeating patterns of arguing, disagreements, and conflict.

Revisiting the past can serve as a helpful reminder of what is good about a couple and review why they are together (Williams, 2012).

Ask the couple to consider and discuss the following relationship therapy questions :

What made you fall in love with each other?
What were your early years like together?
How were things better then?
How are things better now?
How do you currently show your partner that you care?
What does your partner do that makes you feel loved?
What caring behaviors can you do more of or start?

Focus on good communication

Clear, open, and complete dialogue is crucial to a successful relationship and reducing conflict. Sharing and understanding are best achieved when we are not projecting our own beliefs about a partner or what they are going to say but genuinely paying attention to verbal and nonverbal behavior (Hannah, Luquet, Hendrix, Hunt, & Mason, 2005).

Effective listening takes practice. Focus on your partner, what they have to say, and how they act; do not divide attention by looking at your phone or people passing by. Hear what they are saying and how they say it, rather than attending to your own thoughts. And crucially, be comfortable with moments of silence and practice nonjudgment.

Yet this can lead to any resolution being preferable to none due to the fear or discomfort of conflict.

To break out of the lose–win, win–lose, or lose–lose pattern often experienced in a relationship, each partnership must find their own path to achieving a win–win outcome (Grieger, 2015).

The following couples therapy exercises help to remove obstacles in the way of achieving positive outcomes in order to better understand how to ensure both partners win:

Removing relationship disturbances

Existing relationship disturbances can negatively affect finding an appropriate conflict resolution.

Ask each partner to complete the Removing Relationship Disturbances worksheet.

The exercise begins by each partner identifying existing disagreements and conflicts in their relationship and the emotional reactions that accompany them.

Couples answer the following:

What do we disagree about?
How do I emotionally react?
How does my partner emotionally react?

To help with this exercise, couples can think about times when they experienced hurt, upset, anger, insecurity, and fear.

Next, they consider what they could do to remove such disturbances, being specific. What actions could resolve the problem causing these emotional reactions?

Agree to a Win–Win Mindset

Finding a better outcome to conflict requires adopting a win–win mindset. Grieger (2015) suggests rather than asking yourself, “How can I get what I want?” ask, “How can we get what we want?”

This change in approach requires a commitment from both partners to find solutions to problems that lead to mutual satisfaction.

Ask each partner to complete the Agree to a Win–Win Mindset and sign off on the following:

I, ____________________________, commit to adopting a win–win mindset where I work toward outcomes from current and future disagreements so that we both get what we want and need.

Tell them that to achieve a win–win outcome from conflicts, they need to commit to the mindset that they want to reach satisfactory results from all aspects of their relationship.

Once they have both physically signed up, put the sheet somewhere visible in the house to remind both parties that a new mindset is required throughout the relationship, now and in the future.

Listening With Purpose

To understand what a win means for the other person during conflict or a disagreement, it is essential to listen well, forming a deep understanding of their needs, hopes, fears, and wishes.

Use the Listening With Purpose worksheet to capture what winning looks like for both partners in a relationship before considering the next steps.

The couple should take some time, preferably in a place where they both feel safe and comfortable, to discuss what outcome they would like from the existing disagreement.

Without judgment and allowing each person the opportunity to talk openly, they should be able to share what they want. Remember, there is no right or wrong answer – only a true reflection of needs.

Brainstorming for Synergy

Compromise is essential in any relationship, particularly during conflict. Each partner must consider giving something up of similar value so that they meet somewhere in the middle (Grieger, 2015).

Use the Brainstorming for Synergy worksheet to encourage bouncing ideas off each other until the couple finds a win for both partners.

Capture the following:

What is the disagreement about?
What does a win for each person look like?
Brainstorm ideas that could lead to mutual satisfaction.

Often, resolutions to conflict and disagreement feel like a win to both parties; this is a win–win situation. The couple’s goal should be for mutual satisfaction.

Regular Couple Check-Ups

We have regular check-ups for our physical wellbeing, so why not for our relationship health? Without regular monitoring, we don’t know if we are doing things right or wrong for the relationship and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Grieger (2015) suggests the beginning of the month is a great time to attend to the health of the relationship. Use the Regular Couple Check-Ups worksheet to take stock honestly and openly and make plans for keeping the relationship on track or shake things up a little.

Ask each partner to consider the following questions together or apart:

What is working well in the relationship, and what should we keep doing?
What is working okay in the relationship that we could improve?
What are we not doing that we need to start?
What are we not doing so well and need to stop, improve, or replace?

The check-ups must be approached with an open, win–win mindset. This is not an opportunity to score points, but to perform a relationship health check and move forward in a positive way.

Couples therapist: 5 steps to repair conflict in your relationship

If you’re looking for more tools to help your clients strengthen their relationships, be sure to check out three of our hand-picked exercises from the Positive Psychology Toolkit©, which you can download for free in our 3 Positive Relationships Exercises Pack .

Here’s a quick snapshot of what’s included:

Connecting with Others by Self-Disclosure In this exercise, clients practice answering questions that require personal disclosure. With one person acting as a listener while the other speaks, it is an opportunity for clients to get comfortable with the vulnerability inherent in self-disclosure as a means to strengthen intimacy and connection.
Identifying our Expert Companions This exercise introduces clients to the notion of an expert companion as someone who can listen and help guide them through challenging times. In it, clients will discover the qualities inherent in their ideal expert companion and identify someone in their life who is best suited to fill this valuable role.
The Sound Relationship House Inspection This exercise teaches couples the nine elements of the Sound Relationship House (SRH) as a metaphor for the functioning of their relationship. By having each partner rate their perception of the nine elements, couples will clarify areas of agreement and aspects of the relationship that would benefit from greater nurturing and attention.

Try out these powerful tools for yourself by downloading the exercise pack today.

Additional reading we recommend includes:

14 Conflict Resolution Strategies & Techniques for the Workplace This article about conflict resolution in the workplace is a helpful additional read, especially where couples work together. Whether it is working in the family business or working from home, these can cause conflict so be sure to have a look at this article too.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Conflict is a natural part of life. While it is not always damaging, it plays an inevitable role in every relationship.

Indeed, “all couples have disagreements. It is impossible to avoid them. It is how they handle them that will make or break their relationship” (Grieger, 2015, p. 164).

While couples should try to avoid a repeating pattern of conflict, when conflict is inevitable, they should seek a solution that leaves neither party feeling unfairly treated, hurt, or angry. If the resolution leaves one person feeling slighted or resentful, it can creep into other areas of the relationship.

A win–win outcome is most likely when we commit to fairness and listen to one another with open minds and hearts. We must use what we hear and what we already know of the other person to work together and find a solution where no one is left feeling they have lost.

While it is essential to avoid unnecessary conflict, it is helpful to develop an environment in which a couple can flourish and adopt a compassionate, trusting outlook that avoids damage or aids healing when conflict is unavoidable.

These strategies, worksheets, and exercises, teamed with the desire to grow and develop as a couple, provide a way to resolve conflict and form deeper bonds.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

Caddell, J. (2013). Your best love: The couple’s workbook and guide to their best relationship. Author .
Grieger, R. (2015). The couples therapy companion: A cognitive behavior workbook . Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.
Hannah, M. T., Luquet, W., Hendrix, H., Hunt, H., & Mason, R. C. (2005). Imago relationship therapy: Perspectives on theory . Jossey-Bass.
Overall, N. C., & McNulty, J. K. (2017). What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships? Current Opinion in Psychology , 13 , 1–5.
Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship . New Harbinger.
Williams, M. (2012). Couples counseling: A step by step guide for therapists . Viale.

Share this article:

Article feedback

What our readers think.

Thank you for this beautiful article. What happens when the other party don’t want to communicate but wants some space.

Thanks for your question. Sadly, we do not have any control over the way that others choose to communicate with us. We do, however, have full agency over the way that we act in response to another person’s communication style.

It’s important to remember that a conversation probably won’t be very productive if the parties involved have different needs at that moment, so it is probably best to wait until everyone involved is ready to discuss.

I hope this helps!

-Caroline | Community Management

In my relationship, I like to resolve things quickly, but my partner tends to push things off and never takes the initiative to start these conversations. It leaves me feeling resentful, even though I want to respect his desire to take space. How is a good way of addressing this?

It’s understandable that you’re feeling frustrated in this situation. Communication is crucial in any relationship, and it can be challenging when the ways you and your partner handle conflicts differ. Here are a few suggestions that might help:

– Express your feelings: Start by letting your partner know how you’re feeling, using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, you might say, “I feel a bit upset when we don’t resolve our disagreements promptly, and it often leaves me feeling resentful.” – Understanding each other’s needs: It’s important to understand that people have different ways of processing emotions and conflicts. Your partner might need more time to think things through, while you might prefer addressing issues immediately. Discuss these differences openly and try to understand each other’s needs. – Find a compromise: Based on your understanding of each other’s needs, try to find a middle ground. Perhaps you could agree to give your partner some space to process, but they also agree to initiate a conversation about the issue within a certain timeframe. – Seek professional help: If these conversations are difficult or if you can’t seem to find a compromise, you might find it helpful to seek guidance from a relationship counselor.

Remember, it’s perfectly normal for couples to have different conflict resolution styles. The key is to communicate openly, understand each other’s needs, and find a compromise that works for both of you.

Best of luck, Julia | Community Manager

Please help me my marriage is divorced before 1 year.i have very regret.so how I can be resolved.the problem

Hi Alemnesh,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling regret. Have you considered speaking with someone, perhaps a coach, therapist, or even a good friend, about your feelings surrounding the relationship? Of course, what to do next largely depends on the circumstances surrounding the end of the relationship, but perhaps sharing your concerns with someone you can trust may give you some insight or encouragement to help you move forward, whether that means looking to move on or trying to rekindle the relationship.

I wish you all the best.

– Nicole | Community Manager

Let us know your thoughts Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Conflict Resolution Training: 18 Best Courses and Master’s Degrees

All humans have some things in common. We all need air to breathe and water to stay alive. We are all social beings, and if [...]

How to Foster Positive Communication: 9 Effective Techniques

Can you recall a really good conversation you’ve had? What was memorable about it? Was it the topic, the words, or just a feeling it [...]

Communication Skills in Counseling & Therapy: 17 Techniques

Positive outcomes from therapy and counseling rely on the strength of the relationship between the mental health professional and the client. Such connections build on [...]

Comments This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

How to Know When Your Marriage Is in Trouble

By Mitch Temple
July 9, 2021

Wife looking down after a tense conversation with her husband, who is sitting arms crossed in the background in the background

Marriage problems vary in complexity. You can solve most marriage trouble without help from a professional counselor. However some situations indicate you should consider guidance from an expert.

You can go directly to specific sections of this article using these links: Help for various marriage problems Does your marriage need help? Is your marriage in crisis? Is your marriage worth saving? When a spouse won’t get help Can you do it alone? How should you approach your spouse about marriage counseling? How do you find a Christian marriage counselor?

Every marriage experiences problems. No matter how long you have been married — whether one year or 40 years — you will have marriage trouble. Marital problems can be extremely intense and painful, and those hurts can cut deeply and last a long time.

The pain caused by someone you care about as much as your spouse may be very difficult to deal with. Most of us have preconceived ideas about how our spouses should treat us. We expect mistreatment from other people, but not from our spouses. As human beings, we often think, feel and behave in ways that are hurtful, even toward those we love. Flawed people treat one another in flawed ways; so no matter how much we care, we’ll sometimes hurt each other.

Your marriage isn’t doomed because you hurt each other, have difficulty communicating or have disagreements over important issues. Couples have been experiencing and solving problems on their own, beginning with Adam and Eve and continuing to this day. The more experience and maturity a couple develops in a marriage, the more success gained in managing and solving problems. Through the Holy Spirit, God resides in the marriage of two Christians and gives them the ability to successfully manage relationships in a healthy and productive way ( Malachi 2:15 ).

Ask other couples what it took to build a strong and successful relationship and move beyond marriage troubles. Rest assured that their strong marriages did not develop overnight. They experienced some of the same problems you have. One reason their marriages are strong today is that they were committed to the idea that no matter what obstacles they faced, they would learn to manage their problems and overcome crises on an ongoing basis.

When to seek immediate help

The principles we’re suggesting are not intended to deal with every problem that couples face in marriage. We especially don’t want to imply that you should remain in a situation where your safety or the safety of your family is at risk. If you are in a relationship where your spouse displays any of the following signs, please seek help immediately:

Abuse: verbal, emotional, sexual, spiritual or physical
Symptoms of a significant mental illness
Major chemical imbalance
Threats to your safety or the safety of your children

These are not simplistic issues and cannot be dealt with by simply reading an article or a book, or talking to a friend . Seek professional help immediately.

Help for various marriage troubles

Marital problems can range from minor to serious to crisis-level, with each requiring a different kind of help. The following examples use fictitious but realistic characters to illustrate how wide-ranging marriage problems can be. Help is available at all levels and can turn even a hopeless-looking situation around in a radical way.

Minor problems

Darrin and Shelby aren’t communicating like they used to. They disagree often about how to discipline their kids, and they spend less time together. They recognize the need to refresh their marriage and attend a marriage seminar together at church. After the seminar they begin to find success implementing the tools they discovered.

Serious problems

Erik and Alina are either fighting or withdrawing, and Erik has threatened several times to leave. It becomes clear to both of them that their marriage will not survive without making it a priority to learn to relate in healthy ways. They find a Christian counselor; after repeated visits, they learn to break their destructive patterns.

Marissa is devastated to learn that Neil has had an extramarital affair. At first she wants to divorce him. She throws him out of the house. But in time, she realizes that she wants to fight for her marriage. He wants to rebuild their relationship, too. She insists on a separation until they can complete intensive marriage counseling. After six months, Neil moves back in, and both commit to new patterns of behavior and continued counseling.

Diagnosing the core problem

Though problems such as those described above are common in marriage, they can become extreme in a short time. If you think your marriage is in trouble and the problems in your marriage have become unmanageable, unhealthy and destructive, or cause extreme emotional distress, you may need someone from outside your marriage to help provide objective help. This is someone who can address the root problem and not simply the presenting issue , that is, the apparent problem.

For example, the presenting problem might be your spouse failing to control his or her spending. The core issue might be not setting appropriate boundaries.

If a problem causes considerable distress and you don’t seem to make progress addressing it, approach the problem from a different angle. For ongoing, unmanageable problems, visit a licensed Christian marriage counselor . It’s best to work with someone rooted in Christian values to complement your beliefs. This counselor should be professionally trained to work with relationship issues. Not every counselor is trained to deal with complicated relationship problems, nor does every counselor hold to basic Christian values.

Does your marriage need help?

Marriage problems vary in complexity, and most problems won’t need the help of a professional counselor to solve. However some situations indicate you should consider guidance from an expert:

Concern from family and friends

If your family or friends recognize that you have a problem, pay attention. People outside your marriage can often spot a serious problem before you can. Family members and friends often have intuitive hunches or become concerned about your relationship based on behaviors or attitudes you may manifest. Listen carefully if someone expresses concerns about the health of your marriage.

Children’s behavior

Another indicator involves your children. Their behavior can often provide a barometer of what is occurring inside a home. You and your spouse may believe that the current level of interaction and health in your marriage is OK, but your children may sense that something is wrong and needs to change

Young children often react to marriage trouble by acting out their frustrations. They begin to act out at school, around friends or even at home. Teens will often react to trouble at home by becoming involved in negative behaviors that are out of character for them. Teens typically attempt to deal with the stress of their parents’ unhealthy marriage in unhealthy ways.

The present compared to the past

A practical, commonsense indicator that you need counseling comes from comparing the way your marriage used to be to the way it is currently. In the beginning of marriage, most couples spend a great deal of time together, serve each other, compromise on differences, communicate and solve basic problems. If these practices were once commonplace and are now extremely rare or nonexistent, your marriage is likely struggling.

Physical abuse

If physical abuse is taking place in your marriage, the first concern is safety. If you are being physically abused or threatened, get to a safe place. Don’t remain in a situation where you are likely to be hurt again. Contact your local abuse hotline or the police. Understand that abuse is never justified or normal.

Most addiction problems in marriage — such as drugs, alcohol, gambling and pornography — cannot be solved by the addict or the spouse. Treatment for addiction is a complex and long-term process. It will not just go away. It requires professional help and ongoing recovery. Inpatient treatment is frequently required to beat an addiction. Addiction can quickly destroy a marriage, so don’t try to deal with it on your own.

Sexual problems

Because sexual dynamics in marriage are so personal and so much a part of biblical oneness, this area of your marriage should be nurtured and protected. If sexual problems are persistent in your marriage, avoiding or ignoring them will not make them go away. Sexual problems can lead to more severe problems, such as a spouse seeking alternatives for having physical or emotional needs met. As eating properly is essential to good physical health, healthy sex is vital to good marital health. Don’t ignore sexual problems in your marriage.

Emotional problems

If you or your spouse begin to experience problems such as ongoing anger, depression , anxiety, abnormal stress, guilt or biochemical problems (e.g., bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, paranoia or other psychoses), you need help. Emotional problems are often reactions to something being out of balance with your spouse or in the relationship. Until the core problems are properly addressed, the presenting problems and emotional disturbances will keep reoccurring. One emotional problem left untreated can lead to more serious problems. For example, unhealthy anger can lead to severe depression. Until the anger issue is addressed, the depression will likely continue.

Extramarital affairs

The discovery of an affair is one of the darkest and most painful moments in marriage. The emotional damage and accompanying symptoms that take place after an affair are monumental. There is no hurt or pain like the pain felt by a betrayed spouse. The emotional pain and intensity reflect the experience of an extremely traumatic event. Shock, denial, anger, sadness and other emotions are normal.

When this level of hurt occurs, you need to get professional help because your marriage is in trouble. After an affair, most people can’t go through the healing process successfully without outside intervention. You experience thoughts, feelings and spiritual challenges never felt before.

Don’t attempt to be objective and try to manage the roller coaster of emotions alone without professional Christian counseling. Marriage intensives are also available. They are specifically designed to help turn around marriages that have experienced crises such as affairs. Ongoing counseling and support are always necessary — even after a couple attends an intensive or crisis seminar.

Realize that an extramarital affair doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is over . As painful and difficult as it can be, an affair could be the turning point in many marriages to help the couple move from dysfunction and pain to health and success.

Prolonged withdrawal is always a dangerous sign. Withdrawal in a marriage indicates that one or both of you have reached a point of such intense pain that you can’t function inside the relationship any longer, so you withdraw physically or emotionally. The natural result of withdrawal is a downward spiral into an apathetic state where you simply don’t care any more. Communication, sex, affection and other normal relational necessities become nonexistent.

Ongoing withdrawal is one of the most difficult states a married couple can be in — and is one of the most difficult states to get out of. As long as there is some type of interaction, including healthy arguments, there is still some level of concern or care in the marriage. But withdrawal is a sign that one or both spouses have given up.

The couple in this situation typically needs counseling so they can start over to rebuild the trust, concern and emotion vital to the growth and functioning of a healthy marriage. And if counseling didn’t work previously, there is no reason to believe that trying a different type of program or counseling in the future won’t work.

Destructive patterns

Do you continue to follow the same destructive pattern that creates marriage trouble? If you continue to experience a problem and the same reactions surface repeatedly, you likely need outside help. Doing the same thing will only net you the same result. Getting into a rut is extremely easy for a couple. The only way to get out of a deeply ingrained pattern is to change course and responses. Calling an experienced Christian therapist could be the first step to pulling you out of the rut.

Some patterns can be altered without outside intervention. For example, a wife may consistently complain and nag as soon as her husband walks in the door from work. If she is made aware of this unconscious habit, she could become motivated to break it. Simply learning to give her husband a few minutes to unwind after arriving home may also precipitate a willingness on his part to respond to his wife with a better disposition.

Negative spiritual relationship

The Bible teaches that a marriage is systemically connected to a couple’s relationship with God. If your marriage is unhealthy, it will eventually affect your spiritual life. The apostle Peter writes:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. … Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. ( 1 Peter 3:1-2,7 )

Marriage problems can obstruct healthy access to God and the spiritual blessings that flow from it. If your marriage is causing you a tremendous amount of pain, you will most likely not focus on your relationship with God. You may even say and do things that are out of character and dishonoring to God. Pain has a way of overriding our values, instincts and even our beliefs.

For example, no matter how well trained and mildly tempered a dog may be, if you stand on his paw long enough and with enough intensity, he may bite you. The same is true with pain: If you stay in it long enough, your thoughts, beliefs and behavior can be negatively (and dramatically) affected.

If your marriage is unhealthy and in trouble, your walk with God may be as well. It is difficult to have one right and the other wrong. The way we perceive and treat each other affects how we perceive and respond to our heavenly Father.

Is your marriage in crisis?

A marriage crisis typically occurs when an unusual amount of stress or unresolved conflict causes the level of anxiety to become too intense for the couple to manage. As a result, anger, resentment, dissatisfaction, frustration and hopelessness take control of the relationship. The couple typically continues interacting negatively or disengages completely from each other, and the relationship shuts down. This is usually the place in the crisis process where a couple looks for help from a counselor, minister, friend or family member.

Is your marriage worth saving?

Without a doubt, your marriage is worth saving! Divorce does not typically solve personal or relational dysfunctions.

If you have children, the impact of your divorce will affect them their entire life . Most children do not want their parents to divorce, in spite of their parents’ arguments and basic problems.

Findings from a study of unhappy marriages conducted by the Institute for American Values showed that there was no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married. Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed together reported that their marriages were happy five years later.

When people hear about these findings, their response typically is:

All that research is well and good, but I have tried everything I know to do, and my spouse simply will not agree to get help. I have cried, begged, threatened and pleaded, but nothing works. So what do I do? I can’t do it on my own. There is nothing else I can do.

Maybe there is.

When a spouse won’t get help

Three of the most common reasons one spouse gives the other for not seeking help in the marriage are:

“We don’t have that kind of problem” or “Our problems are really not that bad.” That’s the denial response. If your spouse requests counseling, your marriage is probably worse off than you think. Your spouse is apparently in enough pain to seek relief from it in some way. If your spouse is hurting to the point of taking this action, you need to join him or her in solving the problem. If your spouse has a problem, you have a problem.
“We can’t afford it.” Most Americans can afford whatever they really want. If we can afford cellphones, hobbies, eating out, health-club memberships, designer clothes and daily visits to premium coffee shops, we can afford marriage counseling or an intensive designed to save our marriage. A question to seriously consider is “Can we afford not to go to counseling?” If you don’t go to counseling, what will be the outcome? Can you live for the rest of your married life with the outcome?
Another common reason your spouse might reject counseling is that he or she simply is not hurting as much as you are. Your spouse is not where you are on the pain scale. The typical response shown by the motivated spouse is a sense of frustration or unhealthy responses such as nagging, pouting, arguing, accusing, angry outbursts or simply being bitter. But unhealthy responses like these only cause wounds to deepen and the other spouse to move further away from the relationship. You can’t “nag” your spouse into getting help.

On the spiritual side, a possible factor that could prevent you or your spouse from getting needed help is pride. Many marriages are failing and are eventually destroyed because one or both partners are too prideful to admit that they have a problem and may be wrong. The same tenacity and stubbornness that often keeps a person in a marriage can lead to a level of pride that prevents that person from receiving the proper help when in trouble. Pride can stand in the way of progress like a sentry guarding a castle. Nothing can get past it or move beyond it.

One of the greatest things you can do for a troubled marriage is to be willing to say, “I’m wrong. I’m sorry and I realize this problem has a lot to do with me.” This attitude is the opposite of a prideful attitude. It says, “I know I must be willing to change if I expect my spouse to change. I will do whatever it takes to save and change my marriage.” This could mean committing time, money and energy to a counseling relationship that will hold you accountable for your growth and progress.

A heart dominated by pride says, “I would rather allow my marriage to die than admit I am wrong.” A heart driven by biblical love and commitment says, “I will do whatever it takes to salvage and rebuild my marriage. I will give up everything I own. I will change jobs. I will mortgage the house. I will do whatever it takes, because I know my marriage is that important.”

Can you do it alone?

What if one spouse is willing to go to counseling and the other is not? Should the willing spouse go to counseling or seek help without the other? In most cases, the answer is definitely yes. Your marriage can be helped immensely if you initiate change.

When one spouse stops trying to change his or her partner and stops pointing fingers, making accusations, and withholding affection and attention, the energy often shifts to self-improvement. When you make positive changes, it allows positive changes to occur in your spouse.

The fact is, you cannot change your spouse, but you can change yourself. Often the most obvious point of movement in a conflicted marriage is self-movement. Changes you make to improve yourself and marriage can effectively produce healthy responses in the other spouse.

You can encourage your spouse to communicate better by learning to communicate better yourself. You can coach your spouse to respect you by respecting him or her first. You can teach your spouse to stop complaining with a bitter spirit when you break the pattern of complaining and develop a new spirit. Setting better boundaries for yourself often leads to better boundaries for your marriage.

Your husband or wife may not be willing to read books, go to seminars or go to counseling at this stage; but if you take the first step, your changes may positively influence your spouse.

Think of your decision in practical economic terms. Ask yourself: If I take no course of action or even pursue divorce, how economically advantageous will that be? The average cost of divorce in the United States is about $15,000. After divorce, many women are forced to live below the poverty line while attempting to raise their children.

Divorce is not the answer to most problems. Divorce is not the best solution to being unhappy or unfulfilled. It typically creates more problems than you can ever imagine and will have a long-term effect on your children, as well as generations to come. Therefore, the question is: “Can you afford not to go to counseling?”

How should you approach your spouse about marriage counseling?

Common mistakes in approaching your spouse.

Showing disrespect. You can’t change a person by tearing him or her down. The most natural response for that kind of approach is negative. How do you feel when others treat you disrespectfully? Does it make you want to do something for them? Does it make you want to show affection? No. Showing disrespect will only discourage your spouse from seeking help.
Losing control of your anger. Anger is often a way of punishing your spouse when he or she does not give you what you want. It’s not only ineffective in producing a long-term change in how your spouse behaves, it also destroys any threads of love or feelings that may still be evident. Sure, if your spouse doesn’t respond to your requests, the temptation exists to respond in anger; but if you don’t get the response you want, getting angry and sparking a heated argument won’t help.
Blaming your spouse. Don’t accuse or point fingers. Don’t resort to exaggerated or over-generalized language such as: “You always act like this! You never do what I ask you to do. You just don’t care anymore. It’s always your fault. You always do this or always do that.” That type of language isn’t valuable in solving the problem. It only creates more issues to deal with and more wounds to heal in the future.

Approaching your spouse the right way

Begin by approaching your spouse at the right time and in the right manner. Choose a time when he or she is not distracted or too stressed or tired.
Approach your spouse in a nonconfrontational manner. An angry tone of voice or condescending “parent-to-child” approach will only cause him or her to shut down.
Make sure you bring up the topic in a nonthreatening way. If your communication pattern has digressed to the point that when you bring up this topic your spouse becomes defensive and “blows up,” you may consider writing him or her a letter to be read when you are not present. This gives your spouse time to think about what was said and respond without all the emotions.
Don’t say, “ You need counseling.” Recognize and admit that you both have problems, and they must be addressed as a team. Say, “ We need counseling.”

You may try statements like the following to encourage your mate to join you in getting help for your marriage:

I’m concerned that if we allow this problem to continue, it will only get worse. I can’t go on like we have been. I need help more than anything. I know you are uncomfortable with this, but so am I. It’s embarrassing and even frightening to me. I realize, however, that if we keep doing the same things in our marriage, we’ll get the same results.
We need outside intervention and direction. A trained Christian therapist is capable of helping with issues and dangers that we can’t deal with on our own.
I know God wants us to do better in our marriage, and our children deserve a more stable home environment than this. It’s obvious that if we don’t get help, we’re making the decision to continue in a painful marriage. I don’t want us to have marriage trouble. I believe there’s hope for us, and it is possible to have a healthy marriage like we used to.
I love you with all my heart, but I’m tired and need your help and support on this. If you won’t go for yourself, would you go for me? Let’s talk about it after dinner tonight.

These nonthreatening approaches take some of the pressure and blame off the other partner. They typically open doors to the possibility of getting help instead of closing doors by using negative approaches.

How do you find a Christian marriage counselor?

The key criteria for selecting a Christian counselor involve the counselor’s credentials and faith.

Just because a person refers to him- or herself as a counselor doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is properly trained. A counselor should be licensed by the state in which he or she practices. Also, if you’re experiencing marriage problems, you may want to look for a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT). MFTs have specific training in relationship dynamics. Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs) have specific training in dealing with individual problems, but many also have experience and training in marital issues. You may also look for someone who has specific experience in working with couples in crisis.

You can ask questions that will help you decide if a particular therapist is a good fit for you:

“What type of license do you have?” The most common types of licensure include: Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Psychologist (usually a Doctor of Psychology or Psy.D.), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Psychiatrist (M.D.).
“In which state is the license held?” The license should be from a state licensing board, not simply from a professional or national counseling association. The counselor’s license should also be from the state where the therapist is currently working.
“Is your degree from an accredited university?”
“What other credentials do you hold? Professional memberships?”
“Do you have specific experience in working with couples in crisis? What type of problems have you worked with?”
“Are you active in your faith?”

Here are some questions to help determine a therapist’s level of faith:

“Are you recognized and recommended by the local church community?”
“Do you attend church regularly? What activities are you involved with at church? Do you teach a class or participate in service activities?”
“Who is your minister or pastor? Would you be uncomfortable with my talking to your pastor?”
“Do you have a statement of faith?” (Do the counselor’s beliefs conflict with yours?)
“What do you believe about marriage and divorce?”
“Do you encourage reconciliation and offer therapeutic services to couples toward that end?”
“Do you use prayer and Scripture in your practice?”

If a counselor seems reluctant or uncomfortable in answering these questions, seek other recommendations from trusted Christian advisers such as church leaders, staff, Sunday school teachers, denominational boards, etc.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

⚙📝 instructions & documentation (wip).

Topics: Conflict Resolution , Marriage Crisis

About the Author

Mitch Temple

Mitch Temple (LMFT, M.S., M.S.) holds graduate degrees in counseling and marriage/family therapy from Amridge University. He served as a pulpit and counseling pastor, specializing in crisis, business and marriage- and family-related issues. Mitch is the author or co-author of five books, including The Marriage Turnaround. He is also published author in various professional journals. Mitch and his wife Rhonda have three grown children.

3 Myths About Forgiveness When Your Spouse Betrays You

When her husband confessed a porn addiction, Shelly thought she had forgiven him. A year later, she was still holding hatred toward him. That realization started her on the path toward true forgiveness.

3 Things to Say — and Not Say — After You Admit Your Porn Addiction

After admitting your pornography addiction to your wife, you need to rebuild trust. Lots of men say the wrong thing. This guide will help you know what you should say and what you shouldn’t.

Regretful young man sitting across from his wife who is upset with her arms folded across her chest

5 Reasons to Tell Your Spouse About Your Porn Problem

You’re ready to quit using pornography. Should you tell your spouse about your struggle? Ask yourself, If I maintain the secret, is that really the intimacy I’ve always longed for in my marriage?

1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459)
[email protected]
8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051
Jobs & Volunteering
Press Center
Find a Counselor
Daily Broadcast
The Boundless Show
Adventures in Odyssey
Radio Theatre
Focus on Marriage Podcast
Focus on Parenting Podcast
Practice Makes Parent
All Shows >>
That the World May Know
The Truth Project
All Products >>
Make a Donation
Other Ways to Give
Manage My Donor Account
Donor Tax Statements
Get our updates straight to your inbox.

Skip to main content
Skip to secondary menu
Skip to primary sidebar
Skip to footer

The Healthy Marriage

Build a Better Marriage One Step at a Time

Problem Solving in Marriage: Strategies for Working Through Tough Decisions

May 16, 2024 By Editorial Staff - Reviewed by Joseph Nolan

Problem solving in marriage requires skill, wisdom, and the ability to lay aside personal agendas so you can accomplish what is best for your family.

In this article, we tackle this delicate subject and offer practical advice on how work together as team to solve problems.

Key Takeaways

Effective decision making in marriage strengthens the bond between partners.
Mutual respect and active listening are integral to resolving conflicts.
Balancing individual and joint aspirations is key to a harmonious relationship.

In marriage, problem solving is a dance of balance between individual desires and collective goals. It’s a process that commands respect, consideration, and, most importantly, mutual agreement.

Whether it’s deciding on financial matters, parenting styles , or even what to have for dinner, these choices shape the dynamics of the relationship.

Through open communication and collaboration, you navigate the complexities of life together, affirming that marriage is not just about the big milestones but also the everyday decisions.

The cornerstone of making decisions in a marriage is the foundation of trust and respect you build with your partner. This is underpinned by a commitment to listen actively and validate each other’s perspectives.

As you face various challenges and opportunities, knowing when to stand firm on your needs and when to compromise is crucial. Remember, seeking support from external resources like counseling can provide tools and insights for enhancing your decision-making process.

In This Article

Fundamentals of Problem Solving in Marriage

In marriage, effective decision making is anchored on the principles of mutual submission and open communication. Itâs about finding a balance between individual preferences and collective well-being.

Understanding Mutual Submission

In the context of a marriage, mutual submission is about respecting each otherâs roles and coming together to make decisions that benefit the partnership as a whole. Itâs not about power struggles but rather about approaching each issue with a mindset that values your partner’s opinions and welfare as highly as your own.

Recognize each other’s strengths and allow them to influence decisions accordingly.
Ensure that both partners have equal say in decision-making, regardless of the nature of the decision.
Regularly reflect on how well your decision-making processes are valuing respect and equality in your relationship.

This approach not only strengthens the bonds of partnership but also promotes a sense of shared ownership over both the decisions made and the outcomes.

The Role of Communication in Decisions

Clear and transparent communication is vital when making decisions together. Without it, misunderstandings can occur, leading to conflict and resentment.

Discuss decisions openly by providing all relevant information and expressing your views clearly.
Listen actively to understand your partner’s perspective; this means engaging with what they are saying without preparing your response in advance.
Use “I” statements to express how certain decisions may impact you personally, which helps prevent blaming or accusatory language.

In addition, remember to have these conversations in environments where both of you feel comfortable and free to express yourselves. This ensures that you can both contribute meaningfully to the conversation and arrive at a decision that reflects true partnership.

Building Blocks of Trust and Respect

In a marriage, the fabric of a long-lasting relationship is woven with trust and respect . These elements are not just desirable but essential for creating and sustaining intimacy and a strong emotional connection.

There is a little known secret of connecting with your spouse on a deep, intimate level. This little known formula for bonding and creating a close relationship with your spouse is not complicated or confusing. >> Click here to learn how <<

Cultivating Emotional Connection

To cultivate an emotional connection with your spouse , it’s crucial to engage in open and honest communication. This means actively listening to your partner and sharing your vulnerabilities , which can significantly enhance trust. It’s about building a space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your feelings and thoughts without judgment.

Active listening: Pause, reflect, and respond to what your partner shares without interrupting.
Express vulnerability: Share your fears and hopes to create a deeper emotional bond .

Honoring Autonomy and Boundaries

Respecting each other’s autonomy and upholding clear boundaries in your relationship can lead to greater mutual respect . Remember, respecting boundaries is not about building walls between you; it’s about recognizing and honoring individual needs and preferences within the relationship.

Encourage individual interests: Support personal hobbies and goals to reinforce trust.
Communicate boundaries: Discuss and respect limits for a harmonious partnership.

Conflict Resolution and Negotiation Strategies

Effective conflict resolution and negotiation are fundamental to maintaining a healthy marriage. Combining thoughtful strategies dedicated to overcoming gridlock and negotiating a balance of wants and responsibilities, can lead to a stronger partnership.

Tackling Gridlock Situations

Gridlock occurs when you and your partner are stuck in a permanent impasse, unable to move beyond contentious issues. To navigate these situations:

First, recognize and validate each other’s underlying feelings and dreams about the issue, as this recognition fosters empathy.
Then, move to a dialogue about the gridlock , focusing on understanding each other’s position rather than on solving the problem immediately.

For example, if financial decisions are a point of contention, approach the conversation with an open mind, and be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective. Acknowledging their stance as valid can shift the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.

Negotiating Wants and Responsibilities

The interplay between wants and desires and responsibilities can often lead to conflict if not well-balanced. Here is a tactical approach:

Identify and list each partner’s key wants and responsibilities .

Engage in give-and-take negotiation , where both partners are prepared to compromise while also having their core needs met.

For instance, you might agree to take turns on who handles certain chores, allowing both partners to allocate time towards personal interests or career objectives. It’s critical to approach this with a win-win attitude , ensuring that both partners feel their wants are respected and their responsibilities are shared.

Maintaining Individual and Joint Goals

Navigating through marriage requires you to harmonize your personal aspirations with your joint goals. Your commitment to each other and the success of your relationship depends on finding this balance, which opens opportunities for growth both as individuals and as a couple.

Balancing Personal Aspirations

Your individual goals are essential for personal growth and fulfillment. To balance these with your marriage, prioritize and define what’s crucial for you. List out your personal aspirations and assess how they align with your shared vision.

It’s important to communicate openly with your partner to ensure that you both have the space and support to pursue individual interests.

For instance, if one of you aims to continue education, it could translate into compromising on timing or resources, but it’s a step towards individual achievement within the marital framework.

Identify individual goals clearly.
Discuss how they fit within the shared life.
Plan together to find ways for each person to pursue their goals.

Achieving Common Objectives

Joint goals are the cornerstone of your shared journey and often embody your commitment to one another. They can range from financial targets, such as buying a home, to lifestyle aspirations, like traveling together.

To ensure success, create a strategy for your joint goals that reflects mutual agreement and commitment. This involves laying out a plan that considers both your needs and aligns with your shared values.

For example, you might set a shared financial goal where you both agree to save a specific amount monthly. Keeping track of your progress as a team is pivotal to achieving these objectives.

Take the Marriage Quiz and discover your marriage score and get suggestions on how to improve your relationship. You will also be sent the results of your quiz along with suggestions on how to create the marriage of your dreams. >> Take The Quiz Now <<

Formulate actionable steps together for joint goals.
Support each other towards shared successes .
Regularly review and adjust your joint strategy as needed.

By focusing on both personal and joint goals with a collaborative and supportive approach, you pave the way for a fulfilled and well-balanced marital life.

Navigating Challenges and Seeking Support

Marriage is a complex journey that often brings various challenges, and knowing when to seek external support is key to navigating them successfully. A healthy marriage isn’t free from difficulty, but rather is characterized by how you and your partner manage those challenges.

When to Seek a Marriage Therapist

Identifying the Signal: Often, couples might experience a persistent sense of dissatisfaction or encounter communication barriers that make it difficult to resolve issues.

If you find yourselves stuck in the same argument without resolution or if there are feelings of resentment brewing, it might be time to seek a marriage therapist .

Advantages of Professional Advice : A professional can offer advice and strategies tailored to your unique situation. They are equipped to help unpack emotional complexities and facilitate an environment where both partners feel heard and understood .

Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure, but a proactive step towards maintaining a healthy marriage .

Building a Support System: While therapy is an excellent source of professional support, don’t underestimate the value of a solid personal support network. This can include friends, family, or community resources that align with the values and goals you share in your marriage.

Remember, reaching out for help is a positive and constructive step towards overcoming challenges in your marriage . You’re not just protecting your relationship, you’re actively working to strengthen it.

If you need immediate help, we recommend Online-Therapy as a great place to start.

Effective problem solving in marriage is a crucial aspect that strengthens the bond between partners. It requires mutual respect, active listening, and a willingness to balance individual desires with collective goals.

By practicing mutual submission, valuing open communication, and cultivating trust and respect in the relationship , couples can navigate challenges, make decisions together, and enhance their emotional connection.

Remember, seeking support from external resources like counseling can provide valuable tools and insights for improving the decision-making process in marriage.

Here’s what you should do nextâ¦

I want to help you develop better communication skills so you can connect on a deeper level with your spouse.

That’s why we created the ‘ Marriage Communication Bootcamp ‘ where you will learn:

There are little known keys and principles for communcating in a way that makes you feel bonded and close to your spouse. We cover them in our Communication Bootcamp. >> Click here to learn more <<

The 4 types of communication ; and why 3 of them will destroy your marriage if you do not practice the 4th.
Why only 7% of communication is comprised of the words you speak ; and how to identify the other 93%
The 1 3 Skills (and how to develop them) every couple MUST have to make their marriage thrive.
The 6 Pillars all effective communication is built on ; and how to make sure they are a part of your marriage.
A step-by-step process of moving a conversation to the point of intimacy and connection.

This course is designed to create connection, not just ‘talking skills.’ If you desire a deeper bond and stronger connection in your marriage, click the button below to go to the next page to get access to over 15 practical exercises that will help you communicate more effectively ; AND feel more connected with your spouse.

Where To Find Help

We have resources available to help you create the marriage you desire and deserve..

The Healthy Marriage Quiz If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. Youâll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship.

Five Simple Steps Marriage Course Marriage doesn’t have to be complicated. In this 5 part mini-series, you’ll discover practical steps to redesign your marriage.

Marriage Communication Bootcamp Communication issues do not have to wreck your relationship. Our communication bootcamp will equip you to connect on a deeper level and cultivate skills to help you relate more effectively.

The Healthy Marriage Toolkit Books, Courses, Programs, and Tools designed to help you create the marriage of your dreams.

Healthy Marriage Academy Our courses will help you build a strong marriage. Each course is designed to meet a specific relationship need.

If you are having serious marriage struggles, we recommend starting with â Save the Marriage System â by Lee Baucom.

These 12 Common Problems Threaten Even Happy Marriages

If you're experiencing problems in your marriage, you're not alone. fortunately, these common marriage problems can be solved with a little effort..

Brad Browning

Last updated on Jun 06, 2023

Though marriage is often thought to be the “happily ever after” phase of relationships, don’t be fooled into believing that married couples don’t face their fair share of issues and challenges.

While some common marriage problems can easily be resolved, others may be tough to tackle — and could even signal the beginning of a marriage's end.

Since the future of most marriages depends largely on how couples deal with issues as they arise, if you want to protect your own marriage from the possibility of a divorce, it’s helpful to have a heads up on the most common issues that come with the territory known as married life.

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time, From 50 Marriage Experts

12 Common Marriage Problems and How to Solve Them

1. overstepping boundaries..

Once couples are married, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to try and change their partner. Whether it’s their fashion sense or their fundamental beliefs, trying to change your spouse is a personal invasion, and when it happens, the victimized spouse will feel disrespected, hurt, or even angry.

Oftentimes, overstepping someone’s personal boundaries is done intentionally, with a mission in mind. This type of behavior stomps on the very idea of mutual respect, and the end result will likely be retaliation or withdrawal from the attacked spouse. In turn, it makes it hard for spouses to communicate, love, and be open with one another.

It’s also possible to unintentionally overstep personal boundaries, especially if this happens while genuinely trying to help your spouse.

What you can do about it: To avoid invasion, know where to draw the line when it comes to pushing for change.

2. Lacking complete communication.

Though the words “talking” and “communicating” are often used interchangeably, it’s important to understand that the two differ greatly from one another.

Talking is about giving information without the need for a response, and it leaves plenty of room for complaining and criticism. Communication, however, is a verbal and nonverbal exchange of information that requires a response. Because it takes more than one person to communicate, it’s focused on a connection between people where it’s safe to openly share ideas and information free of judgment.

When spouses fail to practice proper communication, it’s easy for them to fall into a habitual way of ineffectively speaking to one another. What’s worse is that if poor communication skills are not dealt with, it’s possible for more serious problems to arise.

What you can do about it: Couples should learn how to communicate with one another to keep their love life on track and also prevent these unnecessary issues.

3. Letting things go in the bedroom.

While there are many reasons why couples lose interest in sexual intimacy or struggle with physical affection, it’s important for spouses to find ways to keep their sex life fresh and fulfilling.

Sex may seem like a small piece of the marriage puzzle, but it’s actually rare to have a healthy relationship without it.

Unfortunately, there’s a vicious cycle when it comes to sex: It’s hard to want to have it when you feel emotionally detached, but it’s hard to feel emotionally attached without physical intimacy.

What you can do about it: To get past a dry spell , couples need to identify problem areas in their marriage and work through them to become physically comfortable with each other.

RELATED: 7 Ways To Save A Boring Marriage (Before It's Too Late)

4. Wandering focuses.

Another common issue couples face is a shift in focus after marriage. When either spouse redirects their attention from the relationship to other interests — be it a career, children, friends, or other social activities or hobbies — it’s common for their partner to feel the brunt of the situation, and for the relationship to suffer from a loss of attention.

In these types of situations, spouses may even begin to feel more like roommates than lovers, which is why it’s so important to find a balance between personal interests and being an attentive partner.

It’s perfectly acceptable (and even encouraged) for spouses to have their own separate interests and goals, so long as they manage their schedules to fit in quality time with one another.

A common mistake married people make when this happens is to overreact, because in doing so they’re more or less telling their spouse they cannot have a life without them.

What you can do about it: Instead of taking it personally, understand that your partner has won you and is now pursuing other challenges in life. Find a happy medium for your relationship to grow and support one another’s ambitions.

5. Emotional infidelity.

As unfortunate as it may be, once couples get married, it’s not uncommon for them to become emotionally disconnected from one another. When this happens, it’s likely that at least one spouse’s needs will become unmet, and so they may start looking elsewhere to feel fulfilled .

This is where emotional "infidelity" has the opportunity to slip into the marriage.

Some people feel that emotional infidelity is worse than physical cheating because it’s about more than just sex; it’s about connecting with another person on an intimate level.

What you can do about it: In order to prevent infidelity of any kind, couples must be clear on what they both consider cheating to be. Initially partners may not have the same feelings towards what does and doesn’t count as cheating, but getting on the same page will lessen the chances of them allowing it to happen. It’s also important that spouses remain supportive of one another’s emotional needs, because when these are met, they won’t have as much interested in looking elsewhere.

6. Fighting about money.

When couples bond, it’s common for their bank accounts to follow suit. While this may not always be the case, even married couples that decide to keep their finances separate still face issues when it comes to money.

Discussing finances with your spouse can be stressful and tense, especially if the couple has different spending habits or ways of managing money. In these types of edgy situations, it’s common for the conversation to become less about money and more about personal values and habits. For example, when one spouse is stressed about money they may be less patient and more irritated in general. They may even pick fights with their partner about unrelated things without realizing it.

What you can do about it: To avoid this issue, be sure that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to dollars and cents. Make a financial plan together and skip any unnecessary disagreements by staying focused on the situation at hand.

RELATED: 7 Money Mistakes That Drive Married Couples Apart

7. Waning appreciation for one another.

When appreciation between married partners decreases, conflict tends to rise.

Since both men and women crave positive recognition, when spouses stop acknowledging one another’s efforts or fail to express gratitude for loving gestures, it’s likely their partner will stop doing those once appreciated actions. When this happens, couples tend to become bitter or agitated with one another.

What you can do about it: When those once small, yet loving unexpected gestures become expected, they lose their magic and become a chore rather than a choice. Whether you’ve been with your spouse for 12 months or 12 years, it’s important to keep appreciating one another for the things you both do.

8. Technology interference.

In a world that’s largely run by technology, it can be tough not to get caught up with electronic gadgets. This is why more and more couples are reporting that their spouse’s obsession with technology is interfering with their marriages .

Let’s say, for example, a wife becomes so wrapped up with her smartphone that she’s texting her pals at the dinner table instead of engaging in conversation with her husband. Or, perhaps a husband is so fixed on his tablet that all he wants to do after dinner is play games on it and browse Facebook.

These situations can replace healthy communication and even intimacy. It may sound bizarre, but they’re real-life issues.

What you can do about it: Take an honest look at your technology habits. If technology is taking priority over your marriage, it’s time to snap yourself back to reality.

9. Selfishness.

If one spouse acts selfishly and consistently places their own needs and desires ahead of their spouse’s, then it’ll only be a matter of time until the neglected spouse feels unworthy and unloved.

When couples get married, they’re promising to love one another for better or worse, and part of that promise means not acting selfishly. While this may sound easy enough, the green-eyed monster comes in many sneaky shapes and forms.

At its worse, selfishness is controlling, manipulative, jealous, possessive, and abusive. In milder forms, it can be seen in a lack of consideration and respect.

What you can do about it: In order to prevent issues of selfishness in marriage, spouses must learn how to act with empathy and create a balance between both their own and their spouses needs.

RELATED: 5 Ways You're Being Selfish In Your Relationship (Without Even Realizing It)

10. Lack of trust.

Trust is the very basis of love, and without it a healthy marriage cannot exist. When a spouse cheats, lies, or breaks a promise, it can really hurt the relationship.

What you can do about it: Restoring trust in a marriage where someone has been betrayed is no easy task, and both spouses must be committed to fixing the relationship in order to have any success on moving past the issue. If the issues are not dealt with, the betrayed spouse will continue to feel hurt, anger, and suspicious.

11. Uncontrolled anger.

While it’s normal for married couples to get angry with each other from time to time, it’s important that both spouses act appropriately when these types of situations arise.

What you can do about it: Instead of reacting explosively with outburst or fits of rage, couples need to address the issue at hand (stay on topic), keep calm, and consider one another’s feelings. It’s also important that couples listen, openly express their opinions, and avoid defensive behaviors.

12. Changing ambitions.

Most of the time, when couples decide to get married they’re on the same path and have discussed their wants for the future. That said, a common issue between spouses is when one or both partners change their minds and come up with new plans or ambitions as time passes.

Take, for example, a couple who has agreed to get married, buy a house, and start their family. If after the honeymoon either partner decides that they would rather travel for a year, go back to school, or aren’t ready for kids, then the couple could have some major issues on their hands.

What you can do about it: While there’s no reason to harass your spouse or worry that they will change their mind down the road, it’s important to keep communication lines open to avoid shocking surprises of this kind.

RELATED: The 25 Best Pieces Of Marriage Advice Happy Couples Follow

Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada, who works with couples to repair and improve their relationships.

Our Newsletters

Get the best of YourTango delivered straight to your inbox — the biggest stories, actionable advice & horoscope predictions!

How to go to Heaven

How to get right with god.

What are the biblical solutions for solving marriage problems?

For further study, related articles, subscribe to the, question of the week.

Get our Question of the Week delivered right to your inbox!

Share full article

For more audio journalism and storytelling, download New York Times Audio , a new iOS app available for news subscribers.

The Possible Collapse of the U.S. Home Insurance System

A times investigation found climate change may now be a concern for every homeowner in the country..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

From “The New York Times,” I’m Sabrina Tavernise. And this is “The Daily.”

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Today, my colleague, Christopher Flavelle, on a “Times” investigation into one of the least known and most consequential effects of climate change — insurance — and why it may now be a concern for every homeowner in the country.

It’s Wednesday, May 15.

So, Chris, you and I talked a while ago about how climate change was really wreaking havoc in the insurance market in Florida. You’ve just done an investigation that takes a look into the insurance markets more broadly and more deeply. Tell us about it.

Yeah, so I cover climate change, in particular the way climate shocks affect different parts of American life. And insurance has become a really big part of that coverage. And Florida is a great example. As hurricanes have gotten worse and more frequent, insurers are paying out more and more money to rebuild people’s homes. And that’s driving up insurance costs and ultimately driving up the cost of owning a home in Florida.

So we’re already seeing that climate impact on the housing market in Florida. My colleagues and I started to think, well, could it be that that kind of disruption is also happening in other states, not just in the obvious coastal states but maybe even through the middle of the US? So we set out to find out just how much it is happening, how much that Florida turmoil has, in fact, become really a contagion that is spreading across the country.

So how did you go about reporting this? I mean, where did you start?

All we knew at the start of this was that there was reason to think this might be a problem. If you just look at how the federal government tracks disasters around the country, there’s been a big increase almost every year in the number and severity of all kinds of disasters around the country. So we thought, OK, it’s worth trying to find out, what does that mean for insurers?

The problem is getting data on the insurance industry is actually really hard. There’s no federal regulation. There’s no government agency you can go to that holds this data. If you talk to the insurers directly, they tend to be a little reluctant to share information about what they’re going through. So we weren’t sure where to go until, finally, we realized the best people to ask are the people whose job it is to gauge the financial health of insurance companies.

Those are rating agencies. In particular, there’s one rating company called AM Best, whose whole purpose is to tell investors how healthy an insurance company is.

Whoa. So this is way down in the nuts and bolts of the US insurance industry.

Right. This is a part of the broader economy that most people would never experience. But we asked them to do something special for us. We said, hey, can you help us find the one number that would tell us reporters just how healthy or unhealthy this insurance market is state by state over time? And it turns out, there is just such a number. It’s called a combined ratio.

OK, plain English?

Plain English, it is the ratio of revenue to costs, how much money these guys take in for homeowner’s insurance and how much they pay out in costs and losses. You want your revenue to be higher than your costs. If not, you’re in trouble.

So what did you find out?

Well, we got that number for every state, going back more than a decade. And what it showed us was our suspicions were right. This market turmoil that we were seeing in Florida and California has indeed been spreading across the country. And in fact, it turns out that in 18 states, last year, the homeowner’s insurance market lost money. And that’s a big jump from 5 or 10 years ago and spells real trouble for insurance and for homeowners and for almost every part of the economy.

So the contagion was real.

Right. This is our first window showing us just how far that contagion had spread. And one of the really striking things about this data was it showed the contagion had spread to places that I wouldn’t have thought of as especially prone to climate shocks — for example, a lot of the Midwest, a lot of the Southeast. In fact, if you think of a map of the country, there was no state between Pennsylvania and the Dakotas that didn’t lose money on homeowner’s insurance last year.

So just huge parts of the middle of the US have become unprofitable for homeowner’s insurance. This market is starting to buckle under the cost of climate change.

And this is all happening really fast. When we did the Florida episode two years ago, it was a completely new phenomenon and really only in Florida. And now it’s everywhere.

Yeah. And that’s exactly what’s so striking here. The rate at which this is becoming, again, a contagion and spreading across the country is just demolishing the expectations of anyone I’ve spoken to. No one thought that this problem would affect so much of the US so quickly.

So in these states, these new places that the contagion has spread to, what exactly is happening that’s causing the insurance companies to fold up shop?

Yeah. Something really particular is happening in a lot of these states. And it’s worth noting how it’s surprised everyone. And what that is, is formally unimportant weather events, like hailstorms or windstorms, those didn’t used to be the kind of thing that would scare insurance companies. Obviously, a big problem if it destroys your home or damages your home. But for insurers, it wasn’t going to wipe them out financially.

Right. It wasn’t just a complete and utter wipeout that the company would then have to pony up a lot of money for.

Exactly. And insurers call them secondary perils, sort of a belittling term, something other than a big deal, like a hurricane.

These minor league weather events.

Right. But those are becoming so frequent and so much more intense that they can cause existential threats for insurance companies. And insurers are now fleeing states not because of hurricanes but because those former things that were small are now big. Hailstorms, wildfires in some places, previous annoyances are becoming real threats to insurers.

Chris, what’s the big picture on what insurers are actually facing? What’s happening out there numbers-wise?

This is a huge threat. In terms of the number of states where this industry is losing money, it’s more than doubled from 10 years ago to basically a third of the country. The amount they’re losing is enormous. In some states, insurers are paying out $1.25 or even $1.50 for every dollar they bring in, in revenue, which is totally unsustainable.

And the result is insurers are making changes. They are pulling back from these markets. They’re hiking premiums. And often, they’re just dropping customers. And that’s where this becomes real, not just for people who surf balance sheets and trade in the stock market. This is becoming real for homeowners around the country, who all of a sudden increasingly can’t get insurance.

So, Chris, what’s the actual implication? I mean, what happens when people in a state can’t get insurance for their homes?

Getting insurance for a home is crucial if you want to sell or buy a home. Most people can’t buy a home without a mortgage. And banks won’t issue a mortgage without home insurance. So if you’ve got a home that insurance company doesn’t want to cover, you got a real problem. You need to find insurance, or that home becomes very close to unsellable.

And as you get fewer buyers, the price goes down. So this doesn’t just hurt people who are paying for these insurance premiums. It hurts people who want to sell their homes. It even could hurt, at some point, whole local economies. If home values fall, governments take in less tax revenue. That means less money for schools and police. It also means people who get hit by disasters and have to rebuild their homes all of a sudden can’t, because their insurance isn’t available anymore. It’s hard to overstate just how big a deal this is.

And is that actually happening, Chris? I mean, are housing markets being dragged down because of this problem with the insurance markets right now?

Anecdotally, we’ve got reports that in places like Florida and Louisiana and maybe in parts of California, the difficulty of getting insurance, the crazy high cost of insurance is starting to depress demand because not everyone can afford to pay these really high costs, even if they have insurance. But what we wanted to focus on with this story was also, OK, we know where this goes eventually. But where is it beginning? What are the places that are just starting to feel these shocks from the insurance market?

And so I called around and asked insurance agents, who are the front lines of this. They’re the ones who are struggling to find insurance for homeowners. And I said, hey, is there one place that I should go if I want to understand what it looks like to homeowners when all of a sudden insurance becomes really expensive or you can’t even find it? And those insurance agents told me, if you want to see what this looks like in real life, go to a little town called Marshalltown in the middle of Iowa.

We’ll be right back.

So, Chris, you went to Marshalltown, Iowa. What did you find?

Even before I got to Marshalltown, I had some idea I was in the right spot. When I landed in Des Moines and went to rent a car, the nice woman at the desk who rented me a car, she said, what are you doing here? I said, I’m here to write a story about people in Iowa who can’t get insurance because of storms. She said, oh, yeah, I know all about that. That’s a big problem here.

Even the rental car lady.

Even the rental car lady knew something was going on. And so I got into my rental car and drove about an hour northeast of Des Moines, through some rolling hills, to this lovely little town of Marshalltown. Marshalltown is a really cute, little Midwestern town with old homes and a beautiful courthouse in the town square. And when I drove through, I couldn’t help noticing all the roofs looked new.

What does that tell you?

Turns out Marshalltown, despite being a pastoral image of Midwestern easy living, was hit by two really bad disasters in recent years — first, a devastating tornado in 2018 and then, in 2020, what’s called a derecho, a straight-line wind event that’s also just enormously damaging. And the result was lots of homes in this small town got severely damaged in a short period of time. And so when you drive down, you see all these new roofs that give you the sense that something’s going on.

So climate had come to Marshalltown?

Exactly. A place that had previously seemed maybe safe from climate change, if there is such a thing, all of a sudden was not. So I found an insurance agent in Marshalltown —

We talked to other agents but haven’t talked to many homeowners.

— named Bobby Shomo. And he invited me to his office early one morning and said, come meet some people. And so I parked on a quiet street outside of his office, across the street from the courthouse, which also had a new roof, and went into his conference room and met a procession of clients who all had versions of the same horror story.

It was more — well more of double.

A huge reduction in coverage with a huge price increase.

Some people had faced big premium hikes.

I’m just a little, small business owner. So every little bit I do feel.

They had so much trouble with their insurance company.

I was with IMT Insurance forever. And then when I moved in 2020, Bobby said they won’t insure a pool.

Some people had gotten dropped.

Where we used to see carriers canceling someone for frequency of three or four or five claims, it’s one or two now.

Some people couldn’t get the coverage they needed. But it was versions of the same tale, which is all of a sudden, having homeowner’s insurance in Marshalltown was really difficult. But I wanted to see if it was bigger than just Marshalltown. So the next day, I got back in my car and drove east to Cedar Rapids, where I met another person having a version of the same problem, a guy named Dave Langston.

Tell me about Dave.

Dave lives in a handsome, modest, little townhouse on a quiet cul-de-sac on a hill at the edge of Cedar Rapids. He’s the president of his homeowners association. There’s 17 homes on this little street. And this is just as far as you could get from a danger zone. It looks as safe as could be. But in January, they got a letter from the company that insures him and his neighbors, saying his policy was being canceled, even though it wasn’t as though they’d just been hit by some giant storm.

So then what was the reason they gave?

They didn’t give a reason. And I think people might not realize, insurers don’t have to give a reason. Insurance policies are year to year. And if your insurance company decides that you’re too much of a risk or your neighborhood is too much of a risk or your state is too much of a risk, they can just leave. They can send you a letter saying, forget it. We’re canceling your insurance. There’s almost no protection people have.

And in this case, the reason was that this insurance company was losing too much money in Iowa and didn’t want to keep on writing homeowner’s insurance in the state. That was the situation that Dave shared with tens of thousands of people across the state that were all getting similar letters.

What made Dave’s situation a little more challenging was that he couldn’t get new insurance. He tried for months through agent after agent after agent. And every company told him the same thing. We won’t cover you. Even though these homes are perfectly safe in a safe part of the state, nobody would say yes. And it took them until basically two days before their insurance policy was going to run out until they finally found new coverage that was far more expensive and far more bare-bones than what they’d had.

But at least it was something.

It was something. But the problem was it wasn’t that good. Under this new policy, if Dave’s street got hit by another big windstorm, the damage from that storm and fixing that damage would wipe out all the savings set aside by these homeowners. The deductible would be crushingly high — $120,000 — to replace those roofs if the worst happened because the insurance money just wouldn’t cover anywhere close to the cost of rebuilding.

He said to me, we didn’t do anything wrong. This is just what insurance looks like today. And today, it’s us in Cedar Rapids. Everyone, though, is going to face a situation like this eventually. And Dave is right. I talked to insurance agents around the country. And they confirmed for me that this kind of a shift towards a new type of insurance, insurance that’s more expensive and doesn’t cover as much and makes it harder to rebuild after a big disaster, it’s becoming more and more common around the country.

So, Chris, if Dave and the people you spoke to in Iowa were really evidence that your hunch was right, that the problem is spreading and rapidly, what are the possible fixes here?

The fix that people seem most hopeful about is this idea that, what if you could reduce the risk and cause there to be less damage in the first place? So what some states are doing is they’re trying to encourage homeowners to spend more money on hardening their home or adding a new roof or, if it’s a wildfire zone, cut back the vegetation, things that can reduce your risk of having really serious losses. And to help pay for that, they’re telling insurers, you’ve got to offer a discount to people who do that.

And everyone who works in this field says, in theory, that’s the right approach. The problem is, number one, hardening a home costs a fantastic amount of money. So doing this at scale is hugely expensive. Number two, it takes a long time to actually get enough homes hardened in this way that you can make a real dent for insurance companies. We’re talking about years or probably decades before that has a real effect, if it ever works.

OK. So that sounds not particularly realistic, given the urgency and the timeline we’re on here. So what else are people looking at?

Option number two is the government gets involved. And instead of most Americans buying home insurance from a private company, they start buying it from government programs that are designed to make sure that people, even in risky places, can still buy insurance. That would be just a gargantuan undertaking. The idea of the government providing homeowner’s insurance because private companies can’t or won’t would lead to one of the biggest government programs that exists, if we could even do it.

So huge change, like the federal government actually trying to write these markets by itself by providing homeowner’s insurance. But is that really feasible?

Well, in some areas, we’re actually already doing it. The government already provides flood insurance because for decades, most private insurers have not wanted to cover flood. It’s too risky. It’s too expensive. But that change, with governments taking over that role, creates a new problem of its own because the government providing flood insurance that you otherwise couldn’t get means people have been building and building in flood-prone areas because they know they can get that guaranteed flood insurance.

Interesting. So that’s a huge new downside. The government would be incentivizing people to move to places that they shouldn’t be.

That’s right. But there’s even one more problem with that approach of using the government to try to solve this problem, which is these costs keep growing. The number of billion-dollar disasters the US experiences every year keeps going up. And at some point, even if the government pays the cost through some sort of subsidized insurance, what happens when that cost is so great that we can no longer afford to pay it? That’s the really hard question that no official can answer.

So that’s pretty doomsday, Chris. Are we looking at the end of insurance?

I think it’s fair to say that we’re looking at the end of insurance as we know it, the end of insurance that means most Americans can rest assured that if they get hit by a disaster, their insurance company will provide enough money they can rebuild. That idea might be going away. And what it shows is maybe the threat of climate change isn’t quite what we thought.

Maybe instead of climate change wrecking communities in the form of a big storm or a wildfire or a flood, maybe even before those things happen, climate change can wreck communities by something as seemingly mundane and even boring as insurance. Maybe the harbinger of doom is not a giant storm but an anodyne letter from your insurance company, saying, we’re sorry to inform you we can no longer cover your home.

Maybe the future of climate change is best seen not by poring over weather data from NOAA but by poring over spreadsheets from rating firms, showing the profitability from insurance companies, and how bit by bit, that money that they’re losing around the country tells its own story. And the story is these shocks are actually already here.

Chris, as always, terrifying to talk to you.

Always a pleasure, Sabrina.

Here’s what else you should know today. On Tuesday, the United Nations has reclassified the number of women and children killed in Gaza, saying that it does not have enough identifying information to know exactly how many of the total dead are women and children. The UN now estimates that about 5,000 women and about 8,000 children have been killed, figures that are about half of what it was previously citing. The UN says the numbers dropped because it is using a more conservative estimate while waiting for information on about 10,000 other dead Gazans who have not yet been identified.

And Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House, gave a press conference outside the court in Lower Manhattan, where Michael Cohen, the former fixer for Donald Trump, was testifying for a second day, answering questions from Trump’s lawyers. Trump is bound by a gag order. So Johnson joined other stand-ins for the former president to discredit the proceedings. Johnson, one of the most important Republicans in the country, attacked Cohen but also the trial itself, calling it a sham and political theater.

Today’s episode was produced by Nina Feldman, Shannon Lin, and Jessica Cheung. It was edited by MJ Davis Lin, with help from Michael Benoist, contains original music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, and Rowan Niemisto, and was engineered by Alyssa Moxley. Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsverk of Wonderly.

That’s it for “The Daily.” I’m Sabrina Tavernise. See you tomorrow.

May 19, 2024 The Sunday Read: ‘Why Did This Guy Put a Song About Me on Spotify?’
May 17, 2024 • 51:10 The Campus Protesters Explain Themselves
May 16, 2024 • 30:47 The Make-or-Break Testimony of Michael Cohen
May 15, 2024 • 27:03 The Possible Collapse of the U.S. Home Insurance System
May 14, 2024 • 35:20 Voters Want Change. In Our Poll, They See It in Trump.
May 13, 2024 • 27:46 How Biden Adopted Trump’s Trade War With China
May 10, 2024 • 27:42 Stormy Daniels Takes the Stand
May 9, 2024 • 34:42 One Strongman, One Billion Voters, and the Future of India
May 8, 2024 • 28:28 A Plan to Remake the Middle East
May 7, 2024 • 27:43 How Changing Ocean Temperatures Could Upend Life on Earth
May 6, 2024 • 29:23 R.F.K. Jr.’s Battle to Get on the Ballot
May 3, 2024 • 25:33 The Protesters and the President

Hosted by Sabrina Tavernise

Featuring Christopher Flavelle

Produced by Nina Feldman , Shannon M. Lin and Jessica Cheung

Edited by MJ Davis Lin

With Michael Benoist

Original music by Dan Powell , Marion Lozano and Rowan Niemisto

Engineered by Alyssa Moxley

Listen and follow The Daily Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube

Across the United States, more frequent extreme weather is starting to cause the home insurance market to buckle, even for those who have paid their premiums dutifully year after year.

Christopher Flavelle, a climate reporter, discusses a Times investigation into one of the most consequential effects of the changes.

On today’s episode

Christopher Flavelle , a climate change reporter for The New York Times.

A man in glasses, dressed in black, leans against the porch in his home on a bright day.

Background reading

As American insurers bleed cash from climate shocks , homeowners lose.

See how the home insurance crunch affects the market in each state .

Here are four takeaways from The Times’s investigation.

There are a lot of ways to listen to The Daily. Here’s how.

We aim to make transcripts available the next workday after an episode’s publication. You can find them at the top of the page.

Christopher Flavelle contributed reporting.

The Daily is made by Rachel Quester, Lynsea Garrison, Clare Toeniskoetter, Paige Cowett, Michael Simon Johnson, Brad Fisher, Chris Wood, Jessica Cheung, Stella Tan, Alexandra Leigh Young, Lisa Chow, Eric Krupke, Marc Georges, Luke Vander Ploeg, M.J. Davis Lin, Dan Powell, Sydney Harper, Mike Benoist, Liz O. Baylen, Asthaa Chaturvedi, Rachelle Bonja, Diana Nguyen, Marion Lozano, Corey Schreppel, Rob Szypko, Elisheba Ittoop, Mooj Zadie, Patricia Willens, Rowan Niemisto, Jody Becker, Rikki Novetsky, John Ketchum, Nina Feldman, Will Reid, Carlos Prieto, Ben Calhoun, Susan Lee, Lexie Diao, Mary Wilson, Alex Stern, Dan Farrell, Sophia Lanman, Shannon Lin, Diane Wong, Devon Taylor, Alyssa Moxley, Summer Thomad, Olivia Natt, Daniel Ramirez and Brendan Klinkenberg.

Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsverk of Wonderly. Special thanks to Sam Dolnick, Paula Szuchman, Lisa Tobin, Larissa Anderson, Julia Simon, Sofia Milan, Mahima Chablani, Elizabeth Davis-Moorer, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Maddy Masiello, Isabella Anderson and Nina Lassam.

Christopher Flavelle is a Times reporter who writes about how the United States is trying to adapt to the effects of climate change. More about Christopher Flavelle

IMAGES

How to solve marriage problems by Black Karen
How To Fix Your Marriage: 11 Strategies To Heal Your Marriage
how to solve post marriage problems
7 Tips that help you to Solve Marriage Problems
Amazing Tips To Solve Marriage Problems
How to solve marriage problems. If you need relationship help, try

VIDEO

how to solve marriage problems
PT2
THIS IS HOW TO SOLVE MARRIAGE / RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
You can solve marriage trouble ❤️ #christian #jesus #marriage #spouse #shorts
Testimony on how to solve marriage problems)
SOLVE Marriage Trouble NOW ❤️ #christian #jesus #marriage #spouse #shorts

COMMENTS

Marriage Problems? Here's an 8-Step Rescue Plan
That is, end the old marriage. Build a new one with the same partner. Build a marriage where there are zero affairs, addictions, or excessive anger and instead, abounding love and trust. 7 ...
6 Common Marriage Problems and Solutions
Daily Stress. Busy Schedules. Poor Communication. Harmful Behaviors. Marriage can offer wonderful benefits for well-being, life satisfaction, and stress management, but no relationship is without its challenges. The common problems of marriage can put a strain on a couple, but there's a choice in how to handle these issues.
Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems: 9 Simple Steps To Solve
Austin and Jasmine Learn to Resolve Issues. Nine Practical Solutions To Marriage Problems. 1. Communication is key. 2. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. If something is wrong, talk about it. 3. Try to understand your spouse's point of view, even if you don't agree with it.
12 Strategies to Cope with Common Marriage Problems
Listen closely, and try not to interrupt. Your partner probably has their own view of what's going on in your marriage. Do your best to see things from their perspective, and don't dismiss how they're feeling right away. If you try your best to be understanding, you two can have better, more productive conversations.
Marriage Help: 10 Ways How to Strengthen Your Marriage
At a Glance. If you need help for your marriage and want to build a healthier relationship that can withstand the test of time, there are proactive measures you can take to make your marriage stronger. Commitment, forgiveness, respect, communication, and understanding are vital. From improving communication to infusing more romance into day-to ...
Ten Common Marriage Problems And How To Resolve Them
Trust. Trust can be a big problem in relationships, especially if one or both partners have trust issues with other people in their lives as well. There are two good ways for a partner with trust issues to prevent that issue from causing problems in the marriage. The first is to address their trust issues.
How to Fix Communication Problems in Marriage
Process your feelings. You may find it helpful to take a moment and sort through your feelings ahead of time. This could look like: journaling stream of consciousness. observing your thoughts in ...
10 Common Marriage Problems That Couples Face And How To Solve ...
Understanding some of the common problems that can harm a marriage may be useful if you're married, thinking about getting married, or considering dating or entering a relationship. While couples may experience some of the same issues, how they work through them can vary. Effective communication, vulnerability, and the willingness to work ...
15 Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Partner
Practice listening and patience with your partner and approach these questions and their responses with curiosity. The intention is not to judge, shame, or criticize, but to better understand your partner. Try your best to create a safe and encouraging space for them express themselves to you in a way that's true for them.
10 Common Marital Problems Couples Face
8 Common Wedding Planning Fights All Couples Go Through—And How to Resolve Them. 1. You have communication issues. A lack of communication between married couples—or any couple, for that ...
10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
These are the top strategies to solve your marriage problems, no matter what it is that is causing the troubles. 1. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Communication is the secret to a lasting relationship. All healthy and happy marriages keep their communication lines open. If you are trying to solve your marital problems, you should not ...
7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other. Plan date nights. Schedule ...
25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions
Surprise your partner with a gift, an unexpected plan, or some new sexual move, and watch your relationship transform. 8. Jealousy. Jealousy is another common marriage problem that causes a marriage to turn sour. Being with them and around them can become a challenge if you have an overly jealous partner.
12 Marriage Problems Couples Commonly Face
2. Lack of intimacy. Sex matters. Still, many couples lose interest in intimacy because of emotional issues, medical problems, financial or other life stressors, or because things seem to be in a rut. If you want to maintain a loving marriage, you must be willing to make physical intimacy a priority.
10 Strategies to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships. Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there's widespread support for making yours work. 2. Choose to love. "Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion.
20 Common Marriage Problems
11.) Sex. "How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. Song of Solomon 7:6. That specific verse in my opinion, wisely addresses many common marriage problems relating to sex in marriage.
30 Common Relationship Problems and Solutions
Get your issues out in the open either with date nights or regular honest communication or seek couples counseling to help mend your relationship. 6. Not enough time spent alone. Some of the common relationship problems involve not spending enough time alone together.
Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies
Step 1 - Eliminate relationship disturbances. Firstly, it is vital to remove or at least reduce emotions that will get in the way of conflict resolution, such as hurt, anger, and resentment. Otherwise, either side is unlikely to listen patiently and openly to what the other is saying. Step 2 - Commit to a win-win posture.
How to Know When Your Marriage Is in Trouble
The more experience and maturity a couple develops in a marriage, the more success gained in managing and solving problems. Through the Holy Spirit, God resides in the marriage of two Christians and gives them the ability to successfully manage relationships in a healthy and productive way ( Malachi 2:15 ).
Problem Solving In Marriage: Strategies For Working Through Tough
In marriage, problem solving is a dance of balance between individual desires and collective goals. It's a process that commands respect, consideration, and, most importantly, mutual agreement. Whether it's deciding on financial matters, parenting styles, or even what to have for dinner, these choices shape the dynamics of the relationship.
12 Most Common Marriage Problems And How To Solve Them
What you can do about it: To get past a dry spell, couples need to identify problem areas in their marriage and work through them to become physically comfortable with each other. 4. Wandering ...
What are the biblical solutions for solving marriage problems?
There are specific verses that address behavior of both husbands and wives. Some of those are 1 Peter 3:1-8, Colossians 3:18-19, and Titus 2:3-5. Although not addressing marriage directly, Philippians 2:3-13 is an excellent recipe for resolving marriage problems. This passage tells us to adopt the attitude Christ demonstrated when He set aside ...
Husband and Wife Apne Riste Ko Kaise Strong Banaye ll How to Solve
Husband and Wife Apne Riste Ko Kaise Strong Banaye ll How to Solve Marriage Problems ll Easy 2 TipsBook Paid Appointmentonly WhatsApp Msg9716141921#lawyer #p...
Prayers for Families || 17th May 2024
Prayers for Families || 17th May 2024 || Pastor Samuel Ndichu
The Possible Collapse of the U.S. Home Insurance System
The problem is getting data on the insurance industry is actually really hard. There's no federal regulation. There's no government agency you can go to that holds this data.